Please Help- Pregnant and US Husband cheated

[Shiobhan 235]

Get away from that na$ty man, quickly

On second thought yea move to AU, wonderful country,

cant understand why they citizens move here, but make

sure that father has access to the child and get to spend

time as the child grows, but he my dear will always cheat

Edited January 8, 2014 by Jihana

[Golden Gate 530]

I'm shocked that all of the responses have been to move back to australia before the child is born. The father has a right to his child. His actions have proven that he does not deserve his wife, but cheating on a spouse is no reason why a man should be denied his right to be a father to his child. I can imagine that you are extremely hurt and upset right now, but I think if you were to take a step back, you would realize that denying him his child is not a punishment to fit the crime.

I see your point about his rights and she certainly shouldn't do things to him as a punishment. I don't disagree that the father should have rights. However, since she is pregnant, hasn't been here long, as a mother she may want to be closer to her family and familial support.

It isn't easy being a single mom here, especially if the father is not responsible, and if she has to make it on her own with a newborn baby, she will struggle a lot. She shouldn't have her life dictated by his choices and I suppose we don't really know the whole story to really advise her. She needs to figure it out herself. She has many things to consider - how will she survive here, what kind of monetary support could she get if she stayed, would the father actually care about his baby if he was cheating on her while she is pregnant? To me this isn't just cheating, it is emotional and psychological abuse.

I moved out of state when I was pregnant because the father was abusive and cheating, and I am so grateful I could move away because it was impossible for me to move forward without the help and protection of my family.

Her husband made the choice not to concern himself with his wife and even possibly expose her to STDs, I think she needs to worry about herself and her baby now, not him. It isn't so much a matter of punishing him, but looking out for herself at this vulnerable time.

[Boiler 45,510]

I'm shocked that all of the responses have been to move back to australia before the child is born. The father has a right to his child. His actions have proven that he does not deserve his wife, but cheating on a spouse is no reason why a man should be denied his right to be a father to his child. I can imagine that you are extremely hurt and upset right now, but I think if you were to take a step back, you would realize that denying him his child is not a punishment to fit the crime.

She is still waiting to remove conditions.

Worst case scenario is that she has the baby here, but has to leave, US Courts do not allow baby to leave. It has happened.

She has the Baby here and retains her LPR status, if Father plays rough she might not be able to take Baby out of State, never mind USA.

She said she does not want to stay in the US, if she has Baby down under Father can no doubt visit, she will be on home turf, much better situation to be in.

[JohnR! 5,495]

I'm shocked that all of the responses have been to move back to australia before the child is born. The father has a right to his child. His actions have proven that he does not deserve his wife, but cheating on a spouse is no reason why a man should be denied his right to be a father to his child. I can imagine that you are extremely hurt and upset right now, but I think if you were to take a step back, you would realize that denying him his child is not a punishment to fit the crime.

If she has no intention of raising her child in the US, moving back to Australia is the best legal option, for that alone will give her the legal upper hand in terms of custody and security. Her body. Her choice.

[Me_Theo 25]

Please help,

I am a permanent resident and have applied for my removal of conditions. I should be recieving this sometime soon...

I recently found out my US husband has been cheating on me for the majority of my marriage, I am 6 month pregnant with his child... I want to move back to australia to have my child and divorce him- however I am scared of the legal rights he has over me and my child....

What can I do???? Can he go for custody even if I have my child in Australia? I am planning on divorcing him- he doesnt deserve me and my child.

Please help!

You are Pregnant now. Also you are so sensitive, don't make big decision when you are in this mood. Talk with your husband also find good psychologist to have conversation with him/her about your marriage and the baby and his cheat behavior. give to your husband one more chance. Every body deserve one more chance. don't go far for have a baby.women emotion and body during Pregnancy can change so fast.Also the women think they should change some thing so fast as a place or room or …. it can damage your baby inside you. just ask him to stop cheat and go to meet a psychologist. If he didn't come with you to talk with the doctor. You go alone to meet a psychologist. and make the best decision.Don't run now, Just find a solution way, That is a the best way for you and your baby and your husband.

