Warning to those supporting your fiance or spouse!!

[Brian1967## 119]

Hmm interesting post... however your opening statement- visa situations to deal with the serious and common consequences of supporting your spouse or fiance in the US- and the concept that domestic violence allegations are primarily made by aliens against USCs. Nonsense. You run the risk in any relationship of hooking up with a nutcase or an abuser. Domestic violence does not discriminate. It can be a USC against a USC or an alien against a USC or vice versa. An alien can scam and abuse a USC just as easily as the other way around.

Your basically saying be careful when you marry a foreigner because they may scam you/slap you with false DV/divorce you/take all your money- But surely that never happens in cases of USC to USC marriages. They always divorce smoothly and there are never claims of false DV issues or legal battles.

Alright dude do not be fooled I was abuse and beaten by my immigrant spouse and what capri said is right on point, there was a member her who told me something

"marry the right person you are golden and life is roses, marry the wrong person and your in hell"

[cecilio22 0]

There are lots of assumptions being thrown around on this thread so let's clarify them.

Ticking time-bomb, comedy vs reality: It might sound comical when you and your spouse are in a good mood and the relationship is feeling sweet. But every couple has their trying moments. When she feels deceived or angry or jealous this time-bomb could detonate. Same as USC just more likely with an Alien.

3rd world country: My wife is from western europe, not a 3rd world country. She has a university degree and her parents live in a half-million euro home. Her life is actually easier in her country due to the socialist programs there. If there were decent jobs and I didn't have my two teenage daughters I would have seriously considered moving there.

not knowing spouse: We never met online. We met in-person when she was studying in the US for 2 years. We traveled to each others countries 2 times each, over the course of a year before getting married. I spent months living with her parents and getting to know her family, I speak her language almost fluently and she speaks english almost fluently. There is no racial or ethnic divide. We have similar features, and strangers have guessed we are brother/sister and have told us we look perfect for each other.

Why she freakes out: This is the major difference between USC and Aliens. USCs are adapted and have family or friends nearby for support. Alien wife's generally do not. This is a HUGE difference. All my hours outside of work were spent with her, giving attention, taking her to dinner, trying to entertain her, doing things with my friends and her, attempting to remedy the emptiness an alien wife will always feel when away from her home country and family. She skyped each day with her family but it wasn't enough. I felt so insufficient because I couldn't give her that family she is accustomed to.

Her obligation while here: She felt little necessity to contribute financially. She knew I was close to buying our first home with my paycheck alone and was in no hurry to find work. She has turned down offers for work because she claims to be an actress. She has never made a cent through acting though.

usc vs alien: You're right. This scenario of accusations of domestic violence can be from any USC. Its just that us AOS supporters have more to lose and aliens have more to gain. She will be granted immunity from deportation simply by saying she is afraid of you. As rampant as DV allegations are in family law cases, it will only be MORE likely with your foreign wife. She will probably have less emotional support than a USC and feel more desperate to gain an upper-hand. She also might not have much respect for our legal system. My wife treats it like a game to win and has made allegations that I also make bombs and enjoyed watching 9/11 thinking it would help to polarize the judge's opinion against me. The judge simply ignored that portion.

Yes, the definition of domestic violence by the laws in my state (and most) is satisfied when a woman merely says she is afraid. My wife never actually said that. She claims that I pushed her. I was actually demanding that she leave my place and go live with my mother for a couple days because I couldn't tolerate her negative attitude any longer as she was ransacking my clothes. Her feeling of rejection lead to rage and threats to stop me from seeing my son. There wasn't one shred of evidence to support her claims and since its not a criminal domestic violence case, (its a family law over custody of the children), the judge must make the determination of what is the safest household and consider the possibility of any allegation's truthfulness.

Don't think this warning only pertains to you in family law situations. Her restraining order against you will become proof. She can use that against you in divorce, to gain more possessions, maintenance, child support, control of the kids and in possible future criminal charges she, or others make against you. Any future relationship you are in will be a jeopardy because you will have an established history of domestic violence. Next time will be easier and easier for your ex to prove. She will not need to supply a single shred of evidence, a single bruise, or anything else. The dominoes will fall.

Where we are today: Despite all her devious and amoral ways I still love my wife and she holds the key to remaining together as a family for my son. I am still pursuing this avenue and for the week until she relocates we are spending time together as a family, having thanksgiving together, and she is even sleeping in my bed and being intimate with me. I probably can not get her to change her mind to relocate. She will certainly not rescind her false allegations now that she has basically won temporary custody. She claims to be open to returning to live with me again some day but I doubt either one of us will want that after what's happened.

