Marriage issues, Am I the only one?

[Dodgertown 27]

Hey guys,

I am new here and apologize in advance if this question is posted in the wrong forum. I was actually searching through Google and somehow it lead me here.

Anyways, just like a lot of you here, I AM immigrant and I am married to American. I've been married since July 2013 and we are going through a lot difficulties right now. My wife's behavior is somewhat unpredictable. It's like day and night, she is lovely and nice one day but angry and abusive another. Our arguments start with something very minor, but almost always end up with her threats to leave me and racial slurs, sometimes even with physical attacks. Since recently she started to threaten me with deportation.

Now, we never actually applied for any kind of marriage based immigration benefits. I had my own immigration application pending way before I met my wife and I will eventually adjust my status through that application. I know a lot of you guys here are married to Americans. I don't have that many friends here and most of them I am sure will not understand my situation.

Some people say that Marriage Therapy helps a lot when people face marital issues. My financial situation is not the best and before making any decisions I wanted to ask people with experience if this marriage therapy is really worth it. I come from the places where counseling is not as common as here so I don't have any experience.

I am a very private person and normally I don't discuss such things on a public forum, but I am so lost right now and really need an advice. I Love my wife so much and this is the only reason why I am posting this. Please help me guys to save my marriage.

Regards,

Val

[Ontarkie 14,224]

If she is willing many couples find marriage counseling to help. It may also help you understand if your marriage is worth trying to save or not. Now her getting physical is not good, she may be trying to get you to react and if you do and that can cause issues with your pending AOS so please be careful no one deserves being abused. She really would need to be an active and willing person for counseling to work.

[Sandra G. 5,047]

Your wife is an abuser, in my opinion therapy helps people to sort out problem such as the difference of opinion, but violence? Well I recommend you to call the cops and put in her jail. I have zero sympathy for abusers, and this kind of scum in our society belongs to jail. Search about "VAWA", and if you decide to separate join the thread Vawa part 4.We have there thousands of victims of domestic violence, but I do not advise you post there how to save your marriage since all survivors already there left their abusers, and they are self petitioners of Vawa.

[Brian1967## 119]

Op...well I would like to chip in my two cents, if your wife EVER puts her hands on you, call the cops, it could be her trying to get you to hit her, then she calls the cops and the next thing you know you are in jail facing and domestic violence charge which will cost you $$$$$$$ to defend yourself. Also the verbal abuse is a very quiet to show mental and emotional abuse, that is what the is abuse pure and simple. all that being said her is what I say

Ask if she will go to therapy and if she says no, well you might want to consider something different for your life.

The other issue is this and I will be blunt sometimes a immigrant or a USC, think they work from a position of power, example ( if you do not do what I want I will have you deported) even though this is not possible, the immigrant would be terrified at the prospect of being threatened like this, marriage is not about power but about working together to fix all issue with love and respect and trust, please do not let your spouse consider you a belonging, but you must demand the respect otherwise you will get walked on even worse.

Just my thoughts

[Brian1967## 119]

Sorry but look up this link to help with any legal questions it is called "openingdoors" Here is the link, they do great work for victims of sex trafficking and DV.

follow the links on the top that say "what we do" and follow to immigrant services in the middle of the page.

Here is the link and also STAY SAFE

http://openingdoorsinc.com/index.php

brian1967##

[Darnell 8,478]

Since your adjustment of status and subsequent green card is not based on marriage to a USCitizen,

I strongly suggest you simply walk away from her, and divorce.

That's it, that's all

<EOM>

[NikLR 13,227]

Also she likely is manic depressive or bi-polar which is why she is so moody

[John J 10]

Your marriage is over, carry on with it and expect yourself to be on Dr Phil in a year or two.

Bi-polar is the new term for manic depressive, they are the same.

Your wife has borderline personality disorder, your marriage is over unless she gets therapy wich is highly unlikely. You need to leave her, things will only get very bad. You could be the one who goes to jail.

Do the VAWA process, keep a diary of all the abuse, most of it will be psycholgical (such as gaslighting).

The police will get involved at some stage and she will blame you for everything.

If you can't leave right now, start to get things for a quick departure.

People with borderline personality disorder are treated with dialectical therapy (lots of books on this in the library) and omega 3 has a soothing affect on the disorder.

Have a good read of the links

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

http://www.shrink4men.com/category/personality-disorders/borderline-personality-disorder/