Inhumane

[Boiler 44,865]

A normal turn around would be a month if it was not for delays, which I think most people would accept.

Obviously if there was a will it could happen, there is not.

I am sure if your local Congress person had a financial stake in the process things would be different,

[kssette 30]

Feeling your pain sister. Skype is all I got for my marriage right now and its a poor substitute for the real thing. But as 'Proudly Canadian' said, its better than letters or email. Some days our work schedules and time difference make it impossible for us to see each other on that day or even a couple days. Those days are the worst! Still, I can't imagine my life without him now, and I try to stay positive. So hang in there and know that you are not alone.

[LiliBurd 85]

Inhumane?!?! Seriously???

Inhumane is children being abused. Inhumane is people living in fear because they live in war-ravaged countries. I respect that this can be a lenghty process, but it is the process! You made a decision to pursue a relationship with someone that lives in a different country. Why don't you look on the bright side, if you're truly happy with your spouse then it will be worth it in the end. Just choose your words wisely, and like NigeriaorBust said, we all need to suck it up.

[davenella 21]

Being a member of this website has offered me great support and knowledge while going through this process. I have recently returned from visiting my husband and step children over the holidays. I helped my husband through a hospital procedure, celebrated his birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's. I made new curtains for our apartment that we secured during my last visit, drove the kids to school, made lunches and was able to be a wife and step mother. I have now returned to my apartment in Canada, returned to my job and feeling complete emptiness and heartbreak. My mental health is being greatly challenged and at times I am feeling so depressed that I wonder how much longer I can endure the wait. The process is inhumane. I would love to ask any of those in power over our cases to be separated from their children, husbands for over a year and hear how they react and see how many of them end up physically and mentally ill from the stress.

Stress is the number one cause of life threatening disease! Cancers, heart problems, raised cholesterol, suicide are all affected or caused by severe stress!

This treatment is inhumane. We are being tortured.

I do try and think of the positive...that everyday is one day closer....that I am happy to have spent some time together....to continue to do the things I have enjoyed in the past to protect myself. I work in the field of health!

So....thank you for letting me vent! Thank you for being strong and being there for me and others. Only those of us going through this can understand the pain and torment.

Wishing that we stay strong together and that our strength and love will make this world a better place one day!

I feel you and i TOTALLY agree with you. This affects a lot and can screw you emotionally. it's hard to handle.

Hope we all feel better later.

Edited January 5, 2014 by davenella

[Nawlinshoney 7]

Girl I know EXACTLY what you are going through. I have been apart from my fiancée for a year and a half. I tried waiting to see if he can get a visa on his own and its hard so I filed for the K1 visa. I have been completely miserable and heartbroken and have cried. I have been alone for the holidays. The process can not go fast enough and if we get denied for any reason I don't know what I would do. So we have these types of sites to help each other and pass the time. Believe me friend I know just what you mean.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Regarding those who are deployed please remember that this was by choice. People do not join the service not knowing that there is a chance of deployment.

I saddened that you feel that telling me to 'suck it up' is helpful when I believe it is clear that I am feeling very depressed.

I should not have posted anything here.

You chose to be in a relationship with someone in a foreign country. I'm sorry but trying to say that your pain is an less intense or any less of a choice than a military family is not fair at all.

I liked our time on Skype, we annoyed each other a lot less than we do in person. Once your in person honeymoon phase wears off and you start to hit the real stumbling blocks (like we have in the 1.5 years of in person time) like infertility, multiple miscarriages, death of parents, family drama, home renovations, money issues, moving countries twice, etc. etc. Relationships are rough, cross cultural relationships comes with issues, and trust me this little separation is NOTHING compared to what you will face in the future.

Edited January 6, 2014 by N-o-l-a

[ANA&EDDY2012 4]

I completely agreed , this is just too much. How much longer do I need to wait to finally start my life with my husband and my kids in the same home. USCIS timeline is all messed up and back up and NVC process timeline doesn't exist , NVC operator "..8 weeks to assigned number, but you are welcome to call whenever you like..." Really??? What part of this process is working correctly? What is the goal ?5 months? What is their focus? It's called "Poor Management" This is BS.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Regarding those who are deployed please remember that this was by choice. People do not join the service not knowing that there is a chance of deployment.

I saddened that you feel that telling me to 'suck it up' is helpful when I believe it is clear that I am feeling very depressed.

