'Forced' to marry

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Look at it this way. It's clear that the government, the one you are seeking a benefit from, sees marriage as a commitment. It even requires you to swear financial responsibility to the immigrant spouse, even in the event of a divorce. So, it's not my idea that you have to marry to show committment, it's a legal requirement. Some of you are upset because of that, not because of me.

[MichelleandCraig 1]

has *nothing* to do with majority. I've learned a few things in my time on this forum and it may have taken me a while, but I've learned. One is to not give a flying #### what anyone else thinks, and to think as I like. With that in mind, I wouldn't care, and don't, if one other person thought as I do on this thread. It's what I think.

That said, I repeat: no one is saying marriage doesn't have commitment. I have said (and others, by chance, have also said) that you do not *NECESSARILY* have to be married to be committed. Where in your posts do you say anything but things like :there is a HIGHER LEVEL of commitment in marriage, or that those who don't want to get married ARE NOT commited. No wiggle room there, just absolutes. I'm coming to the conclusion, and this is *not* an insult, merely a statement, that it's pointless to attempt to discuss this with you because you are intend on stating opinions as fact, and frankly, I'm bored with it. I've said what I had to say, so peace out, and Happy New Year! (and I mean that.) M.

ETA: I'm not upset with the government's restrictions at all. I'm married, and quite glad I am! I just shouldn't have to be. and please don't throw "only children use shouldn't" at me again. There shouldn't be child abuse, drug abuse, violence in the world. Oh wait....maybe there should??? Anyway..I keep going back on my own statements, as far as getting off this thread for the "night", so I will attempt it once again... M.

Edited January 1, 2007 by MichelleandCraig

[Sofiyya 1,687]

has *nothing* to do with majority. I've learned a few things in my time on this forum and it may have taken me a while, but I've learned. One is to not give a flying #### what anyone else thinks, and to think as I like. With that in mind, I wouldn't care, and don't, if one other person thought as I do on this thread. It's what I think.

That said, I repeat: no one is saying marriage doesn't have commitment. I have said (and others, by chance, have also said) that you do not *NECESSARILY* have to be married to be committed. Where in your posts do you say anything but things like :there is a HIGHER LEVEL of commitment in marriage, or that those who don't want to get married ARE NOT commited. No wiggle room there, just absolutes. I'm coming to the conclusion, and this is *not* an insult, merely a statement, that it's pointless to attempt to discuss this with you because you are intend on stating opinions as fact, and frankly, I'm bored with it. I've said what I had to say, so peace out, and Happy New Year! (and I mean that.) M.

It has tons to do with the majority. Most people have been hammering me for disagreeing with them. Is that why should I say what I don't believe? Why isn't this same argument applied to the opposition? Heck, if you believe it, YOU do it. Say what you don't believe; I won't.

Edited January 1, 2007 by szsz

[MichelleandCraig 1]

I'll reply later when I get up if I'm bored enough, even though I didn't understand that last post about saying what I don't believe? Night, hon.... M.

[garya505 2]

I believe most of us here defer to your right to have an opinion on the matter, and state it ...the problem, as I said, lies in that you believe your way is "correct" (as with most people and their opinions, me included) but you continue to insist that "we" are wrong and you are "right". Why not just leave it at, well I see it differntly, and that's your opinion.

I was just doing a few dishes before bed and thought of it this way. If you marry, you're married. Duh. Marriage. That's it. not commitment. I can commit to any number of things..stopping smoking for example. If someone else commits to it, and they don't go through with it...they might have "intended" to, but they didn't. If I do, I followed through with my commitment, but I'm still not married! There is a HUGE difference in marriage and commitment, and when I thought of it that way, that's my reasoning. In a nutshell, marriage=marraige. You can commit to almost anything. For example, I could commit to stop posting on this thread. but I probably won't.

Ok, if you want to play word games fine. Commitment isn't commitment and intent isn't intent. Whatever.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Where in your posts do you say anything but things like :there is a HIGHER LEVEL of commitment in marriage, or that those who don't want to get married ARE NOT commited. No wiggle room there, just absolutes. I'm coming to the conclusion, and this is *not* an insult, merely a statement, that it's pointless to attempt to discuss this with you because you are intend on stating opinions as fact, and frankly, I'm bored with it. I've said what I had to say, so peace out, and Happy New Year! (and I mean that.) M

Here, in this excerpt, you are telling me that I am speaking in absolutes and that everyone else's view is a FACT, while my view is only a narrow-minded opinion, thank you very much

What I see you saying is that I should abandon my view and go along with everyone else, mimicking their wishy washy MOR viewpoint, instead of my own.

I'm saying, if you think people "should" say what they don't believe inorder to get along with others, then take your own advice and say what you don't mean (what I believe, rather than what you believe) in order to get along with me.

Good night! Sleep well.

Edited January 1, 2007 by szsz

[peezey 0]

I agree. That doesn't mean they don't love each other or that they don't want to stay which other, it just means they probably aren't as commited to making it work. Like you said, intent makes a difference. What constitutes a "failed" relationship might depend on how easy it is to get out of it, and how much the parties are commited to making it work.

I hope you aren't saying that a committed relationship is easier to "get out of" than a marriage. Let's consider adults in similar situations as most of us, probably own some sort of property, maybe a condo, car, 401k, house, maybe have children. I can only speak for California, but under the law, there is no difference between two couples with the same financial obligations, property, children whether they are married or not. If there is a break-up, both will need legal help to split the property and file the agreements in court. Both will need to agree on custody. Both will need to buy the other out of property or sell property and split the proceeds. Both could sue for spousal support.

I realize all states are not the same, so I would take it farther to say that if states are not as liberal as CA in terms of community property, then getting married might be entered into for greater protection should the marriage end. I don't see how this shows more committment to the relationship.

Edited January 2, 2007 by peezey

[Killer_Clown_2009 0]

You say youre' not ready for marriage wihich means you're not ready for committment, anecdotal assertions aside, when you are looking for an easy out, marriage is not what you aim for.

That is totally rediculous. You need to take a closer look at the society in which you live.

[Jenn! 918]

I think a lot of people who were not losers like me on New Year's Eve missed this one...

[Sinergy 3]

I think a lot of people who were not losers like me on New Year's Eve missed this one...

i spent all day at work today reading it So glad i wasnt around the net to see this on ny's eve

[Karen_L 1]

My husband and I had discussed marriage before we decided to apply for a visa; we both assumed the relationship was leading to marriage. But had we been able to be together here in the US (or if there was a feasible way that I could have lived in Italy) without getting married right away, we would have waited. But eh, I don't regret that we 'had' to get married

[rebeccajo 14]

I think a lot of people who were not losers like me on New Year's Eve missed this one...

Hey!!!! My husband was at work and I was BORED!!

[Sinergy 3]

Oh yea and i wanted to add, me and my husband were married before we even started the k1 process.we also lived together for over a year before discussing marriage (and i doubt we will end in divorse just bc we lived together first), we knew wed marry eachother,just didnt expect to live in USA, we expected to stay in Romania. Came back bc of the baby and my older daughter wanting to finish school here in florida. So immigration nor anything else forced us to marry. we felt commited to commit ourselves to marriage so we could feel commitedly married

[Jenn! 918]

I think a lot of people who were not losers like me on New Year's Eve missed this one...

Hey!!!! My husband was at work and I was BORED!!

Mine too! But you're still a loser like me!

[Fandango 1,439]

we had fun on ####### years eve