Please Help- Pregnant and US Husband cheated

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

So you're saying that the mother should have no choice whatsoever where she can live?

If he wants to be a good father he can always go to Australia to do it or is it only non USCs that should ever move country?

Stop it. I never once said anything about her not being able to move. Many USC move all over the world on here. But you knew all this. Edited January 17, 2014 by Gowon

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

I think you totally misunderstood my post Gowon. I said nothing at all about his fitness as a father. He could make an excellent father if he cared to, I have no idea if he could be or not. I just pointed out that she legally has the right to return to her country right now. And if she has a supportive family, that be a big help to her as a single mother. Her legal rights, are her legal rights period. I got into no discussion of what I feel is morally right. But then this guy totally screwed up by cheating, and continuing to cheat. She was even willing to work on the marriage, basically give him that second chance. But he didn't go for it. So I can surmise, he cares little about the op, his marriage, or being a part of his child's life. Unless he's totally stupid and doesn't realize she can leave and go home before the child is born.

I also pointed out this guy might be a lot better person than is currently being portrayed by the OP. People in divorces and breakups see things with rather negative views, and also do some pretty stupid stuff they don't normally do.

I guess I missed it, apologies. It's true though what you said about divorce and emotions.

[MacUK 983]

Stop it. I never once said anything about her not being able to move. Many USC move all over the world on here. But you knew all this.

Stop what? Disagreeing?

No.

You've not said that she 'can't move', merely implied that she 'shouldn't move'.

I'm just saying that there's absolutely nothing to stop her leaving. She left her own country behind to be with someone who she no longer wishes to be with.

So why should she stay in a country she has no reason to be in?

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Stop what? Disagreeing?

No.

You've not said that she 'can't move', merely implied that she 'shouldn't move'.

I'm just saying that there's absolutely nothing to stop her leaving. She left her own country behind to be with someone who she no longer wishes to be with.

So why should she stay in a country she has no reason to be in?

Come on now why would I want you to stop disagreeing? You should disagree and vehemently as I am Gowon.

Do you mind directly quoting where I said she shouldn't leave?

I only care for the unborn child and not having a relationship with the Father that's all. IMHO once you become a parent then decisions are not singular but plural.

It's really that simple, no hidden agenda or implying necessary.

[MacUK 983]

Do you mind directly quoting where I said she shouldn't leave?

In your very next sentence

I only care for the unborn child and not having a relationship with the Father that's all. IMHO once you become a parent then decisions are not singular but plural.

I'm reading that as you saying the mother shouldn't take the child away from the father, in the childs best interests.

Those same decisions become plural when a child comes into it apply to the father too.

He chose to play nuddy prod prod with someone other than his wife, apparently whilst wifey has been carrying said child.

He chose to think more about his own singular needs than his plural family.

Now he faces the result of those decisions, losing his wife.

Edited January 17, 2014 by MacUK

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

In your very next sentence

I'm reading that as you saying the mother shouldn't take the child away from the father, in the childs best interests.

Those same decisions become plural when a child comes into it apply to the father too.

He chose to play nuddy prod prod with someone other than his wife, apparently whilst wifey has been carrying said child.

He chose to think more about his own singular needs than his plural family.

Now he faces the result of those decisions, losing his wife.

Then you have a reading comprehension issue.

I'll love to continue to banter but I think we're encroaching on violating the TOS.

So on that I'll say have a nice day.

Gowon, out.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

It takes more than a sperm to make a man a real father.. which I don't see in OP's husband behavior.

[kiria&daniel 23]

Wow, thankyou everyone for your input.
I too believe a child should have both parents in their lifes, however when one doesnt want to be apart of the childs life- why should I force it?
The soon to be ex husband/childs biological father will be able to visit her as often as he likes- I am not going to keep him from his child. I will also be coming back to the states hopefully once a year as I want to see those that have helped me out through this trying time.
I have even invited him to come to the birth of his child- his reponce "I need more time to work on myself, and focus on myself before anything else" meanwhile I see his debit transactions where his mistress lives.

To the person saying there is two sides to every story...I have asked my soon to be ex-husband if i did anything wrong...his responce "no, nothing" he was just being selfish.
I havnt been vicious in this entire process, I havnt even lashed out at the woman who participated in the affair- even though she told me to "get over it, and move back to australia"
I have been very civil as I cannot risk the health of my unborn child with me stressing.

I will be seing an immigration lawyer and a divorce lawyer this monday with the assistance of my mother and father who are flying in on sunday. My child deserves the best support system possible- the father had his chance to right his wrongs- appoligize and ask about his child. He refuses to speak of his child and is mainly concerned about who gets our dog.

Thankyou again for your input, and some of you have been SO sweet- your comments lighten up my day and remind me that people dont have to put up with these circumstances- as someone said - my soon to be ex husband could of quite easily tried to move for me and my child to australia and I would have happily helped him out if he was willing to sacrifice what I sacrificed to move here- I need my family, and need to give my child the best possible life. He didnt appreciate me moving here for him and giving up my life- which I still to this day dont regret, I moved here for him, I loved him and was happy to give up my family and carear to be with him- its amazing when you put the shoe on the other foot and see what they would sacrifice for you. We are such strong people that go through this visa process- normally the partner see's this...unfortunately mine decided that I wasnt enough.

