Marriage, Our TOP 10 list of things to do

[Bob&Mira 8]

We recently completed the K1 process and wanted to share some things that we've experienced in our journey.

Early adjustments for k1 Beneficiaries coming to the states.

1. WEATHER, IT'S COLD.

It's very hard to prepare someone for the type of cold that we are experiencing here in the midwest, but, one thing I can tell all cold weather sponsors, "be prepared to buy winter clothes" Get your wife/fiance' a nice coat, some gloves, a winter hat and some boots. Do this as soon as she gets here, do not delay. This may sound like common sense, but, set aside money in your budget for these Essential items.

2. FOOD

Try to find a local Asian market if possible, we have lumpia wrappers, Jufran, adobo, canton, bihon, Nagaraya cracker nuts, lechon sauce, stikko, tocino, langonisa and other home style treats. These comfort foods will make your spouse feel somewhat more comfortable in the strange new world they find themselves in.

3. FEELINGS OF ISOLATION

For the first few months, our spouses have no drivers license, they can't work, they have little or no social network and will be stuck at home a lot while we are at work. MAKE SURE that you get out every day and do SOMETHING, even if it's to get groceries, take a walk, ride a bike, join a gym, go to church, anything. Our spouses are used to having multiple avenues of transit with jeepneys, tricycles, MRT, cab, etc... Imagine the feelings of isolation that one must experience going to a new country and being stuck at home at the mercy of their spouse to take them EVERYWHERE. YOU MUST BE COMPASSIONATE about this. Provide access to SKYPE, YM, VIBER, Facebook, ANYTHING to stay in touch with family back home.

4. INDEPENDENCE

When my wife arrived, I had her iPhone and credit card in her married name waiting for her. As soon as she arrived she had the ability to communicate back home and money to spend. Speaking of money, Grab some currency, including US coins, and practice at the kitchen table with how much each coin is worth. Be prepared to explain why the dime is worth more, even though it is smaller than a nickel.

5. SLANG

Be prepared to explain all slang and be a translator for the every usage of the English language as it applies in the states. I asked my wife for a buck and a quarter at a flea market, she asked why i needed a bucket of water.... That's when it occurred to me that i had not done my job as her husband and changed my game plan a bit. We are so comfortable that I sometimes forget that she does not know many slang terms and I fall into a comfort zone, forgetting that slang is an improper use of the English language.

6. JEALOUSY

Look, if you are married to a filipina, she is going to be jealous.. deal with it. re-assure her, love her, again and again. Makulit sobra.

7. COMMUNICATION

It really goes without saying how important this is. If you don't communicate, you won't make it, period. As much as you may know your loved one online, it is a completely different world in the reality of living together. In the online relationship world, you still have space, you can end a conversation and have your personal space and privacy. In the real world, there is no space. You are in each other's space, especially in the beginning. You will be the center of a universe for your spouse, the only known variable in their world. Imagine leaving your family, your life, your friends, everything you've ever known, moving to a new country and marrying someone that you've maybe spent a month or two with in person. I can't stress enough that you must be understanding and allow for an adjustment. To do otherwise is just not fair. Seriously, prepare yourself mentally and emotionally. BE PATIENT

8. FIND A COMMON HOBBY

Find something that you love to do together, at least ONE THING. It can be anything, as long as you both love to do it. This will give you a foundation of doing things together and will instill some instant order in your rapidly changing life. We bought bicycles, joined a gym and found a church we both like. Those are the little things that gave us instant stability, something we could both agree upon and pursue together. It's really great for times when I just don't have anything intelligent to talk about, ( it happens) Sometimes we can just go work out and look at each other with nodding approval.

9. CREATE MEMORIES.

Take a lot of pictures! Especially during the "honeymoon" period of your relationship. Build as much good will as possible early on. YOU WILL NEED THIS LATER ON! Some days are better than others, that's just marriage. It is really nice to look at our Facebook or wedding album and look at our happy pictures. We borrow from the "good will" bank of happiness to see us through our trials. We often post happy videos and pics on Facebook for our friends and family to see. It is great to have the moral support of our social network, encouraging our marriage and love.

10. LAUGH

Look, there is enough pressure involved in this transition. Just remember to give each other a break, don't put too much pressure on every single decision. Just take one day at a time, remember what's important. Love each other. REMEMBER WHY YOU WANTED TO BE MARRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE. It may not always be easy, but it's always worth it.

feel free to add any helpful hints to the list. Our "visa journey" is really just life's journey.

Mabuhay.

Edited January 9, 2014 by Bob&Mira

[ChuckM 8]

Great Post

This is all excellent advise. My wife has now been here for 9 months today. I had to laugh when you mentioned the discussion on the coins. When my wife's work permit arrived, she got a job interview right away, she did great, they loved her, the only problem was I never went over with her the coins. They asked to to do a small test on giving back change, she had no clue. I felt so bad about it. She worked on it that night for 20 minutes and had it all figured out. Two days later she got another interview and is in a job that she really likes.

I hope it was COLD enough for you to share some of the real fun things to do when it gets cold. We spend Tuesday morning making snow from boiling water and freezing bubbles. Video recorded all of it so she would share with her friends and family back in Iran. In the video, it is -21F and she is smiling and laughing through it all.

