A Moroccan man just gave me some advice...you may not like it tho....

[Possiblymaybe 371]

Rosesarered, I'm curious to know what makes you think that your husband married you for a green card? Seven years is a long time to stick around if the end goal was a green card. In one of your posts you ask how you could have seen this coming. But in another you describe a loveless marriage where you fell out of love with him shortly after he arrived, he never complimented you, or told you that he loved you, and you were bored with him because he never wanted to do anything "fun". So how could you not see the end of your marriage coming? It doesn't sound to me like he scammed you, it sounds like you married someone that you didn't know very well.

On the other hand, your "Moroccan friend" sounds like a complete scammer. Were you really shocked at what he's telling you? Did people in your life really not say the very same things to you when you got involved with your husband? Oh, and how he's pleading with you to listen to what he says, and repeatedly apologizing for having to tell you that Moroccan men are scammers.... PUH-LEASEEEEE. I give it less than 60 days until he starts trying to charm you into getting him a visa too.

Alicia, good call on postponing your plans. You really shouldn't start this immigration process if there are any doubts in your mind. If you cannot confidently defend your relationship and your fiance's intentions to your freinds and family, then you've made a good decision to wait. I would like to echo Crossed_fingers and say that doubting the intentions of someone that you are planning to share the rest of your life with is not normal, even if that person is from a country associated with a high level of fraud. Long distance relationships suck, but rushing to be together when you have doubts is not wise. You don't want to be posting in this forum next year talking about how he took off right after he received his green card. If family support and approval is important to you, I suggest inviting your family to Morocco to spend time with your fiance and his family. You asked another poster if they have ever heard of a prenup. I would encourage you to read through the I-864 if you have not done so already.

[alicia98981 128]

Rosesarered, I'm curious to know what makes you think that your husband married you for a green card? Seven years is a long time to stick around if the end goal was a green card. In one of your posts you ask how you could have seen this coming. But in another you describe a loveless marriage where you fell out of love with him shortly after he arrived, he never complimented you, or told you that he loved you, and you were bored with him because he never wanted to do anything "fun". So how could you not see the end of your marriage coming? It doesn't sound to me like he scammed you, it sounds like you married someone that you didn't know very well.

On the other hand, your "Moroccan friend" sounds like a complete scammer. Were you really shocked at what he's telling you? Did people in your life really not say the very same things to you when you got involved with your husband? Oh, and how he's pleading with you to listen to what he says, and repeatedly apologizing for having to tell you that Moroccan men are scammers.... PUH-LEASEEEEE. I give it less than 60 days until he starts trying to charm you into getting him a visa too.

Alicia, good call on postponing your plans. You really shouldn't start this immigration process if there are any doubts in your mind. If you cannot confidently defend your relationship and your fiance's intentions to your freinds and family, then you've made a good decision to wait. I would like to echo Crossed_fingers and say that doubting the intentions of someone that you are planning to share the rest of your life with is not normal, even if that person is from a country associated with a high level of fraud. Long distance relationships suck, but rushing to be together when you have doubts is not wise. You don't want to be posting in this forum next year talking about how he took off right after he received his green card. If family support and approval is important to you, I suggest inviting your family to Morocco to spend time with your fiance and his family. You asked another poster if they have ever heard of a prenup. I would encourage you to read through the I-864 if you've not done so already.

To be honest I haven't heard of the 1-864 but I will look into it, thank you. My fiance hasn't given me reason to doubt his intentions, but listening to family and friends who have disapproved this relationship from the very beginning who are constantly saying he's using you for a green card can have a negative effect on you if you let it. Thanks for the information.

[sandinista! 1,816]

You set the tone for how your question was responded to. You. And no one else. Your responses to AmyWrites and Nigeriaorbust in your B2 thread, when they were being completely honest and helpful, and not the least bit rude, were APPALLING. That's the foot you started off on here, and what you were given back. The background info you've provided is all that people have to work with when answering your posts, and it shouts big red flags. Yes, it's great to hear feedback from people in similar situations with immigration and SOs from the same places. No, no one is obligated to sugarcoat or alter the way they word things to fit your personal whims or try to figure out your totally random hysterics here.

Well for one, I haven't stated the branch of service or position I work in because it's irrelevant to the discussion. Second, my fiance and I have decided to postpone marriage until I'm more comfortable with it. If I can't listen to the criticism from family and friends without harboring some of the doubt projected, then I, for myself need more time. I'm sure there is a lot of great immigration information coming from some individuals who have been on the forum a lot longer. However, I also believe there is a way that constructive criticism can be given without being rude or nasty to other individuals posting on the forum. Reading a lot of the comments, the good and bad, have made me more comfortable about pausing because I want to be sure and 100% ready for my one and only marriage when it does happen.

