'Forced' to marry

[Fandango 1,440]

Well it's 2007 here and the novelty of this thread has worn off...at least for the time being.

Happy New Year everyone!

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I meant to repeat for those who were wodering how long my marriage would last. The first was 30 years. Top that.

[RaspberrySwirl 20]

I meant to repeat for those who were wodering how long my marriage would last. The first was 30 years. Top that.

Woo, go you!

How's your e-peen?

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I meant to repeat for those who were wodering how long my marriage would last. The first was 30 years. Top that.

Woo, go you!

How's your e-peen?

Sorry, I'm unable to stoop to your level of inanity. Even if I could, unlike you, I'd be ashamed to admit it.

Edited January 1, 2007 by szsz

[MichelleandCraig 1]

Ok, I'll go back and read the last pages in a minute, so if this has been repeated time and time again after page 8 or so, sorry in advance, but...

Szsz, how you can *possibly* think that the government *isn't* forcing people to be together *if they wish to be together*?? Obviously, all of us wish to be together, or are together, or we wouldn't have found this board and be here now. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a lot of money to spend time together beforehand, and a lot of goverments don't allow the intending immigrant to do so. IRL, would you normally meet someone and want to get married after just a week or maybe two? I was lucky enough that Craig spent 3 months here, and I visited England for a couple, and then he spent another 2 1/2 months before we got married (so we could plan the wedding right up until the last couple of weeks, etc.) but there are a LOT of people on here who have *just as valid* of relationships, but are unable to spend more than a week or two in the actual company of their SOs before they come in on their visas. All I think everyone is getting at is that it would be nice to be able to live on our OWN timetables, and not what the government dictates...and yes..there are plenty of people who would get married right away anyway...religious reasons, or they're just ready..or whatever....but there are also plenty who would prefer to either never get married (because it's just a piece of paper after all...NOT a level of commitment..thats MY opinion of it, fine if it's not yours, but the main thing is that it's an opinion NOT fact.) or to have a year or even two to plan their perfect wedding...WHATEVER the reason, I don't buy for one single minute that whether or not you jump into marriage (or never marry) dictates level of commitment. That's absurd to me. My brother and his now wife (they are in their mid forties) have been married for 20 years, but they got together in jr. high school..hormones raging, they were attractive..either one could have gone off with someone else...but they stayed together and got married in their early 20s. They weren't even of *age* to get married when they were younger, yet they WERE very commited. They didn't get married right after graduation either, they lived together for a few years. Stupid analogy, maybe..but it does make my point as far as I'm concerned.

I normally enjoy your comments, but I do have to wonder why you are so concerned with everyone else's level of commitment in their relationships. I agree with the poster (and probably many since) who said none of us wouldn't have found this board, or be dealing with immigration if we didn't have a HUGE commitment. The lonliness, the paperwork, the money, ALL of it dictates that you absolutely *must* be commited, or fail in this process. I don't get it. M.

[Mr and Mrs Bird 0]

I am looking so much forward to be married, but are so sad that it have to be so fast after arriving. I wanted so much that we could relaxe and plan everything and reach to save more up to a beatyful romantic wedding. Also that my famely had a chance to come over and celebrate with us.

The adjustment of status should be after at least 1 year to give people a chance.

[MichelleandCraig 1]

Exactly, Sweeties, but that's just only one reason. There are a lot of reasons people either don't want to get married, or wish to marry but want to delay it. Planning a wedding is the reason *many* people here (as evidenced by posts I've read) wish the timeframe was longer... and I don't agree (which has also been said already, but I'll say again anyway...) that it's harder to leave a marriage than a live-in relationship. It's NOT any more difficult..you pack your #######, and leave! DONE! Yeah, so you can't get married again right away?? Well, so what? Supposedly, those people (who would just live together if they could) don't want to be married anyway, so no skin off their noses, right?? So what if it takes six months to be final, a year in some states.... a LOT of people met their SO's etc, even here, before divorces were final (and that's fine for them..not saying anything about that) so that proves that life *does* go on, even if you're not legally divorced. I understand the implications when religion comes into it...some don't believe in divorce, believe you should be married, etc. and that's fine too. But we're not talking about that in this discussion, either. M.

ETA: because I can't edit my first post now...meant to claify *my* position on marriage, not that it's important. I said "it's just a piece of paper". Actually, I misspoke there, for *me, personally*. I believe in marriage, and wanted to be legally comitted, etc. ...just because *both* of us had never been, and wanted that, PLUS religious reasons, even though I don't attend church for the last few years. (too long of a story!) I wanted to take his name, blah blah blah...lots of reasons. However, I don't think that someone who DOES see it as "just a piece of paper" is any less commited than I am. M.

Edited January 1, 2007 by MichelleandCraig

[garya505 2]

Hmmm, can you imagine what would happen if the US govt granted VISAs to people who were not getting married, so not to "force" them into marriage?

[MichelleandCraig 1]

Dunno...how would it be much different??? People don't "prove" they are going to get married now...so...they get the visa and they enter...they could run off if they wanted to (and some do, as you know)just as easily as get married. How would it be different? M.

