Do you and your fiance(e) have a large age difference?

[Reynaldo 0]

The difference is in what you have compared to what they have. If you chose women like that and you were 21 and broke with no education, that's opportunism.

I wouldn't call a man's portfolio, job and car a "love potion." No woman is going to love a man for it--but she might use him for it.

Comon Alex, all your doin is over analyzing the whole subject, Its all about enjoying each others company and living life.

What she is trying to say, troll, is that the scenario you describe is the exception that proves the rule and not the other way around.

Edited December 20, 2006 by Reynaldo

[peezey 0]

Comon Alex, all your doin is over analyzing the whole subject, Its all about enjoying each others company and living life.

Does this apply, in your opinion, to older women/younger men realtionships where the men come from a MENA country?

[garya505 2]

The reason they probably scrutinize more closely couples with large age differences is probably because it's against nature. Humans aren't wired to want to sleep with grandpa or grandma.

Not to say there aren't many perfectly happy and legitimate relationships of people with large age differences. It's just not as common to see someone 22 love someone 65 without ulterior motives.

Especially when they come from countries such as the Phillipines, Africa & South America do you not think?

Down here girls are conditioned to marry older guy in order to "accomplish" something in life...

We've had such traditions here in the states as well. When you have a society where a family's financial security depends primarily on the man, then it makes perfect sense. Since more women in this country are in the workforce and have comparible careers with men, it's less common that it once was.

Security to some woman is of the utmost importance, even here in the states today. A man's portfolio, job and car can be quite a love potion.

On the flip of this - my ex-wife didn't even have a high school diploma when we first married and she never got her college degree. We were on two different levels in terms of education and career goals, which was a constant problem in our relationship. Consequently, my relationships after my divorce have been with women who are more career oriented and educated. Am I being opportunistic or just sensible?

The difference is in what you have compared to what they have. If you chose women like that and you were 21 and broke with no education, that's opportunism.

I wouldn't call a man's portfolio, job and car a "love potion." No woman is going to love a man for it--but she might use him for it.

So then, in your opinion, if one of the couple has assets or income considerably greater than the other, then it's opportunism at work, regardless of the age difference. Does this apply if the woman has more assets or income, or just the man?

[peezey 0]

The reason they probably scrutinize more closely couples with large age differences is probably because it's against nature. Humans aren't wired to want to sleep with grandpa or grandma.

Not to say there aren't many perfectly happy and legitimate relationships of people with large age differences. It's just not as common to see someone 22 love someone 65 without ulterior motives.

Especially when they come from countries such as the Phillipines, Africa & South America do you not think?

Down here girls are conditioned to marry older guy in order to "accomplish" something in life...

We've had such traditions here in the states as well. When you have a society where a family's financial security depends primarily on the man, then it makes perfect sense. Since more women in this country are in the workforce and have comparible careers with men, it's less common that it once was.

Security to some woman is of the utmost importance, even here in the states today. A man's portfolio, job and car can be quite a love potion.

On the flip of this - my ex-wife didn't even have a high school diploma when we first married and she never got her college degree. We were on two different levels in terms of education and career goals, which was a constant problem in our relationship. Consequently, my relationships after my divorce have been with women who are more career oriented and educated. Am I being opportunistic or just sensible?

The difference is in what you have compared to what they have. If you chose women like that and you were 21 and broke with no education, that's opportunism.

I wouldn't call a man's portfolio, job and car a "love potion." No woman is going to love a man for it--but she might use him for it.

So then, in your opinion, if one of the couple has assets or income considerably greater than the other, then it's opportunism at work, regardless of the age difference. Does this apply if the woman has more assets or income, or just the man?

it definitely applies if it's the woman, especially when USCIS gets their hands on a case.

[garya505 2]

Alex,

So your definition of a large age gap is 2 generations?

I agree that humans aren't "wired" to want to sleep with grandpa or grandma, not many of them anyway, but a fair number are inclined to seek a father or mother figure for a partner.