[sandinista! 1,816]

That's a much better response than that ####### you posted above. Good to know you feel like a know it all since you've been through the process. Good for you. I'd rather have doubts and wait before entering a marriage than go blindly into without without stopping and thinking more on it, especially when everyone you know is against the marriage in the first place which they have no problem expressing. So what do you know? Nothing. Nothing about me or us enough to sit behind a keyboard and hand out judgement based on a comment on a public forum. A single sentence comment. Really ma'am? Realy? In that one comment you have determined my whole relationship with my fiancee? I asked for advice on using the best judgement on ensuring that you're not marry someone using you for a green card not ridiculing me for having thoughts of paranoia occasionally after reading the post above. Especially one coming from the same country I'm marrying a man from! You have a good night ma'am, and I hope in future when people seek advice from someone who has been through the process, particularly those coming from Morocco, you will have the decency at least find something positive to say than being a negative Nancy. Unless you have something nice to say that's contributing to the better of the overall movement of any particular post I suggest you keep your rude and mean comments to yourself!

Case in point. Nothing here has anything to do with what I actually posted. No, i didn't ridicule you for having doubts or paranoia. It does not sound promising, but that's hardly ridicule deserving. But it is flipping crazy to be talking about and actively planning immigration in regards to someone you expressed having those kinds of feelings about.

[alicia98981 128]

the guy who wants to get here asap so he can join the air force, you're having doubts about? Smdh.

If you can't see why anyone would take offense to a comment with that attitude, then you have nothing further to say to me. That's called being rude and I won't put with it from you or anyone else on this forum. You set the tone with that sarcastic response when I only asked you to politely direct me to the forums you referred because marriage makes me nervous. I have said my piece with and have nothing further to discuss with you until you can have decent conversations without being ugly. Have a good night.

Edited January 10, 2014 by alicia98981

[ShirahBet 42]

This whole process is hard, and I don't think there is a "normal." If you have doubts, you have doubts, if you don't, you don't. Not all Moroccan men are perpetuating fraud. So, to the OP, to make broad-sweeping statements about Moroccan men is unfair. There are good men and bad men, good women and bad women. Personally, I think that the immigration process is about to become even more difficult - especially the K-1 process with the new TLC reality show about the fiance visas. I think most people who watch it are going to get the idea that most people going through K-1 are scammers and if I were going through that process, I'd certainly think twice.

It's hard not to let everyone else's opinion of your relationship not get to you at some point, especially if there are a lot of other stressors going on in your life, or you tend to overthink things. But, if you are ultimately confident in who you are, trust your judgment and trust your partner, then you will succeed. Marriages are hard work, and despite the fact that mine is still relatively new, there are many challenges that make it hard. There will be small language/cultural gaps that lead to misunderstanding. But those gaps can only be fixed with excellent communication and the ability to trust in each other.

I do worry about will my husband find a job when his waiver is approved, how will he reintegrate back into the culture here, how will he keep himself busy until he gets his SS card, driver's license and a car? I worry about a lot of that because I'm human. I think all of those things are well within a range of normal. We are the only ones who can determine what's right for us, and the same is true of everyone else.

[alicia98981 128]

This whole process is hard, and I don't think there is a "normal." If you have doubts, you have doubts, if you don't, you don't. Not all Moroccan men are perpetuating fraud. So, to the OP, to make broad-sweeping statements about Moroccan men is unfair. There are good men and bad men, good women and bad women. Personally, I think that the immigration process is about to become even more difficult - especially the K-1 process with the new TLC reality show about the fiance visas. I think most people who watch it are going to get the idea that most people going through K-1 are scammers and if I were going through that process, I'd certainly think twice.

It's hard not to let everyone else's opinion of your relationship not get to you at some point, especially if there are a lot of other stressors going on in your life, or you tend to overthink things. But, if you are ultimately confident in who you are, trust your judgment and trust your partner, then you will succeed. Marriages are hard work, and despite the fact that mine is still relatively new, there are many challenges that make it hard. There will be small language/cultural gaps that lead to misunderstanding. But those gaps can only be fixed with excellent communication and the ability to trust in each other.

I do worry about will my husband find a job when his waiver is approved, how will he reintegrate back into the culture here, how will he keep himself busy until he gets his SS card, driver's license and a car? I worry about a lot of that because I'm human. I think all of those things are well within a range of normal. We are the only ones who can determine what's right for us, and the same is true of everyone else.

You summed up my feelings perfectly, thank you. That pretty much sums up how I feel and after reading the original post and another one similar to it, you can believe the what ifs started to get the better of me. Very accurate statements. . .

[ShirahBet 42]

There is always excellent advice on these forums, but I think sometimes intentions and things that people say get taken out of context. There is no intonation or inflection in what we write. I'm not familiar with the other threads that are being referred to, so I read this thread without background. That being said, I do know that many people who have posted in this thread generally are very knowledgeable about this process and have good advice.

