Parties and the Filipino Culture

[one...two...tree 2,762]

This is a question for anyone who grew up in the Philippines. I'm surprised at how many times Jinky gets invited to a Birthday Party, a House Blessing, a wedding shower, etc.. Lately, she's been attending one party after another, sometimes 4 or 5 times a week. I realize that Christmas time has also added to the amount of parties, but do most of you also attend that many parties per week?

And for those who are now married and live here in the states, is that something you miss? Has it been a difficult adjustment for you?

My concern is that I'm not that outgoing...I'm not anti-social but if I were being invited that often to social gatherings, I'd decline most of them. So I try to think, what if I were living in the Philippines and we married, would our lifestyle be that way? Will she be content with a more family centered life when she is here? I have two teenage children and she has a 5 year old and between us both working and raising kids, I don't see how we'll have much time for being that social. I don't think that becoming a parent means we stop having a social life, but it certainly changes our priorities.

Can anyone give me some feedback?

Thanks!

[boch 0]

Great question neighbor. I have had this same question for a while, but couldn't express it as well as you did. Looking forward to the responses.

['my_destiny' 0]

Hi Folks, Im still here in the Philippines but will be moving there early March 2007.

We Filipinos sometimes cant say "No" to the offer specially if the one who are inviting us is very close friends, relatives and some members of the family who are living far away with you. Because if one will say no the one who are inviting you will get sulky. But sometimes, it is also nice to say No to the offer specially if you have really a very important things to attend to.

During holiday season here, we have lots of parties here and there, and it is also time to have get together for a while.

But if you think that it is too much already. maybe it is best to talk to her about your concerns (if you have) maybe she will understand it. It is ok to go to the party once in a while, but be sure that a wife is not neglecting her responsibility to her kids and to her husband.

[patrick & relyn 0]

Hi Folks, Im still here in the Philippines but will be moving there early March 2007.

We Filipinos sometimes cant say "No" to the offer specially if the one who are inviting us is very close friends, relatives and some members of the family who are living far away with you. Because if one will say no the one who are inviting you will get sulky. But sometimes, it is also nice to say No to the offer specially if you have really a very important things to attend to.

During holiday season here, we have lots of parties here and there, and it is also time to have get together for a while.

But if you think that it is too much already. maybe it is best to talk to her about your concerns (if you have) maybe she will understand it. It is ok to go to the party once in a while, but be sure that a wife is not neglecting her responsibility to her kids and to her husband.

YES...IN THE PHILIPPINES THERE IS A DEFINITE AVOIDANCE OF SAYING NO SOMETIMES. I KNOW RELYN HAS SAID MANY TIMES "IM SHY TO SAY NO". IN THE U.S. WE ARE MORE LIKELY TO SAY AND DO WHAT WE FEEL.

I KNOW STEVEN THAT ITS A CONCERN. IVE HAD CONCERNS ABOUT THINGS OF THAT NATURE TOO. RELYN DOESNT GO TO A LOT OF PARTIES BECAUSE SHE WORKS SO MUCH AND THEN WHEN SHE ISNT WORKING SHE IS CHATTING WITH ME.

MY CONCERN IS THAT HER FAMILY AND HER ARE CLOSE AND MOST OF THEM LIVE TOGETHER. MY CONCERN IS THAT IT MIGHT SEEM BORING TO HER AND SON BECAUSE I AM REALLY A HOMEBODY TOO. I WOULD PREFER TO HANG AROUND THE HOUSE THAN GO OUT TO A PARTY. I KNOW THAT WE WILL DO THAT AND I WANT TO GO WITH HER TO SOCIAL GATHERING BUT NOT PALAGI.

IM THANKFUL BECAUSE RIGHT NOW RELYN SEEMS VERY COMFORTABLE WITH THOUGHT OF BEING AT HOME AND TAKING CARE OF THE COOKING, LAUNDRY AND SUCH. I WONT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT THOUGH BECAUSE I KNOW IT WILL BE IMPORTANT TO GO TO THE MALL, OUT FOR COFFEE, MOVIE, DINNER. THINGS LIKE THAT. FOR MOST OF US WE HAVENT HAD A CHANCE TO DATE OUR LOVE EXCEPT WHEN WE GO TO THE PHILIPPINES.

AS MY DESTINY SAID. TALK TO HER ABOUT WHAT YOURE FEELING AND THINKING. IM SURE SHE WILL UNDERSTAND THAT. BEST TO YOU AND JINKY. WE ARE ALL VERY LUCKY TO BE IN LOVE AND HAVE SUCH WONDERFUL LOVING FIANCE.

