I am struggling with my marriage. A small rant.

[Caryh 5,206]

Probably going to be my final post since I know everyone is sick and tired of reading what I am writing. but for the divorce, how do I go through with this? Just hire a lawyer and go straight for the divorce? Do I need to do firsthand preparation? Empty out my bank accounts? I have some bonds but they are nowhere near the 20-30 year maturity date. Still over 10-15 years away. Informing her of my intentions sounds like the right thing to do, but then that means she has time to prepare right? Both of us has to sign so I have to tell her at some point right?

Probably better should seek a lawyer to discuss this and not here right?

Unless you're sure she'll willingly accept divorce, it would be much better to discuss this all with a lawyer. Sometimes a soon to be ex can get pretty darn nasty when their meal ticket is about to give them the boot. Given what you've said about her, I would not trust her reaction to this.

[FromPAUS 4]

Probably going to be my final post since I know everyone is sick and tired of reading what I am writing. but for the divorce, how do I go through with this? Just hire a lawyer and go straight for the divorce? Do I need to do firsthand preparation? Empty out my bank accounts? I have some bonds but they are nowhere near the 20-30 year maturity date. Still over 10-15 years away. Informing her of my intentions sounds like the right thing to do, but then that means she has time to prepare right? Both of us has to sign so I have to tell her at some point right?

Probably better should seek a lawyer to discuss this and not here right?

Empty bank account won't do a thing. Her attorney can order you show the court two years of detailed all your financial institutions statements. You may have to pay alimony every month. Depends on states, your IRA accounts also up for grab. If you want to hire a top attorney, it will cost you $350+/hour. If may also be responsible for her attorney fee. If I will her, I would hire one of most expensive top attorney in the local area since I don't have income. She would have nothing to lose. You, for sure will give everything to your attorney and her attorney and may also pay her alimony to let her finish school.

Do not go to divorce route unless you know what you get into.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Empty bank account won't do a thing. Her attorney can order you show the court two years of detailed all your financial institutions statements. You may have to pay alimony every month. Depends on states, your IRA accounts also up for grab. If you want to hire a top attorney, it will cost you $350+/hour. If may also be responsible for her attorney fee. If I will her, I would hire one of most expensive top attorney in the local area since I don't have income. She would have nothing to lose. You, for sure will give everything to your attorney and her attorney and may also pay her alimony to let her finish school.

Do not go to divorce route unless you know what you get into.

Have you been divorced before?

Empty bank accounts do a lot in posturing in a legal manner. It will allow you and deny the combatant to wage a more credible offensive. Property division comes later down the line.

"Possession is nine-tenths of the law."

[Caryh 5,206]

Have you been divorced before?

Empty bank accounts do a lot in posturing in a legal manner. It will allow you and deny the combatant to wage a more credible offensive. Property division comes later down the line.

"Possession is nine-tenths of the law."

Oh a buddy of mine knows that very well. He returned from a business trip early to discover his wife had been playing in craigslist casual encounters for years. They had a pretty good lifestyle with lots of assets, and him with a very good income. Immediately retiring and removing liquid assets from communal access saved his butt. So did only spending cash, no credit cards or check cards to the duration of the divorce. Which happened to drag out about 4 years, as she had lawyer after lawyer quit on her.

[psv57 88]

I really don't know anything on this stuff, but is annulment an option since you guys never consummated the marriage to begin with....

[Jamericanlove 31]

I really don't know anything on this stuff, but is annulment an option since you guys never consummated the marriage to begin with....

And there it is.....file for an annulment on the basis that the marriage was never consummated. Wipe the slate clean and begin again. Good luck OP.

[Caryh 5,206]

I really don't know anything on this stuff, but is annulment an option since you guys never consummated the marriage to begin with....

I know I would definitely go for this route myself. When I once looked it up, surprisingly failure to consummate the marriage was not one of the reasons you could get a legal annulment. Lacking the physical capacity to consummate was, but not refusal to consummate. This was my own state's rules, so other states may differ. Fraud was one reason though.

[Faycel and Renee 30]

Wow, from a womans point I definitely saw there is some sneaky stuff going on and its best to cut your losses and move on. Everyone wants a happy marriage but not a sexless one. Your gut is trying to tell you something so go with it, dont wait. Too many excuses and not enough action.

