'Forced' to marry

[MichelleandCraig 1]

Gary without being personal have YOU been married and divorced before?

No, but mine is a somewhat unusual case. My former SO was married before she met me, and she never wanted to get married again. I loved her, so I went along with that. She died after we were together 20 years. How's that for commitment without marriage?

Exactly my point. (the above poster...at least while I'm writing this... ) Aren't you basically just saying exactly what most of us have been saying in this thread with that example??? Are you saying you weren't committed to your SO in that 20 years as much as the rest of us are committed with or without marriage? M.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Dont think you find many that get married with the thought of divorce lingering anywhere near at the time

[KarenCee 3]

Gary without being personal have YOU been married and divorced before?

No, but mine is a somewhat unusual case. My former SO was married before she met me, and she never wanted to get married again. I loved her, so I went along with that. She died after we were together 20 years. How's that for commitment without marriage?

How's this? I believe in marriage. I believe in committing to someone you love and adore. I stayed in my hellacious marriage for 20 years because I believed in my vows. Yet, my ex believed it was his god given right to abuse me because the *bible* says he is "the man" and I am supposed to be "obedient and submissive". So...since I am the one that left, does that make me less committed? Then, because I would have lived with my current husband without the "sanctity" of marriage vows does that make me less committed to him?

[garya505 2]

Gary without being personal have YOU been married and divorced before?

No, but mine is a somewhat unusual case. My former SO was married before she met me, and she never wanted to get married again. I loved her, so I went along with that. She died after we were together 20 years. How's that for commitment without marriage?

I'm very sorry to hear that, Gary.

I must admit that you've left me quite confused, however, regarding your stance on this issue. Did this post not bother you then?

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...st&p=643771

Those were the darkest days, more than most people can imagine ...

There's a difference a general tendency and an exception. I never said there could be no commitment without marriage, or that marriage always means a commitment, only that for most people a willingness and desire to be married demonstrates a deeper commitment and stronger intent.

Some people here seem to insist on thinking in an all-or-nothing nothing manner, when few things in life are that simple.

[Jenn! 918]

Gary without being personal have YOU been married and divorced before?

No, but mine is a somewhat unusual case. My former SO was married before she met me, and she never wanted to get married again. I loved her, so I went along with that. She died after we were together 20 years. How's that for commitment without marriage?

I'm very sorry to hear that, Gary.

I must admit that you've left me quite confused, however, regarding your stance on this issue. Did this post not bother you then?

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...st&p=643771

Those were the darkest days, more than most people can imagine ...

There's a difference a general tendency and an exception. I never said there could be no commitment without marriage, or that marriage always means a commitment, only that for most people a willingness and desire to be married demonstrates a deeper commitment and stronger intent.

Some people here seem to insist on thinking in an all-or-nothing nothing manner, when few things in life are that simple.

I think this is a much better expression of your opinion, Gary, and one that will make much more sense to the other posters in this thread.

[featherB 1]

Some people here seem to insist on thinking in an all-or-nothing nothing manner, when few things in life are that simple.

Indeed... but I think most people on here are trying to argue the exact opposite - that things are very, very rarely that simple.

So sorry about your loss, by the way.

[garya505 2]

Gary without being personal have YOU been married and divorced before?

No, but mine is a somewhat unusual case. My former SO was married before she met me, and she never wanted to get married again. I loved her, so I went along with that. She died after we were together 20 years. How's that for commitment without marriage?

So, if committment without marriage worked for you at one point in your life why have you been railing against others who want that for themselves now? I am seriously puzzled by your antipathy.

It wasn't one point, it was 20 years.

You're puzzled because you want to think in absolutes with no exceptions. If only life was that neat.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Sorry but you just demonstrated a very great commitment and strong intent for 20 years without marriage

[garya505 2]

Gary without being personal have YOU been married and divorced before?

No, but mine is a somewhat unusual case. My former SO was married before she met me, and she never wanted to get married again. I loved her, so I went along with that. She died after we were together 20 years. How's that for commitment without marriage?

How's this? I believe in marriage. I believe in committing to someone you love and adore. I stayed in my hellacious marriage for 20 years because I believed in my vows. Yet, my ex believed it was his god given right to abuse me because the *bible* says he is "the man" and I am supposed to be "obedient and submissive". So...since I am the one that left, does that make me less committed? Then, because I would have lived with my current husband without the "sanctity" of marriage vows does that make me less committed to him?

IMO, no and no.

[Jenn! 918]

Gary, you're on our side! Stop fighting it!

[Alex+R 0]

Gary, you're on our side! Stop fighting it!

She's right Gary, that's what we've been saying all along! Marriage doesn't equal commitment!

[garya505 2]

Sorry but you just demonstrated a very great commitment and strong intent for 20 years without marriage

Of course, but one unusual case doesn't prove anything except what happened in that particular case.

[KarenCee 3]

Gary without being personal have YOU been married and divorced before?

No, but mine is a somewhat unusual case. My former SO was married before she met me, and she never wanted to get married again. I loved her, so I went along with that. She died after we were together 20 years. How's that for commitment without marriage?

How's this? I believe in marriage. I believe in committing to someone you love and adore. I stayed in my hellacious marriage for 20 years because I believed in my vows. Yet, my ex believed it was his god given right to abuse me because the *bible* says he is "the man" and I am supposed to be "obedient and submissive". So...since I am the one that left, does that make me less committed? Then, because I would have lived with my current husband without the "sanctity" of marriage vows does that make me less committed to him?

IMO, no and no.

That's the point many of us have been trying to make to szsz. One doesn't *have* to be legally married to be committed. Whether or not my husband and I had ever married doesn't make us any less committed to each other than we are *with* this piece of paper. It has nothing at all to do with fear, as szsz has repeatedly posted here.

Yes we chose to marry. No one forced us. However, it was on the USCIS' timeline and not ours. Still, on the whole we have NO regrets. It allowed me to take his name and rid myself of the name that associated me with the hell I lived for so long.

[bostonparis 0]

Sorry but you just demonstrated a very great commitment and strong intent for 20 years without marriage

Of course, but one unusual case doesn't prove anything except what happened in that particular case.

But it's not one unusual case. You've heard from several people here, yourself included, for whom committment without marriage was a wonderful thing.

Jenn's right - stop fighting it!

[*julez* 124]

Gary without being personal have YOU been married and divorced before?

No, but mine is a somewhat unusual case. My former SO was married before she met me, and she never wanted to get married again. I loved her, so I went along with that. She died after we were together 20 years. How's that for commitment without marriage?

So, if committment without marriage worked for you at one point in your life why have you been railing against others who want that for themselves now? I am seriously puzzled by your antipathy.

It wasn't one point, it was 20 years.

You're puzzled because you want to think in absolutes with no exceptions. If only life was that neat.

No I am puzzled because you said earlier in the thread that committment without marriage is less of a committment, yet you have demonstrated through your own life experience that it is not the case! I certainly understand that life isn't one size fits all. I just thought it was odd that you fought so vehemently in one direction after having lived a good portion of your life in the opposite direction.