Divorce and VAWA

[Dewave2 17]

Hi everyone

It's been a while since I last posted, so I figured I would jump straight back in. Forgive me if I miss any details!

It's been around 9 months since my USC wife and I separated. My reasons for never returning to the marriage are all abuse related. However, it was her that broke off the marriage, the day after our interview notice was sent for my adjustment via I-130 (During the months of abuse, something she always threatened to do was to kick me out the day the interview was set, so that I would never get my conditional green card, and would get deported as soon as she reported me). Its been a tough year this year, as I was left the day after with absolutely nothing, no money, no phone, no place of residence, no job, nothing. Things are starting to fall into place a little, and I have a little more security now, which has now put me in a position to finally be able to successfully submit my VAWA application. I started doing my research a couple of weeks ago, as I will be filing for myself (Can't afford a lawyer in any capacity right now) and this week I started gathering all of the evidence I need.

As all good cases of timing go, today I received a phone call. I didn't know the number, but this time I picked up (I've spent the last year hiding my phone number as best possible, and not picking up unknown calls) - and it was a lawyer who started the following:

'Hi, I've been trying to reach you for quite some time. I represent your wife who wishes to file for divorce, I need to serve you with the papers'. My immediate response was questioning him about how he got my number (Since the abuse, I've become very guarded and private, and I give out my details to almost no body), he however said he was not at liberty to say. He asked for my address, to which I declined, and he said I would therefore have to come in and get the papers.

I have a few questions surrounding the possibility of a divorce coinciding with my VAWA application, so I was hopefully looking for advice, especially from anyone that may have been through similar.

1. Does anyone know how he may have got my number? Are there any legal issues around the gaining of my number at all? Is there anyway I would be able to find out how they got my number?

2. Since the abuse, I've become extremely guarded, and I have a hard time trusting anyone at all. Is there anyway to protect myself in this instance. For example, if I'm picking up the papers, he has asked me call him before hand. I have no idea how far my wife is willing to continue to try and punish me, so I have no idea what she has told friends and family. I obviously don't want to get there, and for any reason the police, friends, family or even her be there! This thought terrifies me. (A lot of her family work in the legal field, so I know this lawyer will be tied to the family in some manner).

3. The divorce. I understand the basics of Vawa with a divorce, and I can file for VAWA even with a divorce, as long as I'm filing within two years after the divorce. Am I right in thinking however, the process is much more straight forward if you are still married?

4. If I file for VAWA and we're still married, but then we get divorced shortly after, what is the process with UCSIS? Do I then have to update them?

5. I am unfamiliar with divorce as a whole. This will be my first, and hopefully last. I heard from a friend of a friend of a friend that my ex had claimed I had cheated on her (which I hadn't), which is what become her excuse for her leaving me, and that she was trying to use this to annul the marriage. I'm guessing this was unsuccessful if she is now filing for divorce, is this correct? If she continues through with the cheating aspect, does this get noted on divorce papers? Is there a box to tick under reasons, that states cheating? Obviously this isn't true and I wouldn't sign this, but without a lawyer, I need to be as careful as possible, as I don't want to mis-sign anything, and then it show up on my VAWA paperwork that I admitted to cheating on her (which I don't!).

6. Is it more advisable for me to file for divorce over my wife? Since we split I honestly haven't thought about it, I knew it would happen one day but I was more concerned with getting myself back on my feet!

7. Is it advisable to submit my VAWA paperwork, before moving forward with anything divorce proceedings? If so, what legal stance to I have, in not signing or receiving the divorce papers until this has been submitted?

I'm sorry for the long post, and I'm really sorry if something doesn't make sense! I'm just looking for advice and help, as I'm filing for myself, I need to triple check every last little fact before proceeding!

Thanks again all! I hope everyone is doing ok, and most importantly, is safe and well!

[TBoneTX 45,309]

Glad that you came back with your update. Glad that things are somewhat better for you.

I'd do two things:

1) Get every bit of pro bono legal help that you can (via Catholic Charities, legal-aid groups, et al.) before getting too deeply into whatever's coming next, or before proceeding at all. Get guidance from a family/divorce attorney and from an immigration attorney. I recommend copying the link to your thread and sending it in a PM to the VJ member "sandranj" (she's an attorney who frequents this forum and might even happen along first).

2) Take at least one respectable witness with you if you go to see her lawyer. Everything that transpires should be documented in exhaustive detail immediately after any meeting.

She/he who files for divorce controls the pace of the game, and perhaps the game itself. Keep this foremost in your mind at all times.

[hopeful12 1]

Look up any domestic violence organizations that you have in your area. They have programs to help you with legal things like divorce and order of protection (if you need any). Also, once divorce is filed by one party, it can't be re-filed by another one. It can only be filed once, either by you or your spouse. As I said, contact a DV center, they have pro-bono lawyers who will help you do the divorce papers for free or a small fee. Talk to them about your safety concerns and they will help you or at least give an idea of how to act in your situation.

[hopeful12 1]

Don't go to see her or her lawyer alone, take a witness with you and better talk to a DV advocate first if possible.

[Brian1967## 119]

Op if you feel do not feel comfortable picking up the paperwork ask the lawyer to have them delivered by the police or a third party service company to a address of a friend not your permanent address. (stay safe) Do not disclose to the lawyer your home address for the best thing is to get a post office box for all paperwork for divorce (for security reasons) do not rent from a place that is around the corner form where you live Also to answer some of your questions

1) how did he get your number, I can find your number on the internet easy just need your name, if your ex is that crazy she can just follow one of your friends, maybe the lawyer id someone some money for the number, I mean there are tons of ways and for a family attorney to employ the services of a private investigator is not out of the norm.

2) Call the lawyer back from a pay phone if you can find one give him a address of a third party that you can meet the service company at, you do not have to go in to her attorney's office there are third party service company's that do this. Once again find address, meet at a Starbucks in public and give the lawyer the PO box to mail things. When you leave change buses no less than three times before you get there and when you are on your way home use three taxis if needed, you want a funny one tell the third party service company or her lawyer you will be out in front of the police station at a set time and you will wait for 20 mins then leave.

3) I always tell people if you are married yes you can file VAWA if you are still married send the divorce paperwork in with the I360, if you have green card already (sounds like you do) then you file a different way

4) Yes update, them they may ask for final divorce decree and then provide it at that time, please note decree should be a certified copy from the courthouse (they will stamp it)

5) In California there is a wait period before divorce can become final and if you do not work your USC may have to pay you alimony, also check at your local courthouse there are advocates that will help you through this whole process and the service is free. California is a community property state and you split the belongings purchased during the marriage and half the bills.

6)No it does not matter who files for divorce in the eyes of USCIS, thus to prevent the race to the courthouse.

7) consult a lawyer on this point.

Be safe

[Hypnos 6,576]

Your wife or even the attorney themselves may have hired a PI to find you.

All of the advice above is solid.

Edited November 25, 2013 by Hypnos