Racism???

[BethAnn and Omar 42]

Ok wait a minute. Racism can happen across all races or ethnicities. I get it all the time when I'min kJamaica as a white woman with a black husband. So to say that only people of color experience this is simply not accurate.

With that being said I do not think that one rude comment by a nurse about someone's hair qualifies as racism period.

[DeeDee&Sam 68]

I think that was terribly rude. everyone with curly hair knows that making it look "tamed" is most of the times impossible. i dont know if it was racist but it was rude. don't let everything bother you, try to just ignore the thoughts. ive never been a victim of racism because im white, but ive been a victim of nationality based discrimination and i know its hard to cope with. you'll always find someone to treat you like that, here on vj as well, even though this is an immigration forum. dont let them get to you. you being strong will be the worst punishment you can give them. they love to see you down, dont give them the satisfaction. *hugs*

[Janelle2002 3,865]

Ok wait a minute. Racism can happen across all races or ethnicities. I get it all the time when I'min kJamaica as a white woman with a black husband. So to say that only people of color experience this is simply not accurate.

With that being said I do not think that one rude comment by a nurse about someone's hair qualifies as racism period.

I'm talking about her "they" comment which she pointed it towards people of color.

I can believe your situation. It is your experience and I am sure it happens across all color lines. I hate it when people try to pretend it doesn't happen.

Talking about the child's hair was racist. It had to do with the father of the child and hinting that the child has poor hair due to the Moracan or foreign genes because I am sure the moronic nurse had no idea he was from Moroco.

[BethAnn and Omar 42]

Maybe I just dont know. But I see your point

[madtownguy 164]

It might be hairism, but racism would be a far far stretch. I personally think you are over playing the race card, I wouldn't notice how a nurse was acting with someone else before they got to me because I could care less about the person anyways. You shouldn't let stuff get to you, especially when it's essentially an employee, the nurse is working for you. I don't really get why people care about racism, you're not going to be friends with someone who is racist unless you have the same views, so who cares what a stranger thinks? The US is one of the least racist countries in the world, every other country I have been to not only discriminate by race, but also the country as if one type of Asian or Latin is better than the other. We'll all be mixed someday it's only a matter of time.

[Janelle2002 3,865]

It might be hairism, but racism would be a far far stretch. I personally think you are over playing the race card, I wouldn't notice how a nurse was acting with someone else before they got to me because I could care less about the person anyways. You shouldn't let stuff get to you, especially when it's essentially an employee, the nurse is working for you. I don't really get why people care about racism, you're not going to be friends with someone who is racist unless you have the same views, so who cares what a stranger thinks? The US is one of the least racist countries in the world, every other country I have been to not only discriminate by race, but also the country as if one type of Asian or Latin is better than the other. We'll all be mixed someday it's only a matter of time.

Nobody is saying dwell on racism. The OP asked for an opinion and I said it is racist, to me. My opinion but being a so called curly hair black person I know people's implications when it comes to hair.

People care about racism especially when it affects their children.

And America may seem the least racist to a person who is the majority and Asia may be voted the most raicist when you go there because you are a minority. But after spending lots of time in Asian countries I did not find it more racist than America. Others who are not used to being a minority may feel it is.

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

I think this assumption that white people do not experience racism is plainly false and yet again another tactic. I don't get this whole "white people don't get it thing." I tried to go and enroll for community college classes and I asked several African American young ladies if I was in the right office quite loudly and to their faces, they looked up at me and ignored me. Is that racism? When the head of financial aid at my college got in trouble for telling me that I didn't qualify for financial aid because I was from a specific almost completely white town was that racism? Maybe yes, maybe no, but he did get fired a short time afterwards after I had the VP intervene. Is every time I drive through New Haven and people stare at me or I get out at a gas station there and everyone stares, is that racism? What about every time I've had a door slammed in my face there or been intentionally knocked into into in the hallway? Or what about the elevator in which someone asked right in front of me as though I wasn't a person, whether his girlfriend would get an abortion if she got knocked up like that?

In what world do you think this is not a two way street? That white people never are on the receiving end or that we don't know what it is like? Do you know how many times I've been ignored, treated rudely, and just plain disrespected and yet I have always treated people equally and with equality?

