'Forced' to marry

[Sofiyya 1,687]

One of my sisters is a bit of a wild child. She's been married twice (so far!). She told me that the first time she married, she stood at the pulpit as she took her vows, thinking "Well, if this doesn't work out, we can always get divorced." Five years later, they did. The second time, she said, her mind was telling her to "Run, run, run!" Another divorce. This one is not the marrying type. Who knows how many reluctant brides and grooms have the same kinds of thoughts going thru their heads when they marry. She is well aware now that love does not equal commitment anymore than some believe that marriage does not.

[MichelleandCraig 1]

Yep, I'm still here. (*durrrrrrrr. ah, well..intend to get to bed sometime before the sun comes up!) Anyway, I meant you *deny, not acknowledge other people the right to *their* opinions without an opposing comment at every turn. Anyway...

So, how does using the word "intent" make it any different, Gary? (really trying to have a rational discussion here, and not pick at you so please don't take it personally! there's no reason to....) I can INTEND to stay with my SO forever, without getting married right? (which is a moot point, since I *am* married, btw..but hypothetically speaking, as we all are...) M.

Szsz, so you say that love doesn't equal commitment. Fine, yes, they are two separate things, though I believe they go hand in hand..not always, but they *should* (not that they do, mind you) Anyway, how does that illustrate the point that marriage=commitment. To me, if anything, it illustrates that marriage does *not necessarily*=commitment. We see sad cases of infidelity in marriages all the time, and cases of long term or live in relationships where both partners have been faithful. IMO the latter would be MUCh more committed to their relationships.

Edited January 1, 2007 by MichelleandCraig

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Yep, I'm still here. (*durrrrrrrr. ah, well..intend to get to bed sometime before the sun comes up!) Anyway, I meant you *deny, not acknowledge other people the right to *their* opinions without an opposing comment at every turn. Anyway...

So, how does using the word "intent" make it any different, Gary? (really trying to have a rational discussion here, and not pick at you so please don't take it personally! there's no reason to....) I can INTEND to stay with my SO forever, without getting married right? (which is a moot point, since I *am* married, btw..but hypothetically speaking, as we all are...) M.

You are having no problem posting your opinion. I could stop you if I had a delete feature to take you out, but I don't, so that accusation is fallacious.

[MichelleandCraig 1]

I said without an opposing comment at every turn. You haven't done it to me just now, but you have done it continually through this thread, by insisting your opinion is the correct one. That's the thing about facts and opinions. Facts can be proven true or false, opinions cannot. So, really, it's pointless to continue then, right? M.

and btw, why not acknowledge that I have *not* insulted you as you say I have? I was trying to talk about this rationally with you, but you seem to just be condescending toward me and anyone else who differs in opinion. You obviously knew I didn't mean I was having a physcial problem *posting* my opinion, and that that's not what I meant. M.

[Jenn! 918]

This is absolutely ridiculous. Nobody is "balking" at marriage. Will you stop misrepresenting your opponents' stance in order to support your own?

If two people are in a committed relationship and they both feel that marriage would just be a label assigned externally that does not have much meaning beyond government recognition, why deviate from the status quo when you don't see marriage as "sacred"? What would be the motivation, seriously? If you plan on acting and feeling and thinking the same after you are married as before you are married, what is the reason to get married?

Edited January 1, 2007 by jenn3539

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I am always puzzled by people who continue to interact with me while criticizing me for doing the same thing that they're doing. You addressed me first. Now, you want to dismiss me? We are both still here responding to the posts. Why am I different from you for doing what you're doing?

Edited January 1, 2007 by szsz

[Sofiyya 1,687]

This is absolutely ridiculous. Nobody is "balking" at marriage? Will you stop misrepresenting your opponents' stance in order to support your own?

If two people are in a committed relationship and they both feel that marriage would just be a label assigned externally that does not have much meaning beyond government recognition, why deviate from the status quo when you don't see marriage as "sacred"? What would be the motivation, seriously? If you plan on acting and feeling and thinking the same after you are married as before you are married, what is the reason to get married?

I'm not distorting my opponent's stance, and you just proved it by justifying those who balk at marriage.

Thank you!

[Jenn! 918]

This is absolutely ridiculous. Nobody is "balking" at marriage? Will you stop misrepresenting your opponents' stance in order to support your own?

If two people are in a committed relationship and they both feel that marriage would just be a label assigned externally that does not have much meaning beyond government recognition, why deviate from the status quo when you don't see marriage as "sacred"? What would be the motivation, seriously? If you plan on acting and feeling and thinking the same after you are married as before you are married, what is the reason to get married?

