Has my marriage been ruined by PMS (or rather by my inability to deal with it?)

[Merrytooth 5,748]

Which, according to your blog (shudder) you inherited. So yeah, in your case, it is nothing to brag about.

Nola and her spouse are fine with the SAHM arrangement, and her newly immigrant husband is not complaining and is working hard to provide for family which is commendable. They do what is best for their family, so nothing wrong with that.

Better than some of the newly arrived spouse-to-be/spouse, displaying bratty, unreasonable behaviour

[Jon and Krissy 452]

Nola and her spouse are fine with the SAHM arrangement, and her newly immigrant husband is not complaining and is working hard to provide for family which is commendable. They do what is best for their family, so nothing wrong with that.

Better than some of the newly arrived spouse-to-be/spouse, displaying bratty, unreasonable behaviour

Uh, yeah. I never said otherwise. You seem to have missed the point, rather dramatically. She was accusing someone else of bragging, who was not bragging, and simultaneously, managed to brag herself. Hypocrisy is annoying.

[Avery Cates 1,141]

I wasn't impressed.

The poster is young still and hasn't earned life lessons yet.

Nor was anyone. I was dealing purely in sarcasm with that line.

[Caryh 5,206]

Nor was anyone. I was dealing purely in sarcasm with that line.

There ought to be an official sarcasm font to prevent such misunderstandings.

[David & Diana R 1,005]

There ought to be an official sarcasm font to prevent such misunderstandings.

Maybe all lower case italics purple font???

hahahaha I love it!!

Or should I say: i love it!

Edited January 10, 2014 by David & Zoila

[Avery Cates 1,141]

Which, according to your blog (shudder) you inherited. So yeah, in your case, it is nothing to brag about.

Haha I just read that. It's not even the house from a high paid husband, it's from her father, which they're now selling and looking to get one at 10& of the price, presumably because they can't afford the property taxes in that neighborhood in Connecticut.

It just keeps getting better.

Seems to me after reading that that N-o-l-a has more than enough personal problems that she shouldn't be judging anyone else.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Why do you seriously give a rat's ####### about what works for another couple? If that's their agreement and it works for them financially, so be it. It is not a choice I would make, though I have been in a position where it was a reasonable choice for me at one point. We discussed it and I said nope, I prefer being a working stiff, ta muchly. I don't judge people for these decisions if everyone is bought in and no one is being exploited.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Haha I just read that. It's not even the house from a high paid husband, it's from her father, which they're now selling and looking to get one at 10& of the price, presumably because they can't afford the property taxes in that neighborhood in Connecticut.

It just keeps getting better.

Seems to me after reading that that N-o-l-a has more than enough personal problems that she shouldn't be judging anyone else.

There is a lot of assumptions coming from you - first I'm a trophy wife married to a rich man and now we have money problems. LOL!

Also the assumptions that property taxes are high in CT is largely incorrect if you knew anything about the region. NY/NJ is way way higher. You just show your ignorance and ability to jump to *incorrect* conclusions over and over.

Good thing I can laugh at how ridiculous it is.

[Avery Cates 1,141]

There is a lot of assumptions coming from you - first I'm a trophy wife married to a rich man and now we have money problems. LOL!

Also the assumptions that property taxes are high in CT is largely incorrect if you knew anything about the region. NY/NJ is way way higher. You just show your ignorance and ability to jump to *incorrect* conclusions over and over.

Good thing I can laugh at how ridiculous it is.

When you post to boast about your less than impressive "accomplishments" for everyone to read, you leave yourself open to all manner of hilarious speculation.

It's a good thing you can laugh at it, though. And you have plenty of time for it, as evidenced by certain items in your blog.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

When you post to boast about your less than impressive "accomplishments" for everyone to read, you leave yourself open to all manner of hilarious speculation.

It's a good thing you can laugh at it, though. And you have plenty of time for it, as evidenced by certain items in your blog.

What accomplishments did I boast of? None that I know of.

You seem to have a lot of time on your hands to read my blog. *Yawn* Obsessed much?

