Saddest Day of My Life! Help please

[Caryh 5,206]

Wow, you better seriously considering running to guy. Red flags all over the place in your relationship.

Vjourneyuser:

I feel your pain, hang in there be strong. I'm from Boston as well, and my K-1 fiance is about to arrive in 8 weeks. Sometimes I feel I'm also being used. If you feel like getting a cup of coffee let me know I'm in Quincy.

Are you Vietnamese? Do you speak Vietnamese? I wish I can understand Viet so I know what the hell my wife is talking about. Shame on her family, not just her. I'm surprised they don't have a bigger plan, like using you to help sponsor more family members.

You should file for divorce ASAP. Do you own or rent? Are both of your names on the lease or deed? If her name is not on there, kick her out now. She's trespassing your property. Then she will have nowhere to go, and it's pretty cold today. She work or do you provide?

I actually got married in Nam and moved there. I had paperwork problems so I could not register for marriage or find a job. My wife's family actually likes me a lot so no issues with the family. But she's been acting really strange lately, sometimes I don't hear from her for 2-3 days. I also discovered she has a gambling debt, a new facebook page which she never mentioned to me, and a job which she did not tell me about. I don't think she has any grand plans to use me for a GC, when we got married we agreed to live in Vietnam. When we realized how tough it's going be did we decided to apply for K-1. But it's still shady. And when I called her yesterday, some guy picked up, twice. She said her phone died. Really.

Your wife must be pretty stupid not knowing you were listening in on her convo. Girl's got a pretty big mouth.

[I & B 273]

All the advice in this thread has been very sound. Just remember that from this moment on she is your sworn enemy--the one person who can bring you to social and financial ruin on a whim. You must steel your emotions and stay ahead of her at every turn now. Just act as if your job, well-being, and good name depend upon it--because they do.

You owe her nothing in the way of explanations. But you need to stay calm and focused so as to not tip her off and give her an opportunity to go into full attack mode. If I were you, I would even go so far as trying to make up some excuse to stay with family (you can lie and say it is a business trip or your relative is sick or whatever) until you can legally force her out of your home. If you don't have friends or relatives in the immediate area who can let you crash with them, rent a cheap place for yourself and move everything valuable to you there at a time when she cannot confront you. The cost of those actions is far less than the cost of a protracted legal fight that includes VAWA allegations.

Keep your head. Be smart. She is now officially the enemy. She will destroy you given the chance. Don't give her the chance.

Edited January 8, 2014 by I & B

[I & B 273]

Vjourneyuser:

I feel your pain, hang in there be strong. I'm from Boston as well, and my K-1 fiance is about to arrive in 8 weeks. Sometimes I feel I'm also being used. If you feel like getting a cup of coffee let me know I'm in Quincy.

Are you Vietnamese? Do you speak Vietnamese? I wish I can understand Viet so I know what the hell my wife is talking about. Shame on her family, not just her. I'm surprised they don't have a bigger plan, like using you to help sponsor more family members.

You should file for divorce ASAP. Do you own or rent? Are both of your names on the lease or deed? If her name is not on there, kick her out now. She's trespassing your property. Then she will have nowhere to go, and it's pretty cold today. She work or do you provide?

I actually got married in Nam and moved there. I had paperwork problems so I could not register for marriage or find a job. My wife's family actually likes me a lot so no issues with the family. But she's been acting really strange lately, sometimes I don't hear from her for 2-3 days. I also discovered she has a gambling debt, a new facebook page which she never mentioned to me, and a job which she did not tell me about. I don't think she has any grand plans to use me for a GC, when we got married we agreed to live in Vietnam. When we realized how tough it's going be did we decided to apply for K-1. But it's still shady. And when I called her yesterday, some guy picked up, twice. She said her phone died. Really.

Your wife must be pretty stupid not knowing you were listening in on her convo. Girl's got a pretty big mouth.

Maybe you need your own thread, man? But, in any case, I think everyone will just tell you what you already know: your relationship is almost certainly a scam and you need to run away as fast as you can.

[vjourneyuser 0]

Thank you very much for all the help and support. She has no clue I heard her conversations and I am acting cool as if I didn't hear anything.

One more question please, when writing a letter to USCIS to withdraw I-864, should I inlcude the reciept number for just I-485 (or include I-131 and I-765 reciept numbers as well).

Thank you

[Merrytooth 5,748]

I would put in whatever information you have on the immigrant --> including the I-131 and I-765 NOA1 number

The I-864 withdrawal will cause I-485 to be denied and I-131/I-765 will be useless anyway.

[Avery Cates 1,141]

It's the saddest day of my life... I just found out that my wife is using me to get a green card and them move on...

Long story short. I brought her as a K1 fiance and then filed for her adjustment of status in November. Everything was good till I heard a long conversation with her parents today talking about her plans. She is basically using me to get a green card and once she gets it she is going to move out and leave me.

Please tell me what to do. She had her fingerprints last December. Is it too late to cancel her adjustment of status? ...

Please, please I need you help. The funny thing is she still lives with me.

You have no idea how I feel right now... It's when you love someone for all this time and all of a sudden I heard the her unbelievable story with her parents.... She told them she never loved me even before I filed for a K-1! Can you believe this?!

Help me please! What should I do.

Do everything you can to sabotage the green card process, while acting like everything is normal in front of her.

[verysadguy 170]

Do everything you can to sabotage the green card process, while acting like everything is normal in front of her.

Great advice. I did that and everyone kind of got bitter at me. Be very cool or she WILL call the cops and get a VAWA petition going faster than a green card scam artist from a foreign country.

[USAmale 1]

Basically, my two cents is to be very wary of this process....I was completely taken in myself in the K1 process, only to have my wife leave after 6 months saying that she had to deal with a family problem...I believe that they often believe that if they just marry a US citizen and then leave the country that we are somehow obligated to support them once they return to their home country.

VerySadGuy, I am sorry that you are going through this, but if you had adjusted her status, you would have had a lot of work to do to show fraud on her part. If not you would be on the hook supporting her for ten years..

I hope that it works out ok for you, brother..