'Forced' to marry

[garya505 2]

Gary, you're on our side! Stop fighting it!

She's right Gary, that's what we've been saying all along! Marriage doesn't equal commitment!

Of course they aren't equal. You can have commitment without marriage, and marriage doesn't always mean commitment. But like I said, for most people a willingness and desire to be married demonstrates a deeper commitment and stronger intent.

[Jenn! 918]

Gary, you're on our side! Stop fighting it!

She's right Gary, that's what we've been saying all along! Marriage doesn't equal commitment!

Of course they aren't equal. You can have commitment without marriage, and marriage doesn't always mean commitment. But like I said, for most people a willingness and desire to be married demonstrates a deeper commitment and stronger intent.

Stop taking the words out of our mouths, Gary!

I can agree with that ("for most people"). But that wasn't the assertion in this thread. The assertion was "for everyone".

Edited January 3, 2007 by jenn3539

[brnidokiegurl 0]

How can you sit there and say deeper than what you had? I think what u had was great would being married make it any thing more

[garya505 2]

Gary without being personal have YOU been married and divorced before?

No, but mine is a somewhat unusual case. My former SO was married before she met me, and she never wanted to get married again. I loved her, so I went along with that. She died after we were together 20 years. How's that for commitment without marriage?

So, if committment without marriage worked for you at one point in your life why have you been railing against others who want that for themselves now? I am seriously puzzled by your antipathy.

It wasn't one point, it was 20 years.

You're puzzled because you want to think in absolutes with no exceptions. If only life was that neat.

No I am puzzled because you said earlier in the thread that committment without marriage is less of a committment, yet you have demonstrated through your own life experience that it is not the case! I certainly understand that life isn't one size fits all. I just thought it was odd that you fought so vehemently in one direction after having lived a good portion of your life in the opposite direction.

It's not odd at all. I wanted to marry her but she was against it because her first marriage went bad. I stayed with her because I loved her.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Exactly true commitment you appear to be a good man with a good heart

[garya505 2]

How can you sit there and say deeper than what you had? I think what u had was great would being married make it any thing more

Yes I still believe that, and so does my fiancee.

[*julez* 124]

Gary without being personal have YOU been married and divorced before?

No, but mine is a somewhat unusual case. My former SO was married before she met me, and she never wanted to get married again. I loved her, so I went along with that. She died after we were together 20 years. How's that for commitment without marriage?

So, if committment without marriage worked for you at one point in your life why have you been railing against others who want that for themselves now? I am seriously puzzled by your antipathy.

It wasn't one point, it was 20 years.

You're puzzled because you want to think in absolutes with no exceptions. If only life was that neat.

No I am puzzled because you said earlier in the thread that committment without marriage is less of a committment, yet you have demonstrated through your own life experience that it is not the case! I certainly understand that life isn't one size fits all. I just thought it was odd that you fought so vehemently in one direction after having lived a good portion of your life in the opposite direction.

It's not odd at all. I wanted to marry her but she was against it because her first marriage went bad. I stayed with her because I loved her.

I don't think its odd that you had a committed relationship without being married. I think its great! What I do think is odd is that you have said that people who feel they would prefer a committed relationship without marriage are less committed, particularly when your own life experience has proved otherwise.

[ceriserose 1]

It's as if you're wearing red socks and someone is insisting that it's because you are rebelling against all the white-socked conformists. And no matter how many times you say that you're not rebelling against anything, you just happen to like red socks, they just keep on insisting that you are rebelling as if somehow they know you better than you know you.

But what if I like, um, wear one red sock and one white? Or if I do the wash (and not hubby) and end up with all pink?

Can I still be a rebel with pink socks???

This thread is so confusing!!!!!!

[sheraz 0]

Gary, you're on our side! Stop fighting it!

She's right Gary, that's what we've been saying all along! Marriage doesn't equal commitment!

Whether or not marriage equals committment or not are persons own view of things. However it is the agreed universal test of committment.

When you marry- You can get health benefits

Inheritance

Immigration Benefits

Pension benefits if they exist

Now for people who do not equate marriage = committment, what is your test of committment. How should the committment be tested to give you or your SO the above benefits.

