Warning to those supporting your fiance or spouse!!

[cecilio22 0]

This forum needs a section on post visa situations to deal with the serious and common consequences of supporting your spouse or fiance in the US!

I used this forum to obtain a residency visa for my wife and eight weeks later she wanted to leave and take my son away to live with her wealthy relatives in another state. After I filed for divorce to stop her departure with my son she made domestic violence allegations against me and stopped me from seeing my son all together.

It can happen to anybody because the laws encourage this type of fraud! From federal to state to county!

Once the spouse arrives she will have a massive incentive to claim domestic violence and tarnish your future and your record!!!

1. She will get free legal services - there is a variety of free legal services and advocates for supposed "battered women" who will take her word for anything she says. A single fight involving raised voices or time away from each-other could very easily instigate this.

2. she will get free temporary housing, free interpreter services

3. she will get the sympathy of our courts and her own family against you

4. She will stop you from having contact with your child (because it gains her greater credibility as a victim of domestic violence). They will trust her more when she stops you from seeing them.

5. To qualify as a victim she only needs to say she is "afraid of you". There doesn't even need to be any physical contact.

6. You will be ordered to pay her legal fees on top of your own legal fees

7. You will be ordered to pay her temporary housing costs until the hearing, otherwise they will grant full custody to her and allow her departure with your child

8. Local courts are inundated with domestic violence cases in family law and the due process is totally circumvented.

9. If your wife goes the simplest route in her attack against you she will go the ex-parte route and be encouraged to produce factual evidence against you with her mere accusation and that fact is recorded in your permanent civil record and used against you in future hearings. It will cost thousands of dollars just to refute it and it is likely not possible to have it overturned. My wife didn't even do this but she could have with just a bus ride downtown and an hour of her time and her signature.

10. The judge will believe her without even a shred of evidence that you have done anything and you will be treated like an abuser!

11. If her residency visa is conditional then she will almost automatically obtain non-conditional status and be immune from deportation. (my wife still doesn't understand that I have her non-conditional permanent residency so it didn't apply to her. She did this anyway and read it in some forum online).

12. She will take child support from you, daycare costs, and the state will gouge you for reimbursement when she gets health and welfare services.

13. She will have little incentive to find work and will get more money from you when she turns down opportunities. This is what happened in my case. She still refuses to find work and can live off child support and welfare.

14. I was reading these warnings just 3 months ago and thinking they don't pertain to me because we are in love, have a real relationship, and have a child together. But these dangers apply to every man in every visa situation!

15. She will do this because she knows she can. All this information is right here on this site and all across the web. She will get advice from family and friends and read up on it. She will know these strings can be pulled by her at whim.

16. She might not do this as her primary intention but she will likely use this as her backup plan in case she gets bored or feels lonely or decides to leave. ( that's what happened in my case).

17. Human nature, and female nature is to take the path of least resistance. IF she knows of this option then she will consider taking this path. If she considers taking this path then she probably will. And it will ruin your family, your finances, your reputation, your life.

I have a stable job, am an experienced parent of 15 years and have primary custody of my 14 year old daughter, and have never had any record or ever used abuse against any woman. I have an Ivy-league educated attorney with 15 years experience in family law and a $4000 retaining fee. He is very reputable and intelligent and is also amazed at how the legal system has completely failed. Now my ex is taking my son away and I must pay her to do so meanwhile I am ordered to pay thousands for a mental health exam, a domestic violence exam by a psychiatrist, endure DV treatment and anger management, pay for GUT evaluations of both my wife and my own family, and pay my wife's attorney fees as well as my own costing me every penny of savings and much much more. I am totally broke and the courts are demanding many thousands more from me.

Danger men! at VERY BEST you will be sitting on a ticking time-bomb when you obtain your foreign wife's/spousal visa. You will likely be held captive by her and she can control you with this.

Just months ago I was reading these warnings and thinking they dont really apply to me. Now I have lost everything!

If you are already in this situation then I recommend you get an ex-parte restraining order against her as soon as possible! This will be your only credible defense when she does it to you.

Good luck! You're gonna need it along with about $30,000-$50,000 in legal fees!

[lost_at_sea 995]

I'm sorry to hear you've had such an awful time.

Having a forum section dedicated to such things may be difficult, though, as as you point out - where fraud is involved/difficult divorce/child custody - it quickly enters legal realms that this forum cannot deal with nor advise on easily.

No need for the sexism, by the way. Men commit visa fraud, also.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Here is the forum you are looking for. http://www.visajourney.com/forums/forum/127-effects-of-major-family-changes-on-immigration-benefits/

I will request it be moved there.

If the claims against you are indeed false, it will come out soon.

[Ryan H 3,821]

I will request it be moved there.

Moved from IR-1/CR-1 Process & Procedures.

Edited November 28, 2013 by Ryan H

[ir0nK1visa 2]

Sadly, that is true. My lawyer proved and my "soon to be ex" in essence agreed her accusations were false yet the restraining order was approved. Because of some apprehension on her part towards me...I should have represented myself and saved my money. Thank GOD I had not sent in the AOS paperwork, we were going to.