[Peter_Pan 661]

By "they" you mean people of color who always have to deal with racism. Your statement is unfair if you do not have to wear these shoes everyday knowing that you cannot scrub your brown or blackness off to improve how people treat you. You don't know how it is to be smart, intelligent, clean, presentable, speak with common sense but still frowned upon because of the one thing you can't change.

By "they" I mean people who see racism in everything, rather than just admitting that some people are criticizing you for unrelated reasons.

I was a woman in a very patriarchal society, so spare me the "you don't know what it is like" / "poor me" discourse (and if I am in the mood, maybe I'll even explain how it feels like when you hear your parents saying "Good thing they lost their daughter, it would have been really bad if the son had died" - about a family in which the daughter had died in an accident, but not the son). I've been through you cant even imagine. Man up, grow some balls(or ovaries, whichever the case may be) and stop being such a whinny little ...

[holiday 3]

I just wanted to say that you are not "overly sensitive" and what you felt was very real to you. I am sorry that you had to experience this. Unfortunately this happens too often. Commenting on the appearance that are unique to someone's race/ethnicity can be considered racism or overly exotifying the racial/ethnic group even when the comment is positive. If you are unsettled about this, you may wan to consider sending a letter or some sort to express your concerns. I think culturally sensitive people in the clinic will appreciate it and that may lead to a better training of providers. Even though it is such a small act and won't probably change the situation right away, it will still give you the sense that you are in charge and you can do something about it. I read an article that ethnic minorities who took some actions after the incidence of subtle discrimination were much less likely to have health problems than those who did not take any actions after encountering discrimination - meaning discrimination can have serious negative impract. It is hard when it is suble (though I would say the incident you described was pretty overt) but I hope you do what you need to feel better. Good luck.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

By "they" I mean people who see racism in everything, rather than just admitting that some people are criticizing you for unrelated reasons.

I was a woman in a very patriarchal society, so spare me the "you don't know what it is like" / "poor me" discourse (and if I am in the mood, maybe I'll even explain how it feels like when you hear your parents saying "Good thing they lost their daughter, it would have been really bad if the son had died" - about a family in which the daughter had died in an accident, but not the son). I've been through ###### you cant even imagine. Man up, grow some balls(or ovaries, whichever the case may be) and stop being such a whinny little ...

What is the difference between offenses you suffered and offenses she has suffered ?

Are you trying to say YOUR offense was bigger than hers ?

What would you have done if someone called your children half breeds ?

What would you have done if someone called you sand n.....like they did her ?

Are you telling me with all this bitterness you display here you would just remain quiet if someone made a face and commented

on your unmanageable hair in the ER ?

You sound like a very bitter person not like someone who has kept it all together and is an example of how to survive offenses.

You may have big balls as a woman but your maturity and EQ seems stunted, grow up Peter Pan.

Why project childhood woes here.

OP is not a whinny little...she is a new immigrant to this country trying to understand things and is sharing an experience she has had.

That does not make her anything but observant and vocal about it.

Not everyone's balls are the size of cannon balls and people are on different levels when it comes to adjusting to a different culture

and to the idiots contained within it.

[Dylan'sWife 2]

Um..no. He's not a victim but you have got to be kidding me if you think Airport personnel don't treat asians/africans/middle eastern people as "less than worthy" than White europeans. It's so blatant that anyone denying it's existence is either a) in denial or b) has probably treated others with the same level of disrespect and can't face it honestly.

Racial profiling at the airport isn't exactly "news". I found it funny when they picked out the blondest bluest eyed person in the room to have their bags searched after they pretty much singled out every single brown person in the waiting area at Heathrow airport while coming to the States. Just so that they wont be accused of profiling. But it was profiling. Anyone with a pea sized brain could see that.

So the gate guy had a bad day while talking to an Asian but his day was going just fine when he was talking to the tall blond gentleman in front of you? Yeah right.

I am guessing you have never went through security at YYZ because if you had, you might have noticed that a large majority of the security agents aren't exactly lily white.

While profiling in general isn't exactly 'news'; (try asking an Irish Catholic who has ever passed through LHR during the height of the troubles) , I find your comment to be very limited and ignorant. YOUR experiences or perceptions are not the the beacon of truth or actuality.

