K1 Visa - I won't marry him!

[Boiler 45,733]

Assuming his Brother is a USC he could file for him, he would need to wait at home until a visa number is available.

As a general comment you will find many many stories like yours, so you are not breaking new ground.

[missik 5]

He is in the US, and by the sound of it will be staying with his Brother.

You are suggesting they get Married and file - that is fraud big time.

You said he gave up everything he knows, I assume he knows his Brother?

You think that being in the US is the end of the World?

Edited January 25, 2014 by Ryan H

[MIBEN 83]

I suppose you have the right to change your mind but in all fairness you explaining daily life and responsibilities to him made no difference because he has no reference point. He was never married, does not have kids, has never moved away from home. Ofcourse he is going to be clingy he is homesick, have some consideration. How would you feel if you had to leave your whole life children included and start anew in a foreign country. Okay he may not have children but he had an entire family, it is normal to feel the way he does. You did research? Then why entertain the brother about signing paperwork? If you were so thorough you would know you are not responsible. Obviously you did not prepare yourself realistictly to what he would experience. Now that he is in your face, then he becomes and inconvenience? I feel bad for him but as many have stated he has 90 days to marry or go back to Morocco. I would also take the opportunity to visit family, heck after this outcome I would need the moral support as well. What he does after he leaves your home I suppose is between him and USCIS, I recommend he goes home before the 90 days. All you have to do is report that the marriage did not happen and I am sure they will ask for his location so have the address handy.

Shaking my head poor guy....

[NikLR 13,228]

To me it sounds like you expected this man to be exactly like you and you're shocked that he isn't. I can see that he wouldn't be if he didn't have a job in Morocco and lived at home with his mother. But perhaps that didn't occur to you.

He sounds like he expected you to spend as much time with him in person as you did on video chat and you aren't. Not to mention he isn't like you so thought life would be easy and it's a shock to him that it isn't.

So expectations are not met in either way.

If you aren't going to give him the time he needs to adjust because you're too busy, then let him go visit his brother. You have no financial responsibility. I suggest getting him a ticket for home (Morocco) that is open ended. Yes it will cost a pretty penny but at least you know you've made it possible for the man you brought to the USA to spend your life with to go home and try to pick up the pieces of his. Then you can spend the time repairing your heart, or brain, or just move on at the speed you seem to be moving.

[belinda63 3,039]

You have to remember what people in other countries know of the US is very different from what we know. My spouse had heard credit was free in the US and you didn't have to pay interest. He was very upset I wouldn't get a loan for him to buy a nicer car (he bought one with his money but wanted a better one). He didn't understand the concept that I couldn't get a loan.

He thought Americans had lots of free time and went out partying every night. We all make $5,000-$6,000 per month and have big houses and nice cars.

The culture shock is very big, even bigger if they come from a country without these things. Give him time to adjust.

[Gosia & Tito 199]

Look, I don't want to slam my ex fiancé. I will say that the person I got to "know" via online video chatting EVERYDAY for a YEAR is not actually whom he claimed to be. I have a busy and fast paced life with 3 kids, a career, and after a lot of hard work financial stability and independence. I withheld nothing from my fiancé - and my fiancé recipacated by making promises and feeding the wonderful dream of having my future husband be my best friend, a wonderful step-father, and my partner in life... However, so far nothing he has said prior to coming has been proven. It's not easy to know what your fiancé is doing over seas - I had to trust that he was preparing for this and to up hold his part in our relationship. He has said several times "Your life, it is very hard" "Your job, it is getting very hard". I've never viewed my life as "hard" or my career. And I did my best (obviously not good enough) to continuously describe my life, responsibilities, daily/weekly routines, how important my children and their needs are, how important my career and fulfilling my responsibilities are there... And even though I described these things daily, he acts shocked and amazed at "how hard life is here". Prior to going to Morocco I researched my fiancé, his culture, his religion, the foods in Morocco, pictures of the country, the cost of living in comparison to ours, I constantly researched to find out more. Well while I'm trying to learn about him, his country, his culture... He plans on making the lifetime sacrifice of his family and country - yet he does no research at all about me, my state, my culture, nothing! His brother has been telling him for the last 5 yrs how great life is in the States... Now it seems he was so head over heals with the "American Dream" long before we met that any realistic topic I would discuss about my life and what it's like he allowed it to go in one ear and out the other. I knew several months before he came that he wouldn't be able to work for at least 5.5 mths after arriving (we would we after 2.5 and the I-485 and I-765 take approx 3 mths processing time).. Anyways I thoroughly discussed this with him for days! He assured me he understood - however acted shocked that he couldn't work after stepping off the plane? It was weird, I reminded him of our several long conversations about this and was shocked when he said he just expected things to be easier... Again, he did nothing to research ANYThiNg! Not even the visa process, I knew exactly what to do and how to do because I researched and educated myself. He's having a hard time here. I work where I live and he wants to sit by my desk for hours and then says "You have no time to talk or take a picture with me?" Umm sorry I have to work. LOL I'm flabbergasted by my fiancées shock at what life is like here. Believe me, you learn A LOT about a person VERY quickly when they move in with you. Vacationing in Morocco is not real life. Although, my vacation in Morocco was real life to him. This being the reason I so often in detail described how things are different here. I was raised to work hard and make sacrifices for what you want. My fiancé doesn't seem to know the meaning of hard work and he sacrificed leaving under his mothers roof, and having no responsibilities to "The American Dream" - whatever that might be. Anyways, he's here and there's a huge hole in my heart so I need to react to that and be honest with myself and him. So that has passed, he's heart broken as I am for this is not what we had planned... But it is what it is so moving forward as adults whose relationship turned out to be different than what we expected we would like to move forward with our lives and remain friends. I just wondered I there was any possibility for his brothers attorney to change his visa type, find him work within a month, and have his brother to become his sponsor, and I think in his rude disrespectful manipulative conversation with me he mentioned something about his employer playing some sort of a role in this too but I can't remember exactly how he said his employer was involved. Well this was how it panned out for me. And I'm a little nervous with him still being here but I know he would not harm my children or myself, I do know that about him, however people say that about murders everyday right before they kill someone so who knows... Knock on wood I guess. Thanks.

