A Moroccan man just gave me some advice...you may not like it tho....

[Boiler 44,824]

Over the years I have seen so many threads like this it seems that they could do with their own sub forum, perhaps a Moderator could oblige?

[Rosesarered 11]

So much reading comprehension FAIL.

She didn't allude that you are any of those things. Nobody here has any idea what happened in your marriage. No one knows if he was scammy, scummy, or both and more. What is known is that your first post here was a screechy whine about a marriage you inexplicably stayed in for seven years, and what you thought was some earth shattering proclamation from some Moroccan doofus in a weird as heII position of having multiple women sharing their bad drama with a Moroccan with him. Yawn. Everything about this is absurd.

What? Wait...................what? Lol

[Peace.... 281]

ROSESARERED,

You have posted this below and honestly, when I read this from your own words, I was in disbelief that anyone could say such horrible things about a Muslim woman or man, or even a moroccan. Just horrible

They still have sex they just have to hide it, buy it or from what I have been told, it is common for men to have sex with each other because it does not seem as bad to them as sex with a woman not your wife. I have even heard that girls will have ####### sex and not vaginal because they wont risk being found out (losing virginity) so even though these things seem strange here, it is accepted although shunned there. So when men (women too maybe) get here they realize "hey I can do this now!" and the little demons come out of them and unfortunately hurt others

[Golden Gate 530]

I don't know about other people, but I never figured that a twenty or thirty something man from Morocco would not have any sexual experience whatsoever. Sure there could be as well, but seems pretty naive to expect a grown up to be like a completely innocent child, while we ourselves have previously been married and have experience. If girls and boys are messing around there secretly, so what? Happens all over the world. To make it seem like they are doing something more dirty than anyone else in the world seems pretty silly.

Edited January 27, 2014 by Golden Gate

[Rosesarered 11]

Don't shoot the messanger ladies. I am only telling you what I have been told by people of their culture (not fellow Americans) I have heard this for at least the last 10 years by Iranian women (from Iran not here) that it happens there also. That's the first place I heard it.

Here is a post by a woman under "major family changes" thread just recently that is almost exactly what I went thru with my (Moroccan) husband. Im sure the fact that he's from Morocco is just coincidence so don't get all wadded up again

here is her opening post:

Ok so my fiancé entered the US on January 9, 14. Before he arrived I never felt so sure of something in all my life! I was so happy, overjoyed, excited! I was so in love! My trip to see him was amazing! (Of course I did pay for everything, and it was vacation not reality). I have my wedding dress, I have my girls' dresses! Finding out on Christmas Eve that the love of my life would be here at home with me very soon was the best gift ever! So he's here... I was very happy to see him but it didn't take long before I realized something's not clicking. I started to have anxiety all the time, I don't feel comfortable around him at all. It's bugging me out! So fast forward 1 week and 6 days and I finally spelled it out to him that I could not and will not marry him because we are not even in the same book of life! I couldn't take it anymore. I can not live with him! So fast forward to last night and he puts his brother on the phone whom lives in CA and his brother tells me if that's my final decision then he is booking my fiancé a flight to CA to depart a week from now and he will call his attorney and have him draw up all the paperwork to relieve me of any financial responsibility! Has anyone ever had a similar experience or heard of one? Should I call USCIS? Of course I will never sign anything without my attorney looking it over and discussing it with USCIS, I may have been conned by lust but I'm not stupid! I'm curious if anyone knows of a possible outcome? Thanks!

Edited January 27, 2014 by Rosesarered

[Rosesarered 11]

If you read my posts you will see that I too was so sure I made the right choice. But when he was with me here I saw that he was NOTHING AT ALL like the man he portrayed to me all those mos. I uncovered so many things. The very first was he kept taking pictures of himself around my house and in my yard, also when we went places together all he seemed to want to do was photograph himself for his family and friends, Not us together. I had to ask for that. Also he cared nothing about life here or building our life together here. He only cared that I cook his moms meals and where's the nearest Mosque. And that was only the start. Sorry if you want to defend him but remember that in phycology it says "if something bothers you...than you should examine your own life to find out why.

[Rosesarered 11]

I don't know about other people, but I never figured that a twenty or thirty something man from Morocco would not have any sexual experience whatsoever. Sure there could be as well, but seems pretty naive to expect a grown up to be like a completely innocent child, while we ourselves have previously been married and have experience. If girls and boys are messing around there secretly, so what? Happens all over the world. To make it seem like they are doing something more dirty than anyone else in the world seems pretty silly.

I agree with you. The problem arises when they are taught something is bad or wrong (not sex itself but sex with someone not your spouse)in a culture. They do it in private to avoid trouble. Than when they come someplace like the states where is accepted an normal...they are free to express themselves if they choose in whatever was they choose because they have choices and lots of them. It is like growing up/maturing if you will. It's a normal part of life but also something to be aware of if you think your guy comes from a strict and limited environment

[Golden Gate 530]

Rosearered: My impression of your experience is that he is bisexual or homosexual and had to hide it at home, and he felt he hit the jackpot when he was able to move to the San Francisco Bay Area.

