Married yesterday on K1, now my new wife wants to leave to go back home.

[TAandNA 13]

I am sorry My friend ... It is just a waste of resource,time and money of USCIS and also for others who really want to be together in their lives ! and ...things like this distract the USCIS and other agencies they put more check and balance in Visa process... just like this case we see here, USCIS will use it as excuse to put pressure on the K1 visa now ..

Edited January 7, 2014 by TAandNA

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

I am sorry My friend ... It is just a waste of resource,time and money of USCIS and also for others who really want to be together in their lives ! and ...things like this distract the USCIS and other agencies they put more check and balance in Visa process... just like this case we see here, USCIS will use it as excuse to put pressure on the K1 visa now ..

Based on my small loose sampling, this seems more common when folks breeze through the process easily.

Edited January 7, 2014 by Gowon

[Caryh 5,206]

Very well put. And that's from someone who has been through much of the very same thing with my wife. I know there is much going on the op hasn't said, and likely much the op doesn't even know. Its not easy with some Filipina, in there adjustment to the USA. It takes years in many case, and some never totally adjust but wait for the day their husband will return with them to the Philippines. Others leave the Philippines and never look back. Its the luck of the draw and the op drew a hard case.

Maldita Filipina mixed with homesickness, boredom, etc... is not easy to deal with. But if you love them, you can help them get through it. It takes time, biting your tongue, patience, understanding, etc... They'll truly appreciate all you went through later, but expect not to see that for quite some time.

Good luck Truck4X4

been there, gone through this, know how hard it is, and how rewarding it can be.

Tuck, I'll share my thoughts and personal experiences, but unfortunately it all comes down to the two of you. At the end of the day the TWO of you will make it work or you won;t. Nobody can do it for you.

Our first three months together were hell, the next three months were slightly less hellish. In the next thee months my wife asked how she can file for divorce. Twice my wife has taken herself to the airport. Marriage made in heaven right?

There is so much at play here that you have no idea about.

I do not subscribe to the idea these girls plan these things out. I think they have every intention of making a life with us. But, the reality of middle class life in the US is very different then they imagine it to be.

Those of us who like to travel and experience new cultures don;t realize how traumatic this move is for family based cultures. We live alone and like. Asians not so much. They love the family, social aspect of their life. Suddenly it's just the two of you. Face it your not that charming after a long day of work.

Most likely she is bored, lonely, and homesick. mostly homesick.

You also need to consider what is going on in the background with her family. Are they pressuring her for money? After all, now she has a rich American husband she should be building a new house for mom, buying motorbikes for her siblings, etc. If she is torn between her responsibility to her family and to you, who does she choose?

I am completely convinced my wife would have left in the first three months had it not been for a couple Thai girls here in town who knew exactly how to handle her. Finding that support system is crucial to the adjustment. You can tell her truths over and over, but they don;t ring true until she can hear it from her sisters. My wife thought I was lying about having to make a mortgage and car payment each month. When the Thai girls told her it was true, then she believed me. She couldn't understand how I could afford to stay in Thailand for months at a time, go out party, eat, tour, etc. but in the US I had to live on a budget. What really made it real for her was finding out the other girls work two or three jobs so they can have a house and car and "stuff".

My wife is very independent. She had her own business. Car, motorbike, etc. she could go and do as she pleases. Suddenly she is completely dependent on me for everything. money, food, transportation. I'm sure you don;t treat her like a slave, but she could easily feel like one.

When my wife asked to go back home for the umbteenth time. I said ok, but we have put so much time into this process please wait until the AP comes through otherwise it's a one way trip. I said the day you get the AP, if you still want to go home I will buy a ticket. The AP arrived, she put it on her wallet and she is still here.

Tuck, this process is much more difficult for her then it is for you. I'm sure there is more going on in the background then you are aware of. You have to be the better person here. Turn a blind ear to what she says and try to hang in there.

If she is intent on self pitty there isn;t a lot you can do. But Phils girls are by nature fun and light hearted. You just need to find that part of her again.

A few ideas:

Get a tablet for her

Set up a facebook account for her

Set up a skype account for her

Get her on the phone with her family

Get her access to native tv programing. Movies, tv shows, etc. If she spends all day looking at soaps, thats ok.

If she won;t go out to meet local Phils natives, ask a few to come to your house. They will know just how to handle her.

Give her an out. Do this and this for me, if you still want to go I will buy the ticket. Give her some control over her life.

*** Self serving Soapbox moment ***

For those of you who do not have a spouse from a poor country. Please refrain from comment like "she planned this" "this doesn't sound right" "she has an agenda" etc. If you come from a wealthy western country, you have a skill and a good job, you have no idea of the dynamics at play here. You need to spend time in these cultures to understand them. Our western morals and attitudes just don't fit in all situations. So please, be supportive and respectful. Give her the benefit of the doubt and let Tuck decide if she is genuine or not.

*** Stepping off soapbox ***

[TAandNA 13]

Based on my small loose sampling, this seems more common when folks breeze through the process easily.

You are right Gowon, The real folks.. get the tough time ! the one who easily passes through the process ! ABUSE IT ! why do America don't see this ?

