'Forced' to marry

[heishe 2]

You say youre' not ready for marriage wihich means you're not ready for committment, anecdotal assertions aside, when you are looking for an easy out, marriage is not what you aim for.

That's awfully presumptuous of you.

No one said they aren't ready to marry. They just said it wouldn't be such a high priority if it weren't required for immigration.

Edited December 31, 2006 by heishe

[Sofiyya 1,687]

"Marriage and committment aren't the same thing" is an opinion, so we disagree. If you're ready to commit, why not marry instead of being able to walk away?

Because I don't feel like I need to trap someone into being with me? I hope that if either of us wants to walk away, we will, married or not.

You see marriage as a trap. Interesting reveal.

No, since I clearly just told you that I see no problem with walking away from a marriage that isn't working. I was responding to the fact that you implied it was a trap, since you said that otherwise one could just "walk away" from a relationship, implying that that is not the case in marriage.

You used the wod, "trap". Alex, not I. It never crossed my mind.

Forced to marry? No one forced anyone. Don't marry, don't do the immigration stuff. Obviously, you did choose to marry.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

You say youre' not ready for marriage wihich means you're not ready for committment, anecdotal assertions aside, when you are looking for an easy out, marriage is not what you aim for.

That's awfully presumptuous of you.

Not really, it's a simple matter of observation.

[heishe 2]

You say youre' not ready for marriage wihich means you're not ready for committment, anecdotal assertions aside, when you are looking for an easy out, marriage is not what you aim for.

That's awfully presumptuous of you.

Not really, it's a simple matter of observation.

I just don't think anyone said anything that obviously means they're looking for an easy out or not ready for committment. They may not put the same sort of premium on marriage as you do, but it's possible they're just as interested in committment.

And, to repeat what I said in my edit -

No one said they aren't ready to marry. They just said it wouldn't be such a high priority if it weren't required for immigration.

[Jenn! 918]

Implying that lack of a burning desire to get married means fear of commitment is one way to look at it. Although, those of us who actually experienced that know better.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

And I summed it all up. No one here has been forced to marry. Everyone has chosen to do so.

I would like to know if anyone has a plan to divorce as soon as their immigrant spouse doesn't need them for government approval and support, being that their marriage values are low and all?

[Jenn! 918]

[Alex+R 0]

And I summed it all up. No one here has been forced to marry. Everyone has chosen to do so.

I would like to know if anyone has a plan to divorce as soon as their immigrant spouse doesn't need them for government approval and support, being that their marriage values are low and all?

If divorce were as simple as signing a few papers, then that's probably what I'd do. But that's not what divorce is, even when it's totally amicable.

[bostonparis 0]

Implying that lack of a burning desire to get married means fear of commitment is one way to look at it. Although, those of us who actually experienced that know better.

Exactly! I think some people feel that if they don't marry their partner, there's always a fear that they'll walk away. And I think that is the kind of person that feels marriage is a necessity for a committment. But does that show insecurity in a relationship?

[heishe 2]

Yeah, this is getting retarded.

[Alex+R 0]

Yeah, this is getting retarded.

Heartily agree.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Implying that lack of a burning desire to get married means fear of commitment is one way to look at it. Although, those of us who actually experienced that know better.

Exactly! I think some people feel that if they don't marry their partner, there's always a fear that they'll walk away. And I think that is the kind of person that feels marriage is a necessity for a committment. But does that show insecurity in a relationship?

Arguably, it can go either way.

On the "sex before marriage" thread, I posted studies done with cohabiting couples. Their rate of divorce is higher than average because they are most likely to be among those who do not plan to commit. Also, it has been found that in cohabiting couples, one is usually more committed than the other, and that one is only settling for cohabitation because that;s the best they can get from their partner.

[KarenCee 3]

Implying that lack of a burning desire to get married means fear of commitment is one way to look at it. Although, those of us who actually experienced that know better.

Exactly! I think some people feel that if they don't marry their partner, there's always a fear that they'll walk away. And I think that is the kind of person that feels marriage is a necessity for a committment. But does that show insecurity in a relationship?

Marriage does NOT make a couple more committed. I would think that the fear of the SO walking out *is* insecurity. Marriage is seen more as a traditional way for a couple to be committed though. Still, I don't think marriage is necessary to be committed to one person for life.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Yeah, this is getting retarded.

Heartily agree.

Then we will soon see how retarded you care to be.

[bostonparis 0]

Implying that lack of a burning desire to get married means fear of commitment is one way to look at it. Although, those of us who actually experienced that know better.

Exactly! I think some people feel that if they don't marry their partner, there's always a fear that they'll walk away. And I think that is the kind of person that feels marriage is a necessity for a committment. But does that show insecurity in a relationship?

Arguably, it can go either way.

On the "sex before marriage" thread, I posted studies done with cohabiting couples. Their rate of divorce is higher than average because they are most likely to be among those who do not plan to commit. Also, it has been found that in cohabiting couples, one is usually more committed than the other, and that one is only settling for cohabitation because that;s the best they can get from their partner.

If they're cohabitating, they're not married, therefore they cannot divorce. So how can the divorce rates be higher?