Husband Wants Divorce. We were only Married since August 2013. HELP!

[Ketsuban 1,034]

Being trapped in the basement could be construed as human-trafficking and control by the US husband for failure to complete the paperwork. Why wouldn't this be mental and emotional abuse? Or extreme cruelty. Remember it doesn't take much for VAWA.

She has said herself that she goes out to church. The main issue is she has no current means of working and her husband nor her parents-in-law will purchase food to keep her alive. If she wants to live like that forever and possibly (God forbid) bring kids into the mix, then she'll have to hope her husband decides to file for the adjustment of status. I hope she sees sense and finds a way home to the Philippines.

[belinda63 3,047]

She is not trapped in the basement (sounds like a full, finished, fully-furnished basement), she makes numerous references to going out alone to church, stores, friends houses, etc. It sounds as though she is free to move about the house she has just chosen not to. If the spouse goes upstairs to eat with the family nothing is preventing her from going also. If the spouse doesn't want to attend church with her this is not abuse. If the spouse goes to the store without her being invited this is not abuse.

She has set up the expectation that her spouse now belongs to her and should devote all his time to her and ignore his family. Notice how many times she states he spends more time with his mother than with her. It is not abuse for a spouse to spend time with his family and for you to chose to not join him. If the only tv (not stated) is upstairs it makes sense he would go upstairs to watch it. If she chooses to not go with him that is not abuse, that is her choice.

The only thing she would possibly claim as abuse would be his failure to file for AOS but if he says he wants a divorce he can't legally file for her.

Sorry but she needs to ask for airfare home.

Edited January 20, 2014 by belinda63

[Dean_De 61]

Hello I am a newbie and first time,

I NEED SOME HELP. I AM SO SORRY IT WILL BE A LIL BIT LONG FOR YOU TO UNDERSTANT MY STORY! PLEASE BARE WITH ME.

Please read the following:

• Husband does not buy groceries for he eat with his parents upstairs and, so I ate given food from friends and church.

• No regular allowance, I feel trapped in the full basement.

• I was so worried of my physical situation because most of the time I am alone waiting my husband for the whole day.

• No regular groceries because he always brings left over foods from his job

. • He deprives me of my rights as a wife to work, even though I have education and a college degree.

• Most of the time he spends time with his parents and not with me as his wife. We never discuss about our future together or any plans with status adjustment.

• Sometimes when his step father gets drunk, he throws bad words to me like, '######' which traumatizes me. That is why I don’t like to go with them.

• The heater is shut off or set very low during day time when my husband is work. I feel so cold on the basement that is why sometimes I go to library or church and friend to warm my body.

• I love my husband very much. I clean, I cook, I take care of him every day, and when he gets sick. I feel I am wronged. He doesn’t meet his obligations and responsibilities as a husband.