Yodrak

The reason they probably scrutinize more closely couples with large age differences is probably because it's against nature. Humans aren't wired to want to sleep with grandpa or grandma.

....

Yoddie, Alex has a tendencie to exaggerate at times ... 16 years can become 2 generations in mid-sentence.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

The reason they probably scrutinize more closely couples with large age differences is probably because it's against nature. Humans aren't wired to want to sleep with grandpa or grandma.

Not to say there aren't many perfectly happy and legitimate relationships of people with large age differences. It's just not as common to see someone 22 love someone 65 without ulterior motives.

Especially when they come from countries such as the Phillipines, Africa & South America do you not think?

Down here girls are conditioned to marry older guy in order to "accomplish" something in life...

We've had such traditions here in the states as well. When you have a society where a family's financial security depends primarily on the man, then it makes perfect sense. Since more women in this country are in the workforce and have comparible careers with men, it's less common that it once was.

Security to some woman is of the utmost importance, even here in the states today. A man's portfolio, job and car can be quite a love potion.

On the flip of this - my ex-wife didn't even have a high school diploma when we first married and she never got her college degree. We were on two different levels in terms of education and career goals, which was a constant problem in our relationship. Consequently, my relationships after my divorce have been with women who are more career oriented and educated. Am I being opportunistic or just sensible?

The difference is in what you have compared to what they have. If you chose women like that and you were 21 and broke with no education, that's opportunism.

I wouldn't call a man's portfolio, job and car a "love potion." No woman is going to love a man for it--but she might use him for it.

I agree...that's why I called it 'love potion' - real love doesn't come in an elixir. To some women, however, those things are important and they don't have to be poor or from a Third World country to be searching for financial security from a man. I don't agree with it, but it is reality. I see trophy wives everywhere here in Newport Beach. Are those types of relationships less valid than mine? I don't think I can make that judgment.

[TracyTN 237]

So was the original question asked to find some support on the subject, find those in a common situation, or stir up an argument (or a bit of each)?

[sharky 2]

So was the original question asked to find some support on the subject, find those in a common situation, or stir up an argument (or a bit of each)?

good question..............

[Yodrak 7]

jenn,

Yes, and no. In many countries, and I think that the Philippines may be one of them, an age difference on the order of 10-12 years is quite common. I think most of us in the US would consider that to be a large age difference (and Alex' example of 40+ years to be an extremely large age difference).

The reason is partly financial, I agree - women in general usually have a concern about the financial well being of themselves and their children, especially in societies where the primary role of a woman in the family is to raise the children. Older men tend to be more established (or not), their age allows them to have a track record, and so an established middle-aged man is a much better bet to be a good provider for the family than a young man just starting out in adulthood who has yet to establish himself (and may not ever establish himself).

But also important in many societies is that older men, in general, tend to be more settled in other ways as well. They are more likely to be faithful and less of a 'playboy' than younger men, and this can be very important to many (most?) women. (Rhetorical question - is being faithful a more acceptable reason for selecting a mate than being a good provider?) Men in general do have an eye for younger women, and a woman has a better chance of keeping her mate if she is the younger woman.

And while it may not be typical of women as it is for men, there are older women who likewise have an eye for younger men and also have the ability to attract them. Women such as Demi Moore and Cher come quickly to mind, but they aren't alone, just highly visible. One of my friends is a mid-50s woman, attractive but otherwise quite average, whose live-in boyfriend is 20 years younger than she is.

Yodrak

.....

Not to say there aren't many perfectly happy and legitimate relationships of people with large age differences. It's just not as common to see someone 22 love someone 65 without ulterior motives.

Especially when they come from countries such as the Phillipines, Africa & South America do you not think?

I would say it's not so much about the country itself, but more about the financial position of the beneficiary.

