African male culture...

[4theloveofhenry 8]

Right! My husband will say I am going to call you right back, "just right now" . I used to get anoid but now have come to realize "just right now" usually means 3 or more hours from "right now"

I thought this old thread has some real good discussions on adjustment advice and is sprinkled with humor here and there.

Maybe someone can get something out of it even though it is ancient.

Good thread

Yes, awesome thread. I'm reading some of the posts and i can't stop cracking up. I can relate so much. Being a Sierra Leonean myself isn't much help either, my fiance and I still have those "communication differences".

I agree, this is a great thread!

You know one of the things that drives me nuts about my SO's culture is that they are so laid back and take things as they come. Here's a perfect example... my SO lives with his family, well they are moving and he will be rooming with a friend of his. We know that the Embassy was/is planning on doing a home visit (feels like scan or something, lol) and it's stressing me out that he doesn't know the address to where his family will be moving to. I ask him about it a couple of times a day and he keeps saying his mom doesn't know yet. She's moving today and I want him to go to the Embassy in the morning to give them the new address info just in case they plan on visiting this week and he's determined to do it on Monday. GRRRRRRRRRRRR

We're actually a great contrast to each other because he can settle me down and I can try to inspire him to hurry the hell up, lol.

Maybe it's men in general and not a cultural thing. Time just doesn't really seem to be an issue over there from what I can tell

Girl, that ain't nothing but African Time. Booker used to (and still does ) live on Liberian Time. It's really frustrating to an #######, time-based American person. His relaxed behavior makes me very nervous at times. His cousin in Liberia asked us to make her some invitiations for her son's b-day party. I bugged my SO about those forever. He finally decided to Fedex them a week before the party and now they arrived there FOUR days before the party. I was so mad that he cut it that close. We worked too hard on those invitations to have them show up a. too late or b. only FOUR days before the party.

Oh I bet.... nervous is a good description. It doesn't make me angry, it just stresses me out!

And when they say they're on their way...... later that same day (like 3 hours later)! LOL

[totes 0]

Right! My husband will say I am going to call you right back, "just right now" . I used to get anoid but now have come to realize "just right now" usually means 3 or more hours from "right now"

I thought this old thread has some real good discussions on adjustment advice and is sprinkled with humor here and there.

Maybe someone can get something out of it even though it is ancient.

Good thread

Yes, awesome thread. I'm reading some of the posts and i can't stop cracking up. I can relate so much. Being a Sierra Leonean myself isn't much help either, my fiance and I still have those "communication differences".

I agree, this is a great thread!

You know one of the things that drives me nuts about my SO's culture is that they are so laid back and take things as they come. Here's a perfect example... my SO lives with his family, well they are moving and he will be rooming with a friend of his. We know that the Embassy was/is planning on doing a home visit (feels like scan or something, lol) and it's stressing me out that he doesn't know the address to where his family will be moving to. I ask him about it a couple of times a day and he keeps saying his mom doesn't know yet. She's moving today and I want him to go to the Embassy in the morning to give them the new address info just in case they plan on visiting this week and he's determined to do it on Monday. GRRRRRRRRRRRR

We're actually a great contrast to each other because he can settle me down and I can try to inspire him to hurry the hell up, lol.

Maybe it's men in general and not a cultural thing. Time just doesn't really seem to be an issue over there from what I can tell

Girl, that ain't nothing but African Time. Booker used to (and still does ) live on Liberian Time. It's really frustrating to an #######, time-based American person. His relaxed behavior makes me very nervous at times. His cousin in Liberia asked us to make her some invitiations for her son's b-day party. I bugged my SO about those forever. He finally decided to Fedex them a week before the party and now they arrived there FOUR days before the party. I was so mad that he cut it that close. We worked too hard on those invitations to have them show up a. too late or b. only FOUR days before the party.

Oh I bet.... nervous is a good description. It doesn't make me angry, it just stresses me out!

And when they say they're on their way...... later that same day (like 3 hours later)! LOL

I got annoyed in the beginning too because we are such "literal beings" lol and of course keepers of time (American's I mean). Once I went over there I quickly realized that everything is difficult and takes a long time to get around and do stuff. What an adjustment my baby will have when and IF he ever get's over here, lol.

[Perseverance 1]

This thread has so much good infomation.

I think that alot of people are not prepared for the adjustment period after they get here. All you think in your head is " YAY my baby is here and we are going to be together yada yada yada" * sunshine and rainbows * (come on you all thought\think that) And THEN.....

