The Return of the Pink Ranter

[SAT 9,609]

It's like finding a dog....when I chance across it, I'll know it.....

The mug and I will be kindred spirits.....

[JTB11 1,079]

It's like finding a dog....when I chance across it, I'll know it.....

The mug and I will be kindred spirits.....

good luck finding "the one" ! Don't forget to post a pic.

[circuit 18]

I ate everything in sight today.

You must be on a see food diet.

[TBoneTX 45,849]

1. I think this may be the most money TB has spent in one place since he paid an immigration fee.

2. You have the visa and you're waiting until May?

1. It's the most money that T-B. has spent in one place since the rack gear ($Many), $i and $igh man.

2. (By the way, congrats, Dear.) I'm continually amazed at how very many beneficiaries fly out within mere days of getting the visa. Don't they have any (let alone all kinds of) personal business to settle before they leave? Matters of their lives aside, I can't believe that many of them have even spent time obtaining copies of documents that would be difficult, expensive, or impossible to get from overseas -- multiple copies of their birth certificates, school or university records, divorce decrees if applicable, official records regarding their children, or even vaccination logs from their home doctor or clinic. At some point, all of these things will be needed. What did their lives amount to before they became emigrants -- nothing?

i took a taxi home from work and it was infested with baby roaches

You should bring them with you as pets, presuming their prior vaccination against noxious tropical diseases. In some places, they might be dinner, or at least an appetizer, crunch man.

[TBoneTX 45,849]

And even then, he was haggling

LPoP, ergo unread, man.

Victory: I wore the brown Bass loafers (purchased at a GS during the summer for $1) to work today. Of course, I shined* them up beforehand, see man. The girls who brutally critique my sartorial splendor every day were highly impressed.

*Why is the past tense of shine "shined" for shoes but "shone" for the sun? "He shined his shoes as the sun shone." I don't see how anyone ever learns English as a second language, oj nie.

[TBoneTX 45,849]

they keep getting sucked up into the filter

Obviously, those fish suck, see ma'am.

Are any of them Civil Sturgeons?

Civil Sturgeon, n. - a polite fish that produces caviar, see man.

an understanding of basic tank maintenance

Years ago, I had a boss who was a retired WWII Army colonel. He commanded a tank battalion in Morocco. One day, a tank was missing. They beat the bushes all over hell looking for it; it turned out that one of the locals had taken it for a joy-ride, whee man.

uh...one of those days where I don't sleep whole night and then want to find a cow to eat.

Find a Swiss cow (the kind that produces Swiss cheese) -- it has holes in it (like the cheese) and won't be as highly caloric, si and no man.

Everyone talks about cow-tipping. I tip them only when the service is good, $i man.

[TBoneTX 45,849]

Fish make waste

Waste not, fish not.

An inmate of a mental asylum sat holding a fishing-pole with the line dangling in a flowerbed. "What are you fishing for, my man?" asked a visitor.

"Suckers," replied the fisherman, without looking up.

"Catch any yet?" continued the visitor.

"You're the eleventh one today," the inmate responded calmly.

[TBoneTX 45,849]

1. Couldn’t catch up on all of the reading on the thread.

2. he is also the household launderer [...] and he does most of the dishes.

3/Many. I like to cook all meals from scratch. No boxed or processed food. Having a hard time

1. You're either (A) out of the thread or (2) now in debt to each of us for a hunnerd fiddy (penalty).

2. "Yes, Dear; no, Dear; whatever you say, Dear."*

3/Many. You'll learn when you become a citizen, sigh man.

*A gloomy-looking traveling salesman sat down in a restaurant and told the waitress, "Please bring me two eggs fried until they're like rubber, two pieces of dry toast burnt black, and some weak, lukewarm coffee in a greasy cup with sour milk."

"Are you kidding?!" said the waitress.

"No; I mean it," insisted the man.

When the waitress brought the order, she asked, "Anything else?"

"Now please sit down and nag me while I eat," said the man. "I'm homesick."

I did mention I am overtired

If you bought 5 tires, you're overtired -- 4 is the correct number, si ma'am.

[TBoneTX 45,849]

But be careful - I did see TB reporting people for name calling, didn’t I?

A man in a bar is enjoying his drink when he hears a voice say, "You look great!"

He looks around, but there is nobody near him.

He hears the voice again: "No, really -- you look just terrific!"

Again he looks around. Nobody.