[Ontarkie 14,133]

~~ Post removed as requested by the poster, and another for quoting~~

[Newsha 10]

they say PMS - Pack My Stuff - Pack My Suitcase!!!!
naaah that's all BS

it means I have PMS and a GPS. Which means I'm a b**** and I will find you! P@ss My Shotgun and Pardon My Sobbing !!

to me it's PMS with a little premeditated BS and OMG mixed in! She wouldn't leave the way she did after 36 days
withdraw the affidavit of support and stop being a Romeo at this point!

Good Luck

Edited January 11, 2014 by Newsha

[InHisTime 110]

Talk about a stereotypical sexist start...but it is most definitely not meant to be. PMS is real and its effects can be serious.

Though we have joked about it the effects on various woman can range from no-existent to debilitating. See:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Premenstrual_dysphoric_disorder

My princess (ogre) left me today, exactly 36 days after our marriage and exactly two days after USCIS Acceptance of AOS.

But back to PMS. We've been together for sixteen months including some Skype "together" months. (You can argue on Skype as easily as in person) From the beginning of our relationship I noticed strange arguments, ones that seemed oddly out of proportion to anything real. Sometimes it was perceived jealousy (she being jealous of my long gone ex's) and sometimes it was "blame," or "shame." (Never, ever judge a Filipina). At first I thought ah--"tampo." (tampo is a sort of culturally based hissy fit peculiar to Filipinas) But after several months of being together I started counting start of menses, to expected start of next menses--to be aware and hopefully to (and successfully I might add) use tactics such as "I need some away time, I'll see you in two days." That worked. But it doesn't work when the person lives with you and there is no place to escape.

How about some Stats, Hey I'm an RN, I document things....:and I predicted menses and noted predicted and actual times on my calendar as well as "fight days."

Fights that occurred some days before start of menses (note: almost all were one day, some were two, so I put the start day):

3 days before February 2012

No fight before March 2012

10 days before April 2012

5 days before May 2012

3 days before June 2012

3 days before July 2012

3 days before August 2012

No data for September 2012?

3 days before October 2012

8 days before November 2012

7 days before December 2012

4 days before January 2013

I'm no statistician but the above looks pretty conclusive to me. I didn't even know that they lined up so well until I just went through my calendar. I wish that I had reviewed that data a few months back.

Last night (4 days before the expected start of menses) things blew up. I can't even exactly say what started it--I'm not quite sure, and I won't go into details. But today, Juliet demanded (in a frightening way which included standing on the porch with her suitcase in 4 degrees Fahrenheit weather with no jacket) that I take her to the airport eventually I did. After an hours drive she casually said: "thank you." and walked away as though I was no more important than a taxi driver. It was her decision to end things and leave, not mine--I made that clear, though if queried today or tomorrow she might have a different take. These blow-ups last for one to three day's and then, bliss--laughter, fun--wonderful times--erotic or simply affectionate until the next episode. So since she's arrived here on November 15th we've had 23 wonderful days and 4 horrific days. Not bad odds really excepting that she's several thousand miles away now.

There is no apportioning "blame," especially when only one side is presented but I am sorely confused and badly emotionally battered. She said things like: "The marriage has ended" "I'm not your wife." I could go on but why bother. I suggested a mediator since divorce clearly necessary but she refused that, and again when the mediator called me back on the way to the airport.

And this--exactly two days after USCIS received my check for the AOS application and exactly one day after it was deducted from my account. $1060 out of my account and my wife out of my life--all in 24 hours. Ouch.

Am I being set up? I suppose it's possible and perhaps love is blind but to what end? Is it possible for the AOS to be accepted and the beneficiary might then go off to get a Green Card alone? (I know for a fact that in California this has happened). Talk about a scary thought. I admit it--I'm scared.

I suggested that we fill out and get notarized an uncontested civil divorce before she left, which really is simple--but she would not sign. I noticed a recent communication of hers to a friend and her advice to the friend related to a divorce before AOS happened appeared to be "don't sign." Coincidence, maybe--but a scary one.

Also during the argument(s) she became very hostile and though I'm not sure about the words or if she really meant it, but to me, they came out as: "you're gonna pay." I've paid quite a lot and have debt to prove it and was quite happy--until today.

