No longer wants to marry me

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Hey, Gowon, you've got points in your idea. However, I think there should be an extensive research to be conducted, like percentage of unsuccessful relationships from K1, causes and effects, etc....whatsoever.

In my case, I am thankful that I came to the US on K1 visa, not CR1. If not, I might be filing for a divorce and more heartaches and expenses.

Yes, K1 visa is risky by chance, if the beneficiary intends to come to America solely to immigrate, not purely because of love, or maybe both love and immigration. It depends on the situation / status of the beneficiary.

CR1 is much safer for the beneficiary if he/she is not set to come home once marriage fails or not working as expected.

It is a case to case scenario. On my behalf, at least, I wasn't married to him yet, and when I realized it wasn't worth of my sacrifices, I was able to come home faster, and not deal with any hassle of getting divorce. I was able to come back immediately to my work at my home country, which really sucks if I didn't get it back as I really do have a good and stable job here. Out of love, I tried to come to the USA thinking it will work out (of course, at the beginning I never thought it wouldn't). But things changed when I arrived in the US and I didn't like how I was treated. I left confused and felt not ready to marry and so I came back before 90 days. So for me, K-1 is better.

In short, it really depends on the situation of the beneficiary...how stable he / she in her home country, or does he / she wants to immigrate to US, or maybe any other reasons. At any rate, I'm thankful I got the chance to enjoy shopping and see a little of beautiful spots in America. I came home devastated, but I would never regret of my decision in coming home. Everything happens for a reason. And I got mine. Thanks VJ friends.

Thanks for opening my eye to another viewpoint.

May I ask how long, in terms of face time, that you had with your ex Fiance prior to coming to the US?

[InHisTime 110]

Thanks for opening my eye to another viewpoint.

May I ask how long, in terms of face time, that you had with your ex Fiance prior to coming to the US?

We've started talking in 2008, then 2010 was his first visit, and came back after 5 months, then in 2011 he filed for K1, I went to the US in 2012. Each visit was 2 weeks as he couldn't stay longer because of work. Everything was perfect in all his visits and while communicating. We never argue and fight on anything. I think there was real love between us, but it was so different when we were in the US. He seems to be a very stressful man. One big thing contributed was he is still living with his mom. I think his mom doesn't like me and I can't be true to myself anymore and felt unhappy. I was glad I came on K-1, at least I could still change my mind after I've seen the reality. I was scared of my future and I really don't want to end up in a divorce again, as I was. I'm blessed that I was strong to make my decision and it all turned well. Honestly, that was really heartbreaking and unforgettable. But I just have to thank God for the experience and bringing me home safely. My ex Fiance was nice, but seems he is mama's favorite. I can't change that. Thanks, and all the best to VJ friends.

[Caryh 5,206]

1) Abandoned CR1/IR1 bene = one that can stay legally (no risk of bans, being scared of deportation, etc), find some work legally. Pretty much the USC has nothing to hold over that person.

2) Abandoned K1 bene = has to leave the US, can never adjust except to abuse VAWA, no chance to work, etc. At the whim of the USC mostly.

Many immigrants go significantly long times in country before they land a job. Even longer until they can work their way up to a job that pays enough to support themselves. A chance to work and actually supporting themselves are two very different things. And if the marriage ends that fast, why do they really want to stay if the marriage was really the reason they came to the USA? If we're going to have this silly ROC for K-1's and CR-1's, why do they even allow divorce waivers? It makes no sense at all to make it conditional on marriage, then turn around and say "oh you got divorced, just check this box then and get a 10 year card, BTW that will be $580 please".

So whats so much better? A K-1 who can't work and must go home? Or a CR-1 who can't find a job, can't support themselves, and can't even get welfare to survive? As if we need more people on the welfare rolls. I see very little difference between the two situations. Many CR-1's stay in abusive relationships not because they can't legally stay, but because they see no way to survive if they leave their spouse. So do many citizens for that matter. And they're just as controlled and abused as the K-1 that has getting a green card held over their heads.

