Father refuses to allow child to leave country

[dwheels76 5,468]

I am asking for a friend. If she has custody of her child but father (they are both Nigerians) refuses to sign any document allowing child to leave country what can she do? Does the embassy require a notarized or signed document from the parent?

Since she is the mother will a DNA test be required also. (USC is not the father)

[nigerwife 17]

Can you clarify if she has custody in the US or in Nigeria? I ask because it is customary in Nigeria for children to stay with the father or his family when a marriage dissolves because Nigerian custom is that the children are members of the father's family rather than the mother's. So it would be an exception for a Nigerian mother, living in Nigeria, to have legal custody without the father's express consent.

And from where and to where is she trying to travel?

[dwheels76 5,468]

Can you clarify if she has custody in the US or in Nigeria? I ask because it is customary in Nigeria for children to stay with the father or his family when a marriage dissolves because Nigerian custom is that the children are members of the father's family rather than the mother's. So it would be an exception for a Nigerian mother, living in Nigeria, to have legal custody without the father's express consent.

And from where and to where is she trying to travel?

She is in nigeria and her and the father never married. She is now married to a US citizen being petitioned her and child.

I-130 filed Nigeria to US.

[nigerwife 17]

This is a complicated issue...here are my thoughts and some feedback from my Nigerian husband....

Unless she has gone to some court and/or has an affidavidt stating that she has custody, then by normal Nigerian cultural standards (which the US Consulate will consider), she doesn't have custody in the same way that we consider legal custody here in the US. There is no "family court" in Nigeria, as these matters are typically handled in the traditional manner rather than via the court system as we do here.

I am the USC in our situation, and my husband was previously in a traditional Nigerian marriage which produced two children. We petitioned for the younger of his children to come with him immediately, with the older to follow later due to schooling. Even though my husband had physical and traditional custody--and provided 100% of financial support for his children, we had to have a local court statement signed by thier mother that she was aware of, and support of, their moving to the US with their father. This was presented to the US Consolute during the interview and there was no issue nor a request for DNA testing. We also provided school records and proof that we paid their school fees, etc. to show financial responsibility.

We did, however, run into a snag with proving his first "marriage" was no longer valid and were given a 221g at his first interview. This is because we assumed his marriage was not "legal" by American standards because they did not get married at the registry or church and there is no physical record of his traditional marriage anywhere. In fact, there was never any ceremony of any kind but rather only a dowry paid. This wasn't good enough for the fine folks in Lagos, so we had to get a court document certifying that the marriage (which wasn't on record anywhere in the first place) no longer existed. My point being, if the father has paid any dowry or "settlement" of any kind to the mother or her family, they may be considered married in the eyes of the US Consulate.

I spoke with my husband and he suggests that the mother try to appeal to someone other than the father (trusted uncle, friend, pastor, etc.) that can appeal to his sensibilities and do what is in the best interest of the child. This is how it would be traditionally handled and may produce better results. If the child is not allowed to come with the mother, is the father financially and emotionally prepared to take over care of the child? As that may be the only alternative--unless they opt to live in Nigeria rather than the US.

Of course--Lagos being Lagos--she could totally sail through the whole process without any questions asked! But I wouldn't take that risk with my child.

[dwheels76 5,468]

This is a complicated issue...here are my thoughts and some feedback from my Nigerian husband....

Unless she has gone to some court and/or has an affidavidt stating that she has custody, then by normal Nigerian cultural standards (which the US Consulate will consider), she doesn't have custody in the same way that we consider legal custody here in the US. There is no "family court" in Nigeria, as these matters are typically handled in the traditional manner rather than via the court system as we do here.

I am the USC in our situation, and my husband was previously in a traditional Nigerian marriage which produced two children. We petitioned for the younger of his children to come with him immediately, with the older to follow later due to schooling. Even though my husband had physical and traditional custody--and provided 100% of financial support for his children, we had to have a local court statement signed by thier mother that she was aware of, and support of, their moving to the US with their father. This was presented to the US Consolute during the interview and there was no issue nor a request for DNA testing. We also provided school records and proof that we paid their school fees, etc. to show financial responsibility.

We did, however, run into a snag with proving his first "marriage" was no longer valid and were given a 221g at his first interview. This is because we assumed his marriage was not "legal" by American standards because they did not get married at the registry or church and there is no physical record of his traditional marriage anywhere. In fact, there was never any ceremony of any kind but rather only a dowry paid. This wasn't good enough for the fine folks in Lagos, so we had to get a court document certifying that the marriage (which wasn't on record anywhere in the first place) no longer existed. My point being, if the father has paid any dowry or "settlement" of any kind to the mother or her family, they may be considered married in the eyes of the US Consulate.

I spoke with my husband and he suggests that the mother try to appeal to someone other than the father (trusted uncle, friend, pastor, etc.) that can appeal to his sensibilities and do what is in the best interest of the child. This is how it would be traditionally handled and may produce better results. If the child is not allowed to come with the mother, is the father financially and emotionally prepared to take over care of the child? As that may be the only alternative--unless they opt to live in Nigeria rather than the US.

Of course--Lagos being Lagos--she could totally sail through the whole process without any questions asked! But I wouldn't take that risk with my child.

Thank you so much for the through answer and thank you husband please for me. I kind of thought it was like that but wasn't sure. And you right with the traditional if it even is close to traditional Yikes is right. And WOW dad didn't need a DNA thats awesome.

Okay I will relay the information. Thank you again.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

By Nigerian standards the father owns the children ( remember we are dealing with a country where a woman needed permission from her hubby for a passport and travel ) There is little hope on getting the children to the US if the father doesn't want them to go and his family will want to make sure the children ( especially boys ) are raised to carry on the family line. As for the fact the father may end up with the children, they would be raised somewhere in the family. Very often when a Nigerian marriage breaks apart the wife is given different lodging in the ex's compound and will live there separately until the children reach adulthood and at that point it is up to any male child if the mother is given continued residence there. Any time children are involved it is almost always unfair to the children to be ripped away from half their family just due to the selfish desire of one of the parents to run off with someone.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

By Nigerian standards the father owns the children ( remember we are dealing with a country where a woman needed permission from her hubby for a passport and travel ) There is little hope on getting the children to the US if the father doesn't want them to go and his family will want to make sure the children ( especially boys ) are raised to carry on the family line. As for the fact the father may end up with the children, they would be raised somewhere in the family. Very often when a Nigerian marriage breaks apart the wife is given different lodging in the ex's compound and will live there separately until the children reach adulthood and at that point it is up to any male child if the mother is given continued residence there. Any time children are involved it is almost always unfair to the children to be ripped away from half their family just due to the selfish desire of one of the parents to run off with someone.

Key words as this does not occur in my tribe at least but I do agree with the second part. Depending on the family situation the best interest of the child may actually be living in Nigeria and supported by the other parent from the US.

But I digress. Again.