How did you tell the family... what reaction did you get??

[ajames79 0]

I think I dated Chris for about a year before I introduced him to my parents. Maybe a little less. They knew I went to England to see a guy, but this was ages after we started dating. But they also knew I had plenty of friends in England and they have mostly all met my parents.

The way I look at it is if I was younger and not living on my own or still being supported by my parents I would have felt the need to include them in my dating world. If that makes sense.

Basically I thought that I don't introduce every guy I date to my parents so I will treat this one the same way.

When our relationship became more then what we both intended, I couldn't wait for my family to know him. My sister was first, she lived with me for a few months, and after Chris left from a visit she said to me that she couldn't see my life without him. This was so important for me to hear (gonna have to remind her of that *sniffle*).

Next, my parents. My father liked him straight from the get go. My mom didn't dislike him but she always was a little distant from all boyfriends she met of me and my sisters. She always said she didn't have to love them until they proved they loved and were good to us. I think he won her heart when he wrote her a thank you note after his first meeting with them. Thanking them for the wonderful time and great food.

He also asked them both before we got engaged so they knew before I did!!

[khan 0]

My dad met my husband before I did and my mom actually introduced us to eachother. His parents and my parents (they are from Pakistan) actually wanted us to get engaged (because they still believe in arranging a spouse for their kid), but they couldn't force it on us since I was living in NY and him in London. He was in medical school and I wanted to get into medical school that's when I emailed him to get info about med schools in England. Soon, we started chatting and then created feelings for eachother. And it happened what our parents really wanted.

[evilcanuck 0]

well, we had discussed it with each other, he with his parents, me with mine. I guess I didnt really have an issue of the family accepting it or not, as I had been on my own since I was 16, family was used to me making crazy decisions and stuff THe only one who wasnt acceptant was my eldest sister, but she has since come around. It wasnt the marrying him part, it was just, in her mind, another crazy decision I had made, and that if he loved me he would move to Canada. I had been married b4, had kids, 1 kid refused to move here, stayed on his own back home, she thought I was a bad mom for allowing it...hey, *I* didnt make the laws that said he could decide to mve out at 17 but anyways...

We had dated long distance for 2.5 years b4 filing the k-1. It was just a natural progression of the relationship. My kids had met him by this point but the rest of the family had not. I would always come here to see him, he didnt come up to Canada to see me except for the first face to face. Not because he didnt want to, he worked weird hours and I had the better vehicle, more opportunity to travel, and heh, there wee no kids in the house Family started thiking he was some kind of felon that couldnt cross the border (as were 99% of all former boyfriends and spouses lol),

it wasnt until they met him for my brothers wedding that they realized why I was so hung up on him. Even my father who never ever made an effort with anyone I dated and barely acknowledged my ex-husband for the 12 years we were married, made a conscious effort to sit with us and chit chat. I knew we were cool then....but my older sister was still cold and wouldnt speak to me (she was famous for this, went 2 years without talking to me for leaving home at 16 heh). My family didnt attend the wedding, but i didnt expect them to. It was my 2nd tme around, it ws in the middle of February, and they all live in the frozen north a good 10 hour drive (not fliers). They all are employed in jobs that are winter related, bad time for me to pick to get married, but 90 days is 90 days. My boys were here for it, thats what mattered to me. Had a HUGE fight with my older sister on the phone at xmas time....then an email a few weeks later congratulating me, she actually got over whatever it was that was bothering her, realized that this was not a crazy act on my part, it was real and the kids were ok with it all. My eldest is 18 and wouldnt be living with me even if I was still in Canada, the younger one is here now, and I didnt abandon them (or her).

Now hubbys family on the other hand......

I went for the visa interview in october, his mom and I were shopping some time after that, I pointed out the fabric I would like to make a wedding gown from.....she went out and bought it LOL. I had the wedding gown fabric b4 the formal proposal. He took his mom with him to buy the ring...she helped pick a gorgeous one (by gorgeous I mean huge), his dad cried when I showed him, they call me thier little girl, and spoil the hell out of me I was one of 4 girls in my family in Canada, now I am an only daughter..it kicks ### )))

Honestly, his family is so warm and loving and caring, all they want is for thier boys to be happy, they see I make him happy, thats all that is important to them.