I met my husband through Facebook last December of 2010 until he officially visited me in the Philippines last August 2011. Then he filed a petition for me last February 5, 2012. I received my Fiancée Visa last February 2013. God knows how much I love my husband. I love the way he communicated with me through email and on webcam when I was in still in my country. He promised me everything and said I’m the woman he wants to be with for the rest of his life. I was so happy to know that from him. He was caring and loving when I was in the Philippines. He regularly replies to every message I sent him on chat back then. Despite the fact I was busy working at the office and taking a Master’s degree program I was still able to manage my time with him. Then we both decided to get married. My parents gave me their blessings and agreed with my decision. So, I resigned from my job from the office as a secretary of the Technical Director where I worked for almost five years. I also quit attending my Master’s degree classes so I can be with him. Before I came here I asked the Lord for guidance. I needed His guidance because I could not imagine how my life will be like away from my parents, relatives, friends and co-workers, and to live the rest of my life with him in a whole new environment here in the US. Because I love him I gave up hundreds of people whom I love and cherish. It was a tough decision for me to make since I have never been away from home, my country. I was blessed to have a loving family and good environment and a successful career when I was in the Philippines. Now I feel so sad that those things are gone. My husband decided to visit me again in the Philippines for the second time last June 3- 13, to bring me to America. During that time I had mixed emotions. I felt sad for leaving my homeland and at the same time happy for I will be with the man I loved forever. I arrived in United States of America last June 2013. I felt very happy when I came here and I even asked myself whether I was dreaming or not. I am now with the one I love and be with him for the rest of my life. I thank the Lord for bringing me here. When I arrived here, my husband parents warmly welcomed me at the airport. We live at his parent’s house in a full basement. At first everything was fine and we’re all okay with each other, I watched and observed their daily activities. Until one day I realized how much my husband spends time with his mom – MORE than with me. They would go out until late in the evening to walk the dog. He spends most of the time with his mother upstairs watching TV rather than spending time with me. He always leave me alone in the basement. Sometimes his mother would borrow my husband’s car and would drop him at work at and picks him up again at night time. I remember I was asking his mother if can I go with them when she drives my husband to work and she said no because she will be back right away. In my mind I just want to be with my husband and would just like to get out of the basement for a while and at the same time enjoy their company. They always go out without me. There was a time when I got home from the church around 11:30 in the morning and found out that he and his mom went somewhere without waiting for me. I read his note that her mother woke him up to go to the store. So I called his step dad and asked him where my husband was and he said maybe they bought a filter then I noticed they’ve been gone from 11:30am to 4:00pm just to get a filter. I felt I have no right to judge him because they have their own routine in life before I arrived here though I have to remind them that he is already married, that we should spend more time together. Every time I get mad at him or confronted him to remind him with all the changes in his life now, they misinterpreted it by saying that I’m controlling him. I don’t know what to do as it is hard to live with in-laws. I remember his step father asking me why I always go to church in the morning and my husband is not morning goer anyway. I asked myself why I have to explain everything since I am the wife. With all these, I am worried that my husband is going to work everyday and yet I am left trapped in the basement alone and cold. I’m not comfortable as they turn the heater off when my husband goes to work. I have not apply for adjustment status for he will not sign the form 864. He is afraid of what it is being said in the papers, so he decided to divorce me and want to send me back home.

Do I have a case against him?

What should I do? To all negative commentator just save your negative words for me as I am already confused and do not know what to do. Please do not add more frustration. I need some guidance here.

Again, this are just my 2 cents of opinion. I am not here to defend who’s who. You shared us your side but haven’t heard the side of your husband. But anyway, I will just center my comment based on what I read. Please, no harm intended ok?

Here it goes, both of you are basically newly weds. And I am not sure how aware you are of the way your husband before you guys got married but if you knew this was the way him & her mom is, then at some point you’ve learned to accept that this is the situation you will be in the moment you stepped foot in their home.

Understand also, that marriage is a long term process. There are yet a lot of surprises that both of you has to go through. A lot of compromises to be done, laugher, tears…& a never ending hardwork on both of you to make it work.

In reading your post here, I am not really sure how much effort you had exerted to be part of their family. I know I do not have to remind you, but just let me You & them are from different culture and also unique individual who have a different set of principles from each other. You can not expect everyone to accept & love you, but you can atleast try. But that is yours to decide if you would like to do so or not.

Let me ask you this…you said at first, everything was fine. How fine was it then? And what changed the situation? When you arrive, did you get make an effort to involve yourself in their daily activity? Or you just stayed passive? Why I am asking is simply because, if you stayed passive, and let them do their day to day life without you being directly involved, they might have thought it was ok to do what they were doing.

If your husband spends time with his family to watch TV, did you by any chance tried to watch it altogether with them? Or joined any of their activity with enthusiasm?

Add’l:

•Husband does not buy groceries for he eat with his parents upstairs and, so I ate given food from friends and church.

• No regular groceries because he always brings left over foods from his job

>> Let me just clear this two…which of the above statement is really the situation in your house? Does he really buy grocery or no?

• No regular allowance, I feel trapped in the full basement.

>> Do you not have any joint account? On my end, I do not get any allowance per say tho I have a debit and credit

card which I can use..and seldom I use it for myself other than when going to the grocery or paying bills.

>>You feel trapped in the basement, but this doesn’t mean you are locked inside right? (since you said that when you feel cold, you go at the library, church or friend.

• I was so worried of my physical situation because most of the time I am alone waiting my husband for the whole day.

>>> What makes you worried?

. • He deprives me of my rights as a wife to work, even though I have education and a college degree.

>>Did he told you upfront he doesn’t like you to work? There are still other people who believe on the old family tradition. That it should be the men who will work & wife most stay at the house and take care of the family.

• We never discuss about our future together or any plans with status adjustment.