[Shiobhan 235]

Move to AU before the airline refuse to take U on a 24 hr almost journey

U will have family and medical support, stay here U may just leave alone

[cdneh 3,112]

You are Pregnant now. Also you are so sensitive, don't make big decision when you are in this mood. Talk with your husband also find good psychologist to have conversation with him/her about your marriage and the baby and his cheat behavior. give to your husband one more chance. Every body deserve one more chance. don't go far for have a baby.women emotion and body during Pregnancy can change so fast.Also the women think they should change some thing so fast as a place or room or …. it can damage your baby inside you. just ask him to stop cheat and go to meet a psychologist. If he didn't come with you to talk with the doctor. You go alone to meet a psychologist. and make the best decision.Don't run now, Just find a solution way, That is a the best way for you and your baby and your husband.

No. This is poor advice. He doesn't get a pass for cheating, because she's making 'hormonal' decisions.

Talking to a psychologist when he won't go with her? WTH is the point in that? He's been cheating on her for most of her marriage she says. Why would you be so silly as to believe this lady going to the doc on her own would change a thing?

Also the women think they should change some thing so fast as a place or room or …. it can damage your baby inside you.

Moving fast can damage the baby? What utterly medical claptrap. I've never heard anything so patently ridiculous in my 27 years as a paramedic.

OP, pack up, and go home. Best thing you can do for yourself, in my opinion. If it were me, I'd prefer the comfort and emotional support I would get surrounded by familiar people, and family.

[David & Diana R 1,005]

I'm shocked that all of the responses have been to move back to australia before the child is born. The father has a right to his child. His actions have proven that he does not deserve his wife, but cheating on a spouse is no reason why a man should be denied his right to be a father to his child. I can imagine that you are extremely hurt and upset right now, but I think if you were to take a step back, you would realize that denying him his child is not a punishment to fit the crime.

I agree. And might the child be harmed due to the fact that he will grow up without a daddy? That is something else to consider. Do no harm to the child. Think of that little baby first.

Good luck

[kevelito 0]

Is Divorce the Wise Course?

While divorce may eliminate some problems, it can also unleash a series of traumatic events over which you may have little control. Indeed, research shows that divorce usually does not reduce symptoms of depression or raise one’s self-esteem.

Even if you do not have the “perfect marriage,” sticking to your mate can bring benefits. Many who are determined to do so find happiness. Professor Waite states: “A lot of problems resolve over time, and married people tend to get happier.” In fact, one study shows that almost 8 out of 10 who were “very unhappy” with their marriage but avoided divorce found themselves “happily married” five years later. Even when there are grave problems, then, couples do well not to divorce hastily.

At the same time, the Bible allows for divorce and remarriage on one ground—sexual relations outside the marriage. (Matthew 19:9) Therefore, if you learn that your mate has been unfaithful, you have the right to terminate the marriage. Others should not impose their views on you, and it is not the purpose of this article to tell you what to do. In the end, you are the one who will live with the consequences; therefore, you are the one who must decide.—Galatians 6:5.

Look for help before you go home! Try to save you marriage, your child will need so much his daddy. BUT YOU HAVE TO DECIDE.

[CowBoE 429]

From an emotionally unattached neutral 3rd party's point of view, you have to think about the following facts:

1. (Unfortunately) cheating is not a punishable crime in US.

Unless your husband has a major problem with violence, drug/alcohol addiction,or mental issues

that will grant you very favorable custody of the children, some cheating acts will not prevent him

having equal custody of the child...no matter which county you move to.

2. Also child deserves to have a father figure in their life.

3. Living a single mom life with a new born can strain you financially,

even if you are serious about the divorce, you might want to end it "nicely" as possible,

so that you can receive proper child support.

4. Lastly, if your primary motivation for moving back to Australia is to inflict as much

revenge pain to your husband, then I don't think you are making a good decision for yourself.

Your decisions should primarily be based on where you are going to be happy,

and where it would be best to raise your child.

