'Forced' to marry

[Alex+R 0]

Implying that lack of a burning desire to get married means fear of commitment is one way to look at it. Although, those of us who actually experienced that know better.

Exactly! I think some people feel that if they don't marry their partner, there's always a fear that they'll walk away. And I think that is the kind of person that feels marriage is a necessity for a committment. But does that show insecurity in a relationship?

Arguably, it can go either way.

On the "sex before marriage" thread, I posted studies done with cohabiting couples. Their rate of divorce is higher than average because they are most likely to be among those who do not plan to commit. Also, it has been found that in cohabiting couples, one is usually more committed than the other, and that one is only settling for cohabitation because that;s the best they can get from their partner.

Or could they divorce more because generally they're less religious and more likely to leave a failed relationship even when married?

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Implying that lack of a burning desire to get married means fear of commitment is one way to look at it. Although, those of us who actually experienced that know better.

Exactly! I think some people feel that if they don't marry their partner, there's always a fear that they'll walk away. And I think that is the kind of person that feels marriage is a necessity for a committment. But does that show insecurity in a relationship?

Marriage does NOT make a couple more committed. I would think that the fear of the SO walking out *is* insecurity. Marriage is seen more as a traditional way for a couple to be committed though. Still, I don't think marriage is necessary to be committed to one person for life.

I feel your fear. What are you afraid of? If you can be committed either way, why such a negative attitude toward marriage?

If they're cohabitating, they're not married, therefore they cannot divorce. So how can the divorce rates be higher?

When they do marry, their divorce rate is higher than those who did not cohabit first.

Does anyone have plans to divorce their immigrant spouse at some point?

[mybackpages 0]

And I summed it all up. No one here has been forced to marry. Everyone has chosen to do so.

Certainly I am choosing to get married, but I am foced to make that choice because of how the law works. So it's not really a choice when there is no alternative to choose from.

[heishe 2]

This really echoes how others in this thread have described their relationships - For myself, I am very comfortable with the prospect of committing to my Pigu and marrying him and spending with my life with him, but our marriage is rushed for the sake of his immigration.

[Jenn! 918]

Implying that lack of a burning desire to get married means fear of commitment is one way to look at it. Although, those of us who actually experienced that know better.

Exactly! I think some people feel that if they don't marry their partner, there's always a fear that they'll walk away. And I think that is the kind of person that feels marriage is a necessity for a committment. But does that show insecurity in a relationship?

Arguably, it can go either way.

On the "sex before marriage" thread, I posted studies done with cohabiting couples. Their rate of divorce is higher than average because they are most likely to be among those who do not plan to commit. Also, it has been found that in cohabiting couples, one is usually more committed than the other, and that one is only settling for cohabitation because that;s the best they can get from their partner.

Or could they divorce more because generally they're less religious and more likely to leave a failed relationship even when married?

Right. The "type of person" who would live with a partner outside of marriage is probably more likely to be willing to leave a bad marriage. Or, conversely, one could say that the "type of person" who would not live with a partner outside of marriage might be more likely to stay in a bad marriage.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

If divorce were as simple as signing a few papers, then that's probably what I'd do. But that's not what divorce is, even when it's totally amicable.

Go to Vegas! Make it a vacation trip.

[heishe 2]

Implying that lack of a burning desire to get married means fear of commitment is one way to look at it. Although, those of us who actually experienced that know better.

Exactly! I think some people feel that if they don't marry their partner, there's always a fear that they'll walk away. And I think that is the kind of person that feels marriage is a necessity for a committment. But does that show insecurity in a relationship?

Arguably, it can go either way.

On the "sex before marriage" thread, I posted studies done with cohabiting couples. Their rate of divorce is higher than average because they are most likely to be among those who do not plan to commit. Also, it has been found that in cohabiting couples, one is usually more committed than the other, and that one is only settling for cohabitation because that;s the best they can get from their partner.

Or could they divorce more because generally they're less religious and more likely to leave a failed relationship even when married?

[bostonparis 0]

Okay, so if a couple has lived together first, then marry, they are more likely to divorce? So they've done both. Who's to say that if they didn't get married, they would have stayed together?

As far as divorcing, I plan to never be without him once he comes here. I don't want to spend one more night away from him. Ever.

[Jenn! 918]

This really echoes how others in this thread have described their relationships - For myself, I am very comfortable with the prospect of committing to my Pigu and marrying him and spending with my life with him, but our marriage is rushed for the sake of his immigration.

Then, my child, your marriage is doomed.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Right. The "type of person" who would live with a partner outside of marriage is probably more likely to be willing to leave a bad marriage. Or, conversely, one could say that the "type of person" who would not live with a partner outside of marriage might be more likely to stay in a bad marriage.

How about the type of person who is adverse to marriage is more likely to create a bad marriage, then leave?

[Jenn! 918]

Right. The "type of person" who would live with a partner outside of marriage is probably more likely to be willing to leave a bad marriage. Or, conversely, one could say that the "type of person" who would not live with a partner outside of marriage might be more likely to stay in a bad marriage.

How about the type of person who is adverse to marriage is more likely to create a bad marriage, then leave?

Why do you keep saying things like "adverse to marriage" and "negative attitude towards marriage"? I don't think anyone has expressed that. I mean, we're all married or about to be.

No one's being dragged kicking and screaming to the altar.

Edited January 1, 2007 by jenn3539

[bostonparis 0]

Right. The "type of person" who would live with a partner outside of marriage is probably more likely to be willing to leave a bad marriage. Or, conversely, one could say that the "type of person" who would not live with a partner outside of marriage might be more likely to stay in a bad marriage.

How about the type of person who is adverse to marriage is more likely to create a bad marriage, then leave?

I would imagine that a person who is averse to marriage would be LESS likely to go into a marriage unless they were DOUBLY certain that it is the right thing for them to do.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Seriously, if you feel that you were forced to rush into marriage and you would prefer NOT to be married, is the outlook for your marriage predictable the best? The initital elements - rush, resentment, an act against values - don't bode well, logically.

Is this what you are arguing FOR?

[bostonparis 0]

Seriously, if you feel that you were forced to rush into marriage and you would prefer NOT to be married, is the outlook for your marriage predictable the best? The initital elements - rush, resentment, an act against values - don't bode well, logically.

Is this what you are arguing FOR?

Actually, what I am arguing for is that we be allowed to live with our SOs as we wish, not as Immigration dictates. However, that will never happen!!

ETA: I WANT to get married, and I can't wait to be married, FYI.

Edited January 1, 2007 by bostonparis

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Right. The "type of person" who would live with a partner outside of marriage is probably more likely to be willing to leave a bad marriage. Or, conversely, one could say that the "type of person" who would not live with a partner outside of marriage might be more likely to stay in a bad marriage.

How about the type of person who is adverse to marriage is more likely to create a bad marriage, then leave?

Why do you keep saying things like "adverse to marriage" and "negative attitude towards marriage"? I don't think anyone has expressed that. I mean, we're all married or about to be.

No one's being dragged kicking and screaming to the altar.

I agree, but is marriage a means to en end for the purpose of immigration so that you feel "forced" to marry when you would rather not? That is the premise of the discussion. If you don't feel that way, more power to you!