A few minutes pass, and again he hears the voice: "Is that a new shirt or something? Because you look absolutely stunning!"

"Hey!" the man calls to the bartender. "Who's saying all these nice things about me?"

"It's the peanuts, sir," the bartender answers. "They're complimentary."

[TBoneTX 45,849]

Tarklar sure likes to abuse his authority.....

A weary, sweating policeman emerged from an inner room of the station. "Well, did you give that thug the third degree?" asked the captain.

"Yeah. Six of us kept screaming and shouting and badgering him with questions for over four hours," was the tired reply.

"And what did you get out of him?" asked the captain eagerly.

"Nothing," said the policeman disgustedly. "All he did was doze off and from time to time murmur, 'Yes, Dear. You're right, Dear.'"

Crappy still!

Crappie? I thought that you were raising goldfish, or civil sturgeons. (Now I have a haddock, ache man.)

Just called the fiend.....she and the kid are at Macy's while I'm a slavin here.....

Ciudada-NA America-NA... ($igh man $igh man)

my wife is [...] actually a little pudgy.

Just wait till she becomes a ciudadana Americana, expand man.

[TBoneTX 45,849]

1. kilogram

2. Curry Laksa

3/Many. Penang laksa bu hao la

1. American-only outside the regional forums, kg man. Reported!!!

2. See 1. above, man. Reported!!!

3/Many. I hope that you recover rapidly and fully -- you have my every sympathy, man.

You need some enhancement products first, take for about 6 weeks

He should visit Viagra Falls, whee man.

The latter ! xxx xxxxxx xxx xxxxxx (See, I've written it 3 times, so it must be true ! )

Triplicate post removed -- please post the same message only once. -- Company Man

Also, isn't lattering in public a TOS violation? [off to study the matter; film at 11]

I'm stll strong....like ox.....

Isn't this the Year of the C0ck, however?

Debs ####### strong, like ox.....

Don't call anyone a cow, man...

well...that is because I am awful and I intend to keep it all to myself. (you ask at your own peril)

and that is why i am quiet....see ? ugh

Last post on page and therefore not read, sigh man (rule from previous thread).

commas in that sentence

What's the difference between a cat and a comma, huh man?

One has the pause before the clause, and the other has the paws before the claws, si man.

Edited December 28, 2013 by TBoneTX

[TBoneTX 45,849]

I'm making some shrimp scampi....without the scampi.....

A Texas Aggie paused in the lobby of a crowded bank and stooped to pick something from the floor. "Did anyone here lose a large roll of bills with a rubber band around it?" he asked loudly.

"I did! I did!" said several people.

"Well, I just now found the rubber band," said the Aggie.

1. two naps didn't help

2. 10 more weeks to go then I'll be a different kind of exhausted

1. That's the minimum number that give me a fighting chance, zzz man.

2. Sleep when the baby sleeps. Uh-oh... forgot that you have a 2-year-old, bye bye zzz man...

[TBoneTX 45,849]

in the bathroom...helps me solve math problems

A mathematician, a biologist, and a physicist are sitting in a street cafe, watching people going into and coming out of the house on the other side of the street.

First, they see 2 people go into the house. After a while, they notice 3 people coming out of the house.

The biologist says, "They have reproduced."

The physicist says, "The measurement wasn't accurate."

The mathematician says, "Now, if exactly one person enters the house, it will be empty again."

[TBoneTX 45,849]

Bad bad day.

Sorry, Dear.

It could be worse. Look at what happened to me, back when: I asked a computer to find me the perfect mate. I wrote, "I want a companion who is small and cute, loves water sports, and enjoys group

activities." Back came the answer: "Marry a penguin."

correct the esophageal sphincter

The Sphincter is near the Pyramids, correct? Got it, first try, whee man.

seafood is the one thing I never got

When I see food, I eat it, see man.

2 nexiums

Plural is Nexia, amo amas amat man.

[TBoneTX 45,849]

shrimp would go good with some white wine.

There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around awhile, he decided that the Datsun 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail went to the nearest Datsun dealer and said that he wanted to buy the 240-Z, but that he wanted it repainted "240-S".

The dealer asked, "Why 'S'?"

The snail replied, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."

The dealer didn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agreed to have the car repainted for a small fee.

The snail got his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say, "Wow! Just look at that S-car go!"

(Didn't have any shrimp jokes, no man.)