Concered About Establishing a Genuine Relationship

[Al422 221]

I have been reading threads about denials from Manila for lack of genuine relationship, and I ask advice on how to avoid pitfalls.

I have lots of photos of us together, phone records, Skype records, Yahoo Messenger records (we chat once or twice each day as our respective employment allows), visa stamps, boarding passes, etc.

But the big weak point is that we only met once in person. There is a real reason for that, and that reason is my health. I have cancer and simply cannot go there a second time. The first time I went took such a toll on my health that I was in pain most of the time and in agony by the time I got back to New York. I look fine in the photos because I just sucked it in and did what I had to do. I explained all of that in the I-129(f) submission, including records from my oncologist documenting the miserable condition I was in when he examined me shorty after my return to New York. I will supply Candy with those records for use in Manila, of course.

The second weak point is that this is my third I-129(f). I submitted the application for the waiver of course. Neither of the first two failures resulted in any sort of visa, nor were either one my fault, as my ex fiances broke both of them off..

Will they worry that I will not be able to support her because of the cancer? I have plenty of income, several times the threshold for support, and a secure job that pays a fixed salary, so I dont lose money when I go for medical treatment. I also have good medical insurance that pays for all this stuff. My employer is willing to state in writing that my cancer is not threatening my job security.

What sort of questions can Candy expect as a result of these weak points?

When I was in the Philippines, we stayed at her parents' house, and they threw us a huge engagment party. I mean huge, to the tune of 300 people and at a cost of over $1000.00 I thought about affidavits from her parents about the party and about how they witnessed the genuine love we have for each other. Is this a good idea? I figured the strong family oriented society of the Filipino people would give her parents good creditibilty; hence the value of the good word from them. I have pictures of the party as well.

Any other advice? I thank all of you in advance.

[notusinganymore 31]

I have been reading threads about denials from Manila for lack of genuine relationship, and I ask advice on how to avoid pitfalls.

I have lots of photos of us together, phone records, Skype records, Yahoo Messenger records (we chat once or twice each day as our respective employment allows), visa stamps, boarding passes, etc.

But the big weak point is that we only met once in person. There is a real reason for that, and that reason is my health. I have cancer and simply cannot go there a second time. The first time I went took such a toll on my health that I was in pain most of the time and in agony by the time I got back to New York. I look fine in the photos because I just sucked it in and did what I had to do. I explained all of that in the I-129(f) submission, including records from my oncologist documenting the miserable condition I was in when he examined me shorty after my return to New York. I will supply Candy with those records for use in Manila, of course.

The second weak point is that this is my third I-129(f). I submitted the application for the waiver of course. Neither of the first two failures resulted in any sort of visa, nor were either one my fault, as my ex fiances broke both of them off..

Will they worry that I will not be able to support her because of the cancer? I have plenty of income, several times the threshold for support, and a secure job that pays a fixed salary, so I dont lose money when I go for medical treatment. I also have good medical insurance that pays for all this stuff. My employer is willing to state in writing that my cancer is not threatening my job security.

What sort of questions can Candy expect as a result of these weak points?

When I was in the Philippines, we stayed at her parents' house, and they threw us a huge engagment party. I mean huge, to the tune of 300 people and at a cost of over $1000.00 I thought about affidavits from her parents about the party and about how they witnessed the genuine love we have for each other. Is this a good idea? I figured the strong family oriented society of the Filipino people would give her parents good creditibilty; hence the value of the good word from them. I have pictures of the party as well.

Any other advice? I thank all of you in advance.

There may be some red flags as you have stated as that of the multiple I-129f but then as you said none resulted to approved visas which is good. Just make sure that you have cancelled everything as it may cause a delay if another petition is still going.

You should include photos of the engagement party. We had an engagement party and we spent $3000 for only 60 people or less and it was a combination of the beneficiary and petitioner's money. What I want to point out is that the amount you spend for a party does not hold much water. It is what they see in the picture. A variation of people and places in each photo would be good nonetheless. Pictures not just from the party but like with normal days when you were there. Pictures that tell a story

Employment wise as long as you can provide your 1040, employment letter, and other financial proof then you will be good.