Now few things scare me--the IRS scares me. But legal action, especially the vulture lawyers that handle divorce cases frighten the daylights out of me. I've seen lawyers work one person against the other until the only assets left was in the lawyers pockets.

I have no idea what to do. I think I'll wait till early next week as in the past--big offenses became nothing as time passed. Time and again she has apologized. Perhaps that will happen--but $600 flights--that gets costly as well as painful. She would not work with a mediator--she would not agree to a do-it-yourself no contest divorce based on simple "irreconcilable differences." So where does this leave me? How does a person divorce someone thousands of miles away?

I really don't care if she eventually gets a Green Card--that is obviously what her sister desires but the idea of being financially responsible for a person who has left me for no definable reason and who is now thousands of miles away is very frightening.

I offered her $2000 cash if she'd do the non-contested divorce papers (they really are simple) so she could go stay at her sisters and then buy a ticket to the Phils--refused. I handed her $500 for travel cash--refused (still offering to pay a one-way ticked to the Phils). Any scammer would jump on that cash fast. I've called her sister to make sure she has a ticked--no reply. I can't understand Cebuano so I have no idea what was said. The whole thing is so very sad.

I hope that in several days she'll come back and I'd take her back--as long as she'd agree that we do weekly counseling sessions for quite a while but if she does not--what do I need to do to protect myself? I'm far from rich. My unemployment benefits ended Saturday so I have zero income and though I have adequate assets they will draw down fast in any sort of contested divorce.

Any advice would be appreciated. Btw this new account is SteveXXJuliet, by which I meant "without," but some would interpret it as Steve kiss, kiss, (love) Juliet--and that is true too. I miss her. I have no interest in hurting her--I simply want to minimize damage to myself. So ideas of what to do, or what not to do will be very welcome.

Thank you,

Steve

Hey Steve, I was still on travel when I read your story, but just can't find enough time to share my thoughts.

I'm glad that many VJs have already sent in their very good replies / ideas on what to do, but, as always, you should know what is best for you. I hope also you protect yourself on possible false claims.

To me, her behavior is just so strange. I wonder why you think because of her PMS she acted so weird ? Yes, most women naturally experience the effects of PMS, but it shouldn't justify her behavior to ruin your marriage / relationship --- leaving you that easily, unless you have done awful things with her. She could be irritable, but not give up on the relationship.

It sounds that she is very immature and spoiled woman.

If she comes back, just make sure that she is real, and not just wanting her GC, then leave you again as you know her AOS is not fully completed yet.

At any rate, I still wish that these are just all trials that you both have to overcome.

I hope soon you find the real answer, why she behaves so bad. Pray to God to lead you in finding the truth, I'm sure He will direct and give you light. I'm sure God is talking to you through the inner voice coming deep inside of you. I hope you listen to your instinct or guts. Many times, it says the truth of the situation, and if we listen and follow, it saves us from further heartaches and losses. Whatever it is, I hope you protect yourself and guard your heart. God bless.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

PMS shouldn't but does ruin relationships.

It can vary from normal mild symptoms to violent outbursts.
Medical or homeopathic treatment does help.
It is a long road but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Just because some people do not understand the violent component of PMS does not mean it does not exist.
As I said before she needs medical treatment and and psychological help.

http://www.drlockie.com/article_disease_view.fcm?articleid=13325

There are thousands of articles about PMS and a little research should convince anyone that it is different for different women.

The physical chemistry and emotional health are very closely related. It is just too complex to simplify with dismissing answers

of "PMS is not this or that....." It is what it is.

Get treatment for her if she comes back.

If she resists then adios amigo.

It is her responsibility to commit to treatment. That is a choice she has control over. Suggest it not when all hell breaks lose but

when she has a good week and is rational. Her choice to make and her consequences to suffer if she refuses help.

[Jawaree 717]

All the dramatics? Dude U know the real story & U R on the hook

financially, ppl fall out of love, maybe its a new man, maybe the

sexual attraction is gone wake up...save yourself, get counseling

together....me I'd say like Ceilo "forget U"