>>> did you try to start a conversation with him about how you like the future to be? Do not play that mind guessing game. IF you have something on your mind, find way to share it….ofcourse find a right time to do that. I suppose not everyday is really BAD, right?

• Sometimes when his step father gets drunk, he throws bad words to me like, '######' which traumatizes me. That is why I don’t like to go with them.

>>>Question, what triggers the behavior? Was his stepdad that way since the start?

• I love my husband very much. I clean, I cook, I take care of him every day, and when he gets sick. I feel I am wronged. He doesn’t meet his obligations and responsibilities as a husband.

>>>Sometimes, we tend to place our expectation too much. We want him/ her to be like this & that…a perfect husband and wife. But then, we forgot that the person we came to love struggled to met that. Sometimes, we get ourselves blinded by our preferences, and tend to forget to lend a hand over your partner & walk with him as he journey to become better. We neglect to see how hard they tried, because all we see are what they forgot to do or what hen they failed to met our expectation.

I remember I was asking his mother if can I go with them when she drives my husband to work and she said no because she will be back right away.

>>>>>Had she always refused to NOT let you go with her? I understand how it feels to be like rejected. But sometimes, the hurt feeling makes us blind in seeing hat is really the true reason behind it. If you only asked her ones, why don’t you try doing it another day..especiallly when you think your in law is in a great mood. Did you also try making a step to get your inlaws attention?

There was a time when I got home from the church around 11:30 in the morning and found out that he and his mom went somewhere without waiting for me. I read his note that her mother woke him up to go to the store.

>> if he wrote you a letter , then he had not totally just ignored you.

So I called his step dad and asked him where my husband was and he said maybe they bought a filter then I noticed they’ve been gone from 11:30am to 4:00pm just to get a filter.

>>Why call his stepdad? Can’t you call your husband directly? When he went home, what did you do?

I have to remind them that he is already married, that we should spend more time together. Every time I get mad at him or confronted him to remind him with all the changes in his life now, they misinterpreted it by saying that I’m controlling him.

>>>This is the tricky part in marriage. Communication always plays a very important role, and some maybe not all always run through this mistake. Not really to lecture you on this but just maybe this may help.

It is but natural to feel bad & be mad when you feel ignored. Especially after giving up a lot. But anger doesn’t resolve any problem. I know It is so hard to make a heart to heart talk especially when you feel wronged. But again, making the other person feel accused helps nothing but escalate the problem.

He sure knows he is married. But marriage doesn’t change a person just as quick as a snap of your finger when you really want to. Reminding him in my opinion is like telling him he is stupid & doesn’t have a mind of his own. Place yourself on his end…no matter how positive of a person you are, when you hear accusation whether true or not, we tend to be defensive..thus making the problems even more worst. So instead of TELLING HIM what he need to do…why not start it off in trying to share with him what you are feeling. Be creative too in your marriage and do something that will get your husbands attention, just like you did when you first met. Marriage like what I said is a hardwork…sometimes, you have to go out of your own shell to make marriage exciting. If you love your husband, rekindle that flame & find a way that will make him WANT you more. Do not just stay idle. You can not change who they are & the situation they have but you sure is in control of your own.

I asked myself why I have to explain everything since I am the wife.

>>you are his wife but whatever you have in your mind is your own. Not unless you share it, nobody will know. Men ( for the most part & even women ) hate these mind reading games. It is ok ones or twice but if it becomes constant..it get old & sometimes could chase your partner away.

You are the ones who is responsible to find whatever makes you happy. Why are you afraid of being trapped in the basement. They aint locking you in right? I honestly understand how you feel. I have that feeling too awhile back. There’s been times when I was left alone here at our house for over a week when my husband went overseas. I was afraid of the idea of being alone, especially with a month old baby, and not having a car, and not knowing how to drive, but I tried to work out my fear. I acknowledge my fear & note down important numbers to call & what I should do incase of emergency. We all have to learn how to be independent somehow.

About turning the heater off, most probably that has something to do with the electric bill they have to pay if they run the heater all the time. I have been incharge of our finances and learning how to difficult it is to do the budget. If you feel cold, then most probably what you can best do is bundle yourself.

• The worst thing happened was when he left me asleep on December 2013.Together with his parents (my in-laws) they went to some place again to celebrate New Year's Eve. He doesn't give me enough importance and concern. He didn't think that something might happen to me during that night when they were away. I don't feel I am his priority at this time.