[Ketsuban 1,034]

I've been with my USC husband since I was 15 and I'm almost 24 now. Pretty sure I'm not in it to screw him over, but if it fits into your agenda then go for it <3

[deleted this acco 44]

ya some people when they come here they are well-educated a lot about how to beat the system and scamming; I met a woman here who just immigrated from a third world country&she seemed very knowledgeable about things which was really a surprise for a new immigrant to know unless you've lived here. a family member of mine was scammed but it was the other way around; a guy he made her co-sign all these student loans&left her (the USC) to pay. beware of people like that. u gotta know someone before u pour money into them&filing green cards.

[Sandra G. 5,057]

My warning is DO NOT GET married to someone you saw once or twice. Most of people are seeing their partner just online, in my opinion this is not enough.Seeing someone once, twice for 2/8motnhs and bring the person to the U.S and after that blame the partner is silly to say the least. We are our choices we all have two questions how much time and effort we put into building a relationship...2/8months? that man.

[Justine+David 218]

Where we are today: Despite all her devious and amoral ways I still love my wife and she holds the key to remaining together as a family for my son. I am still pursuing this avenue and for the week until she relocates we are spending time together as a family, having thanksgiving together, and she is even sleeping in my bed and being intimate with me. I probably can not get her to change her mind to relocate. She will certainly not rescind her false allegations now that she has basically won temporary custody. She claims to be open to returning to live with me again some day but I doubt either one of us will want that after what's happened.

Dude, um...what the heck are you doing??!! She has domestic violence charges against you! Do not sleep with her! Do not be in a room alone with her!

...

??

[QueenE 174]

So why do you think she would want to commit fraud?

There are lots of assumptions being thrown around on this thread so let's clarify them.

Ticking time-bomb, comedy vs reality: It might sound comical when you and your spouse are in a good mood and the relationship is feeling sweet. But every couple has their trying moments. When she feels deceived or angry or jealous this time-bomb could detonate. Same as USC just more likely with an Alien.

3rd world country: My wife is from western europe, not a 3rd world country. She has a university degree and her parents live in a half-million euro home. Her life is actually easier in her country due to the socialist programs there. If there were decent jobs and I didn't have my two teenage daughters I would have seriously considered moving there.

not knowing spouse: We never met online. We met in-person when she was studying in the US for 2 years. We traveled to each others countries 2 times each, over the course of a year before getting married. I spent months living with her parents and getting to know her family, I speak her language almost fluently and she speaks english almost fluently. There is no racial or ethnic divide. We have similar features, and strangers have guessed we are brother/sister and have told us we look perfect for each other.

Why she freakes out: This is the major difference between USC and Aliens. USCs are adapted and have family or friends nearby for support. Alien wife's generally do not. This is a HUGE difference. All my hours outside of work were spent with her, giving attention, taking her to dinner, trying to entertain her, doing things with my friends and her, attempting to remedy the emptiness an alien wife will always feel when away from her home country and family. She skyped each day with her family but it wasn't enough. I felt so insufficient because I couldn't give her that family she is accustomed to.

Her obligation while here: She felt little necessity to contribute financially. She knew I was close to buying our first home with my paycheck alone and was in no hurry to find work. She has turned down offers for work because she claims to be an actress. She has never made a cent through acting though.

usc vs alien: You're right. This scenario of accusations of domestic violence can be from any USC. Its just that us AOS supporters have more to lose and aliens have more to gain. She will be granted immunity from deportation simply by saying she is afraid of you. As rampant as DV allegations are in family law cases, it will only be MORE likely with your foreign wife. She will probably have less emotional support than a USC and feel more desperate to gain an upper-hand. She also might not have much respect for our legal system. My wife treats it like a game to win and has made allegations that I also make bombs and enjoyed watching 9/11 thinking it would help to polarize the judge's opinion against me. The judge simply ignored that portion.

Yes, the definition of domestic violence by the laws in my state (and most) is satisfied when a woman merely says she is afraid. My wife never actually said that. She claims that I pushed her. I was actually demanding that she leave my place and go live with my mother for a couple days because I couldn't tolerate her negative attitude any longer as she was ransacking my clothes. Her feeling of rejection lead to rage and threats to stop me from seeing my son. There wasn't one shred of evidence to support her claims and since its not a criminal domestic violence case, (its a family law over custody of the children), the judge must make the determination of what is the safest household and consider the possibility of any allegation's truthfulness.