[alicia98981 128]

There is always excellent advice on these forums, but I think sometimes intentions and things that people say get taken out of context. There is no intonation or inflection in what we write. I'm not familiar with the other threads that are being referred to, so I read this thread without background. That being said, I do know that many people who have posted in this thread generally are very knowledgeable about this process and have good advice.

No I understand. I took offense to several comments made not because of their opinion but I perceived the delivery as needlessly sarcastic and rude. But for me personally, your comment summed up my own personal feelings about my fiance and I think some people took my surfacing doubts after reading the original post and listening to the people around me speak their disdain for my relationship, as foolish despite having previously posted background on choosing the proper visa.

[Rosesarered 11]

That is true. We have decided to postpone immigration until I feel more comfortable. We have been seeing each other for about 2 years and with every one around me questioning our reason for marrying, it is starting to get to me to me as well. As for the military comment, I felt as though you were attacking and criticizing relationship. It was his idea to join and he wants to do it because it is what I do and what he is interested in. Let me clarify. The military is easy aside from deployments and family separations. If you go to work, do your job and follow instructions, it is an easy job. They provide you for the most part with almost everything you need to be successful. Furthermore it is relatively easy to join and is almost a guaranteed job versus trolling the weak job marker as a new green card holder. I hope that clarifies things. I've been in the service for nearly 10 years and with all due respect ma'am, until you've done it you wouldn't understand why I say that. I stand by my comment that it is easy job - with reservations of course

Ah.....now I am understanding what that stuff was about. I don't personally see any issue here with his interest in the services. That sounds noble of him actually. Sounds like you've had some honest visits with him and his family in Maghreb ......how did it seem for you? Ask yourself...was there events or comments or anything you can think if that made you feel like you weren't happy with him? It's easy to get caught up in the whole "being in Morocco" thing and kindof let stuff (little red flags or differences or behaviors ) slide that back home we would pay more attention to. It doesn't help that they are so terrible handsome and polite either! I remember fir myself that happening a few times when I stayed there and wish I had delayed the wedding but didn't .

[Rosesarered 11]

To jenafid I don't know if I would say the guy I married was a hands down scammer or set out just to scam me for a visa exactly. I don't think things are always that cut and dry. I also think there are many layers to being taken advantage of and sometimes if the conditions are right and the chips are in your favor....why rock the boat! My guy got to live in California, in a very very nice home, comfortable surroundings, pretty wife, good Moroccan meals ( his moms recipes )

Got a very nice new car that is paid off (I made most of its payments while he was unemployed) and because he was very frugal with his $$$$ (ok he was a cheap a$$) he was able to accumulate somewhere close to 30,000 to bankroll) and add to that the resale on the car should he sell it is still valued at about 14,000

Why the Heck would he willingly want to bail on that? I'd move in with me lol

Edited January 10, 2014 by Rosesarered

[alicia98981 128]

Ah.....now I am understanding what that stuff was about. I don't personally see any issue here with his interest in the services. That sounds noble of him actually. Sounds like you've had some honest visits with him and his family in Maghreb ......how did it seem for you? Ask yourself...was there events or comments or anything you can think if that made you feel like you weren't happy with him? It's easy to get caught up in the whole "being in Morocco" thing and kindof let stuff (little red flags or differences or behaviors ) slide that back home we would pay more attention to. It doesn't help that they are so terrible handsome and polite either! I remember fir myself that happening a few times when I stayed there and wish I had delayed the wedding but didn't .

I actually travel internationally quite regularly, so I know I wasn't caught up in the whole international/Morocco thing. He hasn't said or done anything to give me pause, and he is always a courteous and generous individual. In reality he hasn't done anything that would make me suspicious. My bad nerves comes mostly from family and friends who are always ranting about a green card. We still have plans to marry, but I'm glad he's ok with me sorting out my own personal feelings before we commit to this 100%. When we people show you who they are, you believe them and he has shown me that he is a good family man, so I should take that into huge consideration. But all in all I have some personal struggles to overcome first.

[Nasturtium 500]

So what if I have reservations about marrying a foreigner. It doesn't mean we don't love and care for each other, but it also means that I'm not totally stupid and very much aware of fraud and ulterior motives. Ever heard of a prenup? That thing people to get protect themselves if their marriage fails?

Well, this is a fun thread! I thought I'd just toss in that as you're reading the I-864 and thinking over the responsibility of bringing someone over, you may need to consider that it trumps your "prenup" idea.

[alicia98981 128]

Well, this is a fun thread! I thought I'd just toss in that as you're reading the I-864 and thinking over the responsibility of bringing someone over, you may need to consider that it trumps your "prenup" idea.

I used the prenup to make a point, a comparison/example if you will, about protecting yourself before marriage.

[kristen_maroc 126]

Please point me in the right direction so that I can stop being paranoid before I marry my Moroccan man. . .

Deleted-- I think in telling my story it is "bad advice" for the situation at hand.

Edited January 12, 2014 by kristen_maroc