There is trouble at home. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, read and let all of this information sink in. I personally think the immigrating him here part was a breeze compared to the adjustment time. And dont think that this rocky road is going to last only a few weeks.... Hell NAW!! Things did not smooth out for us until after our first wedding anniversary. Believe me when I tell you what a wild ride that was. There were days that I did not know if we were going to make it. But we are commited to each other and we worked through it. Sometimes we took it one day at a time...sometimes one hour at a time. Neither one of us thought it was going to be so hard, I wish someone would have told me so I could have been prepared, when the shiznat hit the fan!! At least I could have moved out of the way and not been splattered so bad!!

Anyway if you are apart, take the time to get some books and read up on the culture. There are several books that have been mentioned in this forum that are full of good information, (*Omoba this is your que for the names of said books) lots of websites as well. Look for some groups that perhaps relate to your SO culture.

If you are together and he is here, take the time to get some books and read up on the culture. There are several books that have been mentioned in this forum that are full of good information, (*Omoba this is your que for the names of said books) lots of websites as well. Look for some groups that perhaps relate to your SO culture.

hee hee see my point. Arm yourselves with education so you have some idea where he is coming from. You will have a much easier time relating and understanding the differences.

You are going to need a truckload of patience. Please remember that once your SO is here, you are the link to teaching about our culture (gently teach gently) Some peoples SOs have never left thier home country so the shock may be pretty big.

(L)P

[Zee Bee 61]

Thanks for the insight P

[Ta Ta 1]

I guess I will bump the book thread B) B) B)

[Ta Ta 1]

Pete Agbo B) Loving the African male

William Fami Awodala Home Improvement Series

Here you have the books.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Thanks Heather. I have thought some about this and talked some with Bassi about it as well. We have to wait and see what it really is and what really happens, but we've both committed to go to our corners rather than duking it out. (Okay, I agreed to go to my corner cause I the arguer in the relationship) To be honest, I'm looking forward to the pain. I think once we make it through the wilderness our relationship will be stronger and ready to deal with the storms that brew outside of our relationship. We plan to share dentures.

[Zee Bee 61]

Thanks Heather. I have thought some about this and talked some with Bassi about it as well. We have to wait and see what it really is and what really happens, but we've both committed to go to our corners rather than duking it out. (Okay, I agreed to go to my corner cause I the arguer in the relationship) To be honest, I'm looking forward to the pain. I think once we make it through the wilderness our relationship will be stronger and ready to deal with the storms that brew outside of our relationship. We plan to share dentures.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Thanks Heather. I have thought some about this and talked some with Bassi about it as well. We have to wait and see what it really is and what really happens, but we've both committed to go to our corners rather than duking it out. (Okay, I agreed to go to my corner cause I the arguer in the relationship) To be honest, I'm looking forward to the pain. I think once we make it through the wilderness our relationship will be stronger and ready to deal with the storms that brew outside of our relationship. We plan to share dentures.

That's love gurl!

[LovinLiberia 0]

Zainab: Open wide, sweet Bassi.

Bassi: My mouth is open and ready, I love you, girl!

Edited June 19, 2008 by LovinLiberia

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Zaiab: Pucker up, sweet Bassi.

Bassi: My mouth is open and ready, I love you, girl!

STOP! I'm at work!

[Zee Bee 61]

LMAO!!!!

[Ta Ta 1]

Zainab: Open wide, sweet Bassi.

Bassi: My mouth is open and ready, I love you, girl!

Oh my gosh you guys are crazy, this is the best ! Show us some blending and merging girl...... this takes the cake !

First prize for the most compromising and well adjusted couple goes to ..........Bassi and Zainab.

Edited June 19, 2008 by Omoba

[Perseverance 1]

Zaiab: Pucker up, sweet Bassi.

Bassi: My mouth is open and ready, I love you, girl!

STOP! I'm at work!

OMG!!! I second that!!!

[JIM & A.D. 0]

Thanks Heather. I have thought some about this and talked some with Bassi about it as well. We have to wait and see what it really is and what really happens, but we've both committed to go to our corners rather than duking it out. (Okay, I agreed to go to my corner cause I the arguer in the relationship) To be honest, I'm looking forward to the pain. I think once we make it through the wilderness our relationship will be stronger and ready to deal with the storms that brew outside of our relationship. We plan to share dentures.

Hmmm, sharing dentures. That's some real bonding right there. I'll have to ask my sweety about that to see what he thinks.