5. If you do move do to Australia but if your husband files for divorce before you,

you might be served in US court, which will complicate your capability to attend the court,

or even to work with a US divorce lawyer over the phone.

6. I know its emotional painful to stay in marriage with cheating spouse, but single mom

divorce life in some ways, could also be quite stressful as well. You might want to

try marriage counseling first and see if the marriage can be saved.

Sorry to hear the bad story...wish you the best resolution on this.

[Golden Gate 530]

Is Divorce the Wise Course?

While divorce may eliminate some problems, it can also unleash a series of traumatic events over which you may have little control. Indeed, research shows that divorce usually does not reduce symptoms of depression or raise one’s self-esteem.

Even if you do not have the “perfect marriage,” sticking to your mate can bring benefits. Many who are determined to do so find happiness. Professor Waite states: “A lot of problems resolve over time, and married people tend to get happier.” In fact, one study shows that almost 8 out of 10 who were “very unhappy” with their marriage but avoided divorce found themselves “happily married” five years later. Even when there are grave problems, then, couples do well not to divorce hastily.

At the same time, the Bible allows for divorce and remarriage on one ground—sexual relations outside the marriage. (Matthew 19:9) Therefore, if you learn that your mate has been unfaithful, you have the right to terminate the marriage. Others should not impose their views on you, and it is not the purpose of this article to tell you what to do. In the end, you are the one who will live with the consequences; therefore, you are the one who must decide.—Galatians 6:5.

Look for help before you go home! Try to save you marriage, your child will need so much his daddy. BUT YOU HAVE TO DECIDE.

You can try to work on it. You can go to a counselor, You can try to have him go. You can continue to believe things will be different. Then you can delude yourself some more until you have another baby, get more deeply entrenched, and then realize nothing has changed at all. Why? Because it isn't up to the woman to fix things. There is seriously something wrong with a man cheating on his pregnant wife, and there is nothing the wife can do to fix that. She is not responsible for his cheating, he is. He is the one who has to make the changes to himself, and trying to get someone outside to fix him just won't work. This is my opinion. My heart goes out to this woman. I know how she feels, been through it, and it is VERY confusing to have happen when you are pregnant. If you want to know how the baby is doing for those concerned about the child's well-being. Well, probably not so good right now with what the poor mom has to go through in her psyche. Unfortunately, her husband put her in this situation. Would I trust him? No. Someone who puts his wife in this situation when she is pregnant with his child lacks something major - maturity, empathy, compassion, common decency. Can't imagine he will be a great father, either. He has a he!! of a lot to learn first and I can't imagine it is so easy to fix when the marriage just began. Too bad she had to find out now. I can see perhaps marriages getting fixed if something like this happened after many years, but not from the get go. She has to go with her instinct and trust herself.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Is Divorce the Wise Course?

While divorce may eliminate some problems, it can also unleash a series of traumatic events over which you may have little control. Indeed, research shows that divorce usually does not reduce symptoms of depression or raise one’s self-esteem.

Even if you do not have the “perfect marriage,” sticking to your mate can bring benefits. Many who are determined to do so find happiness. Professor Waite states: “A lot of problems resolve over time, and married people tend to get happier.” In fact, one study shows that almost 8 out of 10 who were “very unhappy” with their marriage but avoided divorce found themselves “happily married” five years later. Even when there are grave problems, then, couples do well not to divorce hastily.

At the same time, the Bible allows for divorce and remarriage on one ground—sexual relations outside the marriage. (Matthew 19:9) Therefore, if you learn that your mate has been unfaithful, you have the right to terminate the marriage. Others should not impose their views on you, and it is not the purpose of this article to tell you what to do. In the end, you are the one who will live with the consequences; therefore, you are the one who must decide.—Galatians 6:5.

Look for help before you go home! Try to save you marriage, your child will need so much his daddy. BUT YOU HAVE TO DECIDE.

I left my husband while pregnant and I can tell you that growing up without a man with such poor morals has only benefited her. 3 years later I found the most amazing man in the world and married him, my daughter calls him daddy and I couldn't think of a more wonderful and kind father.

