My fiancee character

[hurtbyyou 0]

My fiancee keep testing me everyday, he always making fun all the time,he seems enjoying that I get annoyed,and sometimes I get hurt by his simply called joke. He is sweet, caring, loving but I just dont get his humor sometimes, im scared that my love for him turned to hatred, and I dont want that to happen, coz he is the man im devoted to share my whole life. What to do?

[mrss13 2]

I'm in a sort of unique position here.. even though I am the US sponsor, a few years ago I was the foreign spouse immigrating to a new country (US to Canada). Around when we got married and we started the immigration paperwork his behavior towards me changed a lot. I thought it was stress and that it would get better, but it only got worse. It got abusive. Moving to another country to be with someone is a HUGE step. America and Canada aren't as different as many countries but I still felt very trapped and isolated. I finally got out of that bad marriage.. and if I hadn't met my current (and wonderful) husband while living in Canada I would regret moving up there entirely. If you aren't 100% sure, even if you have immigration paperwork in progress, you should take a break and re-evaluate your relationship.

[clairegie 265]

My fiancee keep testing me everyday, he always making fun all the time,he seems enjoying that I get annoyed,and sometimes I get hurt by his simply called joke. He is sweet, caring, loving but I just dont get his humor sometimes, im scared that my love for him turned to hatred, and I dont want that to happen, coz he is the man im devoted to share my whole life. What to do?

if he is having fun at your expense, then I think it's time to tell him frankly that it hurts you

if he continues with his #######, then leave him. Don't let his insensitivity turn you into someone you're not.

[apple21 953]

Magtaray ka teh para malaman niya na sagad na ang pasensya mo. Don't let him bully you around.

[hurtbyyou 0]

Thanks guys...truly appreciate your advice, yeah I did "taray" things on him and it made him silent for a while, and even told him that its not fun at all, and one time ive get even on his jokes. But if sees me getting pissed off he just simply hug me and said " you dont understand American sense of humor". I know he wouldn't hurt me physically, but his damn jokes makes me crazy sometimes.Or I am just paranoid? Everything around me changes, the weather,lifestyle,even the food are different. I really dont open up about my feelings to everyone.but it seems something inside of me will blown up anytime.im really glad ive found this forum, and will appreciate more advice.

[clairegie 265]

american humor? my fiance never made jokes at my expense. or maybe kasi nauna na ako magtaray kaya alam nyang masama ako magalit lol. i feel for you sis. i hope baguhin nya yan. sure you have to be a little more open to american jokes, but he has to understand filipinos are a little sensitive too. compromise dapat

[Rose13 30]

Don't believe his excuse that it's just "American humor". My hubby has always been loving and kind. He does have a quirky sense of humor but he is never cruel to me. Don't stay with someone who is not kind to you.

[Dan from MI 23]

Sure there could be a culture different about what is acceptable BUT my wife and I would never tease to hurt each other. This man sounds like a jerk and will continue to tease you after marriage.

You can give him the ultimate to stop for good and if he continue then that is your answer to walk away from him. No respectable man (or woman) would do anything to hurt their loved one.

[hurtbyyou 0]

Im really confused,I saw love on his eyes for me, and I do loved him also, seems like he is afraid that I will hurt him emotionally, he did open up to me that he is cautious about pinay because they "other pinays"hurt him before.and I even made an assurance to him that I wont do it.that my feelings for him is for real,it pained me a lot that he is living a life that full of insecurities...and it really hurts me inside...deep inside he is a kind and worth loving man, but full of insecurities...if he is really testing my love for him, my patience, then he's succeeded. Please advice me guys how to make him feel loved. And im thinkin that he become a big bully coz he is wounded inside.but gosh, tao lng ako may hangganan pasencia ko.

[apple21 953]

I find it odd. A pinay hurt him before, pero pinay pa rin ang pinili niyang asawa. Ano yang ginagawa niya sayo, ganti in the form of "teasing" making your life miserable?

Gosh, baka kailangan na niya magpatingin sa psychologist.

[Hank_ 9,174]

... I am going to go another way for a moment... maybe he is very nervous and this "humor" of his is part of the result... he is unsure and very nervous. Just a thought. Something to talk about together.

[notusinganymore 31]

My husband has a very American humor if that is what it is called. Frank and sharp. He says what he wants and badmouths practically everyone EXCEPT me because I made it to a point to tell him that I can understand he has his own humor but if he tells me a joke that for me is offensive then I will react to it especially if it is towards me. It may be good and may be bad but i would tell him that if we want to make things work we need to have common grounds. He can talk trash about anything but not necesaarily everyone. Keeping in mind on how he would react if the same is done to him. He is Filipino by blood and talks like sh*t even in front of his parents. His parents told me that they are used to it and sees it as a joke but I still remind him that even if the world is crappy, he doesn't have to curse all the time. He has his insecurities but I feel truly loved because he makes me laugh with his jokes. Hank may be right in saying that he might be nervous or insecure but he needs to know the difference of having fun with you and making fun of you. One solution is tell him that you understand American humor can sometimes entail talking trash and all that but it should also be responsible talk. My husband talks sh*t but mostly to just vent out or make fun of OTHER people. He knows when to throw jokes.

Please do not conform to the modern concept of dispensability and try to fix things first rather than leaving him. It's just better that way. Be civil and talk it out.

[clairegie 265]

Other Filipinas hurt him in the past thats why he takes it out on you? Tell him you've never done anything wrong and shouldn't be treated that way, it's not your fault other women hurt him. Not a good thing that he is bringing over his "baggage" from his past relationships. Just do what you've been doing. Show him you love him and that you can be trusted. But don't let him walk all over you.

[Hank_ 9,174]

Ya "baggage" is nothing but problems and annoying.... he needs to "kick it to the curb"

[hurtbyyou 0]

Thanks a lot for the advice vj members, really appreciate it.