Do your men feel intimidated because of your success?

[frndly1 1]

After speaking with a few friends of mine that have married men from other countries, I find it to be very interesting that their men have become intimidated by what their wives had before marriage and are not very interested in helping the household here. I find this very disturbing. Is this a red flag or just being intimidated?

Do any of your men feel intimidated by your success and money? Do they feel that they don't need to do because you had your stuff before marriage?

[AichaKandisha 0]

I can only speak from my experience for the past 3 weeks since my fiance has been here so I don't know if my opinion counts or not!

I don't see that he has been intimidated or not willing to help with the household. In fact, I see just the opposite. He is dying waiting for his SS number (which should arrive today or tomorrow) so that he can be employed shortly. He has gone to restaurants, gas stations, computer stores, etc. asking them if they need help. So far, none of them will take his application or consider him without his SS card. Two places have said he can start working once he has his SS number.

All he talks about is about the day he will be able to provide for everything we need.

In the meantime, he has turned my house upside down in the best way possible! He has reorganized everything in cupboards, cleaned and arranged things in my garage so I can actually fit my car into it, has fixed every major and minor thing possible in the house, has cleaned the house, did laundry all day yesterday, washes the dishes, takes out the trash, fixed my computer, fixed my door, and I'm sure I'm forgetting other things he has done when I am at work! Oh, AND HE COOKS! Delicious food I might add!

I might just have to keep him at home.

So far, my experience has shown that he wants to do everything he can and is willing to 'work' at home while he is waiting to work outside the home.

[Jenn! 918]

I'll let you guys know when I have money and success.

[noura 0]

My success doesn't pay so well but if I ever get "money" I'll let y'all know how it affects us. So far, no, Said is not intimidated by my "success" and has been wonderful around the house (all 4 days he's been here, so far). I don't think it will affect us. He knew what the deal was before he ever got here, but then again, he'd been here before so he wasn't "clueless" about life in America.

[Mrs. Forgetful 2]

if anything I am intimidated and jealous that my husband will be getting paid almost triple what I make once we get back from Morocco. He has his masters degree and I still have to finish school. I think his bringing up has more to do with how he helps around the house than anything else.

[AichaKandisha 0]

I'll let you guys know when I have money and success.

I'll take back all that I said in my earlier post and agree with Jenn!

He very well could be doing all that he is doing for other reasons; he sees that I will never be successful or make enough money so he is wanting to work ASAP and I am a much worse housekeeper and cook than I thought I was so he feels that he might as well do it himself. That puts a whole new perspective on what I'm seeing.

I may very well get home tonight and find him still in bed and he did all of the above for the first 3 weeks because he wanted to make a great first impression.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

LOL @ Jenn

No, my husband does not seem intimidated in the least. In fact he seems very proud of me -- he brags about me all the time.

My experience al7amdulillah has been much like me&mymoroccan's -- from the day he arrived, Mahmoud has worked very hard to improve our home, our standard of living, and our future. In the time before he got a job, he worked 8 and 10 hours a day, 7 days a week, building and repairing around the house. And ever since he started a job, he's been proud to put a pile of cash money in my hand every week. He also sends a bit to his family, and mostly saves the rest. He spends very little on himself (other than cigarettes... yuck )

He respects my work and whatever accomplishments I've managed, and supports me in the sometimes "unusual" requirements of my job. He consults me in just about every matter, and considers my opinion as something well worth listening to. And I do the same with him.

-MK

[frndly1 1]

I hear you on the cooking and cleaning.

My husband can't stand not to be working. He likes working so much he has 2 jobs...lol

I can only speak from my experience for the past 3 weeks since my fiance has been here so I don't know if my opinion counts or not!

I don't see that he has been intimidated or not willing to help with the household. In fact, I see just the opposite. He is dying waiting for his SS number (which should arrive today or tomorrow) so that he can be employed shortly. He has gone to restaurants, gas stations, computer stores, etc. asking them if they need help. So far, none of them will take his application or consider him without his SS card. Two places have said he can start working once he has his SS number.

All he talks about is about the day he will be able to provide for everything we need.

In the meantime, he has turned my house upside down in the best way possible! He has reorganized everything in cupboards, cleaned and arranged things in my garage so I can actually fit my car into it, has fixed every major and minor thing possible in the house, has cleaned the house, did laundry all day yesterday, washes the dishes, takes out the trash, fixed my computer, fixed my door, and I'm sure I'm forgetting other things he has done when I am at work! Oh, AND HE COOKS! Delicious food I might add!

I might just have to keep him at home.

So far, my experience has shown that he wants to do everything he can and is willing to 'work' at home while he is waiting to work outside the home.

[sarachid 0]

I'll let you guys know when I have money and success.

lets have a poll.... I'm in that boat too....

[frndly1 1]

Success doesn't necessarily mean you have a bank load. What I am talking about is a Career, house, education etc.

[Bosco 1]

This sounds like a totally lame excuse to me, either on the part of the woman trying to justify in her head why her husband is acting like a sloth, or on the part of the man trying to justify why the household isn't important to him when the truth would be he really doesn't care. I seriously don't buy for a second that "intimidation of his wife's success" is a real reason why any man would not contribute to the home he has made with his wife. More likely he doesn't care about the household and this is only a temporary deal for him, he is saving for his own future, or helping his family back home that he actually cares about. I guess there are women who would tell themselves this and/or believe it to feel better about a husband that obviously doesn't give a hoot, but I think there is NO validity to this as a real excuse for inexcusable behavior.

[peezey 0]

After speaking with a few friends of mine that have married men from other countries, I find it to be very interesting that their men have become intimidated by what their wives had before marriage and are not very interested in helping the household here. I find this very disturbing. Is this a red flag or just being intimidated?

This is extraordinarily disturbing. There has to be much more at play here than "intimidation." I mean, come on, they moved to a new country totally different culturally than their own, learned a new language, ####### is more intimidating than that? These men knew their wives' financial situation and job type before coming here, it seems to me this excuse is b.s. and any woman who falls for it has her head somewhere other than on top of her shoulders.

[Henia 11]

My husband does not feel this way and he says he will never...but as of yet he has a successful career and earns a good living... in hs country... once he leaves and depends on me (more) we will se...

[Pam&Mbaye 0]

My husband hasn't made it here yet, however here is how it goes. I work, you work, and if you don't work due to you being lazy and not wanting to contribute, then I can do badly all by myself. BIG, HUGE RED FLAG... I don't see the sense in taking care of a grown man who is just as capable of earning a wage as I am (and he doesn't have to make as much money as I do). That's the truth of the matter and some may not like it but it is what it is. Oh and by the way my husband knows where I stand on this particular issue, I've made it very clear.

[Visa4habibi! 0]

No money or success here either, just trying to get by. Yes, I have a car and a house and take care of myself and my kids. I'm not planning to take care of a grown man when he gets here, inshallah. But I don't think, he's planning on that ether - he'd like me to stay home, actually. But that's boring and we'd need two incomes anyway.

Unless he's make tonns of money , nah, I doubt that. But who knows?