Again I am not keeping him from her, however I will be exiting this country as I moved here for him- not for anything else, she will be born in Australia and if he wants some kind of custody- he can go through the australian courts. He has however shown no interest in doing so.

Thanks again

[Merrytooth 5,748]

Good for you, OP. Wish you all the best! Have a safe plane home.

[Caryh 5,206]

I think you've been more than fair with him, and given him every chance. It was up to him to take it and do the right thing. I would hope someday your ex to be, will take an interest in his childrens' lives. I think given his actions, yes he seriously needs to work on himself. It just might be better if he can get that done first and maybe be a positive influence rather than a negative. I can't understand someone who would bring someone through the entire immigration process when he's just not into her. But then again, you did say you paid for the whole process, I guess that was a sign.

Good luck with your move home. I hope your child is a healthy and a lifelong blessing to you. May one day the right person come into your life to return the love you obviously have to give.

Wow, thankyou everyone for your input.
I too believe a child should have both parents in their lifes, however when one doesnt want to be apart of the childs life- why should I force it?
The soon to be ex husband/childs biological father will be able to visit her as often as he likes- I am not going to keep him from his child. I will also be coming back to the states hopefully once a year as I want to see those that have helped me out through this trying time.
I have even invited him to come to the birth of his child- his reponce "I need more time to work on myself, and focus on myself before anything else" meanwhile I see his debit transactions where his mistress lives.

To the person saying there is two sides to every story...I have asked my soon to be ex-husband if i did anything wrong...his responce "no, nothing" he was just being selfish.
I havnt been vicious in this entire process, I havnt even lashed out at the woman who participated in the affair- even though she told me to "get over it, and move back to australia"
I have been very civil as I cannot risk the health of my unborn child with me stressing.

I will be seing an immigration lawyer and a divorce lawyer this monday with the assistance of my mother and father who are flying in on sunday. My child deserves the best support system possible- the father had his chance to right his wrongs- appoligize and ask about his child. He refuses to speak of his child and is mainly concerned about who gets our dog.

Thankyou again for your input, and some of you have been SO sweet- your comments lighten up my day and remind me that people dont have to put up with these circumstances- as someone said - my soon to be ex husband could of quite easily tried to move for me and my child to australia and I would have happily helped him out if he was willing to sacrifice what I sacrificed to move here- I need my family, and need to give my child the best possible life. He didnt appreciate me moving here for him and giving up my life- which I still to this day dont regret, I moved here for him, I loved him and was happy to give up my family and carear to be with him- its amazing when you put the shoe on the other foot and see what they would sacrifice for you. We are such strong people that go through this visa process- normally the partner see's this...unfortunately mine decided that I wasnt enough.

Again I am not keeping him from her, however I will be exiting this country as I moved here for him- not for anything else, she will be born in Australia and if he wants some kind of custody- he can go through the australian courts. He has however shown no interest in doing so.

Thanks again

[christeen 966]

You do what you think is best... Since it seems you are on your own on this one, you should have the best support system, and it seems you family is wonderfully supportive and thankfully not judgmental, be strong and love your baby... Good luck

[jjbandero 39]

I want to wish you the best of health and a positive outcome Kiria. Glad you're able to have your parents' support and will be able to see some attorneys before you depart. I have a friend who went through quite a nasty divorce, for whatever reason, her ex-husband decided to use the custody of their children for his revenge, he would rather spend more money on the courts and lawyers, than to pay the proper child support and let her leave the state to be with another man she eventually met after they had been divorced for several years. Her son who is over 18 now, was able to stand up to his father and is now going to university in the same city where his mother's fiance is and lives with him, while my friend is home in another state with her daughter who is not yet 18. I don't want to scare you, I think it's important for you to ask very specific questions about your future and your child's future, ask the attorneys about different scenarios, given that you have good career prospects, the last thing you want is to have emotional trauma and also opportunities be taken away from you while being stuck somewhere that robs you of your freedom to do what's best for yourself and child.

Wow, thankyou everyone for your input.
I too believe a child should have both parents in their lifes, however when one doesnt want to be apart of the childs life- why should I force it?
The soon to be ex husband/childs biological father will be able to visit her as often as he likes- I am not going to keep him from his child. I will also be coming back to the states hopefully once a year as I want to see those that have helped me out through this trying time.
I have even invited him to come to the birth of his child- his reponce "I need more time to work on myself, and focus on myself before anything else" meanwhile I see his debit transactions where his mistress lives.

To the person saying there is two sides to every story...I have asked my soon to be ex-husband if i did anything wrong...his responce "no, nothing" he was just being selfish.
I havnt been vicious in this entire process, I havnt even lashed out at the woman who participated in the affair- even though she told me to "get over it, and move back to australia"
I have been very civil as I cannot risk the health of my unborn child with me stressing.