>>>Was he always like that? How was your communication when you arrive and how is it this time?

I have not apply for adjustment status for he will not sign the form 864. He is afraid of what it is being said in the papers, so he decided to divorce me and want to send me back home.

>>We do not know your real situation inside the house, how often you and your husband fight & what had been said & done too on his part when you both have argument.

If you have not yet talk to him, maybe it is best to make a meaningful & heart to heart talk to probably understand your situation better. Just maybe there is still a way things could work out.

[JejeAndSar 9]

Leave his slimy ###. You're better off without a jerk like him.

[andreaj14 4]

A guy being maladjusted and not ready for married life isn't abuse. Sorry.

I don't think you read her post. Sorry.

[Dean_De 61]

Being trapped in the basement could be construed as human-trafficking and control by the US husband for failure to complete the paperwork. Why wouldn't this be mental and emotional abuse? Or extreme cruelty. Remember it doesn't take much for VAWA.

If they lock her in, then that is domestic violence. But her post states that she goes to her church, library , or friend. This simply means she has the freedom to go anywhere. We do not know how their relationship had progressed, believe it or not sometimes cases of domestic violence are self inflected. ( I am not saying the OP is - but just sayin') Meaning, those who claimed to be victims were the ones who fumed the dragon out of its hiding. that being said, one still have to get proper grounds & evidences to prove such accusation.

Also, we do not know the reason why the husband changed his mind. We hear just a portion of the story. But one thing is for sure, there's a reason. in my own understanding, the OP is emotionally & mentally devastated...but if it is really ABUSE / a ground for Domestic Violence. it is too early to tell.

[DvMan 49]

This is a very sad story...unfortunately there are alot of men in the United States that dont ever break free from their relationships with their mother. They are not very social and the fact that he is living in his parent's basement fits right in with a common joke some people make about these types of men. They find themselves intimidated by American women and use the internet as their only social interaction with women. So I am sure at first the notion of having a foreign wife seemed very exotic and exciting. Unfortunately, he has not grown up. And some men never do. The constant attention and time he spends with his mother just prolongs the growing up process. You certainly need to speak directly with him about these issues and you should suggest that you two need to have your own place. I would be sure NOT to use his mother as a reason why, but tell him that you feel it would be best for your marriage, for you two grow together and really get a sense of how it will be to be together as husband and wife, not as his girlfriend. If things don't improve after a few months, it may be time to go home. It is very concerning that he will not file paperwork to show financial support. This is a big flag. I suspect that he had no idea what it would be like to be married and he is not ready for the responsibility that comes with marriage. I wish for the best, but I believe that you should at least start thinking about your options back home, maybe you can start looking for employment and how you could start up your master's education again. Unfortunately, foreign marriages are a gamble, especially if you meet online and don't spend a substantial amount of time together. People can be fooled easily online, but only when you are together in person can you see the real person. It happens both to men and women. I wish you the best of luck either way you go.

God bless

[Novembro 1,763]

He sounds like a jerk. Dump him and move on with your life.

[Avery Cates 1,141]

I don't think you read her post. Sorry.

I did, actually.

Aside from some buyer's remorse on her part, there's nothing there that constitutes abuse, especially by the husband. It sounds like he works in the food industry and the poor fool doesn't have the money to file for the adjustment, which is what my guess would be more than any malicious intent. As an educated woman, she made a real ###### choice in who she picked to marry. But that still doesn't make it abuse. I'm a huge advocate for personal responsibility. She knew, I would assume, that she'd be leaving her Master's degree life to live in a basement of his parent's house, then seems surprised when it's not the whirlwind of romance that I'm sure a reasonable person would expect it to be.

The VAWA belt needs a real tightening about what's considered abuse. Funny that it itself should be abused so often.

Edited January 20, 2014 by Avery Cates

[verysadguy 170]

I did, actually.

Aside from some buyer's remorse on her part, there's nothing there that constitutes abuse, especially by the husband. It sounds like he works in the food industry and the poor fool doesn't have the money to file for the adjustment, which is what my guess would be more than any malicious intent. As an educated woman, she made a real ###### choice in who she picked to marry. But that still doesn't make it abuse. I'm a huge advocate for personal responsibility. She knew, I would assume, that she'd be leaving her Master's degree life to live in a basement of his parent's house, then seems surprised when it's not the whirlwind of romance that I'm sure a reasonable person would expect it to be.

