To all VJ ladies! Have you opted to NOT change your last name?

[hobbit 10]

Hi everyone,

I have actually not broached this topic at all with my fiancé, precisely because this is not up for negotiation. I know his ex-wife took on his name when they married, and his sister has the name of her husband too, so I am not sure if he would just assume I will as well. I am keeping my name anyway, and have been researching on the topic online and within this forum.

There has been so many threads about getting a name change, but not many about women who are keepers of their own family name. What are your reasons? Did you face any judgement from well-meaning friends and family? Please share, I would love to hear from you!

Hobbit

[TeaCup 65]

Hi, Hobbit!

Although I do plan to change my name, I have not done so yet. I was married last year to my husband. I am the beneficiary. My parents weren't too happy that I did not take my husbands name right away, they just though it was 'weird'. Also, my husband's mother still calls me by my husbands name, any letters, emails etc we receive they are 'Mr & Mrs Teacup' and also, my husbands father re-married this year and at the wedding they had my seat name down as my husbands. People just assumed I took his name. I don't have any problem with it really, I just think it's odd people assume. I don't have any particular reason as to why I haven't done it yet, I work alot and just didn't feel like going all the way into the city just to tell them I'm changing my name.

I plan on changing it before we make the move to America so that all of my US docs are in my new name.

[JohnR! 5,495]

There is an option... In some states both parties can change their last names to a combination or hyphenation of their last names.

So if Rossi marries Schmidt both can change their last names to Rossi-Schmidt or Schmidt-Rossi, whichever the case. This is a win-win, IMHO.

[hobbit 10]

@Gegel: I think your suggestion is indeed a win-win, and equalizes the paperwork for both parties.

@TeaCup: My fiancé is actually Irish-American on his mom's side! Although his last name from his dad is of Eastern European origins. So, did your husband's new wife change her name then?

My fiancé and I are at different stages of our lives- he's planning for retirement in a few years, while I have not entered academia where publications go by last names. I think it would be much easier for me to keep my name so as to ensure continuity in my personal and professional identity.

There's also the inner feminist in me which just dreads the thought of following an outdated convention.

Edited November 12, 2013 by hobbit

[TeaCup 65]

@TeaCup: My fiancé is actually Irish-American on his mom's side! Although his last name from his dad is of Eastern European origins. So, did your husband's new wife change her name then?

My fiancé and I are at different stages of our lives- he's planning for retirement in a few years, while I have not entered academia where publications go by last names. I think it would be much easier for me to keep my name so as to ensure continuity in my personal and professional identity.

There's also the inner feminist in me which just dreads the thought of following an outdated convention.

If you mean my Father-in-laws new wife, yes she did change her name almost immediately.

I am thinking about double-barreling my name too.

[noahsmama 6]

@Gegel: I think your suggestion is indeed a win-win, and equalizes the paperwork for both parties.

@TeaCup: My fiancé is actually Irish-American on his mom's side! Although his last name from his dad is of Eastern European origins. So, did your husband's new wife change her name then?

My fiancé and I are at different stages of our lives- he's planning for retirement in a few years, while I have not entered academia where publications go by last names. I think it would be much easier for me to keep my name so as to ensure continuity in my personal and professional identity.

There's also the inner feminist in me which just dreads the thought of following an outdated convention.

You need to do what feels right for you. If you don't want to right now, its okay. do it anytime. No rush. He shouldn't be pushing you either.

[hobbit 10]

@ TeaCup: Will your husband double-barrel his name too?

@noahsmama: I am afraid he might be taken aback by my decision, but I stand by what I said. I will include him in the dedication page on future theses, but I want my degrees to reflect my name as it is on my Bachelor's scroll and transcript.

Edited November 12, 2013 by hobbit

[TeaCup 65]

@ Hobbit.

My husband most likely will not double-barrel his.

I want to keep my fathers name in my family and so if we were to ever have children on our own, they would have both names also.

[hobbit 10]

@ TeaCup: That's more fair in my opinion. Do a lot of women in Ireland switch to their married names? Where I'm from, names are inherited in a patrilineal fashion (children will take on father's surname) but married women tend to keep their last names. There was only one teacher in my school who went by Mrs.(Husband's full name).

[TeaCup 65]

@ TeaCup: That's more fair in my opinion. Do a lot of women in Ireland switch to their married names? Where I'm from, names are inherited in a patrilineal fashion (children will take on father's surname) but married women tend to keep their last names. There was only one teacher in my school who went by Mrs.(Husband's full name).

Yes, most women take their husbands name, I guess most people feel ''it's just what you do'' but getting married in Ireland has become less common to be honest - Alot of people here feel it will hurt them in terms of tax, employment etc. and in alot of cases it does.

My sister is with her boyfriend 14 years they have 2 kids yet no desire to get married.

[hobbit 10]

@ TeaCup: That does sound like the trend! Hey, which county are you from? My fiancé's grandmother was from Cork! It's interesting you mentioned taxes, my fiancé says he can't wait to claim me as a 'dependent' I agree with you that people tend to just go with the flow and would be surprised otherwise. My fiancé's parents are deceased, and his only family nearby is his sis and brother-in-law. Haven't made any friends here, and my partner doesn't socialize all that much either. So that helps! I am just concerned about the AOS interviewer, since there is also a significant age difference between us. I wouldn't want anyone to question our commitment just because we have different names

[christeen 966]

In Italy it is not uncommon for women to keep their maiden (family ) name so I never gave much thought to it... I am a photographer and my professional reputation and company name IS my name so I never changed it... Plus i love my last name, it is my identity... It was never an issue... Plus, to be honest, I just did not want to go through all the BS to change everything...

I Guess I figured what I call yourself doesn't matter and doesn't change my relationship with my husband... I've been asked "why" only a few times and I just answer "because... that is what works for us" .. It never really dawned on me anyone would have an issue with that or be upset... You have your identity and should be able to keep that if that is what you professionally or personally want to do...

[TeaCup 65]

@ TeaCup: That does sound like the trend! Hey, which county are you from? My fiancé's grandmother was from Cork! It's interesting you mentioned taxes, my fiancé says he can't wait to claim me as a 'dependent' I agree with you that people tend to just go with the flow and would be surprised otherwise. My fiancé's parents are deceased, and his only family nearby is his sis and brother-in-law. Haven't made any friends here, and my partner doesn't socialize all that much either. So that helps! I am just concerned about the AOS interviewer, since there is also a significant age difference between us. I wouldn't want anyone to question our commitment just because we have different names

I am from Dublin!

Cork is in the west south whereas Dublin is on the eastcoast. Does your partner have dual citizenship? My husband is here on a temporary visa so we're hoping we get my visa before his runs out in September! not likely though

I'm afraid of not being able to make friends (other than work friends as long as I can get a job!)

we are applying for the IR-1/CR-1 visa so I don't think I have to do AOS. Although I am very nervous about the interviews in general, my husband is 7 years older than me. We are both still young though, but hopefully they don't call our relationships or commitment into question because of these minor things!! I wish you all the best with your interview! Stay positive!

[OnMyWayID 1,489]

There has been so many threads about getting a name change, but not many about women who are keepers of their own family name. What are your reasons? Did you face any judgement from well-meaning friends and family? Please share, I would love to hear from you!

My wife did not change her name.. Mainly because we were married in Colombia and why do something that could complicate the visa paperwork? It has never been an issue with new documents (drivers license, green card, health insurance, etc) and friends/family have not so much as batted an eye - pretty much zero reaction across the board. There was no benefit for the work required to make the change. If we were to have children a discussion would be needed on how to handle the names.

[NikLR 13,227]

Saylin never changed her name.