What if you donnot like your SO's country...

[Henia 11]

Well, Wadi and I had been together for more than two years before I got to go to Morocco. Even if I had absolutely hated the country, I can't imagine ending the relationship over that.

I suppose it depends on the level of dislike and how much it bothers your SO.

Maybe it would help to have some examples of people not liking their SO's country. I'm finding it hard to imagine having enough dislike for a country to make that a deal-breaker in a relationship.

Well, my orginal question stemmed from watching people on another board, going on and on about how much they disliked the people (esp women) of their SO's country, yet most of them moved there...and so I was wondering what you all thought...

Seems in my opinion much more of you here on VJ think with intelligent and open minds....

[Henia 11]

Henia, you got me thinking...

I could say I love Morocco and almost everything Moroccan, that would be true. Now I cook Moroccan, have Moroccan tapes in my car... what else? Planning to re-do my bedroom, so it looks Moroccan at least a little.... Any advice from anybody?

I wouldn't live there, at least not now. But I could adjust to it - it would be like going back in time, way back in time. I used to live that way (similar way) back where i'm from years ago.

But the funny part is - my husband! He constantly tells me that he doesn't like Moroccans (sometimes the word is 'hate'). And yet he keeps telling me, baby, i'm Moroccan!

I know he has his reasons , same as sometimes i'd say, i don't like russians (cause i know what most of them are about). Well, i ended up deffending him, even though he wouldn't even know i'm doing this. Man! I'm a good wife!!! Is there 'pat yourself on the back' smiley? That's the closest I could get!

Funny you mentioned all that Firelion, my in-laws "swear" I am Algerien. In fast, in their words " they are amazed" My husband says this too. I take it as them welcoming me to the family, and hard for me to believe they think this. Cos no matter how much I love my husband, the family and enjoy Algerie I am not and will never be Algerien.

About decorating...great idea... I wanted to do that too, but not here... thinking while I am in DZ to make a collection of some interesting pieces and take them to HU. Decorate the house there.

[mybackpages 0]

Funny you mentioned all that Firelion, my in-laws "swear" I am Algerien. In fast, in their words " they are amazed" My husband says this too. I take it as them welcoming me to the family, and hard for me to believe they think this. Cos no matter how much I love my husband, the family and enjoy Algerie I am not and will never be Algerien.

About decorating...great idea... I wanted to do that too, but not here... thinking while I am in DZ to make a collection of some interesting pieces and take them to HU. Decorate the house there.

I get that from people when I am in Morocco too...even Moroccan here. My fiance says I am a berber woman. I take it as a compliment, but I agree I am not Moroccan nor Berber and will never be. I think some of the reason is because they are not use to seeing Americans or Europeans attempting the language and participating in the culture to the extent I do.

[browneyez40 0]

And the in-laws thing I just do not understand how anyone marries someone without understnding they are marrying into the family too.

ETA: I am one of those who fell in love with the country before I met my fiance. I was making plans to move permantly there before we decided to marry. I guess you could say I'm using him to make it easy to move there

But you don't have to like your family (or in-laws) you just have to get along with them. Respecting and actually liking them are two different things.

I'll give you that. You are so right. I'm one of those people that the in-laws are an important deciding factor if I would or would not get married. I believe you do not marry a person but you marry a family. My fiance joins my family and I join his and even larger than that my family becomes part of his family and his family becomes part of mine.

I know - not every one thinks about family like us and not everyone wants family relations like us. But for me its important

That is true. I want to have good relations with my in-laws, but if they don't like me so be it. I equate it to how I feel about my father's family - I love them, I treat them right, but I don't want to be around them a lot.

[dollface41601 0]

Love my in laws, Love Jordan, love everything and everyone that has to do with my husband and his culture/upbringing, if we were well off, i would live in jordan no questions asked

[AngelK96 0]

ditto that dollface. I love my in laws and Jordan!!!!