But still you see ending K-1 visas as the solution to all these problems, that the ability to get a green card solves that. If the green card is the issue, then just give the K-1 immigrant a green card when they arrive, problem solved right? If you're going to pass a law to remove the K-1, you could just as easily pass a law to allow them green cards without marriage. Well maybe not with this congress, which could pass a bill to cross the street, but theoretically you could.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Many immigrants go significantly long times in country before they land a job. Even longer until they can work their way up to a job that pays enough to support themselves. A chance to work and actually supporting themselves are two very different things. And if the marriage ends that fast, why do they really want to stay if the marriage was really the reason they came to the USA? If we're going to have this silly ROC for K-1's and CR-1's, why do they even allow divorce waivers? It makes no sense at all to make it conditional on marriage, then turn around and say "oh you got divorced, just check this box then and get a 10 year card, BTW that will be $580 please".

So whats so much better? A K-1 who can't work and must go home? Or a CR-1 who can't find a job, can't support themselves, and can't even get welfare to survive? As if we need more people on the welfare rolls. I see very little difference between the two situations. Many CR-1's stay in abusive relationships not because they can't legally stay, but because they see no way to survive if they leave their spouse. So do many citizens for that matter. And they're just as controlled and abused as the K-1 that has getting a green card held over their heads.

But still you see ending K-1 visas as the solution to all these problems, that the ability to get a green card solves that. If the green card is the issue, then just give the K-1 immigrant a green card when they arrive, problem solved right? If you're going to pass a law to remove the K-1, you could just as easily pass a law to allow them green cards without marriage. Well maybe not with this congress, which could pass a bill to cross the street, but theoretically you could.

I continue to disagree with you.

There are many jobs to be had. Once you remove illegality then certain job sectors open up especially for someone in a crunch. Not every new immigrant is uneducated from the farmlands. How many times have we read on here of beneficiaries asking f they can start work before getting their employment authorization?

I don't propose to have any solution that we still not have collateral damage. But we can talk about different scenarios.

[Caryh 5,206]

There was a Filipina that came to Minnesota a number of years back, she was a member of theworldoffilipinas forum. Her husband treated her and her kid rather poorly, actually abusively, she decided not to marry but he was refusing to get them tickets home. She had to do favors in order to get her tickets home, which happened to be the same city my wife was from. While I was in Davao, she had met a new many and intended to come to the USA again, but her former fiancee had shown up and was creating trouble in her city. It all worked out in the end, and she did get to the USA and marry her new fiancee. This is a case which may have been much harder on her, had she gone the CR-1 route. Particularly if that marriage had been reported back in the Philippines.

You never truly know someone until you live with them. And the K-1 does give people that chance. Its the one great advantage to the K-1, and has been truly life savers for some people, like you also. But I guess some view CR-1s and K-1s as having the ultimate goal of being legal in the USA, rather than the marriage being the ultimate goal.

Hey, Gowon, you've got points in your idea. However, I think there should be an extensive research to be conducted, like percentage of unsuccessful relationships from K1, causes and effects, etc....whatsoever.

In my case, I am thankful that I came to the US on K1 visa, not CR1. If not, I might be filing for a divorce and more heartaches and expenses.

Yes, K1 visa is risky by chance, if the beneficiary intends to come to America solely to immigrate, not purely because of love, or maybe both love and immigration. It depends on the situation / status of the beneficiary.

CR1 is much safer for the beneficiary if he/she is not set to come home once marriage fails or not working as expected.

It is a case to case scenario. On my behalf, at least, I wasn't married to him yet, and when I realized it wasn't worth of my sacrifices, I was able to come home faster, and not deal with any hassle of getting divorce. I was able to come back immediately to my work at my home country, which really sucks if I didn't get it back as I really do have a good and stable job here. Out of love, I tried to come to the USA thinking it will work out (of course, at the beginning I never thought it wouldn't). But things changed when I arrived in the US and I didn't like how I was treated. I left confused and felt not ready to marry and so I came back before 90 days. So for me, K-1 is better.

