The Plnk Ranther Strikes Again

[SAT 9,609]

Gotta agree with Nola - you gotta have some hard conversations with Tiff and work out the budget for the family - who pays what, how often, etc. Don't think it's a good idea to involve family - might make the situation even more volatile. Maybe a neutral third party person.

Ok ok.....one more time.....it's not the budgeting, it's not the money......

It is the way she goes on the defensive when I try talking to her.

Ok ok....here's what transpired last night.

She had a stack of 100s on the floor that she was counting (for the new year). My daughter takes one and gives it to me...

In jest, I pocket it.

Tiff said did you pocket my hundred?

I said yes, and all you've gotta give me is another hundred for the stuff you ordered on amazon.

She snaps.....something like....ok fine !

I say " tiff, it's not about the money. It's you blindly sending stuff back to your rich sister"

She snaps "that's my little sister"

I say calmly "how bout you worry about your little daughter first?"

That's how it snow balled. There was a few other things exchanged. Now we not talking.

It was her attitude.....

Very defensive, disrespectful.

[SAT 9,609]

Just looked at amazon.

She still owes me 189

I wouldn't even bill her if she wasn't being such an azz

[kitthekat 1,317]

also, in my work, i sometimes have to deal with people who have systemic problems in their relationships that 99% of the time, boil down to money. the other 1% are sickos who get off on power and hurting other people.

those 99% - maybe less than 10% ever work their problems out. why? because the rest of them refuse to let go of any one of the following mindsets:

1. if i can do enough to convince him/her, my spouse will surely see my point of view, over time

>> it is not the person's fault that their spouse does not take their financial responsibility in the relationship seriously. talking about it is good, yes. but there is a very minute chance he/she would be convinced by just 'talk'. sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind.

2. my spouse loves me, loves our family, therefore they will surely never do anything to seriously hurt us. they will come around when the going gets tough.

>> unfortunately, they are often proven wrong.

3. it is only a small amount of money each time, i would be petty to squabble over it

>> by the time it's too late, they realise that the small amounts add up to quite a substantial amount over time.

[SAT 9,609]

You forgot 4.....

My husband makes more money than my sisters, brother, father and mother, so I will blindly spend my money on them. Because I dun have to worry about nuttin here.....

[kitthekat 1,317]

You forgot 4.....

My husband makes more money than my sisters, brother, father and mother, so I will blindly spend my money on them. Because I dun have to worry about nuttin here.....

That goes under her perceived financial responsibility in the relationship. Which as far as I can tell from what you tell us, is zero.

I mean this in the kindest way possible, but *you* sound defensive, of Tiff, even when you're angry with her. "It's $400...I'm not gonna fight over that small amount." "It's not the money..." When the time comes, is she going to stand up for you and your daughter?

[Darnell 8,478]

steve - go change the amazon account password, nowish.

[oohpartiv 484]

On top of my grouchy step father, my typically pacific hubby comes home in an ahole mood and starts a b1tch fit over somethig stupid 2 minutes after walking through the door. He really had to choose today to be a PITA? Errmph.

I think it's time for that ice cream.

[SAT 9,609]

When the time comes, is she going to stand up for you and your daughter?

That...tis the question...........

[SAT 9,609]

steve - go change the amazon account password, nowish.

May be I will....

But once more. it's her attitude. Snapping at me, getting all defensive when all I was trying to do was talk to her.

On top of my grouchy step father, my typically pacific hubby comes home in an ahole mood and starts a b1tch fit over somethig stupid 2 minutes after walking through the door. He really had to choose today to be a PITA? Errmph.

I think it's time for that ice cream.

who else is having a bad day?

I hope Darklar slips on ice and breaks his non-bum leg

I hope the Professor is getting some tampo at home...

[kitthekat 1,317]

okay...it is her attitude towards money...because she is defensive over money.

i'm late for knitting class. jonas is still out looking at that nissan. better run. rant at you guys later.

[oohpartiv 484]

who else is having a bad day?

It's bad day Friday, apparently. I'm feeling a good book and some tea far away from other living beings. Mmm chai. Edited January 25, 2014 by oohpartiv

[SAT 9,609]

okay...it is her attitude towards money...because she is defensive over money.

yeah, you can say that yes...

a lot of the things that you guys said are not far off....

such as-

the guilt factor

defensive over money

the non-reliance of her money for this family's finances

[Darnell 8,478]

ok - so use yer nail gril krewe for the intervention. spend time to coach them, prior.

[Darnell 8,478]

Of course I come home. The block is full of parking spaces. But who's fing blocking my driveway? Gump!

Bonus points for calling a wrecker service and getting it impounded. You calling yer fav police officer ?

[SAT 9,609]

Trophie look at this slide show

http://www.thefiscaltimes.com/Media/Slideshow/2014/01/24/10-Best-States-Taxes

ok - so use yer nail gril krewe for the intervention. spend time to coach them, prior.

whatdayamean? like have sex with them?