I should not have posted anything here.

Regarding those who are married to foreigners, please remember that this was by choice. People do not marry foreigners not knowing that there is a waiting process involved.

Disclaimer: My post should not be seen as being argumentative, rather it's meant to show the other side of the coin.

[barbara360 6]

This is a hard process and not for the faint at heart. When I went to visit my husband during the process it was so hard to leave because life was so great together- this is the thought that kept me from going crazy during this process. The thought that one day we will have an everyday life. Just try to focus on that thought and visit as much as possible. You can survive it! Good luck and just breath

[cam0803 3]

Nigeriaorbust….I'm sorry but I just have to say it. I can't believe anyone else has not. You and people like you are the exact example of a reason I never come on this site. You seem to have some bitterness of some type and can't be nice or supportive. Doesn't mean the members don't want the truth, but even your signature denotes an air of "I enjoy making other feel miserable." This is supposed to be a place of camaraderie and support. How does "This will not be over quickly. You will not enjoy this." or your responses of suck it up indicate any of that? Many I know that have started out on this site, don't come here anymore exactly for people like that, and it's sad because we all should support one another since this is not an easy journey.

Sorry if this seems rude folks, but no one else has pointed that out and I don't think anyone who has the determination and courage to go through this process needs an attitude such as that around.

[Jamie & Izzy 98]

Nigeriaorbust….I'm sorry but I just have to say it. I can't believe anyone else has not. You and people like you are the exact example of a reason I never come on this site. You seem to have some bitterness of some type and can't be nice or supportive. Doesn't mean the members don't want the truth, but even your signature denotes an air of "I enjoy making other feel miserable." This is supposed to be a place of camaraderie and support. How does "This will not be over quickly. You will not enjoy this." or your responses of suck it up indicate any of that? Many I know that have started out on this site, don't come here anymore exactly for people like that, and it's sad because we all should support one another since this is not an easy journey.

Sorry if this seems rude folks, but no one else has pointed that out and I don't think anyone who has the determination and courage to go through this process needs an attitude such as that around.

Thank you !!!

iwanted to say just that...,it makes me mad seeing that some people like to drag others down with negative hating comments ...,suck it up ? rules can be changed ! there was a time were most of us could not even get married cause of race religion ... did we change those rules? yes ! sucking it up is not the way to go !

In Europe Canada and other first world countries they do it better and faster,i`m sure it wasnt always this way ,but people did not suck it up !! that`s why the rules got changed...

Izzy .

[sbai2000 31]

snowflakepr - I feel your pain .

It's a difficult situation all round. Many people are struggling with immigration issues in one form or the other. I have not enjoyed being apart from my love during this time - but unfortunately he wont take the chance of trying to come here for a visit because he is afraid he will be turned back. So like everyone else we just wait.

stay strong. We will all survive this! This is not really the journey!

[Jamie & Izzy 98]

I simply can't believe so many here are so eager to jump to a defend a system which is forcing them apart from their loved ones, a system which is clearly grossly inefficient, lacking in transparency and devoid of any kind of accountability. We know for a fact that they can process us in as little as two or three weeks. The only reason that do no *routinely* process us in that short amount of time, or anything even close to it, is they don't feel they need to. They have no sense of urgency for keeping families together. For those of you who "enjoyed" carrying our your relationship by skype, you are welcome to take as long as you like to actually move together. Most of the rest of us, I am sure, I desperate to finally be able to be together with our spouses again. And for those who keep bringing up US service members: it's apples and oranges. They are forced to have long separations because of the needs of the job; we are forced to have long separations from our loved ones because the bureaucracy we are forced to work through doesn't see it as any kind of priority.

We all here paid for this service, and it is a service that is *vital* to us - without it, we cannot live with our own spouses and children. How can that be treated like it's some kind of luxury or privilege, and not an absolute right?

-J

Edited January 6, 2014 by Jamie & Izzy

[Avery Cates 1,141]

How can that be treated like it's some kind of luxury or privilege, and not an absolute right?

-J

Mostly because it's not a right.

[Jamie & Izzy 98]

Mostly because it's not a right.

So...the government can decide who we can marry and how we live our personal lives? It's job is interfere in our personal lives and ignore all that inconvenient stuff about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness? Well...thank goodness for a free country, eh?