The VAWA belt needs a real tightening about what's considered abuse. Funny that it itself should be abused so often.

VAWA belt for immigration portion should be tightened majorly. Not abused? Low fraud? Some say that. Gee whiz, I wonder why the VAWA filings go up every single year? Because foreigner's know it is an easy way to US BENEFITS. Hey, come to America FREE MONEY.

How about those scams from Nigeria, "I represent the honorable Barrister Monroe, and we have $26 million dollars to wire to you." Or better yet, "My cousin Teresita, who is young and beautiful loves you so much and would like to come to America and be your faithful honest and loving wife....if you could just get her a green card please."

[nikshevphilscott8 4]

http://travel.state.gov/content/visas/english/general/IMBRA.html

Check out that site to see ur rights and protection.

[davenella 21]

Hello I am a newbie and first time,

I NEED SOME HELP. I AM SO SORRY IT WILL BE A LIL BIT LONG FOR YOU TO UNDERSTANT MY STORY! PLEASE BARE WITH ME.

Please read the following:

• Husband does not buy groceries for he eat with his parents upstairs and, so I ate given food from friends and church.

• No regular allowance, I feel trapped in the full basement.

• I was so worried of my physical situation because most of the time I am alone waiting my husband for the whole day.

• No regular groceries because he always brings left over foods from his job

. • He deprives me of my rights as a wife to work, even though I have education and a college degree.

• Most of the time he spends time with his parents and not with me as his wife. We never discuss about our future together or any plans with status adjustment.

• Sometimes when his step father gets drunk, he throws bad words to me like, '######' which traumatizes me. That is why I don’t like to go with them.

• The heater is shut off or set very low during day time when my husband is work. I feel so cold on the basement that is why sometimes I go to library or church and friend to warm my body.

• I love my husband very much. I clean, I cook, I take care of him every day, and when he gets sick. I feel I am wronged. He doesn’t meet his obligations and responsibilities as a husband.

• The worst thing happened was when he left me asleep on December 2013.Together with his parents (my in-laws) they went to some place again to celebrate New Year's Eve. He doesn't give me enough importance and concern. He didn't think that something might happen to me during that night when they were away. I don't feel I am his priority at this time.

I met my husband through Facebook last December of 2010 until he officially visited me in the Philippines last August 2011. Then he filed a petition for me last February 5, 2012. I received my Fiancée Visa last February 2013. God knows how much I love my husband. I love the way he communicated with me through email and on webcam when I was in still in my country. He promised me everything and said I’m the woman he wants to be with for the rest of his life. I was so happy to know that from him. He was caring and loving when I was in the Philippines. He regularly replies to every message I sent him on chat back then. Despite the fact I was busy working at the office and taking a Master’s degree program I was still able to manage my time with him. Then we both decided to get married. My parents gave me their blessings and agreed with my decision. So, I resigned from my job from the office as a secretary of the Technical Director where I worked for almost five years. I also quit attending my Master’s degree classes so I can be with him. Before I came here I asked the Lord for guidance. I needed His guidance because I could not imagine how my life will be like away from my parents, relatives, friends and co-workers, and to live the rest of my life with him in a whole new environment here in the US. Because I love him I gave up hundreds of people whom I love and cherish. It was a tough decision for me to make since I have never been away from home, my country. I was blessed to have a loving family and good environment and a successful career when I was in the Philippines. Now I feel so sad that those things are gone. My husband decided to visit me again in the Philippines for the second time last June 3- 13, to bring me to America. During that time I had mixed emotions. I felt sad for leaving my homeland and at the same time happy for I will be with the man I loved forever. I arrived in United States of America last June 2013. I felt very happy when I came here and I even asked myself whether I was dreaming or not. I am now with the one I love and be with him for the rest of my life. I thank the Lord for bringing me here. When I arrived here, my husband parents warmly welcomed me at the airport. We live at his parent’s house in a full basement. At first everything was fine and we’re all okay with each other, I watched and observed their daily activities. Until one day I realized how much my husband spends time with his mom – MORE than with me. They would go out until late in the evening to walk the dog. He spends most of the time with his mother upstairs watching TV rather than spending time with me. He always leave me alone in the basement. Sometimes his mother would borrow my husband’s car and would drop him at work at and picks him up again at night time. I remember I was asking his mother if can I go with them when she drives my husband to work and she said no because she will be back right away. In my mind I just want to be with my husband and would just like to get out of the basement for a while and at the same time enjoy their company. They always go out without me. There was a time when I got home from the church around 11:30 in the morning and found out that he and his mom went somewhere without waiting for me. I read his note that her mother woke him up to go to the store. So I called his step dad and asked him where my husband was and he said maybe they bought a filter then I noticed they’ve been gone from 11:30am to 4:00pm just to get a filter. I felt I have no right to judge him because they have their own routine in life before I arrived here though I have to remind them that he is already married, that we should spend more time together. Every time I get mad at him or confronted him to remind him with all the changes in his life now, they misinterpreted it by saying that I’m controlling him. I don’t know what to do as it is hard to live with in-laws. I remember his step father asking me why I always go to church in the morning and my husband is not morning goer anyway. I asked myself why I have to explain everything since I am the wife. With all these, I am worried that my husband is going to work everyday and yet I am left trapped in the basement alone and cold. I’m not comfortable as they turn the heater off when my husband goes to work. I have not apply for adjustment status for he will not sign the form 864. He is afraid of what it is being said in the papers, so he decided to divorce me and want to send me back home.

