Think carefully before you marry a Nigerian, I regret doing so!

[godlove 29]

Hi everyone. I have not posted or even logged on here for years. I met my Nigerian husband in 2008 and brought him here on a K-1 visa in 2009. I thought he loved me by all the sweet words he said, the hundreds of hours on the phone and webcam, messenger..... Well he was only here three days and took my bank card and purchased dating website subscriptions. He was on several sites. I was not aware of this until three months later. Meanwhile, we got married and I got pregnant . I was3 devestated when I found out and confronted him. he said it didn't matter because he was just bored and wanted to talk to them for fun and wasn't planning to meet anyone. He promised to stop, but he fell into a habit of doing it every few months, me catching him and then he would do it again. We got into a lot of heated arguements and I turned into a detective in my own house. He claimed to be addicted to it and it wasn't personal. We went to counseling , we prayed and fasted, he even fly to Nigeria to seek deliverance from his Pastor. He still kept having emotional affairs, often getting a woman's phone number and then talking to her secretly. Twice he had physical affairs. By August of this year I caught him again and kicked him out. I told him to get help and if he could control himself, he could return. He decided to get a second job, buy himself a new car, a new tv, anything but get help. On Christmas ev he announced that he want to have all the young pretty woman he wants now and wants to be single. He said he cant stop going on dating websites and will cheat on me if he returns. He is also emotionally and verbally abusive. He never even gave our kids Christmas presents.

He has ruined my life and my kids' lives. He sucked $15,000 from me overall, he took my youth and beauty, he damaged my relationship with my family, I lost my best friend, he took away all my hope and happiness in life. I regret ever meeting him!!!! Everyone told me he is going to scam you or treat you badly, don't talk to him, but I did it anyways.

In addition, I many many other people on here who married a nigerian a few years ago and we all regret. One lady married the guy and he turned around and married a Nigerian woman right after his interview (meanwhile taking thousands from her over the years). Another lady brought her husband here on a K-1 and he cheated on her allll the time, was rude, unloving. He was even doing romance scamming here in the states in front of her and the kids. When he wasn't doing that he was in stip clubs and bars picking up new girls. another lady just found out her Nigerian husband of two years, has been having an affair for the past year with a co-worker much older than him.

Many of these men have no shame and no integrety. Please use extreme caution. Run

I cant believe you took out the time investigating marriages involving Nigerians and asking people to be careful about 160 Million Nigerians is not a good way to present your problems. I do not know about others but its affecting me psychological.

I see absolutely no reason why it should affect you in a psychological way, she is only sharing her experiences. Personally I am a Nigerian and I married my bestfriend a Nigerian man who is absolutely wonderful and in my eyes his the best husband anyone can ever wish for so I consider myself very lucky. This has nothing to do with the fact that he is a Nigerian because there jerks everywhere and you just fell for the wrong one. People just have to be careful meeting men online especially when the person is in a different country, you visit once and your already jumping into marriage because they sweet talk you and introduce you to their family members. Thank you for sharing your experience and hopefully some people will learn from your experience, but I wished you topic was "THINK CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU MARRY ANY MAN". No woman or man should jump into marriage, get to know the person very well in real life and also pray about it and make sure your doing the right thing. There will always be bad and good people everywhere .

[His Glory 25]

I hated it when he takes beautiful pictues of himself that I took of him, even one of our wedding pictures, every nice picture of happy moments we did have, then uploaded them onto dating websites. He spoiled every nice picture I ever took of him. I hated looking at them knowing what he was doing with them. He even changed the wording of a love letter I sent to him during the courtship phase, and sent it to one of his woman. so disgusting. I hope you reported what he did to USCIS. He will have a very hard time adjusting status. he is probably just living under the table SOMEWHERE.

Omgee this made me laugh, girl! you are so better off without him. Totally reminds me of my ex...no character at all..and yes the pics I took he used on dating sites too. It hurts like heck and makes u boil too but believe me it gets better and God sees all the sacrifices you made for love and it will be counted toward you. Someday soon you will have peace again but yr ex will never find contentment. hope the best for you and your kids.

[Darnell 8,478]

I cant believe you took out the time investigating marriages involving Nigerians and asking people to be careful about 160 Million Nigerians is not a good way to present your problems. I do not know about others but its affecting me psychological.

I am actually glad that it's affecting you psychologically. That should be a really huge red flag for you, and I ask that you re-examine all that you intend to accomplish , and try to match up any problems with what was written here.

If you have 1 or more matches, I suggest you take a time-out and seek a therapist, as things will only get worse without a successful intervention and refactoring.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

"Visajourney.com Forums are general information, and are not intended to substitute for informed professional medical, psychiatric, psychological" from the TOS

Just saying

[Darnell 8,478]

That's right !! You Tell Em, Gowon !!

