How did you tell the family... what reaction did you get??

[Fandango 1,440]

Hi-

We were solid friends for a few years before any romance or meeting. It seemed like everyone else knew it was going to happen before we did ! Almost all of our friends, and family-on both sides of the Atlantic were very happy that both of us finally got together. It was no secret that neither of us had much luck in finding happiness in our past relationships. Needless to say, we've had a lot of support.

The only one who didn't give our relationship any support was my own mother. She's never seen him, met him, or even spoken with him. She's had prejudice in her heart from day one. She's led a very sheltered life, and seems to believe that all people in the UK (Scots in particular) and all alcoholics, and love to fight. I think Mom's been watching too much TV.

It used to bother me, but I stopped caring last year, and just got on with it. I gave up on selling his merits to her and I am much happier for accepting that there are some things will never be.

Rose

Rose, you reminded me of something that happened yearrrrrrrrrrs ago.

My mom and dad were watching this show on HBO which featured odd shows from all over the world. There was one from the UK which was a cooking show...where they cooked a placenta!!!! So when I told my parents about D, my dad's all 'THEY EAT PLACENTAS OVER THERE!!!'

:lol: :lol: ahh good times.....it's actually a running joke in my fam, they love D and vice versa

[Caladan 19]

Sometimes parents are just stubborn. C. and I have been together three years, multiple visits, I know his entire family, etc. Brought him home for Thanksgiving in 2005, dad just ignored him, later saying 'I didn't think you were serious' because 'he's obviously only interested in you for booty.' Things have not improved since we've been engaged.

Just saying it's not always the couple's fault, though I don't think anyone's first visit should be marriage.

[almaty 19]

told them between flights to almaty...

[psiprez 3]

Meh... I anticipate shock at first from my family, then absolute total acceptance. And of course they will watch my girls while I am gone in March. It's just that I know I will sound completely off my rocker when the words come out of my mouth! Can't blame me for not looking forward to it. But actually, I was planning on waiting until after the holidays to spring it on them. B)

I will say that our friends knew from the very start where this would lead, as did his family. Apparently everyone could see but us, but we still denied it. So when we did finally give in to our feelings, there was no way to deny any longer that we belong together. Awwww.

And yes... I am meeting him IRL in March. Accuse us of putting the cart before the horse, but hey, that's what love does to ya! (But hey, we are both veterans to the online community thing, and thanks to various technology, it's just a formality at this point. To us the trip is our chance to fall in love all over again! )

And for what it is worth... we are both at that point in our lives where we don't really care what people think. Yes we want them to be accepting and happy, but if not... oh well. We have both decided it's time to put our own happiness first for once. So there.

[substance 0]

My wifes both parents are Turkish, just like me. They immigrated to the US years ago when she was still a baby. They speak Turkish at home so speaks both English and Turkish perfectly. I met my wife in the US while I was going to University there. It was 1 year after we started dating that I met her parents. Her father was happier than anyone else in the world. He asked me 2 questions. Where were you born? I said Istanbul. What soccer team do you support? I said of course Galatasaray. And that moment he started calling me " son" . We dated 1 more year then we got married.

Her dad admited they wouldnt be against it if she wanted to marry a none-turkish person but they now feel so much better because they have a Turkish son in-law. Well the same thing doesnt apply to none galatasaray fans though. If I was a fenerbahce guy he would not have allowed her lol.

We have a perfect relation with her mom and dad and brother and my mom get alongs with them really well too. I am still so much in suprise how great a match we are. We speak Turk-lish(english turkish mixed) we know everything about USA and Turkey. Since I went to the US for school at really young age, I am as Americanised as she is.

Well I was going to university, and I could easly find a job and get a work visa, I didnt really have visa issues. Thats probably why they never suspected of any fraud marriage issue.

I think everyone is happy about this marriage.

[Fandango 1,440]

When D and I hooked up, it was at a very tumultuous time of my life. I had struggled with my health & recovery from a major accident, I left my ex and filed for divorce, my beloved Grandmother had just died, and my parents were moving away. Everything was just sooo up in the air it wasn't even funny. I had decided to stay in my house rather than follow my family to where they were 3 hours away & it was quite an adjustment. D and I were talking and although we clicked and everything was fantastic, had I gone to my parents at that time and was all 'hey I'm going to marry this guy who lives in England' I think they would have had me committed. But for me, marriage was the laaaaaaaaast thing on my mind (as evidenced by the fact that that was 7 years ago this Jan).

See, all that change (mainly my accident) brought about a big change in my personality. More like a '#######, why not!' mindset. So I started embracing living life even thru things that I'd never ever ever imagine doing. Like having a bf overseas. Or traveling the world. Or leaving my husband cos it was just a beige existance. Like, just grab life by the balls and enjoy it while ya can. It was different from practical, planning, everything must be perfect me.

Anyways, I digress.....I will say parents will worry, and some will have problems adjusting to the 'new world' where everything is different. The planet's smaller, more things are possible, fashions are different, etc. For instance...during all what was going on with me back then, I was working in this really posh cutting edge salon. I used to get my hair done all the time when the shop was slow & whatnot. One day one of my friends comes back from a hair show with this 'new idea' to streak fuschia throughout my hair. This was long before celebs were doing it, and the only ones who would do summat like that were 'punks' or whatever. Anyways, so he put pink in my hair, Actually fuschia blending into bright purple. It looked so great!

