Anyone Else Married / Engaged To An Egyptian?

[MiaAndSabry 6]

Ah yes, here are the 2 biggest facebok groups I found for "married to an Egyptian" . I joined them both just now:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/38096746498/

https://www.facebook.com/groups/107369249303764/

Edited January 23, 2014 by MiaAndSabry

[MiaAndSabry 6]

Sara and HeatherAndRamy—Oh wow, I guess it can’t be that bad if u guys are there. Sometimes I joke with my husband, asking when he is gonna take me to see the pyramids, and he says “I dunno, someday.” And I say, “Ok so I guess if I wanted to go this summer, I could just go without you… plane tickets for one person are cheaper anyway .” And he says, “NO, you can’t go there by yourself, the men will bother you. I have to be with you, its not safe!” lol.

MWWW—I blame our personality types, lol. We both took that Myers-Briggs personality test. My type is the INFJ (the rarest one, about 1% of the population, we are very emotional, loving, empathetic and affectionate, they call us “nature’s Counselors” lol). Hubby is an ISTJ, they go more by fact and logic, and require TON of personal space. But our I**J parts work (Introvert and Judging). So we try to work around the rest as best we can. Also, I’ve heard that Egypt’s divorce rate is climbing. Hubby was mostly just saying it was his particular family though. He says he knows several people back home who are divorced, but not in his family... Both his parents, but particularly his fathers family have VERY strong feelings against it. Especially his 80-year-old paternal grandfather, who pretty much leads the family.

RINA—I sure hope everyone likes me when / if I get there. I will need to study up on customs of visiting Egyptian parents though… Because my husband is always concerned that there are “so many things I don’t know” about that, lol. Also because my husband’s father will be coming here to visit soon. He needs medical treatment and he wants to come here for that (heart problems). I also don't know what to expect from his parents. According to him, he was never emotionally very close to them. He says was raised by nannies, not "Mommy". Which I think is kind of sad, really... I had a very close-knit and affectionately family.

Togethr4ever13-- Not for quite a loooong time yet. He says there is no big rush. But I would just have more peace of mind if we took care of it sooner. I’m the kind of person who likes to take care of things far in advance. I personally just hate putting off big things until later, because they weigh on my mind and bother me, lol.

Edited January 23, 2014 by MiaAndSabry

[Cathi 5,757]

AYMAN_RINA-- My guy is from Cairo Never been there, but maybe someday when things calm down more in Egypt, I would like to go.

LizzieBee-- Oh for sure, our biggest one is that I am MUCH more of a cuddler and more affectionate than him. He is one of those people who really likes a ton of personal space. I don't know if that is cultural or not... Some people say so... But for the sake of each other, we do our best to look for balance so neither of us goes nuts, lol. Its hard, but when you find someone who's really got your back, you have to hang on to it.

All I know is, he is extremely devoted. Before we got married, he had to "double check" with me, lol. He said,

"I know you divorced your last husband, and you had a very good reason to. But I really cannot get a divorce. Ever. Nobody in my family ever has, and I couldn't handle that kind of shame. For most Americans, a divorce is "devastating" and they get over it in a year or two. But for me, in my family, it would just be the end of my life. So before you marry me, you gotta promise me that we are gonna work everything out. I swear to God I won't abuse you, or cheat, or anything like that. But anything else-- we have to work it out. I just CANNOT divorce you, that's not an option. Marriage is forever with me. So you have to be sure of that first."

I really had to think about that one, lol. When you go through a bad marriage, a divorce and then meet a few weirdos after that, you get scared and paranoid about whether or not a decent man really exists... And I was trying to consider HIM. Just because my culture and family don't care, it doesn't mean I can be careless with someone else. But I finally said yes, not only because I love him, but because I figure if I can't make it work with a guy of his devotion, then I can't make it work with anyone, lol.

jacqueline6001-- I'm originally from Cali too, lol. We're probably gonna have to do the I-30 too, but while he is still here.

Welsome to te MENA forum, and congrats!

even if God forbid your husband abused you, you wouldn't divorce? My life is more important than worrying if I would be a "shame" to my family.

[Cathi 5,757]

There are a few FB groups already ongoing for wives of Egyptians. I'm sure someone involved can send you the info if they read this thread. I'm not involved in any of them personally as I feel like it's a lot of blowing smoke up rear ends and backbiting while pretending to be supportive. Not to be cynical but I feel like these "support" groups and even some comments on this site are women selling each other a bill of goods. Not a whole lot of real honesty or support going on. Nor does anyone really appreciate honesty or support unless it involves things ppl want to hear.

