how to deal with feeling sad?

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Christ on a bike, the kid's 19. Not everyone has it in them to have "steely determination and grit" at that age. That being said, working hard to make the best of a new and sometimes confusing situation is the best course of action. I moved to a new country at 23 and was totally overwhelmed -- I felt sad a lot, lost a lot, and totally unmoored. This was back in the mid-90s and it wasn't so easy to stay in touch with the world back home, so I had no choice but to sink or swim. I swum, with the help of my husband and the small number of friends I slowly cultivated. I got a job, went to grad school, got a better job (and lost it), went to law school and developed a close circle of friends within the first 5 years. I travelled widely and followed my passions. I couldn't have done it without a partner who was supportive of me when my doubts started closing in, when I missed my family, when I felt like a fish out of water, when I worried that I would never fit in. I also couldn't have done it without realising that where I wanted to be was wherever my husband was, so if this was it I'd better get cracking.

Feeling sad and lost isn't a problem as long as it doesn't drive your life. I saw my life as a big adventure -- go out and embrace it!

[Cam54 84]

I couldn't agree more. Because it depends entirely on what kind of person you are. One makes the decision to put their emotions into perspective and adopt an attitude of steely determination and grit, taking inspiration from those who came before us and who overcame vastly more difficult conditions.

Another finds every possible means to continue elevating their emotions and condition front and center, dwelling/wallowing, to the extent of dismissing those inspirational examples as completely irrelevant. So I thank you for being an example of how to be that kind of person - insisting that we have to be powerless victims of our emotions instead of people in command of them.

How rude! It's called being human!

If let's say my parents died I'm not going to say "ah I'll just get over it because well ya know ... The holocaust"

This OP will have those negative emotions and making her feel bad for having them because there has been worse suffering in the world is not constructive, accepting that she will have those feelings and giving her examples of how to manage them however is constructive

[PearlyLemons 13]

I'm a little older than you, Otter, but I can definitely relate. I have been in the U.S a little over 3 months and I would say right now my days are 50/50 with regards to how I feel with the move (I came here on a K1). You are not alone . A blog sounds like an excellent way to keep yourself busy and also document this new adventure in your life! I take my hat off to you because at 19, I would have not been as brave as you to emigrate and get married! I emigrated at 25 and even I have days where I cry and get very sad. My husband is very supportive though and lets me vent . I also can be quite clingy and recently I've noticed myself behave in quite a needy manner (always needing a cuddle, wanting him to talk to me 24 hours a day over the weekends when he doesn't work... he is very patient, lol), but I am getting better. Here are some things that are helping me right now:

I'm a big animal lover, and so we've decided to adopt a cat from our local humane shelter to keep me company - adopting benefits both the animal and me!

Skype daily with family and around once a week with good friend. One friend I Skype with suggested we do our housework whilst on Skype with one another! We would stay on for 1.5 hours just chatting and getting some chores done (chores help keep me busy).

Eat British foods! I have found a British section in the store that sells Marmite (much to my husband's disgust ) Branston Pickle & Salad Cream. I am a big foodie though so not sure if that will help you with homesickness . I found mince meat here and made mince pies the other day, A.M.A.Z.I.N.G! Very nice with a cup of tea .

Start immersing yourself in U.S everyday life. I had a Dr.'s appointment the other day and it gave me a confidence boost knowing I could get through it and sort out all the Insurance paperwork, I feel I'm creating my own little life here rather than just joining my husband's.

Driving lessons? I drive here on my British license, but once I get EAD/AP I'm going to apply for my U.S license and take my test ASAP.( Driving here varies state to state - I've been assured what I'm doing is perfectly fine, but you might want to check with your DMV - I was also able to get added on my husband's insurance).

Volunteer. I am planning to help out with our church's Sunday School. Be wary of volunteering in a position that is similar to an area you'd like to be employed in at some point- I think USCIS are a bit funny about that.

Create traditions. With Christmas a day or so away, we have decided to incorporate some British traditions (read, food, haha) and listening to British Christmas songs. Although my husband has to work Boxing Day, we both recognize the day and in the evening, we are visiting some friends and playing some games, which is what we'd do back in the U,K.

Update your C.V into the U.S style of resume. Trust me, it's very different and takes a little time!

Ensure you have an idea of when you'll next go back home to visit - I'm planning on March/April 2014, and then hopefully we will both go back for Xmas. This I find has helped me. Not long until I get to see everyone again!

Don't ponder too much on the future if you can help it (oh my family will be getting older ,what if they get sick, etc) this will only make your anxiety worse. Try to take each day as it comes. Life is full of ups and downs and twists and turns. Nobody knows what will happen (you guys could move back at some point perhaps) [- nothing is really set in stone

That's all I have right now. Just remember you aren't alone in feeling this way.

Hope you have a lovely Xmas!

Edited December 23, 2013 by PearlyLemons

[Kajikit 65]

What you're feeling is perfectly normal... you're still very young, and leaving the nest is harder for you, but if you stayed at home till you were 50, leaving is still a wrench. The only question is, are you ready to make the leap? If you're having too many gutwrenching thoughts about it, maybe it's not quite time for you to go yet. America (and your fiance) isn't going to go anywhere, and it would be okay if you said 'I'm not ready yet' and waited a year or two. It wouldn't be easy on you, but it's not impossible either.... Nobody can stay at home 'for the sake of their parents' forever, or not without sacrificing their own happiness. I had the same difficulty at nearly 30 that you are having now - but I realised that it was past time for me to be living MY life, not theirs.

[markonline1 11]

I've been over here for 7 months, and I must admit, now Christmas is here, I'm feeling the homesick pangs a bit. Seeing all my old workmates post Christmas party pics on fb along with various Christmas updates from friends and family has me feeling a touch down. I know my mum must be feeling it 10 times worse. However, when I left, I told my mum the world is a small place, and it is. She can jump on a plane and be here in 11 hours, we can message each other on Facebook, we can email, we can skype, we both have iPhones so we can FaceTime, it's even free to text each other. Apart from the face to face meetings, it's like I'm just down the road. 10 or 15 years ago, the move would have been so much harder. Good luck, the first few weeks, even months will be difficult, it's a real culture shock moving out here as day to day life is totally different to uk life. But stick with it and I'm sure you'll have a great time out here ; )