I will be seing an immigration lawyer and a divorce lawyer this monday with the assistance of my mother and father who are flying in on sunday. My child deserves the best support system possible- the father had his chance to right his wrongs- appoligize and ask about his child. He refuses to speak of his child and is mainly concerned about who gets our dog.

Thankyou again for your input, and some of you have been SO sweet- your comments lighten up my day and remind me that people dont have to put up with these circumstances- as someone said - my soon to be ex husband could of quite easily tried to move for me and my child to australia and I would have happily helped him out if he was willing to sacrifice what I sacrificed to move here- I need my family, and need to give my child the best possible life. He didnt appreciate me moving here for him and giving up my life- which I still to this day dont regret, I moved here for him, I loved him and was happy to give up my family and carear to be with him- its amazing when you put the shoe on the other foot and see what they would sacrifice for you. We are such strong people that go through this visa process- normally the partner see's this...unfortunately mine decided that I wasnt enough.

Again I am not keeping him from her, however I will be exiting this country as I moved here for him- not for anything else, she will be born in Australia and if he wants some kind of custody- he can go through the australian courts. He has however shown no interest in doing so.

Thanks again

[razspaz13 30]

have been through the family court system in Australia, you may want to speak with someone from Legal Aide in Australia, I would also be very very careful in taking advise from anyone that is not a lawyer/solicitor...

very sad to hear of the news of the infidelity regardless if the father is US, Canadian, Australian, or Martian, I am delighted to hear that you are 6 months pregnant and have such a positive event .... having a happy healthy wonderful baby. I would speak to your GP regarding travelling any distance during late term pregnancy, flying long distance is hard enough and most airlines will only allow you to travel up to a certain point in your pregnancy, the last thing you would want would be complications at 30,000 feet half way between us and oz.

family court in Australia looks at the "best interest of the child" and that almost always goes hand in hand with BOTH parents having rights in the health, education, costs, family access to others (such as grandparents etc)..for the child.

you may also want to consider your support system, do you have loving helpful family and friends in the US? Australia?

also in planning on divorce, that will most likely take more than three months and there will most likely be an agreement in regards to the child regardless of where you live physically

having the best interest of a child takes a lot of maturity from both parents when there is anger/hurt/issues....what does the father have to say about you moving to Australia?

best of luck and look after yourself

cheers

[Karee 4,190]

Wow, thankyou everyone for your input.

I too believe a child should have both parents in their lifes, however when one doesnt want to be apart of the childs life- why should I force it?

The soon to be ex husband/childs biological father will be able to visit her as often as he likes- I am not going to keep him from his child. I will also be coming back to the states hopefully once a year as I want to see those that have helped me out through this trying time.

I have even invited him to come to the birth of his child- his reponce "I need more time to work on myself, and focus on myself before anything else" meanwhile I see his debit transactions where his mistress lives.

To the person saying there is two sides to every story...I have asked my soon to be ex-husband if i did anything wrong...his responce "no, nothing" he was just being selfish.

I havnt been vicious in this entire process, I havnt even lashed out at the woman who participated in the affair- even though she told me to "get over it, and move back to australia"

I have been very civil as I cannot risk the health of my unborn child with me stressing.

I will be seing an immigration lawyer and a divorce lawyer this monday with the assistance of my mother and father who are flying in on sunday. My child deserves the best support system possible- the father had his chance to right his wrongs- appoligize and ask about his child. He refuses to speak of his child and is mainly concerned about who gets our dog.

Thankyou again for your input, and some of you have been SO sweet- your comments lighten up my day and remind me that people dont have to put up with these circumstances- as someone said - my soon to be ex husband could of quite easily tried to move for me and my child to australia and I would have happily helped him out if he was willing to sacrifice what I sacrificed to move here- I need my family, and need to give my child the best possible life. He didnt appreciate me moving here for him and giving up my life- which I still to this day dont regret, I moved here for him, I loved him and was happy to give up my family and carear to be with him- its amazing when you put the shoe on the other foot and see what they would sacrifice for you. We are such strong people that go through this visa process- normally the partner see's this...unfortunately mine decided that I wasnt enough.

Again I am not keeping him from her, however I will be exiting this country as I moved here for him- not for anything else, she will be born in Australia and if he wants some kind of custody- he can go through the australian courts. He has however shown no interest in doing so.

Thanks again

From your post it seems you have a good head on your shoulders. While unfortunate things didn't work out, it's probably for the best that you're getting out of the marriage. Seems like a lot of people stay in bad relationships for way longer than they should for whatever reason. Hopefully the father of your child gets his head and a$$ wired together at some point down the road, and plays a role in the child's life. From your post, it doesn't seem likely.

Australia seems like a decent place to raise a child. At least it's not New Zealand (sorry can't help but take a shot at the Kiwis)

I know it doesn't seem like it now, but some day you'll look back on this decision and thank god you made it. Good luck to you and your child.

[Jawaree 717]

Wishing U the best...a bouncing baby girl happiness & a wonderful life in your

own country...You made the best decision