Do I have a case against him?

What should I do? To all negative commentator just save your negative words for me as I am already confused and do not know what to do. Please do not add more frustration. I need some guidance here.

It is very simple. You love your husban, ok. But he is not showing you the same. He is treating you as a prisioner with no verbal or physical abuse. On the other side you describe how amazing your life was in your home country. The answer is there, in front of you. Go back and start again with the people that love you a lot and with the degree that you already have. Seems that you are way more happy and with more possibilities in the Philippines.

Good Luck!

Edited January 21, 2014 by davenella

[Sam_Zel 1]

isn't neglect a form of abuse?

[janelance143 13]

First of, I hope and pray you'll be able to talk this out with your husband soon and fix everything. You may want to extend few months of being with him but if he himself no longer wants to be with you, have the courage to go back here in the PHILS. asap. and start a new life. It's difficult at first but in the long run you'll absolutely make it through. Keep the the Faith, I know you have a lot of that since you mention you've been going to the Church and going there alone (even though you have a husband) takes a lot of Faith, so have it as your source of strength.

In my case, my father in law passed away when my husband was about 10 years old, and my husband also has lost communication with his mother when he was 20. His father according to my husband was a good person and he loved him so dearly. His mother on the other hand had problems with drugs which eventually led my husband to live in the shelter and started to make a living by himself. Don't get me wrong, it would have been great to meet them in person because they're my husband's parents, but even my husband himself told me he doesn't want us to live with his mother or live near her mother because his mother has some kind of an attitidue problem plus the drugs. He would've wanted me to meet his father though.

Honestly, I am thankful that I no longer have in laws to live with as soon as I get to the U.S with my husband because that would mean I will be living a new life under marraige without anyone to get along with. Because no matter how I see it, even here in Phils. or any other parts of the world, most in laws will always has something to say and will always try to make decisions on their own without consulting us. Although there are those who are respectful enough to let their sons/daughters decide on their own specially in marraige, others would always try to get in the way.

In your case, it seems that your husband's parents doesn't fully understand or haven't realized that their child is already married yet and I feel sad for you. Have you ever considered living away or having a home for only the two of you? I mean, your husband should know this is marraige, it means you have to make a family on your own. SMH. Just like everyone else here are saying, save the years of living a misrable life by staying out of there now.

[Iam_broken 3]

Hello I am a newbie and first time,

I NEED SOME HELP. I AM SO SORRY IT WILL BE A LIL BIT LONG FOR YOU TO UNDERSTANT MY STORY! PLEASE BARE WITH ME.

Please read the following:

• Husband does not buy groceries for he eat with his parents upstairs and, so I ate given food from friends and church.

• No regular allowance, I feel trapped in the full basement.

• I was so worried of my physical situation because most of the time I am alone waiting my husband for the whole day.

• No regular groceries because he always brings left over foods from his job

. • He deprives me of my rights as a wife to work, even though I have education and a college degree.

