Should i divorce before ROC

[spearmintz12 0]

Dear all, i am dilemma right now but most is i feel exhausted with my marriage life. my husband is an alcoholic. first time i came here it worst but after 2,5 years been married, he wasn't like the first time i came but still he drink behind my back and everytime he drunk, he just sleep all day even drunk already in the day time on weekend

I am tired with all this ####### things. I don't feel i have an intimate time with him like husband and wife suppose to. sometimes i feel like want to get divorce but i don't have a job to file and what will gonna happen if i am divorce and my GC still for 2 years not ROC yet?

I am always tell him to go to rehab if he really love me but he always said can't afford it and i knew he can go to church or city centre but he won't because he never go to the church

I feel alone here, no friends with my age, i haven't get my driver license yet. i do love him while he is sober not while he drunk and passed out like that. i allow him to drink on weekend but at least don't get too drunk and passed all day. I want to be like normal couple, talking while he is sober. But why he always give me ####### if he loves me?

Can i sue him for being mentally abuse? I really can't take this feeling anymore but i don't know where to go or what to do next? I am thinking to moving to other city but i still can't afford to rent an apartment. I feel stuck in hell everytime he drunk and said mean things like i don't give him any compromise which is i always did.

Maybe you all can give me a solution how if i divorce him? how's for my ROC? how if someday i decide to leave and i meet someone new before my ROC 2015? Does this new guy have to do the thing for my ROC?

Thank you

[aamirpearl 47]

Dear all, i am dilemma right now but most is i feel exhausted with my marriage life. my husband is an alcoholic. first time i came here it worst but after 2,5 years been married, he wasn't like the first time i came but still he drink behind my back and everytime he drunk, he just sleep all day even drunk already in the day time on weekend

I am tired with all this ####### things. I don't feel i have an intimate time with him like husband and wife suppose to. sometimes i feel like want to get divorce but i don't have a job to file and what will gonna happen if i am divorce and my GC still for 2 years not ROC yet?

I am always tell him to go to rehab if he really love me but he always said can't afford it and i knew he can go to church or city centre but he won't because he never go to the church

I feel alone here, no friends with my age, i haven't get my driver license yet. i do love him while he is sober not while he drunk and passed out like that. i allow him to drink on weekend but at least don't get too drunk and passed all day. I want to be like normal couple, talking while he is sober. But why he always give me ####### if he loves me?

Can i sue him for being mentally abuse? I really can't take this feeling anymore but i don't know where to go or what to do next? I am thinking to moving to other city but i still can't afford to rent an apartment. I feel stuck in hell everytime he drunk and said mean things like i don't give him any compromise which is i always did.

Maybe you all can give me a solution how if i divorce him? how's for my ROC? how if someday i decide to leave and i meet someone new before my ROC 2015? Does this new guy have to do the thing for my ROC?

Thank you

Atleast hes not abusive to you so give him some more time, try to change him it seems like he needs needs ur help but if you've already seen somebody else then good luck with that1 but u really cant do ROC with new guy, all you will have to do is to prove rgr ur marriage was entered in a good faith

Good Luck

[spearmintz12 0]

Atleast hes not abusive to you so give him some more time, try to change him it seems like he needs needs ur help but if you've already seen somebody else then good luck with that1 but u really cant do ROC with new guy, all you will have to do is to prove rgr ur marriage was entered in a good faith

Good Luck

Thanks for the respond, but i already give him lots of chance, forgive. 2 weeks ago the same thing happened and he said sorry i drink the vodka before eat something. It always ended by sorry, won't do that again but happen again and again. It's like playing with me and i am tired

No i don't meet anyone, i still have a faith that i could make him a better man because when he is sober he is a nice man, i just can't take his addict dunno for how long

[Caryh 5,206]

Thanks for the respond, but i already give him lots of chance, forgive. 2 weeks ago the same thing happened and he said sorry i drink the vodka before eat something. It always ended by sorry, won't do that again but happen again and again. It's like playing with me and i am tired

No i don't meet anyone, i still have a faith that i could make him a better man because when he is sober he is a nice man, i just can't take his addict dunno for how long

Get him to go to AA. It won't cost him anything, and he'll have a sponsor, who he can talk to when he feels the need to drink. Sounds like he isn't drinking every day, but when he starts, he can't stop until he's passed out. So if he can go some days without drinking, he can learn to go all the time without drinking. He just needs to accept he can no longer drink any more. Treatment only works when someone is ready to quit. You can't force someone to be ready.

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/subpage.cfm?page=28

It sound like you want your marriage to work, you just can't handle his drinking any longer. There is also a support group for family members of alcoholics

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/local-meetings

Yes you can divorce, and remove conditions based on marrying in good faith. You would do this when the divorce is final, or when its 90 days before the expiration.