PATRICK (RELYNS HUBBY IN FEBRUARY 2008....WE HOPE)

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Hi Folks, Im still here in the Philippines but will be moving there early March 2007.

We Filipinos sometimes cant say "No" to the offer specially if the one who are inviting us is very close friends, relatives and some members of the family who are living far away with you. Because if one will say no the one who are inviting you will get sulky. But sometimes, it is also nice to say No to the offer specially if you have really a very important things to attend to.

During holiday season here, we have lots of parties here and there, and it is also time to have get together for a while.

But if you think that it is too much already. maybe it is best to talk to her about your concerns (if you have) maybe she will understand it. It is ok to go to the party once in a while, but be sure that a wife is not neglecting her responsibility to her kids and to her husband.

Thank you. I did express my concerns but it didn't go over too well..hehehe. Jinky is the maverick or rebel of the family. She has 3 older sisters and 1 younger brother. Her family from what I understand was very overprotective of her before we met and her parents would really get upset if she stayed out late so I think she's still fighting against that. Her 5 year old son, Job, told his mom the other day when she was about to leave for a Christmas Party, that he doesn't want her to stay out late. I think he was trying to tell her that he wants more time with her. I'm not sure how to be tactful without her feeling I'm putting her down when I tell I think she should be spending more time at home with Job.

Edited December 30, 2006 by Steven_and_Jinky

[patrick & relyn 0]

Hi Folks, Im still here in the Philippines but will be moving there early March 2007.

We Filipinos sometimes cant say "No" to the offer specially if the one who are inviting us is very close friends, relatives and some members of the family who are living far away with you. Because if one will say no the one who are inviting you will get sulky. But sometimes, it is also nice to say No to the offer specially if you have really a very important things to attend to.

During holiday season here, we have lots of parties here and there, and it is also time to have get together for a while.

But if you think that it is too much already. maybe it is best to talk to her about your concerns (if you have) maybe she will understand it. It is ok to go to the party once in a while, but be sure that a wife is not neglecting her responsibility to her kids and to her husband.

Thank you. I did express my concerns but it didn't go over too well..hehehe. Jinky is the maverick or rebel of the family. She has 3 older sisters and 1 younger brother. Her family from what I understand was very overprotective of her before we met and her parents would really get upset if she stayed out late so I think she's still fighting against that. Her 5 year old son, Job, told his mom the other day when she was about to leave for a Christmas Party, that he doesn't want her to stay out late. I think he was trying to tell her that he wants more time with her. I'm not sure how to be tactful without her feeling I'm putting her down when I tell I think she should be spending more time at home with Job.

I HAD A FEELING THAT YOU PROBABLY ALREADY TALKED ABOUT IT WITH JINKY. ITS HARD WHEN YOU HAVE A CONCERN BUT DONT KNOW HOW TO BE TACTFUL ENOUGH TO NOT UPSET HER. DOUBLY HARD IF SHE IS SENSITIVE TO THINGS. I GUESS MY ADVICE ON THAT IS TO STEER THE CONVERSATION TO WHAT JOB SAID TO MOM. KIND OF KEEP THE CONVERSATION ON THAT SUBJECT SO YOU CAN DISCUSS THE CONCERN YOU HAVE WITHOUT COMING OUT OF THE BLUE ON THAT SUBJECT. I KNOW YOU PROBABY MISS HER TOO WHEN SHE IS AT A PARTY. I WISH YOU LUCK CAUSE IM NOT GOOD AT BRINGING UP SUBJECTS I KNOW MIGHT UPSET RELYN. HONESTLY SHE IS GREAT ABOUT THAT. WE HAVE HURT EACH OTHERS FEELINGS BEFORE AND ITS UNFORTUNATE BUT WERE UNDER NO ILLUSIONS THAT IT WILL BE PERFECT. MALIGONG BAGONG TAON....happy new year PATRICK