[Villanelle 4,122]

Hmm interesting post... however your opening statement- visa situations to deal with the serious and common consequences of supporting your spouse or fiance in the US- and the concept that domestic violence allegations are primarily made by aliens against USCs. Nonsense. You run the risk in any relationship of hooking up with a nutcase or an abuser. Domestic violence does not discriminate. It can be a USC against a USC or an alien against a USC or vice versa. An alien can scam and abuse a USC just as easily as the other way around.

Youre basically saying be careful when you marry a foreigner because they may scam you/slap you with false DV/divorce you/take all your money- But surely that never happens in cases of USC to USC marriages. They always divorce smoothly and there are never claims of false DV issues or legal battles.

[Jawaree 718]

Oh well...Another one bites the dust

they really should have a thread just with

warnings, how to sit up & take notice B4

bringing someone, how to do background

checks on your own if the person is playing

with a full deck...just too many of these

situations...talk about Border Security.

Dude try to get visitation with your kid & move on

[Justine+David 218]

I'm sorry about your troubles and hope you get primary custody of your son.

I guess what I don't understand is that we have a whole big topic about people applying to VAWA, which takes a LOT of time and hard to prove unless you have actual evidence like pictures, police involvement, arrests, etc etc. I see it can take a couple of years to get approved...so why is a situation like this with no actual evidence just put through with no issues?

OP, I know you're going through a lot, but please don't blanket all foreign spouses as you did. We are all human and we all deserve the benefit of the doubt and not have judgment based on our citizenship status or gender. I do think people who go to third world countries need to be very careful because there is so much fraud. When you only visit the person once or twice and get engaged after only a few months of knowing each other, I think it's a little crazy because of the problems that occur...we see it every day on this forum, unfortunately.

[SelinaWill 5]

Danger men! at VERY BEST you will be sitting on a ticking time-bomb when you obtain your foreign wife's/spousal visa. You will likely be held captive by her and she can control you with this.

Lol now that's pretty dramatic isn't it?? I'm sorry about the situation you are in but this one made me laugh and had to let the husband know right away cause yay I can control him, good to know lol (sorry had to say it)

[ahlibs 2]

I think if we can learn anything from this it is to get to know the person you're marrying before you marry them, or date them, or trust them at all. This is a very unfortunate situation, regardless.

[D N Medellin COL 75]

Time to remove the proverbial "Rose Colored Glasses" with relationships either the fiance is from US or another country, learn from lifes experience and know that you need to move on and you and life will move on after the dust settles with this current circumstances that you landed into. Been there and done that.

Sounds like you have a good attorney so just navigate through the legal system as best as you can and gain as much custody and involvement with the child. If you approach this with integrety it will all come clean in the wash. A comment I heard years ago when I decided to get into another relationship was "Pick wisely and treat right", but even best intentions well...........it takes two people to make a relationship work.

Prayers to you on this Thanksgiving Day.

[BatmanUSA 105]

Hmm interesting post... however your opening statement- visa situations to deal with the serious and common consequences of supporting your spouse or fiance in the US- and the concept that domestic violence allegations are primarily made by aliens against USCs. Nonsense. You run the risk in any relationship of hooking up with a nutcase or an abuser. Domestic violence does not discriminate. It can be a USC against a USC or an alien against a USC or vice versa. An alien can scam and abuse a USC just as easily as the other way around.

Youre basically saying be careful when you marry a foreigner because they may scam you/slap you with false DV/divorce you/take all your money- But surely that never happens in cases of USC to USC marriages. They always divorce smoothly and there are never claims of false DV issues or legal battles.

I agree...

This situation can happen just the same with a USC marriage...

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

It sounds like you've been taken for a ride and you have my sympathy, I hope you get visitation but seriously

"Danger men! at VERY BEST you will be sitting on a ticking time-bomb when you obtain your foreign wife's/spousal visa. You will likely be held captive by her and she can control you with this."

I know this wasn't meant to be funny but I nearly coughed up the tea I was drinking as I read it. There is no need to be so over dramatic or to tar all foreign wives with the same brush!

[lost_at_sea 995]

It sounds like you've been taken for a ride and you have my sympathy, I hope you get visitation but seriously

"Danger men! at VERY BEST you will be sitting on a ticking time-bomb when you obtain your foreign wife's/spousal visa. You will likely be held captive by her and she can control you with this."

I know this wasn't meant to be funny but I nearly coughed up the tea I was drinking as I read it. There is no need to be so over dramatic or to tar all foreign wives with the same brush!

I quite enjoy the idea that I'm a ticking time bomb. Should ensure he makes me tea every morning, just in case.

[Calicolom 266]

A lot of the problems are created by the person bringing the immigrant in to the country. Many people go internet shopping for a person they cant find in the U.S. To good looking, to skinny/ too fat, large age divergence, and so on. Many people also think, if they bring a foreign mate to the U.S. this person should be grateful, for the rest of their life, for having recued them from the terrible fate, of having to life the rest of their life in the country they grow up in and love.

Look into the mirror and be realistic.