[maggieNomar 0]

Although Morocco is very different to anything im used to I enjoyed the time there and can't wait to go back. Live there, not sure of that one, since work is limited and me with the language but at sometime we talk about having houses in both places. The family is great and accepted me from first day as i them.

If you didnt get along with the family feel like that would be putting SO in the middle all the time maybe causing little friction and of course they are going to want to go back for visits and bring you along.

I was fortunate like you. I fell in love with the guy and almost as instantaneously, his family. They are remarkable people and bend over backwards for me every time I visit. In fact when I was there with my parents, my dad was quite impressed with the hospitality. He tells everyone what a great hostess my fiance's mom is, despite having to take care of an adult handicapped child. I also like the ambiance Morocco in the evening, with the music and grilled meat in the streets. I sometimes think about going to live there for a time. Maybe the excitement would wear off. But I'm willing to take a chance

Sorry Henia. I know it doesn't answer your questions.

[Henia 11]

Funny you mentioned all that Firelion, my in-laws "swear" I am Algerien. In fast, in their words " they are amazed" My husband says this too. I take it as them welcoming me to the family, and hard for me to believe they think this. Cos no matter how much I love my husband, the family and enjoy Algerie I am not and will never be Algerien.

About decorating...great idea... I wanted to do that too, but not here... thinking while I am in DZ to make a collection of some interesting pieces and take them to HU. Decorate the house there.

I get that from people when I am in Morocco too...even Moroccan here. My fiance says I am a berber woman. I take it as a compliment, but I agree I am not Moroccan nor Berber and will never be. I think some of the reason is because they are not use to seeing Americans or Europeans attempting the language and participating in the culture to the extent I do.

You are probably right. Most of the (non-ALgerien of course) women I met with Algerien husbands in Algerie really disliked DZ, the people (esp the women) made little or no attempts to *blend in*, learn the language, culture, etc... I myself, appreciate Algerie for its beauty, culture, giving me my dH of course and all the good times I had there. I did not try to be *algerien* but I did try to speak to people with their tongue, get involved abit with the culture and never said "I hate Algerie"...I have thought and still thinking about living there...but not for all my life. So for me disliking or even hating my husband's country seems abit harse... and when i talked to these women it quite surprised me to know many of them married for 10+ years to these men. For ME, a person is where he is from...his culture, language, mannerism,etc...so if I donnot like (for the most part...we cannot like it all) how could I love this person for all my life... and if I did not like someone (and their culture) would I then want to constantly *change* them...in fact not loving them for who they are? Is this making any sense or am I just babbling?

I was married before, I *thought* I loved the man... only to find out that it was a young girl's ignorant infatuation and that I really hated him...after seeing him out the *courtship* stage... understanding his *true self* was intertwined with knowing his country, culture and family. It was doomed from the start and did not last long elhamdullah. So of cos this time around I got smarter... and got to know first the man's charachter better, then his country, culture, family... And I know if I did not like any of those, I probably would not have married him.

Edited January 2, 2007 by Henia

[samir_shannon 0]

I wouldnt let how I feel about my husbands country interferre with our relationship. I like Algeria, I dont like their government. His family is so sweet and I love them all so that is a great plus Algeria is a beautiful country but, the way their gov't does things there keeps the people in poverty and that is what i cant stand about it. Far as culture, it has made him a great man...so I can say I am blessed.

[Private 1]

Funny you mentioned all that Firelion, my in-laws "swear" I am Algerien. In fast, in their words " they are amazed" My husband says this too. I take it as them welcoming me to the family, and hard for me to believe they think this. Cos no matter how much I love my husband, the family and enjoy Algerie I am not and will never be Algerien.

About decorating...great idea... I wanted to do that too, but not here... thinking while I am in DZ to make a collection of some interesting pieces and take them to HU. Decorate the house there.

