Husband asked me to leave

[belinda63 3,038]

She or he can always go back home. My hubby took a leave of absence from his job rather than quitting. We did not open joint accounts for several months. In other words he didn't burn his bridges back home before making sure it worked out. When he received his AP he then returned home for two months to tie up all his loose ends.

What would a USC have to gain from scamming a foreigner and bringing them here as an immigrant after spending thousands of dollars to do so?

Why can't a marriage just "not work out". Why does it always have to be a scam? The problem is when an immigrant comes here, their marriage doesn't work out (as a lot of them don't) and then insist on remaining and obtaining a green card by any means possible, including lying.

Why is the USC obligated, according to you, to follow up on the promise of sponsorship? Would you like to be on the hook for possibly the rest of your life to support someone you only lived with for a month or a few months. That is what the sponsorship means.

Edited January 20, 2014 by belinda63

[Hypnos 6,576]

Love means never having to say "You're sure it's mine?"

[sweet cakes 326]

I appreciate all of the feedback everyone has given. Just to share a few more details: When she left her husbands house, she asked him to give her a signed document indicating that he asked her to leave the house. She also has cell phone video of his verbal abuse towards her.

As far as proving a relationship, this will be the hard part. His attitude went down the toilet a very short time AFTER they got MARRIED and filed the AOS I485. He's also lied to us about his wife as he called us and told us that she was the one that threatened to move out of the house and in with one of his friends. It's hard to prove who's telling the truth, but given her written and video evidence, plus the fact that she left the state to come stay with us, that to me proves that she has no where else to go. If she had stayed with her husbands male friend, it would appear that she is having an affair with him, which is definitely not the case!

The reason she wants to stay here is quite simple, actually: She gave up and entire 15 year teaching career in Manila to come be with this man in the US. She, unlike many others, was living a comfortable life in the Philippines and chose to give that up for this guy. Unfortunately, unlike the US, it's not easy to re-establish yourself in the Philippines after leaving. Now, she is here, with no other friends besides us, and since she is stuck here, without any savings, why not try to make a new life for herself in the US, LEGALLY? I personally don't have a problem with this.

One more thing I'd like to add: Our friend had no knowledge that my wife was even living and married in the US when she arrived. She had only found out through a neutral person in the Philippines that we were living here. Prior to their reconnection, they hadn't had contact in over 10 years. I'm only putting this out there because some people may say our friend deliberately came here so she could eventually wind up with us. Definitely not the case. We are just looking for good, unbiased advice on how to help our friend the legal way. Thanks again everyone for your time

Sorry to hear about your friend's misfortune, jamster! It is very saddening indeed that she left her happy life in Philippines just to live a life with somebody she <apparently> doesn't know too much on the personal level. It's not uncommon, especially for K1 visa holders, such a yours truly. But that was her decision, same as most of the immigrants here. As you have indicated, she was a mature & educated woman, so she could have probably saw certain probabilities, such as arguments on the daily basis and even relationships not working out. <I hope.> I mean, it could happen to anybody.

I was a teacher too for 5 years in the Philippines, part-time only and had another full-time job. My point is I can always go back either to teach again or do another job, should my marriage doesn't work out. She still has a family and friends back home as support. Anyway, if your friend had 15 years of teaching experience, I don't see any problem why she can't go back again as well and teach, since she only missed, what? less than a semester / term. Why does she still want to stay if the very reason why she's here is for this man?

[Ontarkie 14,221]

~~Three pages of derailment removed two members thread banned, any further derailment will result in the same~~

Edited January 21, 2014 by Ontarkie

[Ron and Rhea 42]

What benefit would a USC gain from scamming a foreigner? Spending thousands of dollars to bring the to the US as a scam?

Maybe not the word scamming....but everyone does something for a reason, you can believe the USC is getting something from the relationship or they would not be doing it, just as the person coming over is gaining something......

[Boiler 45,488]

Pretty obvious I would have thought, just hit the PI and MENA forums.