In short, it really depends on the situation of the beneficiary...how stable he / she in her home country, or does he / she wants to immigrate to US, or maybe any other reasons. At any rate, I'm thankful I got the chance to enjoy shopping and see a little of beautiful spots in America. I came home devastated, but I would never regret of my decision in coming home. Everything happens for a reason. And I got mine. Thanks VJ friends.

[Caryh 5,206]

I continue to disagree with you.

There are many jobs to be had. Once you remove illegality then certain job sectors open up especially for someone in a crunch. Not every new immigrant is uneducated from the farmlands. How many times have we read on here of beneficiaries asking f they can start work before getting their employment authorization?

I don't propose to have any solution that we still not have collateral damage. But we can talk about different scenarios.

It appears the solution to all your complaints on the K-1 are solved by giving the K-1 a green card regardless if they marry. Why do you not push for that? Where's the collateral damage in that?

I'm not saying there isn't problems with both the CR-1 and K-1, but I don't see them as that far apart either. I would propose a three tiered solution. First K-1's get green cards just like CR-1's. Second, anyone sponsoring an immigrant be required to put enough money in escrow for a return ticket that can be used by the immigrant to return. This money would be returned to the sponsor after two years, if the immigrant doesn't use it. Third, get rid of the two year green card and conditional residency, which has so many holes in it that it makes no sense at all. There are people that stay happily married but live under conditions that make proving the relationship difficult, while a divorced green card hunter can know exactly what to have and breeze through it.

Now if people discover the person they pinned their hopes on isn't who they thought, they can end it and little harm is done, other than to their pride. The immigrant can stay or leave, depending on their own personal desires and economic situation. And we get rid of stupid assumptions the system not makes about real marriages and green card hunters, that must be weakened any way because of the possibility of abuse of power by the USC.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

It appears the solution to all your complaints on the K-1 are solved by giving the K-1 a green card regardless if they marry. Why do you not push for that? Where's the collateral damage in that?

I'm not saying there isn't problems with both the CR-1 and K-1, but I don't see them as that far apart either. I would propose a three tiered solution. First K-1's get green cards just like CR-1's. Second, anyone sponsoring an immigrant be required to put enough money in escrow for a return ticket that can be used by the immigrant to return. This money would be returned to the sponsor after two years, if the immigrant doesn't use it. Third, get rid of the two year green card and conditional residency, which has so many holes in it that it makes no sense at all. There are people that stay happily married but live under conditions that make proving the relationship difficult, while a divorced green card hunter can know exactly what to have and breeze through it.

Now if people discover the person they pinned their hopes on isn't who they thought, they can end it and little harm is done, other than to their pride. The immigrant can stay or leave, depending on their own personal desires and economic situation. And we get rid of stupid assumptions the system not makes about real marriages and green card hunters, that must be weakened any way because of the possibility of abuse of power by the USC.

Actually I don't have a complaint. My Wife is here with me.

What I have are suggestions that will aid the debilitating effects of bringing groups of people over from their home countries on a seemingly whim and then the USC abandoning them. You know, like the OP here.

Cancel K1 completely, apply all your other monetary suggestions and stuff to CR1 so that we can maybe see a decrease in fraud for the whole family based immigration process.

I continue to maintain that K1 needs to be abolished in it's entirety. It would have saved our OP here.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

The K1 continues to have it's place My work would not be happy if I was married to a foreign national living in another country. The CR1 does nothing to eliminate fraud , it is fact increases the fraud against the USC because the conniving immigrant wants to collect on the I864. A bad interview does not mean the visa path is bad. Passing the second time through has more to do with persistence than the visa chosen as second petitions are rarely denied no matter the visa path chosen.

[Caryh 5,206]

Actually I don't have a complaint. My Wife is here with me.

What I have are suggestions that will aid the debilitating effects of bringing groups of people over from their home countries on a seemingly whim and then the USC abandoning them. You know, like the OP here.