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I HAD A FEELING THAT YOU PROBABLY ALREADY TALKED ABOUT IT WITH JINKY. ITS HARD WHEN YOU HAVE A CONCERN BUT DONT KNOW HOW TO BE TACTFUL ENOUGH TO NOT UPSET HER. DOUBLY HARD IF SHE IS SENSITIVE TO THINGS. I GUESS MY ADVICE ON THAT IS TO STEER THE CONVERSATION TO WHAT JOB SAID TO MOM. KIND OF KEEP THE CONVERSATION ON THAT SUBJECT SO YOU CAN DISCUSS THE CONCERN YOU HAVE WITHOUT COMING OUT OF THE BLUE ON THAT SUBJECT. I KNOW YOU PROBABY MISS HER TOO WHEN SHE IS AT A PARTY. I WISH YOU LUCK CAUSE IM NOT GOOD AT BRINGING UP SUBJECTS I KNOW MIGHT UPSET RELYN. HONESTLY SHE IS GREAT ABOUT THAT. WE HAVE HURT EACH OTHERS FEELINGS BEFORE AND ITS UNFORTUNATE BUT WERE UNDER NO ILLUSIONS THAT IT WILL BE PERFECT. MALIGONG BAGONG TAON....happy new year PATRICK

Thank you, Patrick! Jinky is Cebuano so I only no a little bit of Bisaya... I have no idea what palangi is...hehehe

[patrick & relyn 0]

I HAD A FEELING THAT YOU PROBABLY ALREADY TALKED ABOUT IT WITH JINKY. ITS HARD WHEN YOU HAVE A CONCERN BUT DONT KNOW HOW TO BE TACTFUL ENOUGH TO NOT UPSET HER. DOUBLY HARD IF SHE IS SENSITIVE TO THINGS. I GUESS MY ADVICE ON THAT IS TO STEER THE CONVERSATION TO WHAT JOB SAID TO MOM. KIND OF KEEP THE CONVERSATION ON THAT SUBJECT SO YOU CAN DISCUSS THE CONCERN YOU HAVE WITHOUT COMING OUT OF THE BLUE ON THAT SUBJECT. I KNOW YOU PROBABY MISS HER TOO WHEN SHE IS AT A PARTY. I WISH YOU LUCK CAUSE IM NOT GOOD AT BRINGING UP SUBJECTS I KNOW MIGHT UPSET RELYN. HONESTLY SHE IS GREAT ABOUT THAT. WE HAVE HURT EACH OTHERS FEELINGS BEFORE AND ITS UNFORTUNATE BUT WERE UNDER NO ILLUSIONS THAT IT WILL BE PERFECT. MALIGONG BAGONG TAON....happy new year PATRICK

Thank you, Patrick! Jinky is Cebuano so I only no a little bit of Bisaya... I have no idea what palangi is...hehehe

LOL.....PALAGI IS ALWAYS. I WAS SAYING WE WILL GO OUT BUT NOT PALAGI (ALWAYS). ITS TAGALOG. BUT RELYN ALSO SPEAKS BASAYAN....I THINK THATS THE LANGUAGE. SO I WONT HAVE ADVANTAGE WHEN I LEARN TAGALOG. WHEN SHE WANTS ME TO NOT KNOW WHAT SHE SAYING SHE WILL TALK BASAYAN SO IM STILL SCREWED.

[Paulily 0]

Its normal here in the Philippines specially when you are working. This will have a big advantage if you like to have wide connections like you are in Sales or Service Business. Sometimes we used that to know the people we can go to if we need Government service or to have big discounts specially is you make friends to business people. They will recommend you or used their name and so on.

But don't worry, Filipina's are very family oriented. We are very responsible mothers even if we love parties. Still our priority is our husband and children. Like in my case, I don't have kids but when I know my fiance schedule for chat or hes time already I make sure I'm with him and don't like him to get upset. Still and always Family is our Priority.

I'm sure she just spend time with her friends and family now because she knew when she arrive there her lifestyle will be different.

Happy New Year!!!

Lily

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Its normal here in the Philippines specially when you are working. This will have a big advantage if you like to have wide connections like you are in Sales or Service Business. Sometimes we used that to know the people we can go to if we need Government service or to have big discounts specially is you make friends to business people. They will recommend you or used their name and so on.

But don't worry, Filipina's are very family oriented. We are very responsible mothers even if we love parties. Still our priority is our husband and children. Like in my case, I don't have kids but when I know my fiance schedule for chat or hes time already I make sure I'm with him and don't like him to get upset. Still and always Family is our Priority.

I'm sure she just spend time with her friends and family now because she knew when she arrive there her lifestyle will be different.

Happy New Year!!!

Lily

Thank you, Lily! That makes sense.

[DanNNina 5]

Warning, warning.......If you are not comfortable with behaviors now......odds are you won't be later. Don't expect people to change. What is your gut telling you? I think you know the answer, you just don't like the answer.

I have been with someone from a different culture, that excuse can really grow long in the tooth.