I get that from people when I am in Morocco too...even Moroccan here. My fiance says I am a berber woman. I take it as a compliment, but I agree I am not Moroccan nor Berber and will never be. I think some of the reason is because they are not use to seeing Americans or Europeans attempting the language and participating in the culture to the extent I do.

This is funny because I am in Europe and the Moroccans here say the same thing. It is funny but I have found the Moroccan communities in almost every country I am in. It is like I am seeking them out. And at home alot of Moroccans ask me if I am or assume that I am when I am with my firends that are moroccan (I picked up a few words).

I made some new friends since my engagement and when I tell them my fiance is Moroccan and the aska bout the country; they say that I act like I am from there. I like the country, when I have money. But I do not like doing business in this country. I hate having to haggle every time I want to bye something. My fiance's family is a little well to do, which I did not know at the time; but we are buying a Condo in Casablanca and we are looking at houses by the beach. We have even talked about me moving to Morocco and I am trying to work in this part of the world now.

The best thing is when me and my fiance talk about somethings concerning the family and when he is trying to give me the inside story- or the history behind it-I am like "Baby, I know blah blah." He was so blown away at the information that I had onw time he was like "just take a number because you are one of us, huh." It was funny and cute, but I think I love his family more than I do him sometimes. He gets upset because when I visit the county I want to be with the family.

And I feel like I chat with them more than he does. Sometimes we have a language barrier because his mother does not speak French but we make do. I feel included, but moving there, we are making long and thorough plans. Becuase I want to go there with the ability to take care of myself because I can not do the house wife thing. The women work to hard. I want a maid.

[ya falaha! 0]

Love my husband, love my inlaws, love certain aspects and qualities of Egypt, the culture and the ppl of Egypt.

[over 0]

I guess to summarize my thoughts;

No one ever lives to regret loving someone for where they are from.

We all like and dislike things, places, people, and even beliefs. that is no secret. But to let those things mislead us from the real reason we fell in love ....it's the person we fell in love with in the first place. When most people meet, unlike couples from other countries, they meet not knowing even what race they are,country of birth, or as in the U.S. we don't even know if they were born some where else. With the melting pot as it is, there are no more boundaries, borders, or even beliefs. You fall in love with your heart, and with your senses, not your beliefs and teachings. As it has been touched on and rephrased in many forums, love others for what you see in them, not the things others say and think about them. Again...love with your heart and your senses, and adjust to the things that make them who they are ,and what makes them special in your heart. When people learn to do that, and forget all the other things that come with their baggage, then we will all learn to get along, and maybe learn to adopt to the things that label them as so called foreigners. We see things as we would like them to be, pick out the things we like, and throw out the things we don't. In many cases ,we choose to, and expect them to be like us, dress like us, act like us, and think like us, and be .......Us. But in doing so we forget they are not us, and that is what attracts us to them, because they are not ......Us.

The world is getting smaller, and as I see it, I hope it never gets so small that every one is the same. Then we will have lost who we are, and we will never experience how it feels to fall in love with another who makes us feel special, because they love us even though we are not like them. That is a feeling no one will ever forget, if they have been there. To love some one who is a world apart, and unlike others we know. That is a special feeling, and I hope my wife never becomes too much like me. It is the fact that she is different that makes me love her as much as I do. But no matter the differences..as others have said, find the things you love, and treasure them. And take the things you do not like..and learn to deal with them and find a common boundary where you can adjust together and discuss it when the time comes. That is what makes love so endearing..we over come our differences, and learn to live as one. Husband and Wife.

Live to Love, and Love to live. Just my thoughts.. That's what makes this web site special.

We are all here together sharing a common bond, let's live it together.Share your thoughts,help another in solving their problems. No matter where we are all from, we are all a family as I see it.

Here there are no differences, only hopes of being with our love ones.

Love... is the only thing that matters. Love knows no boundaries it has been said.

So forget differences....and always remember....LOVE.

Sorry for the long post..but I needed to say what I hope others feel.

Go VJ...Randy N Rose.