She will use the excuses over and over again till she has what she wants and then its goodbye baby. The day she said I do she aint done.

Wishing you the best of luck

[NikLR 13,230]

I would say this woman has committed fraud... if not immigration fraud then she entered this marriage for for fraudulent purposes. She likely had no intention of ever having a loving marriage and only is being "better" so the rug stays under her feet. Time to stop getting stepped on OP. Go see a lawyer.

[Darnell 8,478]

hey somedude.

I had a longish thought about your situation, digging back in my memory of 'known families' across the pond, and I want to suggest this to you...

Engage with your Mother about this, tell her not to expect any grandchildren from this woman,

unless and until,

your Wife's mother lays down the 'law'.

Plant that this weekend, wait 2 weeks, and let us know what happens. I'm not going to write here about the mother connections and how powerful they can be, but I think you already know.

Alrighty ! 2 weeks plus some has passed.

What's the word, somedude, from the Mothers' Council ?

[Caryh 5,206]

Alrighty ! 2 weeks plus some has passed.

What's the word, somedude, from the Mothers' Council ?

Somehow I think the Mother's Council was not a road taken.

[sparkles_ 456]

As a female, I think your wife is up to no good or she isn't sexually attracted to you....,perhaps both as harsh as it may sound. I speak from experience about when women don't want to have sex or be physical (other women will agree). Usually that means the emotional bags are already packed and sitting by the door, she is waiting for the right time to make a physical exit. I can't say if she is cheating but it sounds like at minimum she is having a 2nd life that doesn't and never will involve you.

My dude, you're married and not making love to your wife....annulment. I don't know how one shows proof of that for annulment purposes but a free consult with a lawyer who does annulments can guide you. An annulment safeguards you in the fact that she can't hit you up for all that is listed in the support docs, however it also means she will be sent packing because the marriage is erased, AKA the immigration benefit she got from it is also voided. Think about this long and hard but it is what I'd do if I were in your shoes, young with no children from the marriage.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

As a female, I think your wife is up to no good or she isn't sexually attracted to you....,perhaps both as harsh as it may sound. I speak from experience about (1) when women don't want to have sex or be physical (other women will agree). Usually that means the emotional bags are already packed and sitting by the door, she is waiting for the right time to make a physical exit. I can't say if she is cheating but it sounds like at minimum she is having a 2nd life that doesn't and never will involve you.

My dude, you're married and not making love to your wife....annulment. I don't know how one shows proof of that for annulment purposes but a free consult with a lawyer who does annulments can guide you. An annulment safeguards you in the fact that she can't hit you up for all that is listed in the support docs, however it also means she will be sent packing because the marriage is erased, AKA the immigration benefit she got from it is also voided. Think about this long and hard but it is what I'd do if I were in your shoes, (2) young with no children from the marriage.

1. Very true, from personal experience.

2. I disagree. Even if older and with children, one should definitely cut a bad relationship as long as one provides for the children. Life is just too short to spend it being miserable.

Edited December 21, 2013 by Gowon

[sparkles_ 456]

1. Very true, from personal experience.

2. I disagree. Even if older and with children, one should definitely cut a bad relationship as long as one provides for the children. Life is just too short to spend it being miserable.

I stand corrected on 2. I mentioned young since OP gave a rough age idea, but life is surely too short all around.

Edited December 22, 2013 by beccabecca

[DreamNHope 9]

OP,

With all due respect, I don't think you're ready for marriage life. From reading what you've been posting here in this thread, you don't seem to know what you want and to some women, that can be a turn-off. You have to come on the internet and ask strangers questions on how to handle your wife? You can't tell whether or not the chemistry between you two still exists?

And please, do you really to be that "explicit" about those sex-related descriptive moments?

Anyway, if you care about another internet gossip suggestion, here's mine:

Try to invest more, a lot more, time the next time you're into an internet/around the world relationship. Trying to understand another human being's mind is a VERY difficult thing to do. It takes lots of time to investigate. If you rush things, the end outcome won't be pleasant.

My best guess is the 2 of you rushed your relationship at the beginning and now she starts to find out the incompatibility and decides to head into a new direction. She's rude not to be up front with you and chooses the "childish" route (all the blah blah you've been describing in this thread)

You do know what the next step of your relationship should be right?

Keyword: INCOMPATIBILTY

Good day!

Edited December 22, 2013 by DreamNHope