[Rosesarered 11]

Seriously Its all immigrants. I am going thru this with a man from morocco I married. He was so sweet and such a nice guy in morocco and when here for the first few years but the more comfortable he became and the more he got used to the freedoms here in the states, I think he went crazy with lust and things. Almost like a kid that finally was out from his parents house. I don't even think he knew the "real him" and maybe eventually he will settle down and feel bad for what he has done and put me thru etc...maybe not..but its such a risk when you marry someone from a culture that is strickt about the affection in public, the way sex is considered wrong if you are not married etc. They still have sex they just have to hide it, buy it or from what I have been told, it is common for men to have sex with each other because it does not seem as bad to them as sex with a woman not your wife. I have even heard that girls will have ####### sex and not vaginal because they wont risk being found out (losing virginity) so even though these things seem strange here, it is accepted although shunned there. So when men (women too maybe) get here they realize "hey I can do this now!" and the little demons come out of them and unfortunately hurt others

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Seriously Its all immigrants. I am going thru this with a man from morocco I married. He was so sweet and such a nice guy in morocco and when here for the first few years but the more comfortable he became and the more he got used to the freedoms here in the states, I think he went crazy with lust and things. Almost like a kid that finally was out from his parents house. I don't even think he knew the "real him" and maybe eventually he will settle down and feel bad for what he has done and put me thru etc...maybe not..but its such a risk when you marry someone from a culture that is strickt about the affection in public, the way sex is considered wrong if you are not married etc. They still have sex they just have to hide it, buy it or from what I have been told, it is common for men to have sex with each other because it does not seem as bad to them as sex with a woman not your wife. I have even heard that girls will have ####### sex and not vaginal because they wont risk being found out (losing virginity) so even though these things seem strange here, it is accepted although shunned there. So when men (women too maybe) get here they realize "hey I can do this now!" and the little demons come out of them and unfortunately hurt others

Morocco or Nigeria?

Jonathan signs same Sex Marriage Prohibition Bill into law

[sbai2000 31]

you should think carefully before you marry any man - you should be doubly careful before you marry a man from a culture you do not understand.

your marriage fell apart, not because the man was Nigerian, but because you married a man that you did not know.

At the end of the day we are all responsible for our actions and the choices we make. I'm sorry that you are hurting but you shouldn't turn around and blame your failed choices on a whole nation of people.

[sbai2000 31]

you should think carefully before you marry any man - you should be doubly careful before you marry a man from a culture you do not understand.

your marriage fell apart, not because the man was Nigerian, but because you married a man that you did not know.

At the end of the day we are all responsible for our actions and the choices we make. I'm sorry that you are hurting but you shouldn't turn around and blame your failed choices on a whole nation of people.

[Peace.... 281]

Seriously Its all immigrants. I am going thru this with a man from morocco I married. He was so sweet and such a nice guy in morocco and when here for the first few years but the more comfortable he became and the more he got used to the freedoms here in the states, I think he went crazy with lust and things. Almost like a kid that finally was out from his parents house. I don't even think he knew the "real him" and maybe eventually he will settle down and feel bad for what he has done and put me thru etc...maybe not..but its such a risk when you marry someone from a culture that is strickt about the affection in public, the way sex is considered wrong if you are not married etc. They still have sex they just have to hide it, buy it or from what I have been told, it is common for men to have sex with each other because it does not seem as bad to them as sex with a woman not your wife. I have even heard that girls will have ####### sex and not vaginal because they wont risk being found out (losing virginity) so even though these things seem strange here, it is accepted although shunned there. So when men (women too maybe) get here they realize "hey I can do this now!" and the little demons come out of them and unfortunately hurt others

Please don't generalize and say ALL IMMIGRANTS, honey, you just got yourself into a situation that didn't work out. There are more beautiful women in Morocco than I could count, so it's not as if these men in Morocco lived in dungeons or were blind. There is plenty of FREEDOM there, you don't need to move to America for that.

Happily married to a Moroccan.....

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Seriously Its all immigrants. I am going thru this with a man from morocco I married. He was so sweet and such a nice guy in morocco and when here for the first few years but the more comfortable he became and the more he got used to the freedoms here in the states, I think he went crazy with lust and things. Almost like a kid that finally was out from his parents house. I don't even think he knew the "real him" and maybe eventually he will settle down and feel bad for what he has done and put me thru etc...maybe not..but its such a risk when you marry someone from a culture that is strickt about the affection in public, the way sex is considered wrong if you are not married etc. They still have sex they just have to hide it, buy it or from what I have been told, it is common for men to have sex with each other because it does not seem as bad to them as sex with a woman not your wife. I have even heard that girls will have ####### sex and not vaginal because they wont risk being found out (losing virginity) so even though these things seem strange here, it is accepted although shunned there. So when men (women too maybe) get here they realize "hey I can do this now!" and the little demons come out of them and unfortunately hurt others

Excuse me ? I am an immigrant and now a USC and your opinion that it's all immigrants is ridiculous and offensive.