[Jenn! 918]

It's as if you're wearing red socks and someone is insisting that it's because you are rebelling against all the white-socked conformists. And no matter how many times you say that you're not rebelling against anything, you just happen to like red socks, they just keep on insisting that you are rebelling as if somehow they know you better than you know you.

But what if I like, um, wear one red sock and one white? Or if I do the wash (and not hubby) and end up with all pink?

Can I still be a rebel with pink socks???

This thread is so confusing!!!!!!

No way, pink is way too girlie. Rebels aren't girlie.

[heishe 2]

Gary, you're on our side! Stop fighting it!

She's right Gary, that's what we've been saying all along! Marriage doesn't equal commitment!

Whether or not marriage equals committment or not are persons own view of things. However it is the agreed universal test of committment.

When you marry- You can get health benefits

Inheritance

Immigration Benefits

Pension benefits if they exist

Now for people who do not equate marriage = committment, what is your test of committment. How should the committment be tested to give you or your SO the above benefits.

Marriage is a convenient way to legally demonstate committment, it's true.

[~Jackie~ 30]

I'm just not gonna wear socks!

I thought it was just me that thought this thread was confusing. Sooooooooo many pages of hard to follow conversation. I have an idea, to the key posters on this thread, tell us how you REALLY feel. I'm not doing too good at 'reading between the lines.'

[Fandango 1,439]

Sorry but you just demonstrated a very great commitment and strong intent for 20 years without marriage

Of course, but one unusual case doesn't prove anything except what happened in that particular case.

So it proved it for you, but it can't for anyone else...it was just your particular case?

[Sofiyya 1,687]

She asked you several times NOT to call her that which makes it very strange that you then proceeded to get the word "hon" into every sentence possible. That is immature and you know it.

It's no longer worth commenting on.

Why not? You just did about 2 posts above mine. I'll take that as you not wanting to admit it's immature.

Whatever, Sarah. Beat that dead horse. We still disagree.

Those were the darkest days, more than most people can imagine ...

There's a difference a general tendency and an exception. I never said there could be no commitment without marriage, or that marriage always means a commitment, only that for most people a willingness and desire to be married demonstrates a deeper commitment and stronger intent.

Some people here seem to insist on thinking in an all-or-nothing nothing manner, when few things in life are that simple.

I can see that NO ONE is still trying to convince anyone of anything on this thread.

I think, gary, that you are the only person arguing on this thread that understands what I've actually said. The rest are. . . well, I don't know what they've read. Some put words into my "mouth" and distorted what I was saying and have prejudiced those who haven't bothered to find out for themselves.

I know what you're saying too. Some don't get it because they are so invested in protecting their own values and blaming others for their own choices.

BTW, one curious thing, most of the protesters are K1s. They're not even married, yet they're moaning about someone making them get married. If you're not already married, no one has made you do anything. What are you whining about anyway?

Edited January 3, 2007 by szsz

[garya505 2]

Gary without being personal have YOU been married and divorced before?

No, but mine is a somewhat unusual case. My former SO was married before she met me, and she never wanted to get married again. I loved her, so I went along with that. She died after we were together 20 years. How's that for commitment without marriage?

So, if committment without marriage worked for you at one point in your life why have you been railing against others who want that for themselves now? I am seriously puzzled by your antipathy.

It wasn't one point, it was 20 years.

You're puzzled because you want to think in absolutes with no exceptions. If only life was that neat.

No I am puzzled because you said earlier in the thread that committment without marriage is less of a committment, yet you have demonstrated through your own life experience that it is not the case! I certainly understand that life isn't one size fits all. I just thought it was odd that you fought so vehemently in one direction after having lived a good portion of your life in the opposite direction.

It's not odd at all. I wanted to marry her but she was against it because her first marriage went bad. I stayed with her because I loved her.

I don't think its odd that you had a committed relationship without being married. I think its great! What I do think is odd is that you have said that people who feel they would prefer a committed relationship without marriage are less committed, particularly when your own life experience has proved otherwise.

I didn't prefer a commited relationship without marriage. That was her choice. My own life experience only proved to me that it's possible to have a committed relationship without marriage in one single case. I still believe that most people who feel they would prefer a committed relationship without marriage are less committed.