Sure, there is a lot of shame involved here.

Edited January 27, 2014 by Golden Gate

[Golden Gate 530]

Reminds me of some of the people I have grown up with. My hometown is very conservative and religious. However, three of my childhood friends ended up being gay or lesbian, and actually there are quite a few more from my class who turned out to be. They had to do a lot of sneaking around or hiding their identities until they grew up and moved away to a more open-minded community.

[Peace.... 281]

Don't shoot the messanger ladies. I am only telling you what I have been told by people of their culture (not fellow Americans) I have heard this for at least the last 10 years by Iranian women (from Iran not here) that it happens there also. That's the first place I heard it.

I'm not shooting the messenger, but I just don't see where that post had anything to do with your marriage, it had everything to do with other people in other countries. It's like your angry at the Muslim world and men, and what better way to attack someone by saying the men screw each other and the women, well you know what you wrote. I don't care who told you that, it doesn't mean you blurt out nonsense to women here going thru a immigration process trying to get there loved ones here by making horrible accusations that you know nothing about. Iranians, Moroccans, Nigerians, etc. it's not nice.

[sandinista! 1,816]

If you read my posts you will see that I too was so sure I made the right choice. But when he was with me here I saw that he was NOTHING AT ALL like the man he portrayed to me all those mos. I uncovered so many things. The very first was he kept taking pictures of himself around my house and in my yard, also when we went places together all he seemed to want to do was photograph himself for his family and friends, Not us together. I had to ask for that. Also he cared nothing about life here or building our life together here. He only cared that I cook his moms meals and where's the nearest Mosque. And that was only the start. Sorry if you want to defend him but remember that in phycology it says "if something bothers you...than you should examine your own life to find out why.

Minus the totally small, irrelevant detail that this woman knew something was up, and took action immediately, as opposed to staying married to the guy for SEVEN YEARS.

No one here is defending your ex husband. No one knows him. You brought this whole mess here to talk about, and that's what people have done. In discussing what you've shared, some people have raised other possibilities to explain various behaviors, or what may have happened. That's the thing about marriages in MENA, they're extremely diverse, complicated, and all kinds of things play into why they work or not. But you've done nothing but try to pigeonhole this diverse experience, shared by lots and lots of people here, into whatever defense mechanisms and 'universal truths' about MENA people and marriages your brain has concocted. Punctuated with some feeble explanation about the sociology of MENA people's sex lives and whatnot that borders on being straight up racist. Not everyone here is down with that, regardless of what some Iranians randomly share with you.

[Rosesarered 11]

The woman whom I quoted in my earlier post was harshly criticized by a lot of forum members and so her thread was locked of any further comments as I am pretty sure those kind of comments are not really helping anyone and they certainly are not going to help the one who created the thread. Attacks rarely help anyone from what I can tell. But now I do understand why the ladies and men that have gone thru the visa process and had a bad experience DO NOT come back here to share with others. If you have already been beaten up emotionally by a bad relationship...why come to a board or forum like this and have people attack you??????? I am sure there are hundreds of people if not thousands whom have gone thru this process and could offer valuable experience to those with questions and needs or support, but they would be afraid to open themselves up to SOME people that I do not need to name because they are obvious. You can attract more fly's with honey than vinegar and I am sure whether you are Muslim, Christian or any God based religion you know that loving each other is the best way to get your point across. I am sure even this post will draw the talons and teeth out of someone here.

[Cathi 5,691]

Okay, so I am a teacher, and I teach a course on World Religions. Sadly, I am constantly battling the ignorant stereotypes of my students about Islam. As I listen to my students make conclusions that all Muslims are terrorists, I have come to loathe stereotypes in all its forms. My student's conclusions are based on limited information - but to them, their feeling are very real and very valid. They base their stereotypes on what they have heard from others & what they have seen on TV. All they need to do is make connections between Islam and 9/11, and its nearly impossible to convince them otherwise. But they are wrong. And it is my passion as a teacher to broaden their horizons, and clear their minds of ignorance. I start by putting a stop to the sweeping, ignorant stereotypes.

So I apologize if it seems harsh Rosesarered, but I find your comments and stereotypes of Moroccans painfully ignorant. Yes I know you are not stereotyping Islam. But your attempt to stereotype all Moroccan men has a similar effect. You are perpetuating uneducated stereotypes about other cultures. And I do in fact find that, in and of itself, offensive and ignorant. Who are you to make authoritative statements about Moroccan men, just because you used poor judgement when you chose a husband?