At the very end, how the beneficiary answers is the determining factor. How confident she is and how knowledgeable she is about you. Since you have stated that you have cancer and is actually in pain then they might ask about that from her. Like what type of cancer or when you were diagnosed and especially they might ask why would she want to marry someone who has cancer. I'm just being honest and I hope that this helps you but that question is something to think about because there might be a point (God forbid it happens) that you will fall very ill. The consul might gauge her honesty, fidelity, and loyalty through that question.

There are some people who are denied for the reason that the beneficiary is so shy to a point that they have difficulty with expressing their true emotion when asked by the consul which would appear as if they are hesitating and not yet fully committed with the relationship.

The visa is something that is to overcome. Not an easy thing with just paperwork to fill-up but rather a test of how ready you are for the change in relationship, environment, and how far you see each other being together. As much as possible the consul would not want anyone to get hurt in the process so both parties need to have a certain level of knowledge about each other and they need to have plans also for the future and not just the now.

If you were willing to go through the pain of CA just to be with her then with the interview it is her time to be tested. It might actually end faster than you thought. True love perseveres. Just go for it. As I see it you will be fine

Edited November 22, 2013 by emmandenn

[Al422 221]

Thanks for the very helpful advice. I don't think Candy will be shy and unresponsive as she has already been through several visa interviews for her various OFW work positions and is quite the veteran at doing that. But I will prepare her for being frank on some personal questions.

I asked her, outside the visa context, why she wants someone who could get sicker and possibly die on her in the next 15 to 20 years. Her respponse was that she loves me and wants to take care of me just as much as I want to take care of her. By the way, I am 56, so if I make it 20 more years I did not do too bad anyway..

I will make sure she has all the facts at her disposal, as I read the consul reviews all the time to see what other ladies are being asked. As for the cancer, she takes an active role in my treatment. We discuss what happens at the doctor's office and what he says every time I go there, and she asks every day about side effects from the chemo and other meds.

Incidentally her current OFW job is a domestic for some rich people in Hong Kong, so living in my humble home will not be an upgrade in living conditions from what she has now. If anything, leaving the luxury Hong Kong high rise she is in now will be a downgrade.

[Hank_ 9,174]

I have been reading threads about denials from Manila for lack of genuine relationship, and I ask advice on how to avoid pitfalls.

I have lots of photos of us together, phone records, Skype records, Yahoo Messenger records (we chat once or twice each day as our respective employment allows), visa stamps, boarding passes, etc.

But the big weak point is that we only met once in person. There is a real reason for that, and that reason is my health. I have cancer and simply cannot go there a second time. The first time I went took such a toll on my health that I was in pain most of the time and in agony by the time I got back to New York. I look fine in the photos because I just sucked it in and did what I had to do. I explained all of that in the I-129(f) submission, including records from my oncologist documenting the miserable condition I was in when he examined me shorty after my return to New York. I will supply Candy with those records for use in Manila, of course.

The second weak point is that this is my third I-129(f). I submitted the application for the waiver of course. Neither of the first two failures resulted in any sort of visa, nor were either one my fault, as my ex fiances broke both of them off..

Will they worry that I will not be able to support her because of the cancer? I have plenty of income, several times the threshold for support, and a secure job that pays a fixed salary, so I dont lose money when I go for medical treatment. I also have good medical insurance that pays for all this stuff. My employer is willing to state in writing that my cancer is not threatening my job security.

What sort of questions can Candy expect as a result of these weak points?

When I was in the Philippines, we stayed at her parents' house, and they threw us a huge engagment party. I mean huge, to the tune of 300 people and at a cost of over $1000.00 I thought about affidavits from her parents about the party and about how they witnessed the genuine love we have for each other. Is this a good idea? I figured the strong family oriented society of the Filipino people would give her parents good creditibilty; hence the value of the good word from them. I have pictures of the party as well.

Any other advice? I thank all of you in advance.

Biggest thing, and I do mean BIG, is that your fiancee knows you, all about you, and that when she is being interview she smiles, is self-assured and looks the CO in the eyes when she answers all the questions.

Many who go through this process in Manila have only met once, but the CO wants to know how well your fiancee really knows you. They really want to know the relationship is genuine.

They may look at a sampling of chat logs, emails and phone records, but they are not going to "read a book" so just a sampling. They will want to see pictures of you two together, and with family would be very good.

They may actually ask her about the past "K-1 adventures" you had, so it would be good for her to have the answers.

