Advice of Parents refused.....

[Caryh 5,206]

Marry her there, then do what the heck you want. I'd say your fiancee could cut them off from the support to, and say it won't come back unless they agree to sign. But I doubt most Filipinas would play that kind of hard ball with their parents. Sounds to me that its not that they don't want you to get married, they just don't want their meal ticket leaving the country and forgetting about them. I know my wife's mother is forever grateful that she didn't forget about her family there when she moved to the USA. It was one of her mother's biggest fears. And that wasn't about money, it was about being in contact and caring about them. How much more fearful would her parents be if they're dependent on her for survival?

[six7one 17]

Been a while since I researched this topic, but if I am not mistaken you technically only need one parent to sign the Parental Advice. This gives you a 50/50 chance of convincing one of them to sign it.

For CFO, like others have said its a gamble. Sometimes they want it, sometimes they don't even ask for it as in our case.

[Travyz 3]

Hello. Just got back from visiting my fiance for 10 days yesterday. Had a great time as always. I think I may have a problem with my fiance getting her parents to agree for her to leave.

A little background; I've been to the Philippines four times and I've met her parents three of those times. When we've gone to Quezon province to visit them I've slept in their home, drank with her father and friends and met a lot of her family and neighbors. I generally feel I have a good relation with her whole family with no indications of disapproval. I was there for three weeks last May and I asked her Father personally if I could marry his daughter. He and his wife both agreed it was good.

On this visit however, my fiance told me that her Mother had told her that she didn't want her to leave the Philippines. We only stayed in Quezon one night this time due to the short stay but that night I sat around with her parents and many neighbors drinking, good times, and the next afternoon there was a huge combined birthday party for her father and 72 year old Lola. For her Fathers birthday I paid 20K php to have the electricity installed in her parents house. They are very poor. At the party I talked to her Mother telling her how much I loved her daughter, that I wanted her to be with me in the US and we would visit often and plan to move to Philippines permanently later on. She has limited english but she understood enough to tell me 'No, big big no! You can be married but she needs to stay here in Philippines.'

As of now her Mother won't budge and her Father is of course taking the same stance. My fiance is 22 years old (I am 38) and my understanding is that she only needs to have Advice of Parents. I've seen the example letters on visaconnection-philippines (thanks Hank_) and my question is if my fiance signs and has notarized the Advice of Parents and indicates that advise was refused, without parents signatures, will this be OK at the CFO interview or will it be a show stopper?

We both believe that the reason her Mother is refusing is because she will miss her daughter. My fiance will keep talking to her Mother to change her mind but she may not be able to. They are close to the extent that they speak/text almost every day when her Mother has a load but my fiance hasn't lived with her parents in seven years. She has lived and worked three hours away in her Aunts bakery since she was 15 to go to high school. Two years ago she went to Hong Kong to work for six months, her parents were in agreement then by the way. My fiance has lived by herself in her own apartment for the last nine months and regularly sends money to her parents who cannot (read will not) work.

Wait Guys. I don't think you need Parental advice if your marriage occurs in US. This only applies if you get married in the Philippines.

My wife was 21 yrs old when i petitioned her for fiancé. No parental advice was asked. Marriage laws on where you are getting married applies. Not Philippine Law if you petitioned her for fiancé.

Good luck.

[six7one 17]

Wait Guys. I don't think you need Parental advice if your marriage occurs in US. This only applies if you get married in the Philippines.

My wife was 21 yrs old when i petitioned her for fiancé. No parental advice was asked. Marriage laws on where you are getting married applies. Not Philippine Law if you petitioned her for fiancé.

Good luck.

You don't need it to get married in the US. That's correct. However, the CFO often asks for these documents in order to proceed with the Seminar and/or to get the CFO Sticker to leave the country. It's not a requirement for the K1 Visa process.

[Lieram14 0]

You don't need it to get married in the US. That's correct. However, the CFO often asks for these documents in order to proceed with the Seminar and/or to get the CFO Sticker to leave the country. It's not a requirement for the K1 Visa process.

That's what my biggest concern about this whole thing is tight there. That after all the time and red tape to get a the K1 approved, that she'll be sitting in the Philippines with an approved visa ready to go but not able to leave because of not having a CFO sticker.

[Lieram14 0]

Marry her there, then do what the heck you want. I'd say your fiancee could cut them off from the support to, and say it won't come back unless they agree to sign. But I doubt most Filipinas would play that kind of hard ball with their parents. Sounds to me that its not that they don't want you to get married, they just don't want their meal ticket leaving the country and forgetting about them. I know my wife's mother is forever grateful that she didn't forget about her family there when she moved to the USA. It was one of her mother's biggest fears. And that wasn't about money, it was about being in contact and caring about them. How much more fearful would her parents be if they're dependent on her for survival?

I'm already too far into the K1 process to think about marrying her in the Philippines. I'm loosely planning the flight for April 16 and I really don't want to delay her coming here another year by canceling the K1. Although she's not the quiet type, I seriously doubt she'll play hardball like that to her parents. I've told her to just keep talking to her mother and reassuring her that they will stay in touch and she won't be forgotten about. My fiance is going to let her have her iphone and pocket wifi with the promise that I'll keep them both loaded(within reason) so they can skype. Right now that looks like the only option we have besides rolling the dice at the CFO interview.

[kev_n_jena 89]

I'm already too far into the K1 process to think about marrying her in the Philippines. I'm loosely planning the flight for April 16 and I really don't want to delay her coming here another year by canceling the K1. Although she's not the quiet type, I seriously doubt she'll play hardball like that to her parents. I've told her to just keep talking to her mother and reassuring her that they will stay in touch and she won't be forgotten about. My fiance is going to let her have her iphone and pocket wifi with the promise that I'll keep them both loaded(within reason) so they can skype. Right now that looks like the only option we have besides rolling the dice at the CFO interview.