[Teddy B 17,252]

Dear all, i am dilemma right now but most is i feel exhausted with my marriage life. my husband is an alcoholic. first time i came here it worst but after 2,5 years been married, he wasn't like the first time i came but still he drink behind my back and everytime he drunk, he just sleep all day even drunk already in the day time on weekend

I am tired with all this ####### things. I don't feel i have an intimate time with him like husband and wife suppose to. sometimes i feel like want to get divorce but i don't have a job to file and what will gonna happen if i am divorce and my GC still for 2 years not ROC yet?

I am always tell him to go to rehab if he really love me but he always said can't afford it and i knew he can go to church or city centre but he won't because he never go to the church

I feel alone here, no friends with my age, i haven't get my driver license yet. i do love him while he is sober not while he drunk and passed out like that. i allow him to drink on weekend but at least don't get too drunk and passed all day. I want to be like normal couple, talking while he is sober. But why he always give me ####### if he loves me?

Can i sue him for being mentally abuse? I really can't take this feeling anymore but i don't know where to go or what to do next? I am thinking to moving to other city but i still can't afford to rent an apartment. I feel stuck in hell everytime he drunk and said mean things like i don't give him any compromise which is i always did.

Maybe you all can give me a solution how if i divorce him? how's for my ROC? how if someday i decide to leave and i meet someone new before my ROC 2015? Does this new guy have to do the thing for my ROC?

Thank you

If you feel so alone and have no friends, no license and no job, why not just go back to Singapore? If you divorce, you will need to file ROC on your own, new guy can't help you.

Edited January 27, 2014 by Teddy B

[spearmintz12 0]

Get him to go to AA. It won't cost him anything, and he'll have a sponsor, who he can talk to when he feels the need to drink. Sounds like he isn't drinking every day, but when he starts, he can't stop until he's passed out. So if he can go some days without drinking, he can learn to go all the time without drinking. He just needs to accept he can no longer drink any more. Treatment only works when someone is ready to quit. You can't force someone to be ready.

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/subpage.cfm?page=28

It sound like you want your marriage to work, you just can't handle his drinking any longer. There is also a support group for family members of alcoholics

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/local-meetings

Yes you can divorce, and remove conditions based on marrying in good faith. You would do this when the divorce is final, or when its 90 days before the expiration.

Thanks Caryh, yes right, he didn't drink everyday anymore like the past. but what i don't like is he said something won't do that again but he did drink behind my back and passed out even most of monday he didn't go to work because sick or hangover and i hate that because i've to see again on monday that he just sleep like dead and talking #######, enough for weekend already.

[spearmintz12 0]

If you feel so alone and have no friends, no license and no job, why not just go back to Singapore? If you divorce, you will need to file ROC on your own, new guy can't help you.

Seems easy but the fact is i don't have the $$ to buy my own ticket because he won't buy the ticket for me because he always said he loves me so much when he is sober or drunk and won't let me back.

I am going to take my driving test soon because i already able to drive actually just need learn the rules for the driving test. I feel alone here means i don't feel i have enough connection with my husband like normal ppl does, spending time together on weekend with him being sober, talking when he is sober

So the only way is i just talking with my friends online to keep me ignore him when he is drunk, but sometimes i am just a human being who can't take something like that all the time and pissed me off

[Merrytooth 5,748]

Do you have any family member / friends that would help to buy you an air ticket home?

It would be much easier to start afresh back home than to stay in this awful situation.

[spearmintz12 0]

Do you have any family member / friends that would help to buy you an air ticket home?

It would be much easier to start afresh back home than to stay in this awful situation.

I do have family and friends but they never know about what i've been through since i came here, i just don't want they are worry about me

[Caryh 5,206]

Thanks Caryh, yes right, he didn't drink everyday anymore like the past. but what i don't like is he said something won't do that again but he did drink behind my back and passed out even most of monday he didn't go to work because sick or hangover and i hate that because i've to see again on monday that he just sleep like dead and talking #######, enough for weekend already.

Addiction is a hard thing to break. If he's trying to do it on his own, then he's going to have a very hard time doing it. That's why there's groups like AA that can help him quit and stay quit. From what I understand, admitting he's an alcoholic is his first step. If he's fooling himself that he can handle it once and a while, then he's going to keep failing.

I think you've expressed that you love him, and if he would just quit drinking, things would be fine. If you've made the decision to divorce and move on, I can understand that. The al-anon group can be a help to you either way you choose. There will be people who will be able to relate to you about your husband's addiction and how its affected you.

[spearmintz12 0]

Addiction is a hard thing to break. If he's trying to do it on his own, then he's going to have a very hard time doing it. That's why there's groups like AA that can help him quit and stay quit. From what I understand, admitting he's an alcoholic is his first step. If he's fooling himself that he can handle it once and a while, then he's going to keep failing.