Chose mature men with character and dignity then you won't have that problem. He was what he was, nice and sweet faking

his way through and you fell for it. Sorry you are going through that but the "it's all immigrants" is just silly.

[Rosesarered 11]

Ah yes that's true It cant possibly be "all immigrants" that is not accurate at all. Sorry to have stepped on some toes I am sure there are a lot of cultures that have a free and openly sexually accepted & demonstrative atmosphere and they would most certainly not be shocked or enticed by our very democratic american culture. Especially in states like California etc..... also if they immigrate from one of the larger cities in their country or from a country that has a more modern view of sexual freedoms than that should not become a problem. I honestly don't think it has much to do with women being or not being attractive. I think it has more to do with modesty and traditions. For instance my guy came from a very modest/traditional family that all watched each other to be sure they did not embarrass the family with bad behavior. He would never do anything in his country to make his parents upset at him. He just lost it once he came here and got a taste of craigslist personals Ohlala!!!

BTW if you've never looked at craigslist personals (I hadn't) there just happens to be a lot of very young arab men that look just like my husband looking for sex with men! ERRRRR!

Edited January 25, 2014 by Rosesarered

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Thanks for correcting about the "all immigrants." I believe it is the character and integrity of each person on this planet whether they

chose to be honest, trustworthy and faithful or chose to let circumstances and environment such as a change of country and culture

influence and dictate to them to become cheating jerks. If they allow a new and free country where anything goes to define who they are then

something deep inside of them that is not stable has always been a part of them.

Maturity and character does not behave like a bull in a china shop and wreck a relationship because of all the eye candy they see.

Yes, it happens but the guy was a jerk to begin with and he allowed himself to get swept away.

Therefore my mantra : know you who are with long before you commit yourself to a serious relationship, here, there, anyway with

anyone and don't jump into an engagement or marriage, test, observe. At the end of the day we need to be accountable and responsible

for our choices. Not to sound like a broken record, but I strongly believe that.

[patient2010 93]

hmmmm......

[Nwanyioma 11]

I believe your topic title is against TOS as it specifically and negatively singles out a group of people, Nigerians in this case.

Your story does not read like you were scammed for a GC but like you chose to marry a man with red flags who has no integrity

and is a cheater and a big jerk. Happens here in the good old USA all the time, nothing exclusively Nigerian about it.

He could have divorced you and ROC'ed without you but he remained with you and you ROC'ed him through it all,

knowing he fell off the turnip wagon many times. No, he will not be deported for cheating.

When we risk taking chances with someone who shows his true colors, then we have to be big enough

to be accountable for our own choices and not "warn" people of an entire country of people. It goes without saying that there are

good and bad apples in every country, race and ethnicity, nationality.

I can tell you that nobody reading your 'warning' will end their relationship, because everyone thinks their

marriage will last a lifetime.

No one can take thousands of dollars of your money over the years unless you allow it and go with the flow right along with it.

Your friends who also have cheating Nigerian men chose to stay with them after the first offense...why do I ask myself ?!

Why stay with a serial cheater ?

Why do some women put up with so much ####### ?

Why would your friend not call the authorities when her man did the romance scam in front of her and the kids ? WTH ?

She didn't do anything about it immediately did she ? So why stay with him and cry about it later ?

Your FIL advises you that if you want a lasting marriage then you should have closed your eye to it.

That is a village mentality and an entitlement thinking which is more common in some African cultures

because the women are shamed for divorcing and often can not provide for themselves or their kids alone so they do close their eyes

to it. The modern city woman will not put up with it, there are exceptions to the rule of course.

I hope some day all women will discover their self worth and separate themselves from this nonsense.

Rather than telling people to run it would be more beneficial to tell them to investigate their potential partners at the beginning

of meeting them and not after being married already. That goes for all internet romances, home and abroad.

People leave digital tracks and trails all the time trolling the net.

It is not hard to find someone on dating sites at all.

You can send someone you trust ( church affiliated pastor, missionary, trusted friend etc. ) directly to his house unannounced and see what

pops up, anyone can keep up a pretense for a 2 week visit....except your ignorant ex ( I hope he is an ex now ) couldn't even pull that off.

Been there, done that and have the T-shirt many years ago and was successful in discovering real evidence and ended the relationship.

But no one will "run" having read that your marriage failed.

Last but not least, I truly am sorry that it didn't work out for you, I truly am.

We all must be accountable to our choices and decisions in life and regain our beauty and happiness through the consequences

and knowing the future will be better with better choices and setting higher standards for ourselves.

That is when real growth happens within ourselves and then we can truly move on and share our story with others who ask us for

advice.

We must become fruit inspectors and look deeper than the charm that is on display.

Wow perfectly spoken in words. Not all Nigerians are scammers. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on ME!!!!

We as women have to hold accountability and endure consequences. May sound harsh but its true.

Nwanyioma