I agree. I stay away from those groups because the minute someone expresses an opinion that doesn't go along with others it's always a cat fight. many people ask questions and start threads here supposedly wanting honest answers and opinions and when the question is answered with something they don't want to hear the OP becomes defensive. Why ask a question if you can't take or don't want to hear the real truth?

I find it strange when someone says that under no circumstances they will never divorce for fear of being a "shame" to their family. I can tell you right now that if a man ever laid a hand on me, I would be out of that marriage faster than a bat out of hell, my family would never think I was a shame, in fact they would probably kill my husband if he ever did anything to hurt me. My husband is Muslim, one of his sisters and a brother are divorced(both remarried now), they are not a shame to the family. I understand some people stay in abusive relationships because they don;t know how to get out or are afraid to get out, they have no self esteem and are bullied into staying. But staying for fear of shame...I just don't get it. Would your family tell you to stay ignoring the fact that your life is in danger for fear of what other people in the family or friends would think of you being divorced? Perplexing...

[LizzieBee 25]

I agree. I stay away from those groups because the minute someone expresses an opinion that doesn't go along with others it's always a cat fight. many people ask questions and start threads here supposedly wanting honest answers and opinions and when the question is answered with something they don't want to hear the OP becomes defensive. Why ask a question if you can't take or don't want to hear the real truth?

I don't want to go off-topic too much, but this website could use a major overhaul by the administrators in regard to the overall atmosphere. My first experience here was asking for advice about filing my i-129 and got a barrage of unsolicited advice about how he's probably using me to get a visa and will then dump me later. That was completely out of line considering nobody here understands my situation or my relationship. I don't think it's out of line to say things like "it's a really long process and you'll have to be really dedicated" because this forum is about the visa process. But to tell people "Hey I know your fiance's intentions better than you do" isn't helpful at all and shouldn't be tolerated by the moderators, in my opinion.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand: I'm amazed at how diverse Egypt and Egyptians are! I've had two close friends in Egypt since 2003: one from Cairo and one from Kafr el Sheikh.They have a lot of things in common, obviously, but there are cultural differences just based on their communities they were raised in. Then there are people in the Fayoum where my sister does archeology, and my fiance is in Alexandria ... and for all these people, they have strong family and religious values, that "unique" Egyptian sense of humor, etc. but there are huge differences also. So it's probably not fair of any of us here to say "Oh, let me tell you what Egyptians are like!" I'd be offended if somebody judged ME based on what my next-door neighbor was like, much less someone thousands of miles away, you know? But discovering all these cultural differences is one of the things I LOVE about being engaged to an Egyptian man! I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned this here, but my sister is an Egyptologist so I've been fascinated with Egyptian culture since I was in elementary school.

But on to a more important question for all of you: Ahly or Zamalek? I'm an Ahly girl all the way but my fiance is devoted to Zamalek. Sigh...

Edited January 23, 2014 by LizzieBee

[LizzieBee 25]

Sara and HeatherAndRamy—Oh wow, I guess it can’t be that bad if u guys are there. Sometimes I joke with my husband, asking when he is gonna take me to see the pyramids, and he says “I dunno, someday.” And I say, “Ok so I guess if I wanted to go this summer, I could just go without you… plane tickets for one person are cheaper anyway .” And he says, “NO, you can’t go there by yourself, the men will bother you. I have to be with you, its not safe!” lol.

LOL! Egyptian men are, indeed, very "charming" with the ladies, and not shy about it. It made my fiance crazy when I visited in October and guys were often flirting with me and trying to get my attention. He needn't have worried since I just tuned it out and didn't notice most of the time, but I'll concur that the concern is valid. In my experience, however, nobody would lay a finger on you in most areas. They're actually very respectful toward foreigners and I got the impression from some of them that they knew terrified of being accused of anything by an American because they'd get in so much trouble. Americans wield a lot of power there, to an extremely unfair degree.

MWWW—I blame our personality types, lol. We both took that Myers-Briggs personality test. My type is the INFJ (the rarest one, about 1% of the population, we are very emotional, loving, empathetic and affectionate, they call us “nature’s Counselors” lol). Hubby is an ISTJ, they go more by fact and logic, and require TON of personal space. But our I**J parts work (Introvert and Judging). So we try to work around the rest as best we can. Also, I’ve heard that Egypt’s divorce rate is climbing. Hubby was mostly just saying it was his particular family though. He says he knows several people back home who are divorced, but not in his family... Both his parents, but particularly his fathers family have VERY strong feelings against it. Especially his 80-year-old paternal grandfather, who pretty much leads the family.