[JbTin 51]

Awesome! Thanks for posting this, will let my hubby read it.. I literally LOLed at "bucket of water" haha

[frostysoftyeaton 6]

This is cute. I've been in the states for 5 years and I can attest to the above statement. It's all true and the adjustment period was hard and funny, but like my husband said, I am becoming a southern girl now because I talk like everybody else and have well adjusted. Thanks to him, his always been there and will always be.

[clairegie 265]

Also part of the adjustment is the all too familiar getting along with the in-laws o.o I love mine but I'm still scared I might do something they wont like :S Also, part of the weather adjustment was how my skin got really dry. Be ready with lotion! Thank God my skin is going back to normal

[merkin&regine 18]

We recently completed the K1 process and wanted to share some things that we've experienced in our journey.

Early adjustments for k1 Beneficiaries coming to the states.

1. WEATHER, IT'S COLD.

It's very hard to prepare someone for the type of cold that we are experiencing here in the midwest, but, one thing I can tell all cold weather sponsors, "be prepared to buy winter clothes" Get your wife/fiance' a nice coat, some gloves, a winter hat and some boots. Do this as soon as she gets here, do not delay. This may sound like common sense, but, set aside money in your budget for these Essential items.

2. FOOD

Try to find a local Asian market if possible, we have lumpia wrappers, Jufran, adobo, canton, bihon, Nagaraya cracker nuts, lechon sauce, stikko, tocino, langonisa and other home style treats. These comfort foods will make your spouse feel somewhat more comfortable in the strange new world they find themselves in.

3. FEELINGS OF ISOLATION

For the first few months, our spouses have no drivers license, they can't work, they have little or no social network and will be stuck at home a lot while we are at work. MAKE SURE that you get out every day and do SOMETHING, even if it's to get groceries, take a walk, ride a bike, join a gym, go to church, anything. Our spouses are used to having multiple avenues of transit with jeepneys, tricycles, MRT, cab, etc... Imagine the feelings of isolation that one must experience going to a new country and being stuck at home at the mercy of their spouse to take them EVERYWHERE. YOU MUST BE COMPASSIONATE about this. Provide access to SKYPE, YM, VIBER, Facebook, ANYTHING to stay in touch with family back home.

4. INDEPENDENCE

When my wife arrived, I had her iPhone and credit card in her married name waiting for her. As soon as she arrived she had the ability to communicate back home and money to spend. Speaking of money, Grab some currency, including US coins, and practice at the kitchen table with how much each coin is worth. Be prepared to explain why the dime is worth more, even though it is smaller than a nickel.

5. SLANG

Be prepared to explain all slang and be a translator for the every usage of the English language as it applies in the states. I asked my wife for a buck and a quarter at a flea market, she asked why i needed a bucket of water.... That's when it occurred to me that i had not done my job as her husband and changed my game plan a bit. We are so comfortable that I sometimes forget that she does not know many slang terms and I fall into a comfort zone, forgetting that slang is an improper use of the English language.

6. JEALOUSY

Look, if you are married to a filipina, she is going to be jealous.. deal with it. re-assure her, love her, again and again. Makulit sobra.

7. COMMUNICATION

It really goes without saying how important this is. If you don't communicate, you won't make it, period. As much as you may know your loved one online, it is a completely different world in the reality of living together. In the online relationship world, you still have space, you can end a conversation and have your personal space and privacy. In the real world, there is no space. You are in each other's space, especially in the beginning. You will be the center of a universe for your spouse, the only known variable in their world. Imagine leaving your family, your life, your friends, everything you've ever known, moving to a new country and marrying someone that you've maybe spent a month or two with in person. I can't stress enough that you must be understanding and allow for an adjustment. To do otherwise is just not fair. Seriously, prepare yourself mentally and emotionally. BE PATIENT

8. FIND A COMMON HOBBY

Find something that you love to do together, at least ONE THING. It can be anything, as long as you both love to do it. This will give you a foundation of doing things together and will instill some instant order in your rapidly changing life. We bought bicycles, joined a gym and found a church we both like. Those are the little things that gave us instant stability, something we could both agree upon and pursue together. It's really great for times when I just don't have anything intelligent to talk about, ( it happens) Sometimes we can just go work out and look at each other with nodding approval.

9. CREATE MEMORIES.

Take a lot of pictures! Especially during the "honeymoon" period of your relationship. Build as much good will as possible early on. YOU WILL NEED THIS LATER ON! Some days are better than others, that's just marriage. It is really nice to look at our Facebook or wedding album and look at our happy pictures. We borrow from the "good will" bank of happiness to see us through our trials. We often post happy videos and pics on Facebook for our friends and family to see. It is great to have the moral support of our social network, encouraging our marriage and love.

10. LAUGH

Look, there is enough pressure involved in this transition. Just remember to give each other a break, don't put too much pressure on every single decision. Just take one day at a time, remember what's important. Love each other. REMEMBER WHY YOU WANTED TO BE MARRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE. It may not always be easy, but it's always worth it.

feel free to add any helpful hints to the list. Our "visa journey" is really just life's journey.

Mabuhay.

Nice! I love it!

[jgoodman 8]

This is excellent!! Thanks for sharing

[Bob&Mira 8]

Also part of the adjustment is the all too familiar getting along with the in-laws o.o I love mine but I'm still scared I might do something they wont like :S Also, part of the weather adjustment was how my skin got really dry. Be ready with lotion! Thank God my skin is going back to normal

Thanks for adding to the list! Dry skin is definitely another adjustment. Mira says to try different moisturizers until you get the right one.