It seems you are trying to rationalize and justify your actions. It seems you are smart, intelligent and hard worker; and expecting your partner to be likewise. Nothing wrong with that, but what you described on his actions thru thru the process shows that he was not; yet you continued the process to finally -when he shows up- come to the inevitable conclusion that you were not compatible.

A lot of what you write is the view from an American perspective; nothing wrong there, but in the kind of relationships we in this forum are, it is imperative that one thinks from a multi-cultural perspective. There will be culture shock, no matter how much you prepare your partner, even if the partner had spent some time in the US.

Some actions could've been taken along the way but it's irrelevant at this point.

He might have left a life behind, or not; we don't know that, only he would know.

In terms of legal or financial responsibilities, you are in the clear as others have noted. Now, ethically or morally, only you can judge that and decide what to do about it.

[Peace.... 281]

Wow!! I wish it was that easy for everyone to get a visa by just doing some research online and one trip. Just amazing

[*Snowdrop* 604]

You are expecting an awful lot from your fiance in a very short space of time. Culture shock can be very real and no amount of research can really prepare you for how you will feel.

I'd visited the US over 20 times by the time I moved over to be with my husband, I'm from the UK which is very similar to the US and I'd stayed with my husband for nearly 3 months at one point in the US. However my first year in the US as an immigrant was very hard, it was a difficult adjustment and I was terribly homesick at times. It took me nearly 4 years to feel at home here.

It sounds like both of you made assumptions and had expectations which are different from reality.

[Darnell 8,478]

I just wondered I there was any possibility for his brothers attorney to change his visa type, find him work within a month, and have his brother to become his sponsor, and I think in his rude disrespectful manipulative conversation with me he mentioned something about his employer playing some sort of a role in this too but I can't remember exactly how he said his employer was involved. .

No. Not legally. Any lawyer who claims to make the attempt is only buying time for the K-1 visa holder. In the end, all is denied, dis-allowed, as

his entry on a K-1 visa has no other movement - either marry to the petitioner, file the AOS or go home before the I-94 expires.

I say, since he not pay any attention to the outcome of your research, prior, that he's not going to listen to any input you will have for his future life.

Employer cannot 'flip' a visa type. Is possible to get another visa, but visas are issued outside of the USA.

Finally, I'll say - the brother has an interesting lawyer - who apparently knows how to suggest to folk other means to remain inside the USA whilst waiting for adjustment of status casefiles to be filed. He probably knows all of the tricks that delay adjudication, so this K-1 visa holder will remain in USA whilst the lawyer's paperwork sits in the queue, gets reviewed, an RFE kicked back, another lag, then another lag, then improper stuff filed for the RFE reply, then a denial, then a motion to reconsider, etc etc etc, all keeping said K-1 visa holder in the USA for 2 years + whilst USCIS figures it out.

During that time, he'll be working illegally on something his brother cooked up. He will not be able to adjust status in the USA without marrying you and YOU signing an I-864 for the adjustment of status casefile. There are no loopholes around this, and the lawyer knows this as well.

That brother is a peach ! How very brotherly of him to have a backup plan for the K-1 visa holder.

Edited January 25, 2014 by Darnell

[Senai 1]

Just wondering what kind of relationship was to begin with?... when she was in Morocco.. she clicked with him… but once he landed in the US… it disappeared?... May be she needs to move to Morocco in order for the marriage to work.