Don't think this warning only pertains to you in family law situations. Her restraining order against you will become proof. She can use that against you in divorce, to gain more possessions, maintenance, child support, control of the kids and in possible future criminal charges she, or others make against you. Any future relationship you are in will be a jeopardy because you will have an established history of domestic violence. Next time will be easier and easier for your ex to prove. She will not need to supply a single shred of evidence, a single bruise, or anything else. The dominoes will fall.

Where we are today: Despite all her devious and amoral ways I still love my wife and she holds the key to remaining together as a family for my son. I am still pursuing this avenue and for the week until she relocates we are spending time together as a family, having thanksgiving together, and she is even sleeping in my bed and being intimate with me. I probably can not get her to change her mind to relocate. She will certainly not rescind her false allegations now that she has basically won temporary custody. She claims to be open to returning to live with me again some day but I doubt either one of us will want that after what's happened.

[JRF 117]

OP...you wrote an essay on how your wife wrongly accused you of abuse, is preparing to move and take your son, and is preparing to live a life of leisure by depending upon you and the government for funds, and yet you sleep with her?

With all due respect you have a serious set of legal and financial issues - and being alone with her is the last thing you want at this point. Given what's transpired she is a legal foe. I know you love her and all, but suggest you see things as they are, or at least what you wrote they are. And that is not good.

Best of luck.

[cecilio22 0]

Why would she want to do this? She didnt want to do this. It was her plan 'b'. She admitted it to me last week by apologetically saying that from now on there would be no more plan 'b's because they distract from plan 'a'. Its true. She had this idea of using domestic violence allegations in an emergency, just in case I tried to get custody of our son or trap her here. The day I kicked her out to live with my mother for a couple days she was furious and humiliated. She responded by threatening to take my son away, never let me see him again, and teach him to hate me. It was her mantra for about a week after that. And when I discovered she was actually buying a plane ticket to the other side of the country I was forced to file for divorce and get a restraining order to stop her. I didn't want to do it either but it was the only way. I had to assume she meant what she said. Maybe it was just her false threats and anger talking. In hind sight it probably was and she probably would have returned ashamed a month later. But still that's no way to behave at 31 years old. So she became even more furious and afraid when she got the restraining order. She felt desperate and trapped. That's when she found a lawyer and began her allegations of domestic violence. Now that she has leveraged DV accusations to gain primary custody of our son she is free to take him and she has warmed up to me. She still feels a lot of love for me because I was always good to her and genuinely wanted what's best for her. She continues to want sex, spend days together, go to the mall, eat dinner out, spend time with my daughters and everything. Problem is that she can not stop what she started now. She told all her friends and family that I am an abusive monster, her lawyer is working for pennies (except when the court makes me pay him) because he believes what he is doing is helping a poor innocent victim defend herself from a monster. She is trying so hard to convince herself that her accusations are true and she can not change her story for one second or she will lose the faith and support of everybody in her life! Yes, even she wants to undo the damage. She admits to loving me and refuses to talk about our future or our son's future. She hates herself for doing this. I can see it. But she teeters on the brink of actually believing herself and hating herself. She prefers more and more to live in that little bubble of people who she has lied to. As long as she stays in that bubble she is safe from the truth coming out.

DV charges against me, why still with her? She is no longer a threat to me, nor I to her. She got what she needed: Primary custody of our son. The judge ordered that we can not see each other but we both want it and do it. The judge also gave me only 2 days of supervised visitation per week and by spending time with her I get more time with my son. We still have some court battles down the line but the heat is off for now. She won my son as a trophy and is planning to drag him across the planet wherever she goes. First to the other coast. Then maybe back to her country if she pleases. I got her permanent residency for life and my son is a citizen. She's still worried a little about being deported or something but its not a real issue at this point.

Also, I learned. Never ask for joint custody, always ask full custody. I actually wanted to share the responsibilities of raising our son 50%-50%. I think that is in his best interest and the judge would recognize I was acting in his best interest not my own. But my ex had to make her DV charges look real and her lawyer insisted she demand %100 with restricted visitation. If she asked anything less than %100 her DV allegations would be less credible. She wanted to paint the picture that I was dangerous, unstable, and a complete monster in order to maximize her leverage in the situation. The judge went for it. Now I can only legally see my son with a supervisor present. My wife has no fear of me, she never did, and currently she generously grants time for me to see my son, even without a supervisor. But she retains the power to yank it away any time she likes.