[jamster0105 7]

You, being a Filipino, probably would understand that there is a certain amount of "pride" towards returning after a failed relationship abroad. I've been happily married to my Filipina wife for over 6 years now. We have two beautiful little boys and are both working towards a positive future. However, according to my wife, she understands completely the "pride" thing.

Not to judge you, but my wife says it is VERY common in the Philippines for family and friends to gossip and be nosey about the person who traveled abroad. It's all too common for someone like my wife's friend here to go home to the Philippines to not only struggle at getting her life back, but having to deal with the criticism of others. Yes, we Americans are not perfect. We tend to be nosey with the people around us as well, but for the most part, we keep our personal feelings to ourselves or between close friends or loved ones. It is, however, common for other Filipinos to confront one another and belittle someone who "failed" in an American marriage, or any other foreign country for that matter. It's almost not worth going home to the Philippines to have to deal with the "BS" of gossip on a failed relationship along with the other struggles she'd have to deal with. To each their own, I guess.

For the people who keep asking why, ask yourself the same question? If you gave up almost everything, as our friend did, would it be easy for you to piece things back together? Remember, put yourselves in her shoes..... It may be easy for one person to hop a plane and pretend their experience didn't happen, but it's not so easy for others. Why not try to make it work here, since she is already here? Maybe she can't get a teaching job here in the US, but being an educated person from the Philippines who speaks nearly fluent Englsih, I think it's an exaggeration to say she'd be working in a dead end job making minimum wage. Just my opinion though. All I know is if this happened to any other close friend or family member of mine, I'm going to do everything I can to help that person while they are still here legally.

Sorry to hear about your friend's misfortune, jamster! It is very saddening indeed that she left her happy life in Philippines just to live a life with somebody she <apparently> doesn't know too much on the personal level. It's not uncommon, especially for K1 visa holders, such a yours truly. But that was her decision, same as most of the immigrants here. As you have indicated, she was a mature & educated woman, so she could have probably saw certain probabilities, such as arguments on the daily basis and even relationships not working out. <I hope.> I mean, it could happen to anybody.

I was a teacher too for 5 years in the Philippines, part-time only and had another full-time job. My point is I can always go back either to teach again or do another job, should my marriage doesn't work out. She still has a family and friends back home as support. Anyway, if your friend had 15 years of teaching experience, I don't see any problem why she can't go back again as well and teach, since she only missed, what? less than a semester / term. Why does she still want to stay if the very reason why she's here is for this man?

[sweet cakes 326]

You, being a Filipino, probably would understand that there is a certain amount of "pride" towards returning after a failed relationship abroad. I've been happily married to my Filipina wife for over 6 years now. We have two beautiful little boys and are both working towards a positive future. However, according to my wife, she understands completely the "pride" thing.

Not to judge you, but my wife says it is VERY common in the Philippines for family and friends to gossip and be nosey about the person who traveled abroad. It's all too common for someone like my wife's friend here to go home to the Philippines to not only struggle at getting her life back, but having to deal with the criticism of others. Yes, we Americans are not perfect. We tend to be nosey with the people around us as well, but for the most part, we keep our personal feelings to ourselves or between close friends or loved ones. It is, however, common for other Filipinos to confront one another and belittle someone who "failed" in an American marriage, or any other foreign country for that matter. It's almost not worth going home to the Philippines to have to deal with the "BS" of gossip on a failed relationship along with the other struggles she'd have to deal with. To each their own, I guess.

For the people who keep asking why, ask yourself the same question? If you gave up almost everything, as our friend did, would it be easy for you to piece things back together? Remember, put yourselves in her shoes..... It may be easy for one person to hop a plane and pretend their experience didn't happen, but it's not so easy for others. Why not try to make it work here, since she is already here? Maybe she can't get a teaching job here in the US, but being an educated person from the Philippines who speaks nearly fluent Englsih, I think it's an exaggeration to say she'd be working in a dead end job making minimum wage. Just my opinion though. All I know is if this happened to any other close friend or family member of mine, I'm going to do everything I can to help that person while they are still here legally.

