African male culture...

[lovetolaugh 0]

Thats a good one. And you know, I actually understand what your saying . LOL

My opinion .... when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

[Perseverance 1]

My opinion .... when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

WOW that is great I like that...words to live by...

[akim oda 0]

I would love a copy of those lessons. You can email me at afroese1@mts.net. How did you get a copy to Kwabena or are you just using your copy. Thanks so much.

I have emailed you the lessons, I hope that you will find them very useful, although with the right man. Please, if I were you, I would turn the other way from this guy. Based on what you say, he does not sound interested. You can lead a horse to water, but you cant force him to drink.

I won't say much more about it because everyone else has given you great advice, Advice in which you really should listen to.

How I sent the lessons to Kwabena is, there were some of his family members going to Accra to attend a wedding and I printed them all and gave them to family to bring to him. Another way we send things there is, his moms boyfriend owns a shipping company, and we get big containers, load them full of things, it cost about 100 dollars and it takes about a month to arrive because it goes by boat. But its safe and nothing has been stolen. Also I have used Fed Ex and DHL to send important things, its very safe and have had no problems. Costs a lot but its worth it. Fed Ex is a little cheaper, maybe by 10 dollars.

Happy new year.

[chispas 0]

Wow, there's a lot of factors that you have to consider in your relationship:

1

Now, on the issue of Islam, my husband was drinking and socializing during the two years before he moved to the US. On our first date, we were out drinking and dancing into the night. Shortly after he moved to the US he decided to stop drinking. Trust me...he is no foreigner to the social life. I don't go out to clubs. I socialize with my friends at their houses or in restaurants and I invite him to go out with me.

I don't want to sound defensive, its just that I'm tired of feeling my entire relationship is supposed to revolve around one person.

Just out of curiosity, was there a special reason why your husband stopped "drinking and socializing" after arriving in the US?

chispas

[southernchic 0]

Wow, there's a lot of factors that you have to consider in your relationship:

1

Now, on the issue of Islam, my husband was drinking and socializing during the two years before he moved to the US. On our first date, we were out drinking and dancing into the night. Shortly after he moved to the US he decided to stop drinking. Trust me...he is no foreigner to the social life. I don't go out to clubs. I socialize with my friends at their houses or in restaurants and I invite him to go out with me.

I don't want to sound defensive, its just that I'm tired of feeling my entire relationship is supposed to revolve around one person.

Just out of curiosity, was there a special reason why your husband stopped "drinking and socializing" after arriving in the US?

chispas

He stopped drinking because he wants to be a more responsible person and a more serious person. He and his cousin were just telling me that a lot of people drop their "bad" habits before coming to America. His cousin also dropped drinking.

[chispas 0]

Wow, there's a lot of factors that you have to consider in your relationship:

1

Now, on the issue of Islam, my husband was drinking and socializing during the two years before he moved to the US. On our first date, we were out drinking and dancing into the night. Shortly after he moved to the US he decided to stop drinking. Trust me...he is no foreigner to the social life. I don't go out to clubs. I socialize with my friends at their houses or in restaurants and I invite him to go out with me.

I don't want to sound defensive, its just that I'm tired of feeling my entire relationship is supposed to revolve around one person.

Just out of curiosity, was there a special reason why your husband stopped "drinking and socializing" after arriving in the US?

chispas

He stopped drinking because he wants to be a more responsible person and a more serious person. He and his cousin were just telling me that a lot of people drop their "bad" habits before coming to America. His cousin also dropped drinking.

OK, I had not heard that one before. I like it.

chispas

[sweetee 0]

My opinion .... when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

WOW that is great I like that...words to live by...

Actually its a quote from Oprah Winfrey:

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."

Just thought I'd add my .02cents worth.

Sweetee

[Nkybaby 0]

Well I hope all is well...As a Nigerian-American engaged to a Nigerian...who lives in UK there are many differences however, I have a great relationship with his family...and with having lots of sisters it helps because they are women, so without me even mentioning certain things as a woman they talk to him freely and I just laugh to myself...