I'm not distorting my opponent's stance, and you just proved it by justifying those who balk at marriage.

Thank you!

Umm, to balk means to refuse obstinately. No one here is refusing to get married!

Edited January 1, 2007 by jenn3539

[MichelleandCraig 1]

I believe most of us here defer to your right to have an opinion on the matter, and state it ...the problem, as I said, lies in that you believe your way is "correct" (as with most people and their opinions, me included) but you continue to insist that "we" are wrong and you are "right". Why not just leave it at, well I see it differntly, and that's your opinion.

I was just doing a few dishes before bed and thought of it this way. If you marry, you're married. Duh. Marriage. That's it. not commitment. I can commit to any number of things..stopping smoking for example. If someone else commits to it, and they don't go through with it...they might have "intended" to, but they didn't. If I do, I followed through with my commitment, but I'm still not married! There is a HUGE difference in marriage and commitment, and when I thought of it that way, that's my reasoning. In a nutshell, marriage=marraige. You can commit to almost anything. For example, I could commit to stop posting on this thread. but I probably won't.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I believe most of us here defer to your right to have an opinion on the matter, and state it ...the problem, as I said, lies in that you believe your way is "correct" (as with most people and their opinions, me included) but you continue to insist that "we" are wrong and you are "right". Why not just leave it at, well I see it differntly, and that's your opinion.

No one here has repeatedly insisted that "I'm right and you're wrong" but me? You're serious?

Edited January 1, 2007 by szsz

[MichelleandCraig 1]

No, I'm not saying that. People, maybe even including me, have probably insisted upon their own way..but, very honestly, I just think that that's because you keep pushing YOUR way at them! If you could just concede that marriage might NOT EQUAL commitment, it would drop, but YOU keep insisting it does. No MAYBE about it. M.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Umm, to balk means to refuse obstinately. No one here is refusing to get married!

It's also a hinderance, and that's the complaint about it here. You yourself asked why do it if you see no value in it? That is an expression of something seen as a barrier to freedom. I'm saying that if hat's the way someone feels, don't do it.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

No, I'm not saying that. People, maybe even including me, have probably insisted upon their own way..but, very honestly, I just think that that's because you keep pushing YOUR way at them! If you could just concede that marriage might NOT EQUAL commitment, it would drop, but YOU keep insisting it does. No MAYBE about it. M.

When something is coming AT you, you don't see it as something moving away from you. I see you guys as pushing your view at me as much as you see me pushing your view at you. You could concede that marriage DOES EQUAL commitment and it would drop, but YOU keep insisting it doesn't. No MAYBE about it.

What you are doing is advocating the tyranny of the majority even as you complain about the laws you have to follow to get what you want. You can't have it all your way, get over it.

Edited January 1, 2007 by szsz

[Jenn! 918]

Umm, to balk means to refuse obstinately. No one here is refusing to get married!

It's also a hinderance, and that's the complaint about it here. You yourself asked why do it if you see no value in it? That is an expression of something seen as a barrier to freedom. I'm saying that if hat's the way someone feels, don't do it.

Sure, lots of people choose not to get married because they see it as a loss of freedom, but certainly not all. Some people honestly see it as six of one, a half dozen of another; for them it's not a life-changing event, good or bad. So while they may not see any particular benefits to marriage, neither do they see any negatives. So when it comes down to it and someone says to the couple, for whatever reason, you need to get married if you want to continue your relationship, it's a no-brainer. The question/answer then changes from "Why get married? No reason." to "Why not get married? No reason."

Edited January 1, 2007 by jenn3539

[garya505 2]

Yep, I'm still here. (*durrrrrrrr. ah, well..intend to get to bed sometime before the sun comes up!) Anyway, I meant you *deny, not acknowledge other people the right to *their* opinions without an opposing comment at every turn. Anyway...

So, how does using the word "intent" make it any different, Gary? (really trying to have a rational discussion here, and not pick at you so please don't take it personally! there's no reason to....) I can INTEND to stay with my SO forever, without getting married right? (which is a moot point, since I *am* married, btw..but hypothetically speaking, as we all are...) M.

Szsz, so you say that love doesn't equal commitment. Fine, yes, they are two separate things, though I believe they go hand in hand..not always, but they *should* (not that they do, mind you) Anyway, how does that illustrate the point that marriage=commitment. To me, if anything, it illustrates that marriage does *not necessarily*=commitment. We see sad cases of infidelity in marriages all the time, and cases of long term or live in relationships where both partners have been faithful. IMO the latter would be MUCh more committed to their relationships.

When you demonstrate your intent and commitment by your marriage. It's the whole package.