ETA: yeah,ok there's the letter of intent. But if someone wanted to (and, again, people do) they could write one of those easily enough and not mean it... ?

Edited January 1, 2007 by MichelleandCraig

[garya505 2]

Dunno...how would it be much different??? People don't "prove" they are going to get married now...so...they get the visa and they enter...they could run off if they wanted to (and some do, as you know)just as easily as get married. How would it be different? M.

ETA: yeah,ok there's the letter of intent. But if someone wanted to (and, again, people do) they could write one of those easily enough and not mean it... ?

So your saying that since some people commit immigration fraud now, we should just make it easier for everyone to do it. Hmmm, now that's a plan!

[MichelleandCraig 1]

Also, again too late to edit..sorry, plenty of visas are granted to people who are not going to get married... Aside from work visas, there are visitor visas, etc etc...any and all types have probably been used fraudulently, but that's not really what we were discussing either. *finally* getting to bed soon...Happy New Year all! M.

Gary, the people that do it on a marriage visa (commit fraud) would find some way to do it anyway. They would move on to the next unsuspecting person until they found someone. I'm very sorry for the people it happens to, but it happens. Come on now. Do you have an arguement for any of this? M.

debate may be a better word, as I'm not trying to argue with you, btw...just give my viewpoint. M.

Edited January 1, 2007 by MichelleandCraig

[Sofiyya 1,687]

First of all, the government isn't forcing you to do anything. It's your choice if you want to follow the rules or not. Don't blame anyone else for what you choose. The fact is, there are rules that generally apply to all, not individual "shoulds" based on your fanciful desires. I live in the real world and not in the "shoulds" world. For me, it's easier to deal with reality within reality. Only children think everything has to go the way they think it "should". I'm not a child, so I address issues from the way it is, not the way I think it should be.

Second, I didn't "jump" into marriage myself. I met my current husband years before I married him.

Next, I commented on a public board on a public issue. If anyone wants to misconstrue that as overly concerned about the freely given information that others lay out in public to be commented on, it would be better if none of us, including those who criticize me, ever commented on any information given freely on a public board. In other words, if you think you can control what is said about an issue here, you can't. DUH!

Yes, it is my view, allowed to me under the free speech clause of the US Constitution, that those who balk at marriage are not as committed to their relationship as those who do not. If those who disagree with me can feel free to express their opposing view, then I can feel free to express mine.

Unlike some, I am not surprised that there is opposition to my view, so it is weird that so many seem surprised that someone has the nerve to disagree with them. I do, don't expect that to change.

All the whining, moaning, name-calling and idiocy that this thread dissolved into hasn't changed the fact that you are absolutely free to dump your immigrant SO for someone you can take your time with, live with as long as you want to, and avoid marriage for as long as you want, if that's what you want. Since you haven't done that, buckle up and deal in the tangible world of immigration reality.

Any who care to flame me some more, have fun, as if I care.

Edited January 1, 2007 by szsz

[MichelleandCraig 1]

Already then. First, I didn't call you any names, or talk down to you in ANY way. I just gave MY opinion on it. Also a choice implies...well...CHOICES for lack of a better word. Given the choices: 1/ Don't be together 2/Marry what would *anyone* do that has this "choice". Not much of a choice, is it? And, btw, my desires aren't "fanciful" (I take that word to mean, dreamy, farfetched, ridiculous because I don't feel like looking it up and that's what comes to mind when I think fanciful...silly fantasies, etc.) Also, if you notice, I didn't accuse you of jumping into marriage, and nor did I. Circumstances for me dictated that we only had a few months, but for us that was more than enough time.

Again, I didn't flame you, I simply don't see how you think YOUR OPINION should prevail over anyone else's on this board. ...and I don't think anyone else cares what you think either, so we're all even steven now aren't we!

But, by the way, I *did* follow the rules. He'll be here 2 years this month, thank you very much! and edited to add AGAIN on a closer reread...it's not you opposing anyone's view that I think incenses them so much...it's that you vehmenently (sorry, spelling!) acknowledge *their* right to have a different view by opposing every comment they make!! M.

Never mind, it's bedtime. Happy New Year...catch up more tomorrow. M.

Edited January 1, 2007 by MichelleandCraig

[garya505 2]

Yes, it is my view, allowed to me under the free speech clause of the US Constitution, that those who balk at marriage are not as committed to their relationship as those who do not. If those who disagree with me can feel free to express their opposing view, then I can feel free to express mine.

I agree. That doesn't mean they don't love each other or that they don't want to stay which other, it just means they probably aren't as commited to making it work. Like you said, intent makes a difference. What constitutes a "failed" relationship might depend on how easy it is to get out of it, and how much the parties are commited to making it work.

['my_destiny' 0]

I was reading the 'sex before marriage' thread, and saw some questions and answers being raised about feeling forced to marry because of the immigration laws, and this being the only way to be together.

I got to thinking, how many people would be getting married as soon as they are if their SO (or they) could move here and live together without getting married?

It is just soo sad because sometimes immigration delayed the couple getting married. Just like in our case, we moved our marriage date 2x because of the visa journey.