• Most of the time he spends time with his parents and not with me as his wife. We never discuss about our future together or any plans with status adjustment.

• Sometimes when his step father gets drunk, he throws bad words to me like, '######' which traumatizes me. That is why I don’t like to go with them.

• The heater is shut off or set very low during day time when my husband is work. I feel so cold on the basement that is why sometimes I go to library or church and friend to warm my body.

• I love my husband very much. I clean, I cook, I take care of him every day, and when he gets sick. I feel I am wronged. He doesn’t meet his obligations and responsibilities as a husband.

• The worst thing happened was when he left me asleep on December 2013.Together with his parents (my in-laws) they went to some place again to celebrate New Year's Eve. He doesn't give me enough importance and concern. He didn't think that something might happen to me during that night when they were away. I don't feel I am his priority at this time.

I met my husband through Facebook last December of 2010 until he officially visited me in the Philippines last August 2011. Then he filed a petition for me last February 5, 2012. I received my Fiancée Visa last February 2013. God knows how much I love my husband. I love the way he communicated with me through email and on webcam when I was in still in my country. He promised me everything and said I’m the woman he wants to be with for the rest of his life. I was so happy to know that from him. He was caring and loving when I was in the Philippines. He regularly replies to every message I sent him on chat back then. Despite the fact I was busy working at the office and taking a Master’s degree program I was still able to manage my time with him. Then we both decided to get married. My parents gave me their blessings and agreed with my decision. So, I resigned from my job from the office as a secretary of the Technical Director where I worked for almost five years. I also quit attending my Master’s degree classes so I can be with him. Before I came here I asked the Lord for guidance. I needed His guidance because I could not imagine how my life will be like away from my parents, relatives, friends and co-workers, and to live the rest of my life with him in a whole new environment here in the US. Because I love him I gave up hundreds of people whom I love and cherish. It was a tough decision for me to make since I have never been away from home, my country. I was blessed to have a loving family and good environment and a successful career when I was in the Philippines. Now I feel so sad that those things are gone. My husband decided to visit me again in the Philippines for the second time last June 3- 13, to bring me to America. During that time I had mixed emotions. I felt sad for leaving my homeland and at the same time happy for I will be with the man I loved forever. I arrived in United States of America last June 2013. I felt very happy when I came here and I even asked myself whether I was dreaming or not. I am now with the one I love and be with him for the rest of my life. I thank the Lord for bringing me here. When I arrived here, my husband parents warmly welcomed me at the airport. We live at his parent’s house in a full basement. At first everything was fine and we’re all okay with each other, I watched and observed their daily activities. Until one day I realized how much my husband spends time with his mom – MORE than with me. They would go out until late in the evening to walk the dog. He spends most of the time with his mother upstairs watching TV rather than spending time with me. He always leave me alone in the basement. Sometimes his mother would borrow my husband’s car and would drop him at work at and picks him up again at night time. I remember I was asking his mother if can I go with them when she drives my husband to work and she said no because she will be back right away. In my mind I just want to be with my husband and would just like to get out of the basement for a while and at the same time enjoy their company. They always go out without me. There was a time when I got home from the church around 11:30 in the morning and found out that he and his mom went somewhere without waiting for me. I read his note that her mother woke him up to go to the store. So I called his step dad and asked him where my husband was and he said maybe they bought a filter then I noticed they’ve been gone from 11:30am to 4:00pm just to get a filter. I felt I have no right to judge him because they have their own routine in life before I arrived here though I have to remind them that he is already married, that we should spend more time together. Every time I get mad at him or confronted him to remind him with all the changes in his life now, they misinterpreted it by saying that I’m controlling him. I don’t know what to do as it is hard to live with in-laws. I remember his step father asking me why I always go to church in the morning and my husband is not morning goer anyway. I asked myself why I have to explain everything since I am the wife. With all these, I am worried that my husband is going to work everyday and yet I am left trapped in the basement alone and cold. I’m not comfortable as they turn the heater off when my husband goes to work. I have not apply for adjustment status for he will not sign the form 864. He is afraid of what it is being said in the papers, so he decided to divorce me and want to send me back home.

Do I have a case against him?

What should I do? To all negative commentator just save your negative words for me as I am already confused and do not know what to do. Please do not add more frustration. I need some guidance here.