Kids Say The Darndest Things

[Marilyn. 340]

"I was in a customer's home one afternoon and while I was talking to the customer, their 4 year old little girl, tugged on my pants leg and excitedly exclaimed, "I got a new bicycle, do you want to see it?"

I said, "Sure Michelle." So off to the backyard we went.

Upon getting into the backyard, I saw a brand new girl's bicycle. "Boy, Michelle!! That's a beautiful bicycle." I complimented. "Can you ride it?"

"Yeah, I can ride it," she said, then with a sad face she pouted, "but it's broke."

I looked at the new bicycle and couldn't see anything wrong with it, so I asked her, "What's wrong with it?"

"I don't know," she shrugged, "but every time I ride it, it falls down!"

************************************

I asked my two-year-old to take his dirty clothes and put them into the hamper.

He looked puzzled, and I explained, "You know; it's the place where we put our dirty clothes before they're washed."

My son picked up his things, ran into my bedroom, and threw his clothes on the floor...on his dad's side of the bed.

************************************

My husband and I took our two-year-old daughter, Madison, to the home-improvement store.

Madison got tired of walking, so my husband let her ride on his shoulders.

As he walked, Madison began pulling his hair.

Although he asked her to stop several times, she kept on yanking away at his mane.

Getting annoyed, he scolded, "Madison! Stop that!"

"But, Daddy," she replied, "I'm just trying to get my gum back."

[Thingee 0]

Little Johnny was sitting at the kitchen table doing his math homework while Mom cooked dinner.

"2+2 the son of a b!tch is 4. 2+3 the son of a b!ich is 5." Little Johnny recited as he worked.

"Johnny! Where did you hear such language?" asked Mom horrified.

"Teacher taught us." replied Johnny calmly.

Mom, of course, went to school the next day to have a talk with Johnny's teacher. She relayed in furious tones what her son had said. Mom became more enraged when the teacher burst into laughter, and demanded an explanation.

"Oh, Mrs. Smith, I'm sorry for laughing. I taught the children 2+2 the sum of which is 4."

[Marilyn. 340]

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog.

The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.

"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."

A third child concluded. "No silly, they use the dogs to find the fire hydrant!"

****************************************

A physician was taking her 4-year-old daughter to preschool. The little girl picked up the stethoscope, which the doctor had left on the car seat, and began playing with it.

"Be still, my heart," thought the doctor. "My daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!"

Then the child spoke into the instrument, "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"

**************************************

Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store.

"What's it for?" one asked.

"I don't know," the other replied. "I think you stand on it and it makes you mad. At least it does that for my Mom and Dad."

[Marilyn. 340]

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.

"That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?"

"Yes," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark."

"How about transportation?" the father asked.

"I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered.

The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.

Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, "What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know."

"We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied.

"We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!"

[Marilyn. 340]

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.

She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.

One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

**********************************

Used to being the center of attention, Robbie was a little more than jealous of his new baby sister.

The parents sat him down and said that now that she was getting older, the house was too small and they'd have to move.

"It's no use." Robbie said, "She's crawling good now and she'd probably just follow us."

[Marilyn. 340]

A woman brought her 4-month-old baby to visit her neighbor. The baby began to fuss soon after they arrived.

The 5-year-old son of the neighbor she visited said, "Where did you get him?"

"He was sent from Heaven," the mother replied.

As the infant continued to cry and yell, the little boy said, "I bet I know why he was sent from Heaven. God wanted it quiet up there!"

****************************

A little boy was showings his family's photo album the the baby sitter.

He pointed out a nice picture of his whole family, and she complimented him on how handsome he looked.

He shook his head and said, " My mom doesn't like it at all. She said she wants to have it blown up."

****************************

The teacher asked a boy if he knows his numbers.

"Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me."

"Good. What comes after three."

"Four," answers little boy.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?"

The little boy smiled and said, "Jack."

[Marilyn. 340]

Each day when I would come home from work I would drop to my knees and ask my 4 year old son if he wanted to box.I wanted him to learn how to protect himself.

We would spar around for a few minutes before supper.