Of course, feel free to attribute what YOU FEEL is a disparaging in treatment do to race...while willfully ignoring how FIRST CLASS/BUSINESS CLASS passengers (regardless of race) get expiated service since it doesn't help make your case. YEAH RIGHT.

[Together0515 2]

Thank you all for your responses and support, glad to know I'm not the only one.

I want to take a minute and address each of your questions. I'm sorry I don't post very often, so I'm not familiar with the multiquoting.

I know that health care professionals are mandatory reporters, in fact every adult in the state of Oklahoma is. My daughter's hair is not long enough to be styled, and she won't keep any head-bows on. Furthermore, the nurse described my baby's hair as "unmanageable" which means difficult or impossible to manage. In other words, if she said "her hair is a mess" , I would take it as a descriptive to my daughter's hair due at that time and day not as a descriptive to the texture itself. I also found her comment quite surprising because usually people love her curly hair.

The reason we took the girls to the ER was because their regular doctor doesn't work on Sundays and the workers on their Daycare gave us instructions that we should take them to a medical facility if some specific symptoms were to occur, it was their first week in Daycare and there's some nasty bug going around and my youngest is an infant.

I enjoyed the come backs some of you suggested, very funny! Thank you guys for making light of an uncomfortable situation.

I do agree with the posters who pointed out how nice Okies are. As I said earlier, I met some of the nicest people here, but like everywhere else, you can meet some rude ones as well. I heard some very offensive comments such as having modeling contracts and scholarships handed to me just for being a minority or the fact that I should work full time instead of planing on going to Law school because student loans are only meant for real Americans. With that kind of verbal attacks, I knew at least what to expect..... But when it's subtle ( like being ignored, treated differently or being teased), you don't know what to think, you don't know how to interpret what was said and the only feeling you're left with is guilt. Yes, guilt! as weird as it may sound, many people in the same situation experience the same post facto feelings.

Edited November 5, 2013 by Together0515

[Dylan'sWife 2]

To the OP. I have a child with bone straight hair..I have a child with curly(when short) or wavy hair hair.

The wavy hair is harder to manage. I am sorry that you feel that the nurses comments were do to your child being bi-racial instead of just the particular texture of her hair....which can happen in any race.

I have a friend who has a bi racial child (she is white, and the father of her daughter is black). Her daughter's hair texture is more constant with someone who is bi-racial or black. My friend had to learn over time how to style and groom that type of hair because it was something she just wasn't use to before hand. Just because something is 'racial' doesn't necessary make it racist.

[Together0515 2]

I wish Visajourney had a "like" button, I really enjoyed some of the comments on this thread. Again, I apologize for not being able to quote every response and answer accordingly.

[AmyWrites 593]

I think this assumption that white people do not experience racism is plainly false and yet again another tactic. I don't get this whole "white people don't get it thing." I tried to go and enroll for community college classes and I asked several African American young ladies if I was in the right office quite loudly and to their faces, they looked up at me and ignored me. Is that racism? When the head of financial aid at my college got in trouble for telling me that I didn't qualify for financial aid because I was from a specific almost completely white town was that racism? Maybe yes, maybe no, but he did get fired a short time afterwards after I had the VP intervene. Is every time I drive through New Haven and people stare at me or I get out at a gas station there and everyone stares, is that racism? What about every time I've had a door slammed in my face there or been intentionally knocked into into in the hallway? Or what about the elevator in which someone asked right in front of me as though I wasn't a person, whether his girlfriend would get an abortion if she got knocked up like that?

In what world do you think this is not a two way street? That white people never are on the receiving end or that we don't know what it is like? Do you know how many times I've been ignored, treated rudely, and just plain disrespected and yet I have always treated people equally and with equality?

Yes, that is racism. But no, it's not the same racism minorities face, and the racism you get at best is just a slight inconvenience/rudeness, nothing systematic.

OP, racism is everywhere. In the US, it's actually not so bad. Try Russia....

Anyway, the best thing you can do is make sure you prove that whatever stereotypes about your culture exist are just BS. People will slowly learn.

Worst come to worst, bluntness works wonders too.

But, also remember, you can fix ignorance, but you can't fix stupid.

Edited November 5, 2013 by AmyWrites