My mother was friends with my neighbor & they'd talk from time to time. I daren't tell my mother I had pink hair cos it wasn't considered 'proper'...after all, how could they bring me to the club with pink hair? Anyways, my neighbor apparantly told my mom about my hair and the next thing I know, I've got like a 5 page email from her wondering about my 'sanity' and whether or not I was 'losing my mind' due to all the changes in my life! She said she thought it was a 'cry for help'

Yes, a long winded story from me, but I just wanted to illustrate that what seems fine and dandy for you may seem a bit unhinged for the families. Give it time & I would agree with Caladan to not be all 'wedding/marriage' on your first visit. Some people can't jump into the deep end...they have to gradually step in thru the shallow water. The goal is that they get there in their own way....so good luck!

[rebeccajo 14]

And for what it is worth... we are both at that point in our lives where we don't really care what people think. Yes we want them to be accepting and happy, but if not... oh well. We have both decided it's time to put our own happiness first for once. So there.

As you feel this way, I don't really understand why you are asking the question.....

I've only got one comment. You say you have children. I have a son. I wanted him to meet my boyfriend - that was important to me and my boyfriend before we made final plans.

[Ban Hammer 13,645]

Or leaving my husband cos it was just a beige existance.

you left because things were boring?

[Fandango 1,440]

Or leaving my husband cos it was just a beige existance.

you left because things were boring?

No, that's just a sweeping generalization. He wasn't for me....we had outgrown each other. He was a nice guy, but when I'd look at him and realize we'd be 70 and in rockers together, I'd think 'well I made my bed'.

No one should have to live like that. Not him nor me. And once I survived my surgery, I looked at him one day and thought 'God didn't give me a second chance at life to live it unhappily.'

[sophyie 0]

We were a couple for 3 years before we got married (long distance for the first year) and fortunatelly had the chance to not only meet the other one's families but to really get to know them. For example, I lived with his family when I was in the US and he was already working in Germany again...

He also had the opportunity to ask both my parents for my hand (is that how to say it in English? sorry) - and all 4 sets of parents were absolutely happy and supportive- even though we got married in a tiny ceremony without our parents.

I would imagine that most parents who have a hard time accepting their kid's spouse are simply afraid of what they don't know... ?

Good luck to all!

[Pinocchio Liberal 268]

I told my family and Carol told her's, flew down to meet them in Brazil, I hit it off with her family and she with mine. Would not have mattered anyway as I dont live my life based on what other people think.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

[heishe 2]

I would not have told my mom I wanted to marry Pigu before I had spent time in his presence. Even then I was terrified when it was time to tell her. So there we were, me and Pigu and my mom, standing in her kitchen and I couldn't think of what to say. So he told her we were going to get married and he was going to move here, and then she had to get used to the idea and I didn't have to worry about telling her anymore. Everything's great now.

It was harder telling her the first time I went to see him. As far as she knew, I was flying to Europe to meet a stranger.

I think OP might be jumping the gun a bit telling her family she's gonna marry this guy. All they need to know is she's gonna go see him and it might make things easier on her to hold off on the marriage announcement until they have the credibility of at least having touched each other.

[psiprez 3]

And for what it is worth... we are both at that point in our lives where we don't really care what people think. Yes we want them to be accepting and happy, but if not... oh well. We have both decided it's time to put our own happiness first for once. So there.

As you feel this way, I don't really understand why you are asking the question.....

I've only got one comment. You say you have children. I have a son. I wanted him to meet my boyfriend - that was important to me and my boyfriend before we made final plans.

Just because we won't let the opinion of others keep us from being happy doesn't mean we would not PREFER AND HOPE my family to be accepting and approving. Who doesn't want THAT?

As for asking... don't you like reading about other couple's experiences? I do! Just maybe there will be some tidbit that offers us insight, or even courage. Some information doesn't come in the form of downloadable forms and timelines.

As for my children... they are in grade school, still getting used to the idea of divorce. I don't feel it is responsible at this time to introduce a new person in to their lives. Especially considering that any marraige would be more than a year and a half away. All in due time.

[Dwarf_Ogress 0]

I too met my fiance online and I went to be with him IRL in September. My mother was very accepting and supportive of the whole thing as were my sisters and friends. My mother got to talk to him on the phone as well as see pictures from my trip. My mother passed away in October of this year and I remember looking at her and crying and telling her that I was sorry that she would not get to meet Marlon and see us get married etc. My mother smiled and said that she saw our photos and spoke to him, she said he seems like a nice guy and he will make me happy. She also told me I would make a good mommy! I feel blessed and relieved that I had my mother's blessing but then again she always allowed us kids to make our own decisions. Whenever anyone looks at my photos with Marlon or whenever I speak of him, people always notice how happy I am. Of course there are people who try to bring bad vibes but I don't let them bother me too much. My philosophy is if it feels right then it is! Good luck on your meeting, I know how nervous and excited you must be!

On another note, yes how a family feels about something is important but ultimately it is how the two of you feel that matters most!

Edited December 20, 2006 by FutureMrs