Perhaps she will meet an Australian man who takes care of her and her child and actually respects the both of them.

Also, it is hard to be a single mother in America, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

[Me_Theo 25]

No. This is poor advice. He doesn't get a pass for cheating, because she's making 'hormonal' decisions.

Talking to a psychologist when he won't go with her? WTH is the point in that? He's been cheating on her for most of her marriage she says. Why would you be so silly as to believe this lady going to the doc on her own would change a thing?

Also the women think they should change some thing so fast as a place or room or …. it can damage your baby inside you.

Moving fast can damage the baby? What utterly medical claptrap. I've never heard anything so patently ridiculous in my 27 years as a paramedic.

OP, pack up, and go home. Best thing you can do for yourself, in my opinion. If it were me, I'd prefer the comfort and emotional support I would get surrounded by familiar people, and family.

You are so young to hear this things young lady. When i was your age(27) , I was thinking like you too.

Talking with the psychologist , can help her to find the best way to slove the problems. Taking advice from new young paramedic like you make damage the baby.

How you know the baby will be 100 % normal. if 1/10000000000000000 the child had problem as autism or other kind problems .... , how she can handle it alone ? The baby needs his father. 20 hours fly is another risk.

Stay in your palce as paramedic dear , Don't come in The psychologist place.

She is a mom now . Not adventure young single girl .

[cdneh 3,112]

You are so young to hear this things young lady. When i was your age(27) , I was thinking like you too.

Talking with the psychologist , can help her to find the best way to slove the problems. Taking advice from new young paramedic like you make damage the baby.

How you know the baby will be 100 % normal. if 1/10000000000000000 the child had problem as autism or other kind problems .... , how she can handle it alone ? The baby needs his father. 20 hours fly is another risk.

Stay in your palce as paramedic dear , Don't come in The psychologist place.

She is a mom now . Not adventure young single girl .

I'm not 27. I AM a paramedic for 27 years. THEN a midwife. I actually hold a further degree as a Crisis Psychiatric counselor. And I promise you I am old enough to be your mother. You need to reread and this time try your level best to understand.

You are not a psychologist. Your medical advice is a joke. How do YOU know the baby would have any problems whatsoever? Having a husband who cheats would be of no help in a situation such as that. She won't be handling it alone. Flying at 6 months gestation is not a concern either. And when she gets off the plane, she will be in HER OWN Country with HER OWN family around her. Here she has no one but her 'husband', and he has already proven to be untrustworthy. Sometimes, NOT having the father around is an absolute bonus.

If you have no knowledge on a subject, no understanding of the topic, try not to post.

[kiria&daniel 23]

Thankyou everyone for your responces.
I am planning to move back to australia in 20 days- my flight is booked and my parents are flying over to assist me in the move.

My soon to be ex husband has been mentally abusing me for a while..... He is being HORRIBLE in this whole situation and hasnt asked once about the baby since everything has come out.
He has another biological child in this state and has NOTHING to do with her- I knew about her before the marriage and NEVER told him he couldnt see her- he is the type of person where its "out of sight- out of mind."

I do have friends here- however his family have decided to hide from this situation and wont call me or check up on me. I have tried everything- and I was even considering coming back after giving birth to my baby girl in May....

I spoke with my husband and told him that I would be willing to work on our relationship for the sake of our child if he was willing to fight for our marriage and show me he wanted to change his ways and get proffesional help. Instead he decided to make leaving the country EASY- he has threatened me, mentally abused me, left dirty womens underware in my underware drawer, is still seeing this other woman and is accusing me of trying to get him fired from his job- why would I want this if I eventually wanted child support?!?!?!?!?!

I have weighed all my options and am leaving- I will be having the child in Australia and will be filing for divorce....I will be getting something drawn up to where he understands that I am having the child in Australia- therefore not kidnapping.

My question now is not what I should do...but what will happen with my permanent residency green card? My "conditional 2 year one" expired last august and I went in for biometrics in November- everything is being processed...but what happens if i get a divorce in the mean time before recieving interview/green card????

aRGHHH

Thanks for your support xxxx MUCH LOVE