How Do You Spot The Red Flags

[Tyler & Tina 0]

I am still a rookie at the Internet dating arena. I have been talking to my Chinese Girl friend since July of last year of and on. Lately we have been writing, chatting and talking on the phone everyday. We are starting to have very strong feelings for each other. She has not pressured me to come to China to meet her. However I have been thinking about going to meet her the last 2 months. I have heard a number of stories concerning the bad internet dating relationships in the past. I am curious how do you go about spotting the Red Flags if there are any.

[TracyTN 237]

I think I'm confused. The last topic I read that you started, you referred to her as your 'fiancee'. Is that not the case?

I met my fiance on the internet, too, but never had any doubts about him. In hindsight, I guess it would have been a red flag for me would be if I was asked to give him money all the time (or possibly one big amount). Or if I found out he had lied to me, even about 'small' things. Beyond that, you really have to go with your gut, get some 'face time' around them, and follow your best instincts.

[MariaEric 0]

I am still a rookie at the Internet dating arena. I have been talking to my Chinese Girl friend since July of last year of and on. Lately we have been writing, chatting and talking on the phone everyday. We are starting to have very strong feelings for each other. She has not pressured me to come to China to meet her. However I have been thinking about going to meet her the last 2 months. I have heard a number of stories concerning the bad internet dating relationships in the past. I am curious how do you go about spotting the Red Flags if there are any.

I really cannot tell about dating, meaning specifically looking for someone on the net, cause i just happened to meet my fiance in an on-line game we both played so for us it was just something none of us were expecting or looking for.

I guess in general you have to be cautious and think about things before you decide to start a relationship and later on the visa process for your fiance, there are going to be people who see red flags where there are not and those who will consider normal things that are not, i think only you know the person you have been talking to for so long as to be able to judge their intentions.

I can tell you in my case, there is no way on earth i would leave everything for any other reason than love, Eric knows this, as i know i would not be going anywhere, the US or any other country if i did not know there is a person there that loves me as much as i do love him.

That being said, only 21 days more until we are together for good!

~maria eric

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Think this is something your just going to have to feel and know for yourself, no set rules. When the time comes you will know. Take the trip it may turn out to be everything you think if not.....

[Ladylethal 12]

I met my husband online, but not on a dating site, we fell for each other, met in person, started dating, met a lot of times again, got engaged, married. We were never suspicious of each other.

[doodlebug 3]

Eventually if you ask the same question in different ways, and they are not legit, they're gonna mess up. Keep a log of all chats and remember the key dates and info and make pretend you didn't remember and ask again...and again....and again. If at one point she says she's never been married and later on she has an ex husband...that's a signpost. Call her at odd times to see how she acts, etc. Beyond all of these sneaky lil PI things there's really nothing much you can do. Even meeting won't ease your mind 100% since who knows how good of an actress she and her family could be. It's the same in real life meeting. You at some point have to trust. That's the hard part.

But asking those questions in different ways helps a lot. Also the money thing...if she's asking you for money faggitaboutit.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

That is true, things Ahmed had told me never changed and still to this day every detail holds true. He, his family, friends, living, everything never changed

[doodlebug 3]

I met my husband online, but not on a dating site, we fell for each other, met in person, started dating, met a lot of times again, got engaged, married. We were never suspicious of each other.

You met someone online with absolutely no suspicions? I think there has to be some healthy skepticism at some point. I mean there's a lot of whack jobs out there looking to take advantage/harm people.

[ilovecookies 0]

i didn't meet my husband on line, but i do know a lot of people who did, and they have the most genuine love i've ever seen. however......(don't kill me for this) when i was still in the philippines i observed a lot of girls chatting with multiple men (my uncle owns an internet shop), waiting to see which one of them would actually fly out to meet her. i even have a friend who does this (still haven't found "the one")....and a friend who did it (she's here now - he petitioned for her). little does her husband know he wasn't the only one she was confessing her undying love for.

anyway bottom line is.....only YOU will really know what's genuine and not...hope this one is the right one for you!

[garya505 2]

Tyler,

The world is full of scammers, gold-diggers, green-card-seekers and cheaters. People are being fooled every day. Having said that, there are a lot of very wonderful people out there looking for the one-and-only love of their life. I have been blessed with the gift of one of those, and I hope your GF is one of those too.

Start with these red-flags:

Did she ever ask you for money? If you give her money as a gift, does she spend it right away and hint thet she would like more?

Did she tell you she loved you way too soon?

Does she ever not answer the phone, and the explanation is that the phone service isn't very good? Does there seem to be a pattern to this?

Do her friends avoid talking to you? (they could know about a boyfriend or something else she's not telling you)

Are the things she tells you about her life consistent, not changing from day to day?

[Killer_Clown_2009 0]

I met my now husband online in the Yahoo Biology chat room. We had taken part in many science debates (and other romm conversations). Eventually we started chatting to one another more, became closer, chatted on the phone, decided to meet....I had no suspicious feelings at all or any desire to record our conversations and try to trip him up later.

Edited December 22, 2006 by jane2005

[garya505 2]

i didn't meet my husband on line, but i do know a lot of people who did, and they have the most genuine love i've ever seen. however......(don't kill me for this) when i was still in the philippines i observed a lot of girls chatting with multiple men (my uncle owns an internet shop), waiting to see which one of them would actually fly out to meet her. i even have a friend who does this (still haven't found "the one")....and a friend who did it (she's here now - he petitioned for her). little does her husband know he wasn't the only one she was confessing her undying love for.

anyway bottom line is.....only YOU will really know what's genuine and not...hope this one is the right one for you!

Chatting with multiple men before one of them actually shows up isn't necessarily a red flag. Most of the guys chatting aren't serious and a lot of them are just liars and game-players, so if a woman is going to find a husband, she has to increase her odds of finding a sincere man by talking to a lot of people. After she is engaged she shouldn't be chatting with anyone else, and the honest women know that.

The same goes for guys. A lot of the women chatting aren't honest and sincere, so if he wants to find a good one he might have to talk to a few women first.

And if you are from the Phils you know about bola bola.

[*julez* 124]

If something doesn't seem right, it probably isn't. If if does feel right, the only thing you can do is take a chance. You have to trust yourself enough to make the right decision. I don't think its right to try to "trip someone up". If you feel its necessary to do that then you should just get out of the relationship and stop wasting your time cos you obviosuly don't trust that person. Without trust there is no basis for a relationship. Good luck!

[Autumnchik 6]

Or if I found out he had lied to me, even about 'small' things.

This is so true. My fiance and I wrote, chatted online and talked on the telephone for 14 months before meeting face to face. During that time, I spoke to his family and friends on the phone. They shared anecdotes about him (that he had already told me) and, each time, the details matched up. Knowing that he was being truthful even about "small" things was very important to me.

Good luck

[garya505 2]

If something doesn't seem right, it probably isn't. If if does feel right, the only thing you can do is take a chance. You have to trust yourself enough to make the right decision. I don't think its right to try to "trip someone up". If you feel its necessary to do that then you should just get out of the relationship and stop wasting your time cos you obviosuly don't trust that person. Without trust there is no basis for a relationship. Good luck!

You are naive. A little healthy skeptism is a good thing. I had to earn my fiancee's trust and that doesn't bother me a bit.