Cancel K1 completely, apply all your other monetary suggestions and stuff to CR1 so that we can maybe see a decrease in fraud for the whole family based immigration process.

I continue to maintain that K1 needs to be abolished in it's entirety. It would have saved our OP here.

Removing the K-1 does absolutely nothing to stop fraud. It does absolutely nothing to stop USC from abandoning immigrants brought over. A CR-1's spouse can dump them unsupported almost as easily as a K-1 fiance can. All your position does is screw up the lives of the many for what you perceive as a problem occurring only with k-1s. You act like there are never any cases of people marrying on a whim and then applying for CR-1s.

The norm I hear about CR-1s is, fell in love on the internet, went to her country and got married two weeks into the trip. Flew back to USA and filed for a CR-1. Where is this not on a whim. I would put forth the K-1s are actually a bit more responsible as a whole, because they actually live together for a while before getting married.

You want to stop fraud? You want to stop irresponsibility? End all family based immigration.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Just for the record this has nothing to do with success of application or interview. Many K1 folks get approved the very first time around.

My disucssion here is strictly based on what happens stateside when the USC changes its mind to not marry. This lives the beneficiary in a pecarious position.

Cancel all family based immigration visas? That is completely outlandish and requires no response.

Good day to you all.

OP, good luck in the future. To others in the process, here you've seen the cause and effects. Do not let a USC sweet talk you into moving to the US on nothing else than a marriage. This gurantees that your stay in the US is secured regardless if he changes his mind.

[Caryh 5,206]

Just for the record this has nothing to do with success of application or interview. Many K1 folks get approved the very first time around.

My disucssion here is strictly based on what happens stateside when the USC changes its mind to not marry. This lives the beneficiary in a pecarious position.

Cancel all family based immigration visas? That is completely outlandish and requires no response.

Good day to you all.

OP, good luck in the future. To others in the process, here you've seen the cause and effects. Do not let a USC sweet talk you into moving to the US on nothing else than a marriage. This gurantees that your stay in the US is secured regardless if he changes his mind.

And again you're back to the only reason to come to the USA on a CR1 or K1 is to legally be in the USA as the end desire, and not having a good marriage.

K1 bad, you might not legal in USA. CR1 good, you can leave the mark right away and stay in USA.

[Darnell 8,479]

hey bob! what's going on this week ?

[Avery Cates 1,141]

Actually I don't have a complaint. My Wife is here with me.

What I have are suggestions that will aid the debilitating effects of bringing groups of people over from their home countries on a seemingly whim and then the USC abandoning them. You know, like the OP here.

Cancel K1 completely, apply all your other monetary suggestions and stuff to CR1 so that we can maybe see a decrease in fraud for the whole family based immigration process.

I continue to maintain that K1 needs to be abolished in it's entirety. It would have saved our OP here.

The goal of both K-1s and CR-1s is to be with someone you love. Not for immigration to the US to be the end result. The K-1 is superior in that aspect in that if things change and it doesn't work out before the marriage, the beneficiary can go back to their home country and be free to move on with their lives without a time consuming divorce. If your engagement/marriage doesn't work out, there is 0 reason to stay in the US. The problem is fraudulent scheisters going "ok I'm here in the US and no longer want to marry the USC, how can I stay in the country?" Answer: You can't, and there's no reason for you to. Simple. It should apply to CR-1s as well. If anything the CR-1 is a problem, with it's "OMG I met you 2 weeks ago and I love you so much let me get that sweet, sweet immigration status!" nonsense.

The problem is PEOPLE, not a class of visa. PEOPLE should be making good decisions for themselves, including being reasonably financially secure before they move so that they have the option of returning should, for some reason, they find themselves not compatible once actually living together. Petitioner and beneficiary should be taking the time to know the other as best as possible before making the decision to move.

Eliminating and/or severely hindering the ability of people from high fraud countries to stay in the US would do more for reducing fraud across the board than doing away with a necessary and arguably superior class of visa.