What to do when immigrant spouse leaves

[christeen 966]

Isn't the financial obligation on the 864 related to welfare benefits? If he doesn't apply for food stamps or any type of welfare assistance, then she should be fine. Correct?

Yes, those are the obligations of the 864. If he applies for means tested benefits, she could be responsible for paying back to the govt. a divorce does not end that obligation...

[Gosia & Tito 199]

Not sure if I have posted this in the right place... But I would like to know who do I call????? My husdand will have been here i the states 1 year as of Feb 21 we married in his counrty. I camme home from work on friday to find that he and all of his belogings were gone. He left his house key on the table.... So who do I call to get him shipped back to his country??????? I registered our marriage in my state so I will be filig for divorce and I will also be contacting my Mosque to see how and when I can obtain an Islamic divorce.... I have tried calling him but he will not answer my calls... I have sen him messages and emails.... I just want to end this at this point.....

Change locks (car, home, etc); remove spouse from every joint account, credit card, etc. Any loan in both names, you will still be on the hook. File a separation agreement asap (which might be not so easy, depending on the state) so you can protect yourself of future loans incurred.

Protect your security and assets first.

Once all that is in place, then move on to a divorce and an Islamic divorce.

He might call or contact back once he realizes that a removal of conditions might be difficult without you an dsome proof of bonafide marriage. You decide what to do there, but I'd not be meeting him, at least not alone.

[tbthree86 34]

I am so very sorry Tahlisha!

[Novembro 1,763]

Given that you asked this question, perhaps you have discovered one of the reasons he left.

Yeah I'm sure if your spouse peaced out with no notice, you'd be super f*cking happy about it and definitely not make any irrational comments.

[Cathi 5,777]

Bit judgmental without knowing his side of things.

I don't think it's judgmental in the least. Leaving without giving a reason is quite cowardly, doesn't matter what his side is, he should have at least had the balls to tell her why. Edited February 2, 2014 by mimolicious

[destiny64 222]

I will admit, it does seem fairly common with immigrants from Morocco. No one can say exactly whether it was the intent from the get go or that the problem is "visions of sugar plums syndrome". Many believe once they arrive in the USA that all their past problems from Morocco will disappear, mainly the ability to find a decent reliable job. I know from my own experience , my husband is finding it hard to accept that given the language issue and coming from another country that the only jobs available are "immigrant" jobs. Mainly manufacturing jobs which require a lot of manual effort or repetitiveness.

No matter who you are married too, if you are having difficulty with employment it will put a stress on your marriage.

I am trying to write here without bias , because I only have experience of my own from the 3 times I was in Morocco. If you don't have a job in Morocco, you will have family to support you and take care of you . You won't have your spouse breathing down your back to find a job like you will here. The other major stress once an immigrant comes from Morocco is the pressure of finding a job so they can send money home to help their family. It is a very high expectation and MOST need to do that. It is very hard as an American coming from our culture to accept that, but unless you understand the job/living situation in Morocco you won't. Everyone in the family contributes to helping the house run.

To the poster, one of the things I'm thinking is if your husband can't find work he's going to where he can find it. It certainly doesn't make it right and we don't know his version of the story. If your husband is living with his co-sponsors, I would contact USCIS to inform them of his change of address and that you are filing for divorce . Co sponsors are responsible for him as well. From what I've read , chances of the government coming after you for support are slim.

Please people responding to this post, try not to categorize all people from Morocco as scammers, while it is a high hit embassy. It could also be that more people return here to report it!

Advice for people intending to immigrate from Morocco to be with their wife/husband in USA. Life isn't as easy as you think here in the USA, you will have to work and work hard for your money. Your wife/husband also needs your financial support , and you should let your spouse know that you intend to send money to family in Morocco.

Advice for American spouse , its a big change for your immigrant spouse and a big financial step to bring them here. It will cause you stress and much of it!!

He/she will be very homesick and its a big adjustment. Marriage to anyone is a work in progress , adding another factor will make it double fold .

The fact that your husband returned back to you the first time, says something about his feelings for you. If he came will the sole intent to leave you he would have never came back after the first flee. If he wants to leave , let him go. Its hard but it will be harder if you spend time trying to hurt him like he's hurting you.

You don't own him, you do however don't owe him any help in removing conditions . Let him figure that out himself. IMO I would not let him return , I wouldn't be able to trust him anymore and as another said he might only do it once he realizes he needs help removing conditions. If you are truly done with him, don't help with that it will only cause you trouble.

Wishing you the best to get over this, it has to be terrible! It's too bad that when a marriage fails with an immigrant this fast, the american is left feeling used. It could be the case , or it couldn't. You may never know.