We Can't pray Hurricans or Tsumani in Beneficiary countries..but USCIS please open your eyes !

Thanks

[David & Diana R 1,005]

I've been down that road before. I am a Filipina , married to a US citzen under K1. When i arrived here in US everything was fine.. After 2 weeks i felt like i wanna go home, leave US without AOS. It was so hard for me- i just cried for NO reasons all i wanted is to go home.But my husband was very supportive to me all the time that i've been through.It gets more worst and worst everyday.. my husband always prayed for me to recover, until one day he told me and convinced me to go to a Counsel- I go with him without hesitation because i want to save our Marriage after all BUT still " i wanted to go home"- In my 1st visit when they talked to me about 'anything & personal questions they knew that I am " Depressed " Till they let me answer those 400 questions for some reasons - Until they wanted me to see a Doctor. So we went there the Dr. issued me a " CELEXA " for anti- depression. It helps a lot after all- I was more relax- i feel sleepy most of the time. It was a "BIG HELP" for me, God really help us especially in my case- It's not easy guys if you will not be in this kind of ' situation' You will not understand "WHY" -

I hope your wife can fully recover where she is now... It' hard and i knew it! Don't give up- Keep on praying.. God will hear you.

Matthew 7:7~ 8

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Wow, thanks for sharing that very heart felt personal story. You nearly brought me to tears. God Bless you both.

Aloha Ke Akua

[Hank_ 9,174]

So after 4.5 years of working very hard to get my wife's K1 visa, we accomplish our goal and marry, and today i go home for lunch and she tells me that she wants out, and wants to go back home.

she is from the Philippines and we met 5 years ago when i was working there for ATT. We dated until I left, and started the K1 process when I returned to Texas. I was laid off 3 times and that delayed the process quite a bit.

For the last 4 years she has been angry with me because we weren't married sooner.

2 months ago, it finally happened and I picked her and her 2 dogs up from the airport. It has been a great 2 months and yesterday we were married.

Now she is telling me that she wants to leave and go home, she is bored, hates being at home, refuses to do what it takes to get her licenses and SSN etc, to help herself. She doesnt want to divorce.... but wants to move back to the philippines.

My understanding is that the K1 visa is a one time entry visa and if she were to leave now, even married, she would not be able to return.

Has anyone had any experience with this?

If she leaves the USA now before filing AOS and receiving, at least, the AP your efforts will have been for nothing, except having gotten married in the USA.

I have read quite a few times of the Filipina having issues like this. Most settle down and accept this is their new life and move forward.

Lots of "new" going on, lots of unknowns... very difficult time for sure.

[verysadguy 170]

Or maybe she was waiting to get married to file

Vawa,and came out with the non sense I want

To go home...In Philippines they are instructed

How to file Vawa,first lesson get married.

I was going to say that, but I knew someone knowledgeable and experienced would chime in.

However, the real clincher here is the numerous websites dedicated to educating people on what it takes to file and be successful with an I-360 VAWA petition. FOR FREE! Welcome to the USA.

http://changevawanow.wordpress.com/

[Caryh 5,206]

You are right Gowon, The real folks.. get the tough time ! the one who easily passes through the process ! ABUSE IT ! why do America don't see this ?

We Can't pray Hurricans or Tsumani in Beneficiary countries..but USCIS please open your eyes !

Thanks

I'd say a five year relationship before she got here on a K-1 was hardly breezing through the process.

What he and his new wife is going through is hardly something unheard of in the Fil/Am community, in fact its pretty darn common. If you understood Filipino culture, you'd understand where the problem is coming from, much as slowlyman does.

[TAandNA 13]

I'd say a five year relationship before she got here on a K-1 was hardly breezing through the process.

What he and his new wife is going through is hardly something unheard of in the Fil/Am community, in fact its pretty darn common. If you understood Filipino culture, you'd understand where the problem is coming from, much as slowlyman does.

Hey Caryh,

I See thanks for the explanation !

Regards,

TA

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

I'd say a five year relationship before she got here on a K-1 was hardly breezing through the process.

What he and his new wife is going through is hardly something unheard of in the Fil/Am community, in fact its pretty darn common. If you understood Filipino culture, you'd understand where the problem is coming from, much as slowlyman does.

Very few VJers have a 5 year immigration process, I am sure not even the OP has that but the timeline function is not synced at the moment. Emphasis on immigration process not relationship.

Edit: And you Guys need to stop painting Filipino as being inept relationship wise. The Filipino Women that I've dated and the ones I work with seems to be the same as any Woman from any other country I've dated. This is less about Filipino culture and more about personality IMHO.