As for income (most recent tax return & W-2), as lone as your income meets or exceeds the I-864P requirements you are good to go.

Your medical records are not needed or required for the visa interview. For that I would let sleeping dog lay.

I wouldn't be concerned with affidavits either. The embassy wants to know that YOU and YOUR FIANCEE know each other... as a couple would know each other.

You not being there is not a big issue for the interview, truly not necessary with Manila.

[Al422 221]

Thank you too for your helpful advice. I can't be there because of my health, as it is just not possible. Candy will have my medical reports, but I will instruct her to not volunteer them but just use them as backup if the cancer becomes an issue.

I will arm her with as much knowledge as possible. We still have time as we don't even have the NOA2 yet, so I have plenty of time to get ideas and read more consulate reviews.

You really don't think affidavit from Mom is of any use? I figured the strong family ties of their culture would make the good word from Mom a plus.

Yes I have pics of us as well as pics of the party that Mom threw us, showing all the people who were there. Candy will surely have them when she goes there.

Candy assured me in chat this morning that she will not be the least bit intimidated by a consular officer, as she has dealt personally with much higher govt officials in the past. She is a smart lady who knows her way around consulates and can think on her feet just fine.

Thanks again for your advice.

[baron555 934]

I have been reading threads about denials from Manila for lack of genuine relationship, and I ask advice on how to avoid pitfalls.

I have lots of photos of us together, phone records, Skype records, Yahoo Messenger records (we chat once or twice each day as our respective employment allows), visa stamps, boarding passes, etc.

Those in themselves do not establish a relationship. It is the content and quality of the evidences, when all put together, should be able to convince a total stranger, the Embassy CO, that you have a real relationship and desire to marry and stay that way.

But the big weak point is that we only met once in person.

My wife and I only met once.

The second weak point is that this is my third I-129(f). I submitted the application for the waiver of course. Neither of the first two failures resulted in any sort of visa, nor were either one my fault, as my ex fiances broke both of them off..

Shouldn't be an issue.

Will they worry that I will not be able to support her because of the cancer? I have plenty of income,

That's all you need.

What sort of questions can Candy expect as a result of these weak points?

Questions regarding the other petitions, for sure. If you keep harping on your medical issues, that in itself could lead someone to think that you are just buying a caretaker or that they believe that you will be passing soon and just glombing onto your fortune.

When I was in the Philippines, we stayed at her parents' house, and they threw us a huge engagment party. I mean huge, to the tune of 300 people and at a cost of over $1000.00 I thought about affidavits from her parents about the party and about how they witnessed the genuine love we have for each other. Is this a good idea? I figured the strong family oriented society of the Filipino people would give her parents good creditibilty; hence the value of the good word from them. I have pictures of the party as well.

Says nothing to the content and itnentions of your relationship. It's part of the story but you must tell that yourselves.

Any other advice? I thank all of you in advance.

It's OK to purposefully generate different kinds of evidences. Remember, it's the content that is important.

[notusinganymore 31]

Thanks for the very helpful advice. I don't think Candy will be shy and unresponsive as she has already been through several visa interviews for her various OFW work positions and is quite the veteran at doing that. But I will prepare her for being frank on some personal questions.

I asked her, outside the visa context, why she wants someone who could get sicker and possibly die on her in the next 15 to 20 years. Her respponse was that she loves me and wants to take care of me just as much as I want to take care of her. By the way, I am 56, so if I make it 20 more years I did not do too bad anyway..

I will make sure she has all the facts at her disposal, as I read the consul reviews all the time to see what other ladies are being asked. As for the cancer, she takes an active role in my treatment. We discuss what happens at the doctor's office and what he says every time I go there, and she asks every day about side effects from the chemo and other meds.

Incidentally her current OFW job is a domestic for some rich people in Hong Kong, so living in my humble home will not be an upgrade in living conditions from what she has now. If anything, leaving the luxury Hong Kong high rise she is in now will be a downgrade.

If that was the case then she would be good. Just don't be lax just because she has had former experience with immigration. It was a job to take care of rich, old people and this time it is for you. Try to not make it look as if she is there to solely take care of you because it is her job. Try not to volunteer facts but be prepared to answer them.

Good luck with the petition and I hope you get approval soon Take care of your health also.

Edited November 22, 2013 by emmandenn