'Forced' to marry

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I agree. But.... Gary, your assertion is very judgemental. I am ALL for marriage. However, I happen to think that people can be committed without a marriage ceremony. I WANT to get married. I can't WAIT to get married. But if I could NEVER marry my SO, my committment to him would remain the same.

i understood that about you long ago. But, why is it judgmental to make a distinction between those who appreciate marriage and those who don't?

[bostonparis 0]

The suggestion that those who chose to cohabitate before marriage are not as committed as those who don't seems to strike a nerve with some people. They seem to be the same people who have a bad attitude towards marriage for whatever reason, or those who mock the institution as updated or irrelevant. Strangely enough they also seem to be the same people arguing in favor of same-sex marriage.

Dayum! I thought the exact same thing, but didn't say it. I was wondering how many of those I see here arguing against marriage, I would see arguing for it for gays. I'll bet the numbers would be high.

Good God, woman! No one is arguing against marriage!!!!!!!!

[garya505 2]

Hey its 2007 on the east coast! Happy New Year to anyone out there, whether you feeled "forced" to marry or not!

[Sofiyya 1,687]

The suggestion that those who chose to cohabitate before marriage are not as committed as those who don't seems to strike a nerve with some people. They seem to be the same people who have a bad attitude towards marriage for whatever reason, or those who mock the institution as updated or irrelevant. Strangely enough they also seem to be the same people arguing in favor of same-sex marriage.

Dayum! I thought the exact same thing, but didn't say it. I was wondering how many of those I see here arguing against marriage, I would see arguing for it for gays. I'll bet the numbers would be high.

Good God, woman! No one is arguing against marriage!!!!!!!!

I think we disagree because you missed that part.

Hey its 2007 on the east coast! Happy New Year to anyone out there, whether you feeled "forced" to marry or not!

I have a couple more hours. Killing it by watching a documentary about "Love". There must be some irony in that.

[rebeccajo 14]

Waaaaaaaaaaaah!

Why can't we all just agree to disagree! It's flippin' New Years Eve and this place is SUPPOSED to be about people from all over the world helping each other out to get TO their loved ones - not about arguing over how we are going to live with them once they get here!

Sheesh.

good point...........now open the champagne will ya?

I can't.

You broke the dayum opener.

sigh........never send a woman to do a man's job...............

*runs off till next year*

Damn you Charles......you little snot........

[bostonparis 0]

I agree. But.... Gary, your assertion is very judgemental. I am ALL for marriage. However, I happen to think that people can be committed without a marriage ceremony. I WANT to get married. I can't WAIT to get married. But if I could NEVER marry my SO, my committment to him would remain the same.

i understood that about you long ago. But, why is it judgmental to make a distinction between those who appreciate marriage and those who don't?

It's not. But what Gary said was not simply making a distinction between the two. He said:

The suggestion that those who chose to cohabitate before marriage are not as committed as those who don't seems to strike a nerve with some people. They seem to be the same people who have a bad attitude towards marriage for whatever reason, or those who mock the institution as updated or irrelevant. Strangely enough they also seem to be the same people arguing in favor of same-sex marriage.

It's a judgemental generalization. And it's not a bad attitude towards marriage. It's a difference of opinion about committment. You don't feel committed without marriage. Neither does Gary. Most of us here do feel committed, with our without marriage.

[rebeccajo 14]

I feel committed to finding out what freakin' Charles did to my corkscrew.......

[bostonparis 0]

I feel committed to finding out what freakin' Charles did to my corkscrew.......

Good night - I stayed up to see 2007!

[Sofiyya 1,687]

It's a judgemental generalization. And it's not a bad attitude towards marriage. It's a difference of opinion about committment. You don't feel committed without marriage. Neither does Gary. Most of us here do feel committed, with our without marriage.

1. People make judgments; we all do. That does not make them judgmental.

2. I was committed to my husband before I married him, but that's WHY I married him, not for immigration, but to begin to show him I was committed to him. Marriage is an act of committment. If I am living with someone, and either of us can go out and marry someone else any day, that's not commitment. That's playing both sides.

Happy New Year, sis!

[garya505 2]

I agree. But.... Gary, your assertion is very judgemental. I am ALL for marriage. However, I happen to think that people can be committed without a marriage ceremony. I WANT to get married. I can't WAIT to get married. But if I could NEVER marry my SO, my committment to him would remain the same.

i understood that about you long ago. But, why is it judgmental to make a distinction between those who appreciate marriage and those who don't?

It's not. But what Gary said was not simply making a distinction between the two. He said:

The suggestion that those who chose to cohabitate before marriage are not as committed as those who don't seems to strike a nerve with some people. They seem to be the same people who have a bad attitude towards marriage for whatever reason, or those who mock the institution as updated or irrelevant. Strangely enough they also seem to be the same people arguing in favor of same-sex marriage.

It's a judgemental generalization. And it's not a bad attitude towards marriage. It's a difference of opinion about committment. You don't feel committed without marriage. Neither does Gary. Most of us here do feel committed, with our without marriage.

Commitment isn't an "all or nothing" deal. The suggestion is that maybe those who choose to avoid or delay marriage aren't "as committed", not that they aren't commited at all. Some people insist on turning evidence of a tendency or correlation into some sort of certainty or guarantee.

Perhaps those who commit themselves with marriage have made more of a decision to make it work when there are problems (and there will be). If you're not married it's much easier to bail out when things don't go to your liking (or you have a better offer).

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Perhaps those who commit themselves with marriage have made more of a decision to make it work when there are problems (and there will be). If you're not married it's much easier to bail out when things don't go to your liking (or you have a better offer).

Those are some of the variances involved in the studies. Intent makes a difference.

[maggieNomar 0]

I was reading the 'sex before marriage' thread, and saw some questions and answers being raised about feeling forced to marry because of the immigration laws, and this being the only way to be together.

I got to thinking, how many people would be getting married as soon as they are if their SO (or they) could move here and live together without getting married?

I actually would have married my fiance sooner if the K3 weren't so hard to come by. I know that the pendelum swings as to which one is issued more, at least with Casablanca. Currently the K'3's seem to be having a harder time getting approved.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I was reading the 'sex before marriage' thread, and saw some questions and answers being raised about feeling forced to marry because of the immigration laws, and this being the only way to be together.

I got to thinking, how many people would be getting married as soon as they are if their SO (or they) could move here and live together without getting married?

I actually would have married my fiance sooner if the K3 weren't so hard to come by. I know that the pendelum swings as to which one is issued more, at least with Casablanca. Currently the K'3's seem to be having a harder time getting approved.

I'm doing a CR1/IR1 out of Casa now, and I'm glad I am. Good luck to you!

[garya505 2]

Perhaps those who commit themselves with marriage have made more of a decision to make it work when there are problems (and there will be). If you're not married it's much easier to bail out when things don't go to your liking (or you have a better offer).

Those are some of the variances involved in the studies. Intent makes a difference.

Maybe that's what my fiancee meant when she asked me before we were engaged, "do you believe in divorce?".

[Sofiyya 1,687]

My late husband and I married the first time at 18. My husband died just slight of 30 years into it. We were idiot kids who made it work. I can no longer settle for less.