Inhumane

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

I think you are all missing that while people can be supportive, that this separation is not the end of the world like many here make it sound to be.

Also, you have the option of moving to loved one's country and being with them. I don't recommend it necessarily given our history, but if you really can't live without them, well the US government isn't stopping you.

As to those who say European immigration is better, that isn't the case at all. We were unable to pursue Danish spousal immigration at all and they up until this year operated on a points system that basically stopped Danes from importing anyone wasn't well educated, a native level English or Scando speaker, over the age of 24, etc. The impossibilities of a Danish man marrying a Thai woman who was not native level fluent in English or Danish for example could not be more clearly emphasized. There are also ridiculous (especially if you have children) space requirements in sq m per person in your *permanent* dwelling, etc.

I think the American system is largely great - people regardless of income, education, or ethnic background are free to immigrate. Less economically advantaged American spouses can even get co-sponsors!

I really can't get what all the complaining is about. My Danish husband couldn't get me a spouse visa, I, as also a British citizen, couldn't get him one to the UK, but America - besides some USCIS errors, was not that difficult to do.

[Avery Cates 1,141]

So...the government can decide who we can marry and how we live our personal lives?

You can (mostly) marry whoever you want. Immigrating here is another matter entirely.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

So...the government can decide who we can marry and how we live our personal lives? It's job is interfere in our personal lives and ignore all that inconvenient stuff about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness? Well...thank goodness for a free country, eh?

Marrying whomever you please is your right

But it is a privilege to chase after a visa for your loved one.

[christeen 966]

I have been through the Italian residency system, and it is no joke either! Who you marry is a decision everyone makes for him/herself, but the ability to bring him/her to the USA is a privilege not a right... Unfortunately, everyone pays for others crimes, whether that be scams, misuse of the immigration system or terrorism... Buearocracy is slow and cumbersome to be sure, but I think labeling it inhumane is a bit extreme... Separation from family is miserable and stresses the strongest of relationships. I do hope everyone is united soon... But being angry at those who might have information or experience that is useful for you or others because of a perceived negativity is not a productive path... Wish everyone the best

[Avery Cates 1,141]

You seem to have some bitterness of some type and can't be nice or supportive. Doesn't mean the members don't want the truth, but even your signature denotes an air of "I enjoy making other feel miserable." This is supposed to be a place of camaraderie and support.

Just because realistic expectations are being set, doesn't mean they aren't being nice or supportive.

"I'm sure it will be over soon" is much less nice or helpful in the long run.

[Jamie & Izzy 98]

You can (mostly) marry whoever you want. Immigrating here is another matter entirely.

So simply because we marry foreigners, the government can treat our relationships and the emotional and financial hardships imposed by lengthy separations with disregard? Even when we pay them a substantial fee to do the processing?...

After all, the only rational objection the government can have to our relationships is if there is a genuine national security issues (which, i imagine, represent a miniscule fraction of applications) or fraud (which is also a pretty small percentage).

In any event, the whole point is there is no competition out there - we HAVE to go the USCIS/NVC route or not at all. We pay them for the service. They should be obliged to provide us with a reasonably rapid processing time, and roughly a year or more is NOT rapid. There are many simple solutions that could apply that would dramatically improve processing times (such as simply hiring more staff, doing some or all of the steps simultaneously instead of sequentially, etc.), but there is no real pressure on them to do so, and no consequences for them if they don't. Frankly, I don't see any reason why the process, from application to approval, should ever take more than 90 days for routine cases.

So, I reiterate, or those of you who are happy to live in state-imposed separation from your loved ones for extended periods of time, by all means enjoy yourselves if you are so ok with that. But those us us who begrudge every moment that we lose with our loved ones because of this absurdly inefficient process are going to do what we can to ensure that it is made faster and more efficient. And given that it would benefit you as well...why on earth would you object? As others have said, if you don't push for change, change won't happen. Washington works pretty much entirely on the basis that whoever has the money gets their needs served first, and failing money, whoever makes the most noise. If we just sit here, patting them on the back for their long and lengthening backlog, it will only grow longer still.

-J

[evelyn1140 18]

Being a member of this website has offered me great support and knowledge while going through this process. I have recently returned from visiting my husband and step children over the holidays. I helped my husband through a hospital procedure, celebrated his birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's. I made new curtains for our apartment that we secured during my last visit, drove the kids to school, made lunches and was able to be a wife and step mother. I have now returned to my apartment in Canada, returned to my job and feeling complete emptiness and heartbreak. My mental health is being greatly challenged and at times I am feeling so depressed that I wonder how much longer I can endure the wait. The process is inhumane. I would love to ask any of those in power over our cases to be separated from their children, husbands for over a year and hear how they react and see how many of them end up physically and mentally ill from the stress.