[AR0520 0]

We had an arrange Marriage. I and my wife had one on one for 30 minutes. We saw each other and asked basic questions about our past, education and family background. Then our parents gave us two days notice to make the decision. Yes, half an hour one on one meeting and make the decision in two days??. I couldn't take the pressure and ended up calling her house directly to see how she felt and what her decison was before I make the move. I just wanted to ensure she is willing to take the risk of leaving her loved ones, her freinds and relatives and move oceans and oceans away with me to spend rest of her life. I wanted to know if she is really happy and if her parents are enforcing her to marry me just cz I'm a US Citizen(Tust me, Parents will force their daughter to marry some one if he is from US). She was totally into me, not sure why and said YES and so Did I Now we have constantly beeing talking on the phone 2-3hours a day for last six months and know each other very well. I love her more than anything in this world! She is the best thing ever happened to me. she is my world and I take her in my spirit and carry her in my soul. I love herrrr!

[JanaknJanet 0]

Wow what a topic..

Jan and I have been together for 3 years.. Due to the fact that my parents live far from where I live.. I chose not to tell them about him until 1) Mom was sitting in front of me or 2) Jan was here with me and we could talk to them together.

Well this summer when my daughter got married.. I had my opportunity.. Janak wishing to help with the wedding.. sent all the tablecloths (silk) for the wedding tables.. Had his tailor make me my outfit.. and also sent gifts for my mother, the Bride.. and myself.. he sent a beautiful set of pearls. necklace and earings. . When the package arrived I sat down and introduced him to her by way of gifting her the gifts. and showing all he has done to assist with the wedding as well. I explained to her of how long we have known each other.. and actually 2 yrs ago she even saw his picture at my office and thought nothing of it. I told her of my trip to India... and.. she was most upset due to the fact that I didnt confide in her..

I told her it was a decision I needed to do .. and just wished her to allow me to do so. After all.. I am 45 yrs old and am not asking for her permission just wishing her support.

Everything was fine during the parental visit.. 45 days.. all coments concerning Janak and myself were all positive and happy...

I thought .. oh thank god... I am glad she is understanding and not the controlling person she can be..

welll.... that was extremely shortlived... for.. 15 days after their return to their home... I received a wonderful E_MAIL... Seems.. DRPhil.. had a show .. concerning Internet fraud and love relationships.... DR Phil

Her note was basicall this . .. " Do me a favor, and go on drphil.com and go to 25Sept program, it was about women who have been scammed by men on the internet.

I know you have reassured me, but some of the things they said rang true

I know you are an adult, and are making your own decisions, I just don't want you to be hurt. Hopefully Jan will be all and do all of the things he has said that he is and will do, when it comes to you. I know it can be lonely sometimes, and you don't want to spend your life alone, and I hope that if this is what you want, it will go right for you. We only wish for your happiness.It is so hard to trust any more, with the internet age. I don't want you to be taken advantage of, and even if youhave met him, there is still a lot youdon't know about him. .......

By not telling me, I still wonder, if things have happened that are not right or honest on his part. I don't want to doubt him, but he could tell you a "great story" and

"everything" you want to hear love wise, and still you would not know a lot

about his background or motives. "

ALL I COULD DO IS SAY... THANK YOU DR PHIL.. for catagorizing .. Internet love relationships as.. Fraud and scams..... There are many truley honest people out there... And not all are as dishonest as this show shows them to be. ..

I returned response to my mother. that I was extremely Insulted by her thinking I was as ignorant as what she saw on TV.. .. I am a grown woman.. and Not a DESPERATE WOMAN... I just happened to fall in love with a wonderful man that just happens to be 1/2 a world away from me.. .. I told her I would be disapointed if she didnt have the fears she did.. but in the same respect... She should be concerned if I did not stick up for the man I loved in the same way... .. ..

I think she now knows what will happen will happen... if and when Janak can get the proper papers.. and things are ment to be.. then .. we will be together.. until then.. we both have our love our committment.. .. our dreams.. ..

Hugs to all who have to go tru the frustrations of explaining to family that are so biased in their cultural opinions...