[trey 0]

Filipinos like to party! And they know how to have fun at parties...good clean fun! First, kareoke is a requirement at any filipino party. Second, filipino parties are LOUD. Lots of talking and laughing. Third, filipino parties involve lots of food. My wife arrived here 2½ months ago. Through networking on theworldoffilipinas.com, she has met many other here in the states and was introduced to someone in our city who got us involved in the local chapter of filapino/americans; couples just like us. That was last week and we've been to two parties already. I can't say about others, but these parties involved no drinking, smoking or drugs. We have a 5 year old son and he goes with us. Children of all ages are there. I'm not very social or outgoing either but these parties are great! Not all husbands go. I suppose they are the quieter type but filipino women are very close to one another and my wife loves to interact with other filipinas. To me, it's whatever makes her happy.

This is a question for anyone who grew up in the Philippines. I'm surprised at how many times Jinky gets invited to a Birthday Party, a House Blessing, a wedding shower, etc.. Lately, she's been attending one party after another, sometimes 4 or 5 times a week. I realize that Christmas time has also added to the amount of parties, but do most of you also attend that many parties per week?

And for those who are now married and live here in the states, is that something you miss? Has it been a difficult adjustment for you?

My concern is that I'm not that outgoing...I'm not anti-social but if I were being invited that often to social gatherings, I'd decline most of them. So I try to think, what if I were living in the Philippines and we married, would our lifestyle be that way? Will she be content with a more family centered life when she is here? I have two teenage children and she has a 5 year old and between us both working and raising kids, I don't see how we'll have much time for being that social. I don't think that becoming a parent means we stop having a social life, but it certainly changes our priorities.

Can anyone give me some feedback?

Thanks!

[jamrok 0]

Warning, warning.......If you are not comfortable with behaviors now......odds are you won't be later. Don't expect people to change. What is your gut telling you? I think you know the answer, you just don't like the answer.

I have been with someone from a different culture, that excuse can really grow long in the tooth.

Steven, very good topic you have brought to the board. An understanding and acceptance of the filipino culture

is a must. My fiancee is a very outgoing person while I am the complete opposite. I would rather stay at home

and read a good book rather that aimlessly wander through a mall but I accept that we are different and I know

that she would not disrespect me so I encourage her to do what makes her happy. Word of advice; talk to her

about your concern but do not try to change her....she is a social butterfly.....let her spread her wings.

[Jasman0717 9]

When Claudeth was living there her family attended many of these types of functions. I love their family oriented way of life. Heck, about one a month or so my friend has to go to Malaybalay for his wife's family functions, there is always something going on.

I, myself, enjoyed attending those get-togethers when I was there but sometimes didn't care for some of the food! (I tried balut once and never again) I think Claudeth kind of misses that because she has no family, other than me, here.

Edited January 1, 2007 by jasman0717

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Filipinos like to party! And they know how to have fun at parties...good clean fun! First, kareoke is a requirement at any filipino party. Second, filipino parties are LOUD. Lots of talking and laughing. Third, filipino parties involve lots of food. My wife arrived here 2½ months ago. Through networking on theworldoffilipinas.com, she has met many other here in the states and was introduced to someone in our city who got us involved in the local chapter of filapino/americans; couples just like us. That was last week and we've been to two parties already. I can't say about others, but these parties involved no drinking, smoking or drugs. We have a 5 year old son and he goes with us. Children of all ages are there. I'm not very social or outgoing either but these parties are great! Not all husbands go. I suppose they are the quieter type but filipino women are very close to one another and my wife loves to interact with other filipinas. To me, it's whatever makes her happy.

This is a question for anyone who grew up in the Philippines. I'm surprised at how many times Jinky gets invited to a Birthday Party, a House Blessing, a wedding shower, etc.. Lately, she's been attending one party after another, sometimes 4 or 5 times a week. I realize that Christmas time has also added to the amount of parties, but do most of you also attend that many parties per week?

And for those who are now married and live here in the states, is that something you miss? Has it been a difficult adjustment for you?

My concern is that I'm not that outgoing...I'm not anti-social but if I were being invited that often to social gatherings, I'd decline most of them. So I try to think, what if I were living in the Philippines and we married, would our lifestyle be that way? Will she be content with a more family centered life when she is here? I have two teenage children and she has a 5 year old and between us both working and raising kids, I don't see how we'll have much time for being that social. I don't think that becoming a parent means we stop having a social life, but it certainly changes our priorities.

Can anyone give me some feedback?

Thanks!

Thank you, Trey! I'll look into that website when Jinky arrives. I know that it will be crucial to her adjustment here, to find some familiarity and to also make new friends here.