Yes, pride comes as a big player in life's decision. Migrating to another country is a big pill to swallow, but side effects have to be anticipated. I can go on with the premise that she has more to go back for in Philippines, and sorry to say this, almost nothing to hold on to here in America.

Ok, let me pause a bit, What's the status of her AOS as of this moment, by the way? She has to realize that her LEGAL status depends solely on her marriage, since she was here on a K-1 visa. VAWA is a strong case, but basing it from a short-lived marriage is, IMHO, a long shot.

I truly wish the best for your friend.

Edited January 22, 2014 by sweet cakes

[Boiler 45,488]

For the people who keep asking why, ask yourself the same question? If you gave up almost everything, as our friend did, would it be easy for you to piece things back together? Remember, put yourselves in her shoes..... It may be easy for one person to hop a plane and pretend their experience didn't happen, but it's not so easy for others. Why not try to make it work here, since she is already here?

You said she has been teaching for 15 years but then you describe 14 year old behaviour.

She is a stranger in a strange country, she has family etc back home and nothing here to stay for.

[InHisTime 110]

You, being a Filipino, probably would understand that there is a certain amount of "pride" towards returning after a failed relationship abroad. I've been happily married to my Filipina wife for over 6 years now. We have two beautiful little boys and are both working towards a positive future. However, according to my wife, she understands completely the "pride" thing.

Not to judge you, but my wife says it is VERY common in the Philippines for family and friends to gossip and be nosey about the person who traveled abroad. It's all too common for someone like my wife's friend here to go home to the Philippines to not only struggle at getting her life back, but having to deal with the criticism of others. Yes, we Americans are not perfect. We tend to be nosey with the people around us as well, but for the most part, we keep our personal feelings to ourselves or between close friends or loved ones. It is, however, common for other Filipinos to confront one another and belittle someone who "failed" in an American marriage, or any other foreign country for that matter. It's almost not worth going home to the Philippines to have to deal with the "BS" of gossip on a failed relationship along with the other struggles she'd have to deal with. To each their own, I guess.

For the people who keep asking why, ask yourself the same question? If you gave up almost everything, as our friend did, would it be easy for you to piece things back together? Remember, put yourselves in her shoes..... It may be easy for one person to hop a plane and pretend their experience didn't happen, but it's not so easy for others. Why not try to make it work here, since she is already here? Maybe she can't get a teaching job here in the US, but being an educated person from the Philippines who speaks nearly fluent Englsih, I think it's an exaggeration to say she'd be working in a dead end job making minimum wage. Just my opinion though. All I know is if this happened to any other close friend or family member of mine, I'm going to do everything I can to help that person while they are still here legally.

Hi, let me share my thoughts. I'm a Filipina and had been to the US through K-1, but I came home before my 90 days and didn't marry. I understand your reasons why you prefer your friend to have a legal capacity to stay in the US despite of failure of marriage with no AOS / GC yet.

In some cases, I agree that "pride" maybe one of the reasons of not coming back to home country. In my case, I never felt hurting my "pride". Eversince, even before coming to the US, it was always on my mind, that if my relationship ain't working out, despite of my exerted efforts to make it work, I will surely come back home 100%, than to stay out of status or become illegal in the US.

It really depends on individual situation and what is really the ultimate reason of coming to the US ? Is it about love and marriage? advancement ? or maybe both ?

I would respect if one has already started life in the US, maybe within 2 or more years of stay, like already having a job, started savings, acquired mortgage, etc. These are very good reasons not to come back home. But for just few months in the US, without anything acquired yet, for me, it is best to come home.

I disagree with anyone who files VAWA falsely in order to successfully complete their immigration journey. Why not just come back home, move on and be happy. We all commit mistakes and don't make like more complicated. Have faith that things will get better eventually. There is always hope.