Actual support: She has no income, no history of stable income and hasn't worked in years. She has no means to actually support my son here in the US or in her country and lives with her parents when she's over there. I even have proof she was illegally growing and selling pot in her country for spending money. I have emails, texts, even video where she talks about how many kilos, how many euros, who she is selling to, and even dancing with her marijuana plants. It would be enough to get federal charges on her and get her deported if she did this in the US. I showed that to the judge. The judge doesnt care about that and only demands a drug test from her which she will pass because she hasn't smoked pot in a month or two. Meanwhile I remain the monster.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

I think you need to take a long hard look in the mirror, RE abuse.

Edited November 29, 2013 by Harpa Timsah

[AmyWrites 593]

If she's such a horrible person don't let her sleep in your bed.

[cecilio22 0]

I think shes just using me now for sex, free dinners, movies and some sense of company. I thought I still loved her but it's all used up. I thought I could try one last effort with her to save the family and keep my son with both his parents but her intentions are becoming more clear day-by-day. In her mind she can continue using me until she disappears one day with my son and return to her loving family who trusts her every word.

regarding the mirror. I never got one moment of gratification against her in the form of abuse. Every friend of mine warned me to end it with her and I tolerated real violence from her when she became jealous with slapping, scratching and other forms of abuse. I could have used force with her and with hind sight I should have.

I have been in 3 major relationships, the first two lasting 7 years each. I have never met a woman as immature and spiteful and aggressive and destructive as this one.

[ir0nK1visa 2]

I think shes just using me now for sex, free dinners, movies and some sense of company. I thought I still loved her but it's all used up. I thought I could try one last effort with her to save the family and keep my son with both his parents but her intentions are becoming more clear day-by-day. In her mind she can continue using me until she disappears one day with my son and return to her loving family who trusts her every word.

regarding the mirror. I never got one moment of gratification against her in the form of abuse. Every friend of mine warned me to end it with her and I tolerated real violence from her when she became jealous with slapping, scratching and other forms of abuse. I could have used force with her and with hind sight I should have.

I have been in 3 major relationships, the first two lasting 7 years each. I have never met a woman as immature and spiteful and aggressive and destructive as this one.

MOVE ON cecilio.. NO you should NOT have abused, hit her EVER unless YOUR LIFE was in danger and even then ran AWAY from her. I too was falsely accused of abuse and in court proved it to be lies, but the judge still granted the order based on the act put on in court by her, and PLEASE people don't tell me that is not true - I lived it, and believed she had some apprehension towards me enough to issue the order.

I do not know your full story and no one will ever, cause just like my problem we only hear, read one side of the story(ours on the forum), but it is NOT EASY to STOP loving someone you invested so much into. Now one feels so betrayed, used in the end, sad, mad, angered, disappointed. Sadly, reading your story, makes mine pale in comparison and is helping me focus on me even more, although I already had started since she was granted a 2 year protective order against me. THANK GOD we do not live in the same state by 10+ hours driving and I, as I suggest you do, must/will move on. The pain will go away in time, STOP thinking about what you could have done differently and THINK about what you can do from now on with your life and gaining more access to your child. It is another learning experience and make the best of it going forward.

Stay away from her, if you need to see her I'd suggest having a third party with you. She can and MIGHT accuse you of abuse again for any reason and YOU WILL most likely be ARRESTED. I wish you the best, but in the end you must PROTECT YOURSELF!

[VickyP 34]

I seriously think that you should really stop talking to her and if you have to, then with a third party like others already recommended.

Secondly I am thinking you should also consider getting yourself some help. You totally lost trust in the world and humans which is very sad.

You are making it sound like we "foreigners, immigrants, women" are the worst of the worst and we should get banned, ignored or whatnot.

I will not take it personally right now since you are hurt etc. but you need to think about how you are putting humans into one general picture.

Best example, me a German citizen was in a relationship with a Nigerian for over three years. He used me for papers, money etc....should I now hate all Nigerians?

I don't think so!

Edited November 30, 2013 by VickyP

[NikLR 13,231]

I read two different things...

a) you said she left to her mothers

b) you actually kicked her out to her mother's

Make up your mind....