Stress is the number one cause of life threatening disease! Cancers, heart problems, raised cholesterol, suicide are all affected or caused by severe stress!

This treatment is inhumane. We are being tortured.

I do try and think of the positive...that everyday is one day closer....that I am happy to have spent some time together....to continue to do the things I have enjoyed in the past to protect myself. I work in the field of health!

So....thank you for letting me vent! Thank you for being strong and being there for me and others. Only those of us going through this can understand the pain and torment.

Wishing that we stay strong together and that our strength and love will make this world a better place one day!

I understand your pain. I went thru the same thing going to Turkey see my husband for 2 weeks wait for the next vacation. However within myself I found strength and I was grateful to God, One because I found the power to not feel so lonely and two I found the man of my life. IT is difficult it is but you have to walk that path

[christeen 966]

Inefficient service for what you paid for... Now that is a much more sound argument than say in it is inhumane... I agree you should get the service you pay for and increased fees has not resulted in better service. However, moving a loved one to the USA is a privilege given to citizens and LPR's not a right... You can marry whom you wish, but the government (who theoretically represents the people) have a say in who gets admitted into the country (as inefficient as that system may be) and until there are major changes the system is what it is and will certainly not improve or change in a time frame to help anyone here... But I am sure there are future visa applicants that might benefit from your leadership in trying to change things...

[cam0803 3]

Just because realistic expectations are being set, doesn't mean they aren't being nice or supportive.

"I'm sure it will be over soon" is much less nice or helpful in the long run.

Truthfulness is appreciated by all or at least most. However there is a proper way to say things that commands respect and kindness. Then there is an inappropriate way as well. Suck it up…inappropriate. As you can see by her response…she felt she never should have come here to air her troubles. Is that really how someone wants to make someone feel? A "Sorry to hear that you're so distressed. This indeed can be a rough road and we all get upset and sad at times. We're here to support each other. Everything will take time, but hang in there." I have seen it far to many times on here. Rudeness just because someone is speaking about a truthful thing should not be excused. A person can be truthful and decent/kind at the same time.

[Cathi 5,748]

So...the government can decide who we can marry and how we live our personal lives? It's job is interfere in our personal lives and ignore all that inconvenient stuff about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness? Well...thank goodness for a free country, eh?

I would love for you to show me one couple our government denied a marriage to because one of the spouses is foreign. Did you even think about this statement before you made it? Seriously after 9/11 things have changed. Background checks need to be done, it's national security. Would you rather have the government let everyone in and not do background checks so,your case can be adjudicated overnight?

[dirk_diggler 107]

just imagine if we didn't have skype . i'll always appreciate video chat after this process is over lol

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

I would love for you to show me one couple our government denied a marriage to because one of the spouses is foreign. Did you even think about this statement before you made it? Seriously after 9/11 things have changed. Background checks need to be done, it's national security. Would you rather have the government let everyone in and not do background checks so,your case can be adjudicated overnight?

I absolutely agree with you.

I just want to know why if they can do all the work necessary for Haitians and Filipinos in 20 days, why can't they all be done in less than 90 days.

[snowflakepr 16]

I have to thank many of you for your kinds words of support and defense. During this difficult and lengthy process we are all stressed and handle our stress in different ways. It is always best to be kind and helpful to those that are hurting rather than say some words that may be taken as insensitive.

There are many wonderful reads since I first made my post and it is wonderful to have connected with all of you.

I am feeling stronger and will continue to seek support and offer support to my community here on VJ.

[camden 20]

I'm glad you posted, you simply expressed your thoughts. You will quickly learn the jerks on VJ. Eat the fish and leave the bones. Some of what they say may be helpful but most of it is rubbish. I always find it humorous how the ones who have their spouses with them and who still come back to post smart ### comments. They are a joke to me, don't let it stop it from speaking your mind.

[Jamie & Izzy 98]

I would love for you to show me one couple our government denied a marriage to because one of the spouses is foreign. Did you even think about this statement before you made it? Seriously after 9/11 things have changed. Background checks need to be done, it's national security. Would you rather have the government let everyone in and not do background checks so,your case can be adjudicated overnight?

No one said anything about not doing background checks OR getting processed "overnight". What I and many others here have observed is that the system as it stands is VERY inefficient and we want it improved. Surely you can't say that a system where your application sits in a box for 8 months before anyone even looks at it does not have some room for improvement? Again, there are MANY ways the system could be improved and streamlined without sacrificing anything in regards to checking backgrounds, legitimacy of relationships, etc.

Where there's a will, there's a way, and unfortunately right now, the USCIS does not seem to have any particular interest in reducing the separation that families must endure (no doubt because they have no consequences of any kind if they fail to meet their 5 month goal, which they are not even close to meeting), and frankly I find that inexcusable.