Edited January 7, 2014 by Gowon

[David & Diana R 1,005]

Just last night my Filipina wife and I were laying on the bed getting ready to go to sleep. She commented on our place being so quiet, no motorcycles driving by without mufflers, no smell of gasoline, burning trash or burning rubber. No burning and stinging eyes from the pollution where she came from. She actually believes that a recent rash she has gotten is due to the lack of pollutants...maybe she is right. Maybe her body is adjusting to a cleaner environment. Point is the USA is sooo different. She has been here with me for just over 5 months now. She has cried and acted out. After all what would one expect when a 19 year old girl leaves her homeland and all of her family to join her husband in the US? Patience is the key. I have to keep reminding myself that she is still adjusting to a HUGE change. Patience...patience, patience... My wife was very reluctant to engage with others here when she first arrived. Fortunately for her and me the population here in Hawaii is probably nearly 70% Filipino. So we have many Filipino stores, churches, etc... I took her to a few churches when she first arrived and we settled in at a local Christian church here that was founded by Filipinos and as such has a large percentage of Filipino members. I had attended this church previously and liked the people there. They have all welcomed my wife with open arms and have made her feel at home. She has made some girlfriends at church which she communicates with now. Last week was a church picnic and my wife had a wonderful time as did I. I just feel so good inside when I see my wife smiling and laughing. My wife also took a course to become a CNA (Certified Nurses Aide). She had very little confidence in herself but she did very well in the class. She completed the class and studied even more to take the state licensing exam. She took the exam passing on her first attempt. She is now a licensed CNA! She has been volunteering at two senior citizens homes 4 days a week. (Sitting at home all day was driving her crazy.) Her confidence is getting better. She is getting more self esteem as each day passes. She is so humble she doesn't want to share most of this with her family. But I AM SO PROUD OF HER. She just got hired by one of the senior homes where she was volunteering so she will be working and making an income beginning on the 13th of this month. I am sure this will make her feel much better about herself. She wants to contribute to our household.

Perhaps you and your new wife should start some counseling?

Aloha Ke Akua

Edited January 7, 2014 by David & Zoila

[Eric-Pris 1,606]

It may just be that her expectation of the US didn't match reality. This is not a Filipina thing. I know a women from Costa Rica who came to the US on a K-3 and her USC husband told her that she won't have to work and a bunch of other #######. When she arrived, she quickly realized that's it's not going to be esay living like she was made to believe and expected. She was pretty miserable for a few months and left

So find out if her expectations were much different. Homesickness is normal and get better with time. But why get married one day before you want to leave? That part is very strange and completely irrational.

And another thing to think about is if she is willing to throw it all away that quickly, without even discussing it, where you fit in her life?

[Caryh 5,206]

Hey Caryh,

I See thanks for the explanation !

Regards,

TA

Slowlyman really hit the mark on many of the issues. My wife has gone through this to. Same "I want to go home" comments many times from her to. After a bit over two years in country, 80% of that is gone, but its not totally gone and I doubt it ever will be. BTW I knew my wife for nine years before she came here. Even though the Philippines is a third world country, she wasn't rich but she wasn't poor either, she never wanted to leave her country. Many times she asked me to move there, and she'd support me. Unfortunately while I can live a life without a lot of comforts, there are some I can't live without and she could have never have provided those, and there's no work for me there to get them through my efforts.

An example, we were out with some immigrant friends recently, two from Asia, one from Africa. The topic of life in America came up and what do they like or dislike. The two Asians love it here, both of their families are also here. The one from Africa has one brother here, the rest of her family is still in Africa, she doesn't like it here and plans to return. She also has a bf there though, which she thinks America would wreck if she brought him here. My wife also doesn't care for America, her friends said "well you must like something here to stay in America". And my wife had a single answer, "Him" and pointed to me. I'm the only reason she ever left her country, and the only reason she's staying in the USA. If we fell apart, she'd be out of country on the first flight she could catch.

[Me_Theo 25]

Let she goes to her country, Don't waste your time more than it. She has another plan to make you like her SLAVE, Tell her you did every thing during 5 years to be with her, you cannot help her more than this. don't give to her pay check( money) or alse for keeping her with yourself. Give her divorce after she arrive in her country. Her behavior is big RED Flag. Be youeself. Don't change your mind about your child/childern or your culture just for to be with her.GOOD LUCK

Edited January 7, 2014 by Me_Theo

[Caryh 5,206]

Very few VJers have a 5 year immigration process, I am sure not even the OP has that but the timeline function is not synced at the moment. Emphasis on immigration process not relationship.

Edit: And you Guys need to stop painting Filipino as being inept relationship wise. The Filipino Women that I've dated and the ones I work with seems to be the same as any Woman from any other country I've dated. This is less about Filipino culture and more about personality IMHO.

I did just bring up the relationship time, as the op has no timeline. Appears this account was created just to bring up this issue.

A filipina is like any other woman, is very true. But the culture and the perceptions framed by that culture can make how they react to living in the USA very different to. I ad a friend having issues with his new wife, a filipina, they were flying head long towards divorce, with his American perceptions of what was going on and her Filipino perceptions of the same thing. I kept giving him another view point based on time and experience I have with the culture. It started to make him second guess his assumptions, which if had been real, I would said divorce her. She was getting some similar advice on American viewpoints to, from family here in the USA. They're happily back together now. But the point is being insensitive the person and their cultural views, will make things fall apart. This dramatic display and reaction of the OP's wife, is not uncommon when under emotional pain, and is called OA in the Philippines. The words don't really matter as much as the expression of pain that is being shown and the need to support them until they get on the other side of that pain.