One day my wife and I took our son to get new shoes. The shoe salesman was fiendly and allowed my son to try on several pairs of shoes before we decided on a particular pair that he liked. We asked if he wanted towear them home and he replied, "yes". The salesman, who was kneeling on the floor in front of our son, held the old shoes in his hands and asked, "do you want a box?"

Our son stood up and punched him right on the nose. After grabbing our son we had to spend the next several minutes explaining WHY this happened. Luckilly, our salesman was the father of a 4 year old.

***************

One day my young daughter and I were listening to one of my old Simon and Garfunkel albums. When one particular song was finished, she asked me, "Well, did he?"

"Did he what?"

"Did Parsley save Rosemary in time?"

*************************

The many cars with boats in tow prompted my four-year-old daughter to ask why we didn't have one.

I explained that we had no lake nearby to put it in.

"But we don't have to put it in the water," she said. "Can't we just pull it up and down the highway like everyone else does?"

[Marilyn. 340]

Edited April 15, 2008 by MarilynP

[Marilyn. 340]

Top 10 Wacky Things Kids Say!

The wacky things kids say can make us howl with laughter or do a double take so major you might have to pull the car over! Check out the blurbs below from babysitters and nannies who've been taking notes. Let us know the hilarious things your litttle buddies say and add them to our list by posting a comment below!

1. We were driving by a cemetery and the boy I watch said from the back seat, "How do you get to heaven from underground?"

2. While eating BBQ chicken and steak one evening, the kids I watch asked me which is healthier. I said I thought the chicken was, as long as you don't eat the skin. The little girl added, "...or the feathers!"

3. Walking into Dunkin Donuts, the 7-year-old girl I watch was confused by the sign on the door that reads, "Shoes and Shirts Required." She peeked into the store then turned to me and whispered, "But what about pants?"

4. While racing around in the backyard, the 4-year-old boy I watch screamed, "I am fast...like dangerous cat food!" Not sure what he meant but it sounded like fun!

5. One little girl I watch had to draw a picture of someone she knows doing something they're good at for a homework assignment. I was the lucky pick, but she drew a picture of me with a laundry basket stuffed with clothes! She said proudly, "You're so good at laundry!" Oh well, at least I'm on her radar!

6. When I was out shopping with the kids, a woman complimented me on how much my son looked like me. After she walked away, the little dude I watch winked at me, since I'm his nanny, not his mom. I didn't know he could wink! After that, he kept doing it for days on end. He'd say, "I look like you," and then "wink, wink."

7. After seeing a slew of pregnant moms at the playground, the little girl I watch asked, "How do you sign up to get a baby?"

8. Excited about an upcoming trip to Disney World with his family, the 3-year-old boy I watch was giving all the details, especially about how his parents were taking him to the "air-portant" for his first ride on a plane.

9. While driving the brother and sister duo I watch from activity to activity, the kids struck up a conversation about who was smarter at math. The older brother said he was learning about odd numbers in class. His younger sister snorted and said, "Oh right. You don't know anything. Numbers aren't odd at all!"

10. We were meeting new friends on the playground one day. I have to assume the little guy I watch must have been imitating his dad introducing his mom, when he delivered this beauty! I was telling one of the moms his name and before I could even introduce myself, he said, "and this is my bride." I guess that was code for, "this woman I'm with." Yikes!

[DanielParul 50]

At a get together, I picked up my 2 year old nephew and he cupped my left b00b and shouted at the top of his voice - Aaaaaah! b00bies

Wonder where he learnt that from???

Edited June 12, 2008 by DanielParul

[Ban Hammer 13,336]

At a get together, I picked up my 2 year old nephew and he cupped my left b00b and shouted at the top of his voice - Aaaaaah! b00bies

Wonder where he learnt that from???

ah to be young again and get away with stuff like that.

[almaty 19]

At a get together, I picked up my 2 year old nephew and he cupped my left b00b and shouted at the top of his voice - Aaaaaah! b00bies

Wonder where he learnt that from???

ah to be young again and get away with stuff like that.

i still do...just need to hang out at Krogers.

[Marilyn. 340]

geez guys, did you have to go and defile the kid's thread????? ... jeeze louise

[Ban Hammer 13,336]

geez guys, did you have to go and defile the kid's thread????? ... jeeze louise

we're talented

[natty bumppo 297]

Where is Art Linkletter when we need him?