I wonder when true loves suffer to get a visa approval… and stay in AP for months and later sent back to USCIS… the shams like this one have the leverage to discuss about splits in a week… what a despicable thing to see……..

Ok end of story is…. you won’t be responsible for a thing…. Just notify UCSIS for what have happened.. and he either stay in Ca as illegal immigrant or he gets back to Morocco in grace on time if he wishes to migrate/immigrate to US in the future…

Edited January 25, 2014 by Senai

[Darnell 8,478]

You are expecting an awful lot from your fiance in a very short space of time.

disagree. fiance was told, repeatedly, what to expect, prior. Fiance chose to disregard all. This is not any 'adjust to life in USA' problem. Still, it's nice when people form other opinions based on the same stuff that I read, so thanks for sharing !

[Lottry 14]

Why did it even reach to this point before knowing who he really is, study the peeps you are around before making big decisions like this, sorry it had to go this way though.

I agree with you!!!! during all this time you did not know if you belong together??? sorry that happen

[*Snowdrop* 604]

disagree. fiance was told, repeatedly, what to expect, prior. Fiance chose to disregard all. This is not any 'adjust to life in USA' problem. Still, it's nice when people form other opinions based on the same stuff that I read, so thanks for sharing !

I guess your opinion is formed from being the USC and I am thinking how I felt as an immigrant. You can be told repeatedly what something is like but it's different when you actually experience it.

No it's not an 'adjust to life in the USA' problem. It's an adjust to 'the reality of living with a person you barely know' and the OP is the one who has backed out of the engagement. So far the beneficiary has done nothing wrong - apart from reacting a little bit clingy and homesick when reality hits, and has a different work ethic than the OP - hardly a crime. Yes, he hasn't met the OP's expectations but it seems as though she ignored all the warning signs that this guy was not on the same page as her.

He was here less than 2 weeks before he was told it was over. They've both been a little reckless in this situation but I feel very sorry for the finace.

[Wyld Blu 35]

Wow, I really feel for this immigrant. Telling a person daily what to expect with life in the US is VERY different than actually living it. There IS an adjustment period. Op, you say your fiance took no time to educate himself or research life in the US, the culture, the laws, whatever. So, instead of telling the man who moved across the world for you that it's time to research things together (now having the distinct advantage of BEING in the US), you choose to throw it away in a matter of days. Well, maybe it's a good thing after all. Marriage, even when in the best of circumstances, takes work. Just based on what you have said, it doesn't sound like you are interested in doing any of that work or working WITH your fiance to iron out the differences. There is a certain amount of culture shock I am sure he is going through. Helping your fiance to immigrate to the US doesn't mean instant success. It isn't like you can just add water and poof you have the perfect relationship. If you are unwilling in your very busy life to see the man you were so in love with is struggling, then, PLEASE at LEAST help him to research legal ways to immigrate here if he wants. The K1 is no longer an option if you decide not to marry him. He will have to go back to his country first. And PLEASE do the RIGHT thing and get him an open ended ticket back home. Because he does not fit into your mold of a perfect partner, shouldn't mean that you put him in a position to be stuck here either.

Edited January 25, 2014 by Wyld Blu

[MochiKamo 93]

No. Not legally. Any lawyer who claims to make the attempt is only buying time for the K-1 visa holder. In the end, all is denied, dis-allowed, as

his entry on a K-1 visa has no other movement - either marry to the petitioner, file the AOS or go home before the I-94 expires.

I say, since he not pay any attention to the outcome of your research, prior, that he's not going to listen to any input you will have for his future life.

Employer cannot 'flip' a visa type. Is possible to get another visa, but visas are issued outside of the USA.

Finally, I'll say - the brother has an interesting lawyer - who apparently knows how to suggest to folk other means to remain inside the USA whilst waiting for adjustment of status casefiles to be filed. He probably knows all of the tricks that delay adjudication, so this K-1 visa holder will remain in USA whilst the lawyer's paperwork sits in the queue, gets reviewed, an RFE kicked back, another lag, then another lag, then improper stuff filed for the RFE reply, then a denial, then a motion to reconsider, etc etc etc, all keeping said K-1 visa holder in the USA for 2 years + whilst USCIS figures it out.

During that time, he'll be working illegally on something his brother cooked up. He will not be able to adjust status in the USA without marrying you and YOU signing an I-864 for the adjustment of status casefile. There are no loopholes around this, and the lawyer knows this as well.

That brother is a peach ! How very brotherly of him to have a backup plan for the K-1 visa holder.

This pretty much sums up what will most likely happen.

Anyhow,the bottom line is, as others have said, DON'T SIGN ANYTHING.