In my case, I have some very close relatives and friends who are living comfortably in the US. I knew, just my quick call to them, they will surely come to help me without reservation. But I never tried contacting anyone telling about my problems. They knew that I arrived in the US through my facebook pictures and earlier calls I made. They were all surprised that I came home not even asking any help from them. Maybe it was different for me because I was prepared financially when I went to the US. I brought some cash to help me. I am just saying, we should never put ourselves totally in trouble especially we knew that we are going to a very strange place. I just believe that If we know how to get in, we should also know how to get out. Always retain something for yourself -- in the event of unforseen situation, at least we still can survive, and live a decent life. It's always our choice.

Though it was one of the painful experiences in my life, but at least me and Fiance were still talking well to each other. Just wasn't the right time to get married. Time heals everything.

What I am trying to share is that, it really depends on each individual. I am blessed that I still have a very good job as soon I came home. I got some very good and supportive family and friends. Life is too short to fight on something unworthy. At least I have tried working it out and have no regrets to look back.

I hope those beneficiaries who may wish to adjust their status through VAWA claims would always consider looking for MERIT, honorable and Godly reasons in your case. Truth shall always prevail. So GO ahead if you think you deserve your rights and legal stay in the US. I believe that the USCIS establish this policy to give justice and aid to those who are truly victims of abuse. Just don't abuse the system. God will always see us through. God bless to the OP and to his wife's friend.

-- InHisTime

[Boiler 45,488]

Says it all.

[sweet cakes 326]

Hi, let me share my thoughts. I'm a Filipina and had been to the US through K-1, but I came home before my 90 days and didn't marry. I understand your reasons why you prefer your friend to have a legal capacity to stay in the US despite of failure of marriage with no AOS / GC yet.

In some cases, I agree that "pride" maybe one of the reasons of not coming back to home country. In my case, I never felt hurting my "pride". Eversince, even before coming to the US, it was always on my mind, that if my relationship ain't working out, despite of my exerted efforts to make it work, I will surely come back home 100%, than to stay out of status or become illegal in the US.

It really depends on individual situation and what is really the ultimate reason of coming to the US ? Is it about love and marriage? advancement ? or maybe both ?

...

-- InHisTime

Attagirl!

After all, it doesn't matter what other nosey people says of a failed marriage (which can happen to anybody, by the way) when one goes back to Philippines. It's still way way better than a life that is struggling where to go and what to do next.

Edited January 22, 2014 by sweet cakes

[Misha'sgirl 44]

Yes, pride comes as a big player in life's decision. Migrating to another country is a big pill to swallow, but side effects have to be anticipated. I can go on with the premise that she has more to go back for in Philippines, and sorry to say this, almost nothing to hold on to here in America.

Ok, let me pause a bit, What's the status of her AOS as of this moment, by the way? She has to realize that her LEGAL status depends solely on her marriage, since she was here on a K-1 visa. VAWA is a strong case, but basing it from a short-lived marriage is, IMHO, a long shot.

I truly wish the best for your friend.

What do you mean by that?

[sweet cakes 326]

What do you mean by that?

Excuse my figurative play with words, honey. But when the doctor prescribe you meds, don't you ask the doctor or even bother researching on your own what the probable side effects are? Similarly,when the OP's friend was asked by his then fiance to move to another country to marry and live a life with him, didn't she bother asking if he can commit a happy life with her? And even if the USC did, haven't she weighed the consequences and realize the other probability? Success and failure of a relationship / marriage always have that 50% probability of either case happening. But when one has decided to leave everything behind, that pill has to be taken.

Hope the semantics won't get this topic to derailment <again>.

Edited January 22, 2014 by sweet cakes

[Misha'sgirl 44]

Excuse my figurative play with words, honey. But when the doctor prescribe you meds, don't you ask the doctor or even bother researching on your own what the probable side effects are? Similarly,when the OP's friend was asked by his then fiance to move to another country to marry and live a life with him, didn't she bother asking if he can commit a happy life with her? And even if the USC did, haven't she weighed the consequences and realize the other probability? Success and failure of a relationship / marriage always have that 50% probability of either case happening. But when one has decided to leave everything behind, that pill has to be taken.

Hope the semantics won't get this topic to derailment <again>.

Ok, honey.