Edited December 20, 2006 by Yodrak

[garya505 2]

The reason they probably scrutinize more closely couples with large age differences is probably because it's against nature. Humans aren't wired to want to sleep with grandpa or grandma.

Not to say there aren't many perfectly happy and legitimate relationships of people with large age differences. It's just not as common to see someone 22 love someone 65 without ulterior motives.

Especially when they come from countries such as the Phillipines, Africa & South America do you not think?

Down here girls are conditioned to marry older guy in order to "accomplish" something in life...

We've had such traditions here in the states as well. When you have a society where a family's financial security depends primarily on the man, then it makes perfect sense. Since more women in this country are in the workforce and have comparible careers with men, it's less common that it once was.

Security to some woman is of the utmost importance, even here in the states today. A man's portfolio, job and car can be quite a love potion.

On the flip of this - my ex-wife didn't even have a high school diploma when we first married and she never got her college degree. We were on two different levels in terms of education and career goals, which was a constant problem in our relationship. Consequently, my relationships after my divorce have been with women who are more career oriented and educated. Am I being opportunistic or just sensible?

The difference is in what you have compared to what they have. If you chose women like that and you were 21 and broke with no education, that's opportunism.

I wouldn't call a man's portfolio, job and car a "love potion." No woman is going to love a man for it--but she might use him for it.

I agree...that's why I called it 'love potion' - real love doesn't come in an elixir. To some women, however, those things are important and they don't have to be poor or from a Third World country to be searching for financial security from a man. I don't agree with it, but it is reality. I see trophy wives everywhere here in Newport Beach. Are those types of relationships less valid than mine? I don't think I can make that judgment.

A lot of people DO make that judgment based on a couple's age difference or income difference. I guess that's what we call prejudice, based on knowing little about the relationship other than the couple's ages or incomes.

[garya505 2]

So was the original question asked to find some support on the subject, find those in a common situation, or stir up an argument (or a bit of each)?

I posted the topic because it's an area of interest of mine since I do have a large age difference with my fiance and I like to hear an intelligent discussion from others in the same situation. I'm not looking for support for my own situation, as I resolved the question in my mind a long time ago (obviously or my fiancee wouldn't be my fiancee, doh!).

The trolls and idiots don't bother me, I know who they are.

[Marilyn. 340]

My grandpa was 18 years older then my grandma and they were married for over 50 years and were always madly in love with each other...

not sure if that has anything to do with the topic, I just wanted to add my 2 cents

[Yodrak 7]

Alex,

But you cannot be Daddy, so let's consider a possible scenario for you - Mommy. How do you imagine you might feel as a 40-something woman if a 20-something guy was interested in you? (Assuming that R was not in the picture for whatever reason, any reason.) Would that be gross? Or would you feel, 'hot damn - I've still got it'?

Yodrak

...... If I were Daddy (or, possibly, Grandpa) in the relationship, I would definitely question the motives of my ladyfriend. A lot. Many times.

[garya505 2]

Alex,

But you cannot be Daddy, so let's consider a possible scenario for you - Mommy. How do you imagine you might feel as a 40-something woman if a 20-something guy was interested in you? (Assuming that R was not in the picture for whatever reason, any reason.) Would that be gross? Or would you feel, 'hot damn - I've still got it'?

Yodrak

...... If I were Daddy (or, possibly, Grandpa) in the relationship, I would definitely question the motives of my ladyfriend. A lot. Many times.

And Alex, assuming R was not in the picture of course, if you were 40-something and a 20-something guy was interested in you, would you automatically question his motives? What if he really wanted you, but you destroyed his enthusiasm with your questioning?

[TracyTN 237]

So was the original question asked to find some support on the subject, find those in a common situation, or stir up an argument (or a bit of each)?

I posted the topic because it's an area of interest of mine since I do have a large age difference with my fiance and I like to hear an intelligent discussion from others in the same situation.

That's fair enough - but a lot to expect from a message board, I'm afraid!