I think you've expressed that you love him, and if he would just quit drinking, things would be fine. If you've made the decision to divorce and move on, I can understand that. The al-anon group can be a help to you either way you choose. There will be people who will be able to relate to you about your husband's addiction and how its affected you.

Caryh, i knew it would be hard and i know that he is now is much better than before, he was drunk everysingle day and we fought almost everyday too, i guess because i was shocked because he didn't tell me that he has this problem. but days by days i tried to ignore him while he is drunk because feel not good too for myself, it's like it wasn't myself anymore by being pissed like crazy.

The problem why i pissed because he did that without telling me ( of course he wouldn't ) and i found out seems he drink a vodka earlier that day before eat anything.

I do love him because he is very nice guy, caring but i just don't like this thing, and i am afraid he is gonna be sick someday.

His son knew this problem and can't help either because he told me must be from his dad if he really wants to be sober forever. I don't want to divorce but i don't know if i could handle this more or something miracle will happen to him, that what i wish for

He admitted that he has this problem to me at least not to everyone or his friends / colleagues. Today he still has the hangover because i asked him, you must be drink more than long island ( yesterday he just said long island ) and he admitted he drank the vodka too and i am sorry i was slip bla bla

[Caryh 5,206]

Caryh, i knew it would be hard and i know that he is now is much better than before, he was drunk everysingle day and we fought almost everyday too, i guess because i was shocked because he didn't tell me that he has this problem. but days by days i tried to ignore him while he is drunk because feel not good too for myself, it's like it wasn't myself anymore by being pissed like crazy.

The problem why i pissed because he did that without telling me ( of course he wouldn't ) and i found out seems he drink a vodka earlier that day before eat anything.

I do love him because he is very nice guy, caring but i just don't like this thing, and i am afraid he is gonna be sick someday.

His son knew this problem and can't help either because he told me must be from his dad if he really wants to be sober forever. I don't want to divorce but i don't know if i could handle this more or something miracle will happen to him, that what i wish for

He admitted that he has this problem to me at least not to everyone or his friends / colleagues. Today he still has the hangover because i asked him, you must be drink more than long island ( yesterday he just said long island ) and he admitted he drank the vodka too and i am sorry i was slip bla bla

Many spouses blame themselves for their partner's drinking or feel guilty about it. Its not your fault he drinks, but somehow people get it in our heads if they had only done this or that, they wouldn't have drank. Or they blame themselves for their anger over the drinking and the destruction it causes in relationships. Al-anon may help you to come to grips with this. It may help you to see clearly through your anger. Helping you to let that anger go, which ever way you go in the future, divorce or staying should he get off the booze. I wouldn't assume this hasn't affected you, and talking with people who have been there, just might be part of your personal solution to getting better after this, regardless of what path you go forward with.

There's a big difference to admitting it to you, and really admitting it to himself and doing something about it, like going to AA. I've heard many alcoholics fall off the wagon even when they've chosen to get better. AA helps them get back on, and helps to give the tools and support to stay off drinking.

[Cathi 5,783]

Atleast hes not abusive to you so give him some more time, try to change him it seems like he needs needs ur help but if you've already seen somebody else then good luck with that1 but u really cant do ROC with new guy, all you will have to do is to prove rgr ur marriage was entered in a good faith

Good Luck

When it comes to addiction, she cannot change him, he has to want to change, he has to want to stop. He verbally abuses her when is id drinking, so yes he is abusing her. His excuse is that he was drunk and he won't do it again.

To the OP: just because he doesn't drink every day doesn't mean that he doesn't have a problem or isn't an alcoholic. When someone drinks to get drunk, cannot stop drinking once they start and they are hiding the drinking and lying about it he has a problem, he needs help. Unfortunately a lot of time alcoholics and addicts have to hit rock bottom before they are willing to ask or reach out for help. Does he have friends and family who can sit down with you and him and do an intervention, to convince him he needs to get help? That is something you should consider if possible. It's obvious you love him and you don't really want to divorce. I'm really not sure why you are even thinking about the potential of meeting a new man though, you need to figure out what's going on in your marriage before even considering a new man. A new man isn't going to solve anything.,

[Eric-Pris 1,607]

Can i sue him for being mentally abuse? I really can't take this feeling anymore but i don't know where to go or what to do next? I am thinking to moving to other city but i still can't afford to rent an apartment. I feel stuck in hell everytime he drunk and said mean things like i don't give him any compromise which is i always did.

Sue him for money? For what reason? You are not forced to stay in the marriage, you can leave him whenever you want.

[Ontarkie 14,385]

It may help you if you seek the help of Al-anon. It really doesn't seem you actually want to leave, I can't blame you really I stayed a lot longer then I ever should have with my ex even though I really should have.

But getting help for yourself is the first step to being able to make the right choice.