It seems that you base your claims on your personal marriage. And yet we have no way of knowing the real reason your marriage ended. You might have been selfish, cold, or stubborn. Who knows? But we do know that you have absolved yourself of ANY responsibility by laying the claim that it was a scam, and that all Moroccan men are most likely scammers. You also make these ignorant claims based on your personal observations of the people who come to this website - As if that is some sort of conclusive study or set of statistics. And yet you have no idea what percentage of people involved in International Moroccan marriages actually come to this website. So your conclusions are totally skewed.

You might feel you are doing good to "warn others" about big bad Moroccan Scamming men. But its a shame you choose to "help others" by stereotyping other human beings, as opposed to, for example, taking personal responsibility for your choice. And although I really do respect the fact that you feel you are trying to help others. Stereotypes never accomplish anything beyond spreading ignorance and hate.

I'm not a teacher and I'm constantly battling the stereotypes of Muslims with friends and some of my family. People believe everything they read in the news as gospel. It gets tiring, but I feel the need to defend my husband and his religion. Islam is a religion of over a billion people, different cultures and countries, and every one of them is judged by the stupidity of a select few, it's maddening. This weekend my husband and and I went to see the movie Lone Survivor, I won't tell you how the movie ends, but I will say at the end it shows what Islam is really about, it was refreshing, the movie is a true story. On the way out of the theater my husband said to me " I'm glad the movie portrayed REAL Muslims truthfully", I was thinking the same even before he said a word.

I have said this so many times on this site, there are scammers from every country, every age, male and female alike, just because someone married a POS scammer slime ball thief liar from a certain country doesn't make everyone from said country the same. Every marriage on the face of the Earth could potentially end in divorce, there are users and abusers from every corner of the planet, my ex was one and he is AMERICAN. Does this make every man from the US just like him? No it doesn't. So stating that very man from Morocco or from a MENA country only wants to marry a US citizen for a green card is totally absurd. I'm not shooting the messenger, I'm just saying that the messenger's messenger is full of #######.

Edited January 27, 2014 by mimolicious

[Boiler 44,824]

So stating that every man from Morocco or from a MENA country only wants to marry a US citizen for a green card is totally absurd.

I do not think anybody has every said that, seriously.

[alicia98981 128]

Rosesarered, You have stated your opinion, your experiences, and your opinion based on your experiences. While I won't lie and say reading your initial post swayed me briefly, especially after having so many people that I know personally state that my own fiancee would only use me for a green card, these are alone are your experiences. As a person of Black descent, I completely understand how a few people's foolishness can make a whole race or group of people look bad as though negative thing standout compared to the masses and not the good things. It's unfair to those of us who do the right thing or are generally good people. That being said, I don't doubt your experience, or the conversation you had with the Moroccan individual or the Irani woman. I think it's a good thing that you speak on your experience and talk about the dark side of immigration that no one likes to think about. Could it be that you husband was using you to get established in the US before forcing you to leave him? Possibly, just as much as I find it believable that your marriage didn't turn out quite the way you hope. I can believe that it's possible for some people to put up one attitude before marriage and do a complete 180 after the marriage takes place. One story I read, a man dated a woman for 2 years before proposing and had plenty of pictures, family events, vacations, and functions to prove their relationship. The day of the wedding, she left him for a boyfriend she had had since before the relationship.

I suggest you continue to talk about your relationship and the flags that you saw and may or may not have ignored that led to the demise of it. The one thing I would suggest you be weary of as other posters have suggested, however, is generalizing all MENA men and women in one box. Granted your original post was information given to you by another individual that you reposted, try to separate your personal feelings and experiences from what the man told you when you discuss your posts so to keep the two from intertwining. In truth, deep down I think if there are some genuine flags to our relationship, most individuals choose to ignore them in hopes that the feeling at the back of their head will go away or they can fix it. In totally unrelated events, I did that in a past relationship. I knew somethings weren't and didn't feel right, but I chose to ignore them for the same reasons listed above. I chose to ignore them because I wanted to believe so bad that if I, not him, but I just did this or that differently or waited it out, those problems would go away. Now that I look back on that toxic relationship, I see all the things that my "love is blind" eyes couldn't see or more accurately, wouldn't see, because I was so determined to make the impossible work against the odds. I think you should speak on your relationship without referring to the background so that it leave neutral territory. Talk about the things that you saw that backup you statement. Talk about the good and the bad. Not just what he did, but what you did as well - the good and the bad. A person from China, a EU, or even New Zealand can do the same thing just as much as a MENA individual.

As for other posters, if you disagree with someone's opinion, outright attacking them isn't making your statement that much plausible either. We should all be able to comment on poster's comments and agree to disagree and discuss why we disagree with logic like adults rather than gaining up and bullying individuals with insults and rudeness. You can tell someone they are wrong or you disagree without the extra . . .