[Tahlisha 28]

He had been very moppy. When he returned from the first time he left I bent over backwards trying to make him and his family happy but nothing changed he was still moppy. Sitting in the dark was only happy in the "bedroom" asked him over and over what was wrong, what could I do he would just say he was Fine and not to worry about him. I did all of his job search completed all his job applications. He stopped talking to his friends and family when I was around. Started taking walks at odd hours even in the bitter cold we recently had..... I don't get it.... I will be the first to own up to anything I have done to cause this and the first time he left we talked honestly and openly (at least I did) about what we needed to change and do differently.... A couple of weeks into his being back he was back to the previous behavior.... I think it was the cultural differences..... He wanted to be the "Man" but at the same time wanted me to do everything. And didnt like that I did want to live my life and do things the way his family said we should..... Had issue with my wanting to maintain a seperate Bank account which my pay check and childsupport were direct deposited into.... Had issue with my not wanting to ### his name to my car.... We had a joint Bank account and his name is on all the bills and our lease andnall bills were Paid through the joint account... But it wasnt enough for them his family said it is not normal in america for married people to have seperate anything....

[destiny64 222]

Good for you for sticking to your ground and not changing him on to your separate accounts or car!!

[Ron and Rhea 42]

Hi...Maryland doesn't have a separation agreement in their divorce...the couple has to not lived together for a year and it doesn't have to be documented either....IOW, if a couple just wanted a divorce in Md, they could just say they were not together for a year and then go through the divorce process, (not saying how often it comes up when BOTH want a divorce)....

Change locks (car, home, etc); remove spouse from every joint account, credit card, etc. Any loan in both names, you will still be on the hook. File a separation agreement asap (which might be not so easy, depending on the state) so you can protect yourself of future loans incurred.

Protect your security and assets first.

Once all that is in place, then move on to a divorce and an Islamic divorce.

He might call or contact back once he realizes that a removal of conditions might be difficult without you an dsome proof of bonafide marriage. You decide what to do there, but I'd not be meeting him, at least not alone.

[JnRMo 16]

Why does it show married for 2 years and 8 months on your profile when you claim one year? Was that just a religious/unofficial ceremony? (Just curious, as it may impact some of the advice people have been giving you)

[Jamie & Izzy 98]

I will admit, it does seem fairly common with immigrants from Morocco.

Seems like it ...

I`m Moroccan as well and half German my husband visited me multiple times and i visited him a total of 8 months in the US the past 2 years.

My Father was Married 6 times ...(1 Moroccan 2 Germans 2 Americans 1 Canadian) his been there for visits or work and met these ladies in their home country BUT he never ever did it for papers,hell he even refused to get a German passport cause that met he had to do paper work lol , he can get free tickets to anywhere he would like instead he likes staying in his shop playing partchi with his friends ,don`t get me wrong i love Morocco i love Germany i love Wisconsin ,(Wyoming not so much) lol but as long as i am with my husband that all that counts,All these places have their own ups and downs ... one must try to travel as much as they can do understand ,i`m sure most of those Moroccans never had the chance to travel anywhere so they create some kind of dream world and get a culture shock when they arrive ,the only shock i got was gaining 20 pounds in 1 month while we were in Wyoming ,I know many many Moroccans who could visit the US and they don`t even bother, instead prefer going to Spain for Vacations.

What i`m trying to say is that people need to get to know each other longer before just getting married like that Divorces happen all the time now its the way it is...Pointing fingers in this situation is not fair ,they need to live together for a while,cook together sleep together clean together get into some kind of routine,and one of the main reasons they cant is cause most Immigrants are unable to visit and USC have short Vacation times .

In my fathers generation visiting the US was very easy that`s how he met some of his ex wifes,yes he did get divorced many times before...and i`m sure many would point fingers at him if they did not know his part of the story,and his part of the story is that his a typical spoiled Moroccan man once he doesnt like something he just ends the relationship ,Culture? maybe ... anyways ! Know your partners longer before getting Married ! visit each other more !

(sorry if i made spelling spelling mistakes)

Izzy

[Tahlisha 28]

I will admit, it does seem fairly common with immigrants from Morocco. No one can say exactly whether it was the intent from the get go or that the problem is "visions of sugar plums syndrome". Many believe once they arrive in the USA that all their past problems from Morocco will disappear, mainly the ability to find a decent reliable job. I know from my own experience , my husband is finding it hard to accept that given the language issue and coming from another country that the only jobs available are "immigrant" jobs. Mainly manufacturing jobs which require a lot of manual effort or repetitiveness.

No matter who you are married too, if you are having difficulty with employment it will put a stress on your marriage.

I am trying to write here without bias , because I only have experience of my own from the 3 times I was in Morocco. If you don't have a job in Morocco, you will have family to support you and take care of you . You won't have your spouse breathing down your back to find a job like you will here. The other major stress once an immigrant comes from Morocco is the pressure of finding a job so they can send money home to help their family. It is a very high expectation and MOST need to do that. It is very hard as an American coming from our culture to accept that, but unless you understand the job/living situation in Morocco you won't. Everyone in the family contributes to helping the house run.

To the poster, one of the things I'm thinking is if your husband can't find work he's going to where he can find it. It certainly doesn't make it right and we don't know his version of the story. If your husband is living with his co-sponsors, I would contact USCIS to inform them of his change of address and that you are filing for divorce . Co sponsors are responsible for him as well. From what I've read , chances of the government coming after you for support are slim.

Please people responding to this post, try not to categorize all people from Morocco as scammers, while it is a high hit embassy. It could also be that more people return here to report it!