You're my ideal "better half" apparently, because I'm an ENJF and I've heard that people are usually attracted to their same type in the opposite I/E category. My fiance is definitely an introvert and I am definitely an extrovert. Something about balancing each other out, I guess?

[sparkles_ 456]

OP, be wary of those groups! The level of cattiness can get high; so far I've stuck to just one really small one that someone linked me to in here and everyone is sane and nice. Be selective

[Ontarkie 14,234]

~~One post removed as requested by the OP~~

[Mithra 1,185]

Yeah I totally don't get the divorce is not an option thing. So I'm going to stay in a ####### marriage because it's "shameful" for my inlaws. Yeah, no. No one goes into marriage thinking it will fail but a lot of times it does. Some people misrepresent themselves but it doesn't show up until later on. Some things are not fixable (infidelity and abuse). Why the hell would someone stay in that because their inlaws never got divorced? F that.

I agree. I stay away from those groups because the minute someone expresses an opinion that doesn't go along with others it's always a cat fight. many people ask questions and start threads here supposedly wanting honest answers and opinions and when the question is answered with something they don't want to hear the OP becomes defensive. Why ask a question if you can't take or don't want to hear the real truth?

I find it strange when someone says that under no circumstances they will never divorce for fear of being a "shame" to their family. I can tell you right now that if a man ever laid a hand on me, I would be out of that marriage faster than a bat out of hell, my family would never think I was a shame, in fact they would probably kill my husband if he ever did anything to hurt me. My husband is Muslim, one of his sisters and a brother are divorced(both remarried now), they are not a shame to the family. I understand some people stay in abusive relationships because they don;t know how to get out or are afraid to get out, they have no self esteem and are bullied into staying. But staying for fear of shame...I just don't get it. Would your family tell you to stay ignoring the fact that your life is in danger for fear of what other people in the family or friends would think of you being divorced? Perplexing...

[Ihavequestions 419]

Our gal on the scene, Mithra, is absolutely right when she advises actions, not words. I'm not saying your guys is scammy, either, but that never divorcing thing stands out just because divorces are common. Every year the Egyptian government gathers up divorce statistics and they're published in the media. Google it and you'll see for yourself that the divorce rate is high - right around 50% for women under 30 years old. Perhaps cousin-cousin marriages are the norm in that particular family and that's the grandfather's underlying reason.

Does dad realize how much treatment for his "heart problems" are going to cost him in U.S. dollars, treatment that is fully available in Egypt, at the German hospital in Alexandria? Again, I'm not saying scammy, I'm just saying that you should watch closely because the need for medical treatment, with a signed paper from a doctor saying the treatment is only available in the U.S. - when the intention is to stay and, ideally, open a wildly successful business - in order to by-pass immigration laws is an urban legend in Egypt.

Actions, not words.

Oh, and those two Facebook groups? Overwhelmingly catty and mean with a lot of "my husband is better than your husband" mixed in. In fact, I got kicked out of one because I was offended by a Muslim Olympics gold medal contender and told her so. They invited me back; I refused.

How does one look "pretty darn American"? Just curious.

[Mithra 1,185]

^^^^ I didn't even think about the cousin/cousin marriage thing. You're on to something there. My husband's family has a lot of that going on and they don't divorce. There are a couple divorces (my SIL and husband's uncle) but those are non cousin marriages.

Oh man yeah that medical situation seems on the shady side.

[Caribbean 6]

Hey Everyone! Can I just say that I enjoyed this thread too much! Everything said here is so true about the groups ! Anyways I am currently living in Cairo with my Egyptian husband and waiting on the I-130.

[sparkles_ 456]

Unless your man is Coptic, divorce in Egypt is as common as the USA. Even among the Copts it happens here and there, they just can't remarry in the Church again.

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

Been married to my Egyptian now American husband for 7 1/2 years. He's been in the USA for 6 and been a US Citizen since Nov. 2012. We live near Houston Texas.

[Heather&Ramy 22]

How does one look "pretty darn American"? Just curious.

You don't know? The same way someone can look French or Brazillian or Japanese or Egyptian... people groups tend to develop similar looks and mannerisms, not to mention that whole genetic race thing...