I guess it helps that I've been exposed to both worlds with a head start, so at times I automatically know when to turn into one of my personalities, which is all me I guess...but I just balance into the flow of things...and at times...I see with my upbringing...that one of my cultural personality can dominate the other cultural personality (HEHEHE!!!!)

But take it one day at a time...Take care and many bLessings...

Also in the DC Area...

[ForeverAmen 0]

My opinion .... when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

WOW that is great I like that...words to live by...

Actually its a quote from Oprah Winfrey:

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."

Just thought I'd add my .02cents worth.

Sweetee

I never heard Oprah say this, but personally I got it from Susan Taylor's (ESSENCE Magazine) book entitled "In The Spirit". Nevertheless, it is definitely words of wisdom to live by.

[Perseverance 1]

bump...does anyone have anything from the original post?

[Ta Ta 1]

I was just thinking about this old thread yesterday......LOL

Nothing else to add...he is still not here !

[GOLDEN.247 0]

What about the website information, do you still have any of that information? This was very interesting to read and some very important topics to think about and to discuss with your SO.

Thanks everyone for sharing!!!

My SO isn't here yet so I don't have anything to add, as of right now.

[Kelechi 0]

I have been reading all the posts from this thread. I have enjoyed it a lot. Since someone has mentioned something about premarital counseling, my pastor emailed me a couple months ago, about 22 lessons of premarital counseling for Kwabena and I. We have been doing them over the phone and after he gets here, we'll do some with the pastor. But these lessons are great, I could have never imagined talking about all these things before getting married. It has really given us the opportunity to grow and know each other better. It is better to discuss all these things before marriage, rather then after. If anyone wants the lessons, I can email them to you. Don't think they are only for before the marriage, because my pastor has been married many years and they have began to do the lessons too. Ok so anyone, if you will like to have them, send me your email, I believe you'll really enjoy.

Thank you for being so kind. I would like to introduce myself to you and everyone else here. My neme is Dorothy and I am engaged to a wonderful Nigerian man. I joined this site in January of this year and I have been coming on this forum reading for the longest but never really introduced myself. My fiance's name is Diony and we are doing the K-1 process which seems to be going pretty well so far. This thread has really helped me so much to understand that I need to get to know my soon to be husbands culture as well as him getting to know mine. I see that after this process we will go through several more processes including getting to know each other as husband and wife and putting together our cultures to make a happy home. I never thought about marriage counseling or precounseling. But now that you mention it this sounds like a very good thing to do. If you would e-mail me the lessons I would appreciate it so very much. My e-mail address is dottkayyparnell@sbcglobal.net and you can send it there. I will also get with a counselor before Diony comes and set up some counseling after he comes.

Now getting to the original question I can see how there will be differences and challenges in our marriage. We are going to have to get over many things such as understand each others accents, religion (he is Catholic and I am Protestant), food, and many other things. As time goes on I will be posting some of our good times and some of our bad. Take care everyone and may God bless you on the rest of your journey.

[randolady 1]

I've been surprised to find that Ombeni and I don't really have that many cultural differences. He's more materialistic than I expected, he respects women, and he isn't homophobic. Our biggest problem is when I get upset about something and can't explain it perfectly to him, but he's good about remaining calm and patient.

[Queen Jenn 0]

I've been surprised to find that Ombeni and I don't really have that many cultural differences. He's more materialistic than I expected, he respects women, and he isn't homophobic. Our biggest problem is when I get upset about something and can't explain it perfectly to him, but he's good about remaining calm and patient.

Same here - Gbenga and I don't have that many cultural differences. I think being the same religion helps that some. But anyway, the only thing I've had to get used to is that sometimes when something is bothering him, he doesn't want to discuss it right away. And it's taken him quite awhile to open up to me about certain things. He's a very private person. I, on the other hand, am very open and expressive. I will tell you anything you want to know and I like to talk about things that bother me and get them out and over with. This difference hasn't really caused any problems, we've just had to get used to they way we both handle things that bother us. He's very good at listening to me when I need to "vent." And I'm getting better at waiting until he is ready to talk.