Jena's parents tried to pull a stunt similar to that as the interview date got near too. They said she had to get married in Phils even though the K1 process was almost complete. She stood up to them and let them know that she was going through with it one way or the other and if they wanted to be in her good graces they should let her do as she pleases. She was helping to support them at the time too and was also 22 years old. Your story is giving me flashbacks

Hopefully she can talk some sense into mama.

Good Luck!

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

I'm already too far into the K1 process to think about marrying her in the Philippines.

I think you better roll the dice = Get the CFO done asap & hope the PA is not required.

Although she's not the quiet type, I seriously doubt she'll play hardball like that to her parents. I've told her to just keep talking to her mother and reassuring her that they will stay in touch and she won't be forgotten about.

That's all fine and good but IMO (I have a hunch) - your situation probably requires a "money talk". Have you guys discussed = How her family will eat after she is gone? Monthly allowance? How much - How often..? She will work or no..? Etc...

Don't get me wrong - not all Filipinos require this ...formality...in my experience, many to most Filipino parents are happy to see their child happy and that's enough. & they know - without stating it or leveraging - their child will not abandon them if they are truly in need. (but) What I'm reading in this thread and have read in others (Darren comes to mind), my guess is = (if CFO requires the PA) = gonna require you getting out your checkbook and making a deal with the in-laws. & I don't think a one time payment will close it. Your gift of electricity was just a down payment. I think you need to identify the monthly sustenance amount...required.

Good luck with that.

btw...I'm curious - Did Mom get dug in before or after you mentioned the PA...?

Edited January 30, 2014 by Crashed~N2~Me

[Caryh 5,206]

I'm already too far into the K1 process to think about marrying her in the Philippines. I'm loosely planning the flight for April 16 and I really don't want to delay her coming here another year by canceling the K1. Although she's not the quiet type, I seriously doubt she'll play hardball like that to her parents. I've told her to just keep talking to her mother and reassuring her that they will stay in touch and she won't be forgotten about. My fiance is going to let her have her iphone and pocket wifi with the promise that I'll keep them both loaded(within reason) so they can skype. Right now that looks like the only option we have besides rolling the dice at the CFO interview.

As has been mentioned, only one parent needs to sign the parental advice. I didn't realize the K-1 is almost complete at this stage. Is there a chance she would go to her father to get it signed, even though her mother objects to her leaving the country? Worse would be to get the mother to sign, because supposedly you're coming to marry her there, and then she goes to the CFO. Unfortunately that option would probably raise some bad blood. I don't understand these parents that put themselves before their daughter's welfare. I'd say roll the dice and go to the CFO. If they don't ask for it, you're golden. If they do, well you're just going to have to do something to get one parent to sign it. They won't reject her outright, they'll ask her to return with the Parental Advise filled out and signed. Also if you have a dated, sworn statement that advice was sought and they refuse to sign, publish notice of the impending marriage in the USA in a local paper, at least three months before the CFO, you've met the letter of the law. When the parents see that, they can sign or continue to not sign, with the realization they are going to create bad feelings between themselves and their daughter and son in law. The value of this is it goes around the direct conflict created by them refusing to sign.

[Tahoma 2,292]

Tony...Mariel's parents fear that their daughter will forget about them and they will lose their support when she goes to the U.S. How much monthly support does Mariel now provide? Perhaps you and Mariel could convince them that their monthly allowance would actually increase if Mariel goes to the U.S. You could get this ball rolling by sending this month's (increased) allowance to them yourself. That might help ease their fear.

[Caryh 5,206]

Tony...Mariel's parents fear that their daughter will forget about them and they will lose their support when she goes to the U.S. How much monthly support does Mariel now provide? Perhaps you and Mariel could convince them that their monthly allowance would actually increase if Mariel goes to the U.S. You could get this ball rolling by sending this month's (increased) allowance to them yourself. That might help ease their fear.

It might work, but I'd guess it will create future problems. They're already acting entitled, how much worse are they going to be when they start deciding how much money can get picked off the American money trees? How many times have we seen problems here when the family in the Philippines is demanding more money than a couple can afford and creating conflict between husband and wife because she's feeling guilty? I foresee this as a future issue already with her family, why start raising expectations in her family?

[Tahoma 2,292]

It might work, but I'd guess it will create future problems. They're already acting entitled, how much worse are they going to be when they start deciding how much money can get picked off the American money trees? How many times have we seen problems here when the family in the Philippines is demanding more money than a couple can afford and creating conflict between husband and wife because she's feeling guilty? I foresee this as a future issue already with her family, why start raising expectations in her family?

No matter how the parental advice issue plays out, Mariel is going to go to the U.S., and her parents are going to have greater expectations when she's in the U.S. It will always be up to Mariel to manage those expectations.

@Tony...How much does Mariel support her parents? P3000/month? Can you afford P3500/month? Or P4000/month? Does Mariel plan on getting a job in the U.S.?

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

I wonder how the CFO folks would be able to prove the signature is from a parent or from someone else more amenable to leaving the PI?

[A and T 82]

If you already filed a K1 just stay with that, when she gets to the states marry anyway. And if they are poor and you spent 20k they want to keep you around to spend more , or get more out of you

Edited January 31, 2014 by A and T

[Hank_ 9,174]

I wonder how the CFO folks would be able to prove the signature is from a parent or from someone else more amenable to leaving the PI?

CFO always asks for to see the ID of the parent that signed the form, most times a copy of their postal ID. IF they ask for the consent/advice letter.