Advice for people intending to immigrate from Morocco to be with their wife/husband in USA. Life isn't as easy as you think here in the USA, you will have to work and work hard for your money. Your wife/husband also needs your financial support , and you should let your spouse know that you intend to send money to family in Morocco.

Advice for American spouse , its a big change for your immigrant spouse and a big financial step to bring them here. It will cause you stress and much of it!!

He/she will be very homesick and its a big adjustment. Marriage to anyone is a work in progress , adding another factor will make it double fold .

The fact that your husband returned back to you the first time, says something about his feelings for you. If he came will the sole intent to leave you he would have never came back after the first flee. If he wants to leave , let him go. Its hard but it will be harder if you spend time trying to hurt him like he's hurting you.

You don't own him, you do however don't owe him any help in removing conditions . Let him figure that out himself. IMO I would not let him return , I wouldn't be able to trust him anymore and as another said he might only do it once he realizes he needs help removing conditions. If you are truly done with him, don't help with that it will only cause you trouble.

Wishing you the best to get over this, it has to be terrible! It's too bad that when a marriage fails with an immigrant this fast, the american is left feeling used. It could be the case , or it couldn't. You may never know.

I had a clear understanding of all of this.... I never pressured my husband to get a job.... I did everything for him.. All his job search before he left the first time he had a job at Target. But quit and could understand why they would not take hi back when he cae back..... He never made a real effort to make this his "home" He accted as though he was a visitor and it was my responisbility to keep him entertained and happy... The first 8 months he told his famliy I had taken him no where that all he did was go to work and come home.... Far from the truth... We had gone to DC to see the monuments and visited many museums, we went to the movies many times, out to dinner and family functions... I got him aa gym membership which he asked for but never used... I set him up with english classes But nothing pleased him... His sister was upset that he did have his drivers license... They did not believe me when I explained to them the conditions and laws and how long it would take to obtain a license. In maryland first timers have to go to driving school (which is not cheap) and then hold their previssional for like 9 months.... And then on top of that whats the big hurry to get a license if you have no car to drive.... I mean There was no way I was gonna give up my car for him to drive while I took the bus to and from work..... We never faught over moey, there was always alot of silly misunderstandings, cultural differences.... He had a real proble with me being fb friends with my ex boyfriends sister...He (my husband) was also firends with her.... We never spoke of hiim, but he said it's not normal for me to be friends with her... But his brother and sister are married to people who were once married to one another... That's totally normal right.... The bottom line is That I am not like his siblings spouses where they will do whatever, give up whatever to be with their spouses....

[Boiler 45,837]

Have you offered to help him go home?

[Tahlisha 28]

Seems like it ...

I`m Moroccan as well and half German my husband visited me multiple times and i visited him a total of 8 months in the US the past 2 years.

My Father was Married 6 times ...(1 Moroccan 2 Germans 2 Americans 1 Canadian) his been there for visits or work and met these ladies in their home country BUT he never ever did it for papers,hell he even refused to get a German passport cause that met he had to do paper work lol , he can get free tickets to anywhere he would like instead he likes staying in his shop playing partchi with his friends ,don`t get me wrong i love Morocco i love Germany i love Wisconsin ,(Wyoming not so much) lol but as long as i am with my husband that all that counts,All these places have their own ups and downs ... one must try to travel as much as they can do understand ,i`m sure most of those Moroccans never had the chance to travel anywhere so they create some kind of dream world and get a culture shock when they arrive ,the only shock i got was gaining 20 pounds in 1 month while we were in Wyoming ,I know many many Moroccans who could visit the US and they don`t even bother, instead prefer going to Spain for Vacations.

What i`m trying to say is that people need to get to know each other longer before just getting married like that Divorces happen all the time now its the way it is...Pointing fingers in this situation is not fair ,they need to live together for a while,cook together sleep together clean together get into some kind of routine,and one of the main reasons they cant is cause most Immigrants are unable to visit and USC have short Vacation times .

In my fathers generation visiting the US was very easy that`s how he met some of his ex wifes,yes he did get divorced many times before...and i`m sure many would point fingers at him if they did not know his part of the story,and his part of the story is that his a typical spoiled Moroccan man once he doesnt like something he just ends the relationship ,Culture? maybe ... anyways ! Know your partners longer before getting Married ! visit each other more !

(sorry if i made spelling spelling mistakes)

Izzy

I agree... My husband and I married in a religious ceramony in 2009. We married legally in 2011... I visited Morocco 3 times ( 1st - 3 weeks, 2nd - 5 weeks, 3rd - 3months ) before his coming here and visited his siblings in Arkansas and Missouri 4 times prior to his coming here. I thought I know them all pretty well. But what I have learned in the last few weeks is that THEIR family is most important........ Everyone was fine with me and loved me, considered me their sister/daughter as long as I was doig what THEY wanted....

[Tahlisha 28]

Have you offered to help him go home?

Just 2 weeks ago I told him if he wanted to go back I would help him. There would be no hard feelings. I told just not to leave while I was at work again... He said he was fine that he wanted to be here with me... But this past friday what does he do......